"You won't even consider it?" She stared at him in disbelief.
"No. I won't." He shook his head.
"Not even for Amy's sake?"
"Don't bring Amy into this. She understands what happen between us and as long as we see each other, there isn't a problem."
"Well perhaps based on that you should consider getting back together." Malice now flickered within her eyes. He recognized that look too, having seen it many times before and after their divorce. It was how she looked when she threatened to stop him from seeing Amy. It was a look of pure evil that reminded him she had power over him.
"So, we're back to this again. I tell you I don't want to be with you and you tell me I can't see my daughter."
She gave a cruel smile. "No Sam," she shook her head. "You tell me you don't want to be with me and I tell you, you can't see my daughter. You would do good to remember exactly whose daughter she is. I'll leave you with that thought." She turned on her heels, slow and purposefully, then sauntered out of the kitchen with an air of authority and control.
Sam's blood boiled with anger and his head felt like it would explode. He waited to hear the front door close before he went out on the patio to get some air. His heart was racing, and sweat ran down the side of his face. He thought being outside would help calm him, but it did nothing. All the air did is fill his lungs up too fast and numb his head making it actually feel worse.
What did help was the dainty hand that rested in the center of his back. He turned to Lexie and suddenly felt the warmth of her presence. Her eyes brimmed with concern as she gazed at him, and he felt comfort in the love he saw there.
"Hey." Her dulcet tone seeped into him and soothed his nerves.
He felt overwhelmed by all his feelings as he looked at her. Love and fear clenched at his chest, and right now his gut instincts - those good old-fashioned instincts of his that were never wrong - told him that life was about to turn upside down again.
He cupped her face and held her, loving the feel of her softness and the way that his heart expanded as he looked at her. "I love you."
The words spilled out of his mouth as if his heart was aching to release them. It wasn't the perfect moment he'd had in mind, but what better time was there than the present.
Her beautiful eyes widened and then she offered him one of those sweet smiles that always lifted his soul.
"I love you too, Sam. I love you so, so much." She breathed resting her face against his hands. He pulled her towards him to hold her. He had to hold her.
His instincts grew sharper with every second that passed, and she seemed to realize his distress.
"Sam." She whispered his name against his chest and encircled loving arms around him. "What do you need?"
He rested his chin on the top of her head, drawing in the fruity scent of her shampoo that reminded him of happy times.
"You," he breathed into her hair.
"You have me." She assured him.
"Can ..." he pulled in a breath. "Can we go home?"
"Home?" She looked up at him, confused.
The look was understandable. Chicago was Sam's home. They were standing in his house. But he wasn't home. This had become somewhere he lived. Had lived. Especially after today.
As far as he was concerned home was where ever Lexie was, wherever she called home that's where he'd always feel was his home too.
"Back to San Francisco, your place." He told her. She reached up and held his face.
"Okay."
Chapter 21
Sam wasn't the same after that day. Everything seemed to change in him.
He was no longer himself, the carefree, humorous, and lighthearted guy that always fascinated Lexie. Now he always appeared to be deep in thought, and he also never left her side. On a normal basis, they spent every chance they got with each other. But this was different. It felt like he was scared of something.
Like he was scared of losing her.
Lexie couldn't express how she felt when he told her he loved her. There were no words, none that existed that could quite describe the elation that surged through her. She'd always loved him, always, and being with him was always the best. But not like this. Him being quiet, and guarded, and always anxious, waiting for something to happen. And the worse thing was she felt useless. She knew the argument with Jessica was terrible, but Sam never shared what was said.
All she'd heard was shouting and was unable to make out what was being argued about. She was also trying to focus on poor Amy who did her best to ease the awkwardness of the situation. In the end, they sat in silence.
It didn't take science to figure out that Jessica didn't like Lexie and the whole idea of her. Oh, and the look that she gave Lexie after she came out the kitchen was classic. The look attempted to tell Lexie she thought she was beneath her, but it didn't work. Perhaps if Lexie had been some foolish, naïve girl, it would have taken some effect. But she was used to women like Jessica, and decided that whatever was going on she would stand her ground. And stand her ground she did.
When Jessica shouted at Amy to get her coat, Lexie had stood up, folded her arms, and stared right back at her giving the same attitude right back. The standoff lasted until Amy retrieved her coat. They left after that.
Lexie wished Sam would talk about what happened, but he just shut down, and it just felt like it wasn't her place to insist on an explanation. He was like that for the whole week and got even worse on the day Amy was scheduled to arrive and never turned up. She didn't come the next day either, and Sam's calls were fruitless.
It was that evening Lexie decided no matter how untimely she felt it was, she needed some answers.
"Why didn't she come Sam? Why aren't they accepting your calls?" Her voice shook, and her heart went out to him as she watched the sadness on his face. They stood opposite each other in his living room.
Sam gazed at her through those amazing green eyes she loved so much and said, "Jessica can be very awkward sometimes." He looked like he was doing his best to cover up what was really happening.
"What happened in Chicago? You've changed since then. I tried to stay out of it, but this is bad." It was bad because now she was feeling like it was her fault why Amy hadn't come. Jessica didn't like her, but would she stoop so low as to stop Sam from seeing Amy because of her?
"Jessica came by that day to ask me to give our relationship another chance."
Oh, Lexie's eyes widened. This was surprising.
"What did you say?" she asked weakly.
Sam narrowed his eyes at her. "Lexie, what do you think I said? I'm with you."
"She wouldn't stop Amy from seeing you because of that, would she?"
He laughed a crude cynical edgy laugh. "Yes, she would," he said bitterly.
Lexie's heart stopped, and her breathing slowed. This was a disaster. "This is my fault." She brought her hands up to her cheeks. The realization made her feel terrible, and a little silly for not realizing it before.
"No, of course it's not your fault. This existed long before you." He came to her and cupped her face.
"Sam you need to find a way of contacting them and sorting this out."
"I will baby." He was attempting to reassure her, but it wasn't working. Guilt consumed her at the thought of all he'd been through to see Amy, and now she'd messed things up for him.
She loved Sam. She loved him with her whole heart and soul, but she would never get in the way of his family, or what made him happy. She knew how much he loved Amy, and there was no way that she would be an obstacle in the way of that.
She decided to give him the space he needed to sort everything out. As much as it killed her to wait and see how it all played out, she knew she had to give him the time he needed for himself.
It turned out she didn't have to wait very long.
On Wednesday she expected him to come by her apartment at seven. When seven came and went, followed by eight and nine she knew something was wrong. The worry was enhanced with the fact
that he didn't call.
She was too scared to call, and the unsettling feeling in the pit of her stomach made her feel worse. Foremost in her mind was that old fear she'd always had of losing Sam.
Lexie knew the day would come when he would have to go back to Chicago to a life she had no part of. She'd had him for over a year, and it was the very best time she'd had in her life.
When her doorbell rang close to ten o'clock, she rushed to answer it hoping against hope that everything would be okay, but the minute she saw him she knew that it was going to be bad news. She knew even before he said her name that the day she put to the back of her mind had come. His eyes were red and swollen, and he looked worse than she'd ever seen him.
A glazed look of despair spread over his face. "Lexie." He could barely say her name.
A tear ran down her cheek, and she moved away from him. He came inside and closed the door. There were times in life when your instincts told you all you needed to know. Those were the times when there was no point hoping because you knew the end result.
He turned her to face him, and she found it difficult to look at him.
Sam pulled in a deep breath. "Lexie I have to go back to Chicago to sort..." his voice broke away, and he held her gaze for a few agonizing seconds before continuing. "Lexie, Jessica is refusing to let me see Amy." He swallowed hard. "I'm going to Chicago to see what I can do." She nodded understanding. "I'm really sorry I..." his eyes grew sadder as he looked at her.
"No. There's nothing to apologize for. This is your child. Nothing matters more than her." She didn't know where her voice came from, but she had to let him know that.
"I ..." he stopped himself unable to speak. "I..." He was drained out. She knew him so well to know that when he could only tell you very little, it meant that was all he had.
Like now. There seemed to be no definites. No goodbye, or see you later. No I'll call you. Just nothing.
And sometimes nothing said everything. She had to be strong.
He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. Unable to say anymore he walked away from her.
She broke down the minute the door closed.
* * *
He listened to her cry.
Sam must have stood outside Lexie's door for nearly an hour before he found the strength to leave.
He couldn't believe that was it. This was how he was going to leave her. The woman who meant everything to him, the woman who had become his world. There was so much more he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her that he would fix the situation and that he'd always come back to her.
If nothing else, he should...
He should have told her he loved her. But, it just didn't seem right.
How could he tell her that when he couldn't even let her know when she'd see him again? How could he tell her that when he was leaving her behind to fight for a child that wasn't even his?
When Jessica eventually answered the phone to him, she was livid and completely vile. She said that if he hoped to ever see Amy again, he'd have to drop Lexie. He tried to reason with her, but the conversation only ended with her threatening to get an injunction against him, with the claim that he was harassing her and her daughter.
Of course he wasn't just going to give into Jessica and allow her to walk all over him. He was going back to Chicago to see what he could do to fix things once and for all. It would be easier to sort things out from there, however long it took. His parents were already getting their legal team together.
He'd never gotten this far before because he knew it would be difficult without any legal rights to Amy. He also didn't want to drag her through the whole process of going to court. However, right now it was his only option. If he failed... then he'd just have to accept that he'd tried, and move on. But he couldn't just give up without trying, and he couldn't expect Lexie to wait in vain or be okay with being caught up in this mess.
He appreciated her understanding of the situation so far, but she deserved better.
That is why he couldn't tell her he loved her. That was why. For all that she'd been through, she deserved so much better. Or at the very least, a man that could put her first.
Hell, he was sick to death of loving people he couldn't be with.
If this worked, if he could fix this madness with Jessica then he swore he'd do everything in his power to make it all up to Lexie and be the man she deserved.
He'd listened to her cry, wanting desperately to go back and comfort her. But that wouldn't help anyone.
That night he left San Francisco feeling like he'd lost everything and nothing would be the same ever again.
* * *
"That's it. That's all he said?" Hayley asked in utter disbelief. She shook her head, and disappointment filled her eyes.
She'd come to Lexie's aid with Tamar the minute Lexie told them about Sam. Tamar was unusually quiet while Hayley spoke for them both.
Lexie had been completely numb since Sam left last night. Numb and empty, like her insides had been hollowed out and there was nothing left.
She should have told him she loved him. With the whole situation looking so vague and uncertain, what if she never saw him again? The thought brought tears to her eyes again.
"How did he look?" Tamar asked leaning forward and resting her hands on the edge of the sofa.
"Bad." Lexie pulled in a breath and ran her hand down the side of her face. She rested her head back on the sofa and stared ahead to the kitchen, watching the wind blow the curtains out either side. It was raining heavily outside, and that damp, rainy smell was heavy in the air.
"Maybe you could call," Hayley suggested. She started pacing around the room.
"She can't call. It's too delicate." Tamar said quickly before Hayley could continue. She moved over to sit next to Lexie. "You're just going to have to see what happens. You have to be strong."
"Tamar, she can't just wait." Hayley whirled around and narrowed her eyes. "Wait for what? It's not like he gave her any details of what she would be waiting for."
"Hayley." Tamar looked annoyed at Hayley.
"No don't you Hayley me. I'm allowed to be angry if my sister is hurt. Doesn't matter what the reason is, or how good or bad the excuse. This is not okay."
Great, now they were going to argue. Lexie stifled a frustrated sigh.
"Guys, please. You're both right." Lexie attempted, but Hayley cut her a sharp glance.
"Lexie, if you listen to Tamar you'll end up in a nursing home waiting for Sam. This sort of thing could drag out for only God knows how long." Hayley nodded.
Tamar straightened up. "Right, that's it. I'm pulling rank now as the oldest sister. Hayley, you have no idea what I was going to say."
"Okay, Miss All-knowing and wise older sister. Let's hear it." Hayley folded her arms across her chest.
Lexie looked to Tamar, feeling the extent to which she needed her. She was like this when she was younger. Tamar could offer a motherly sort of comfort, but because she was her sister she understood things from a different perspective. She was like the friend who always knew what to tell you and would always tell you the right thing, even when you didn't want to hear it.
Tamar gazed at Lexie and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "You have to be strong. There's no doubt in my mind that Sam loves you, but he wouldn't be the man you love if he didn't at least try to fight for his daughter. Whether she's his biological daughter or not." She held Lexie's gaze, never breaking eye contact or faltering her expression.
She'd told her sisters about Sam and Amy a long time ago. While Hayley looked slightly put out, Tamar had sympathized.
Tamar pulled in a breath and continued. "You have to be strong and factor in that this may not work out...Okay?"
Lexie's eyes filled with more tears, but she nodded understanding. She wiped the tears away as they spilled down her cheeks and Tamar pulled her in for a comforting hug. The tears flowed and felt like they would never stop as they came from the depths of her soul that was broken again. Li
ke it was before she met Sam.
Everything that was happening was understandable, and yes, Tamar was right.
The problem was there was a selfish part of her mind that didn't want to understand. She wanted him to come back and be with her. She didn't want to lose him. She just wanted him to be hers and hated that there was always something to keep them apart. If it wasn't time, it was work, and now family. It felt like the universe was against her.
Maybe the answer was simple. Maybe she wasn't meant to be happy. Maybe they just weren't meant to be.
* * *
This was so frustrating.
Sam felt like he was sinking into a never-ending abyss of despair and darkness, where all traces of hope had vanished.
He'd been in Chicago for a week and a half now. A week and a half of discussions with the best lawyers money could buy, and they were no closer to finding a solution than when he first arrived.
As it stood now, short of him planting drugs on Jessica, proving that she was a prostitute, a dangerous alcoholic, or that Amy was at risk of danger by living with her, Sam didn't have a case. All he had was the fact that Jessica was a lying, conniving, blackmailing, selfish bitch, and that wasn't sufficient.
He was being told things he already knew. Like, only biological parents or those with legal responsibility had rights, and that any form of consideration he might have had was eradicated by the divorce. For him to get any form of permission that would allow him minimal rights to see Amy either her mother or biological father would have to agree to it. That was, of course, the simplest way out of this. If only Jessica were human. And since no one would ever know who Amy's father was that wasn't even an option.
He doubted that would have been an option in any event. The types he'd found Jessica cheating on him with were all low life's and what you'd expect the usual one nighters to look like.
Right now all Sam had going for him was that he'd been in Amy's life since birth, she'd grown up with him, and because of that, it had to be in her best interests to continue to have him in her life.
Hoping, was all he could do because in reality, Jessica had the law on her side. She could stop him from seeing Amy if she wanted to, and if she really wanted to, she could indeed get an injunction against him. Sam would never put it past her to stoop that low. This whole thing was driving him insane.
Complete Me Page 28