I had texted Wrench to see if he was going to come and pick me up, but he said it's against club policy to show up with anyone on your bike who isn't your old lady. "I really don't get what the big deal is about one of us becoming an old lady."
Jess looks over at me. "Because most of those girls aren't like us. They have nowhere else to go but the streets, so the club takes them in. They have big mouths and even bigger claws. The old ladies can't stand them, and the club feels like if a club girl could be an old lady, then they'd constantly be hounding the brothers about it. That's why when you agree to it there is an understanding that you can never become one.”
I nod, not really understanding because I haven’t really met the other girls much. The last party Jess brought me to Brick took me to Wrench almost as soon as I walked in. “What’s the party for anyway?”
“Not sure,” she shrugs. “I just got a call that there’d be some kind of announcement and they wanted all the girls there.”
We pull into the lot of the clubhouse, and I can see Wrench waiting outside. He had told me if I didn't see him, to wait in the car until he came out. I smile at him as I get out of the car.
Hearing all of the things he said to me the other day was hard, mainly because I didn't know if I could say it back. I felt everything he said, and it was like he was pulling the words out of my mind. I've just been so hurt in the past by love, only to look back and realize that it hadn't been love for a really long time. It's almost like I don't trust my emotions to know what the hell is going on. Plus if I say those words to him, if I tell him I love him, I give him the power. The power to hurt me, to break me, and to leave me utterly destroyed when he walks away like Tony did. The fact that he lives a life where I'll never be accepted is another huge thing. How can we have a future when he can't even leave me alone where he lives?
Wrench’s hands wrap around me, pulling me against his chest and it jars me from being lost in my own mind. “What’s on your mind, beautiful?”
I can’t hold back the smile that crosses my face. “Nothing, just a little nervous.”
"Don't worry. I got you." He starts to walk, leading me into the building. My heart starts to beat faster as all of the eyes in the room turn toward us. I look around and find Jess leaning against a wall talking to Brick, he looks back at me giving me a nod, and I feel Wrench tense beside me. "Not letting you out of my fucking sight tonight."
We walk over to the bar, and I see Izzy. I wave hi, and she starts to walk my way but the guy she pointed out the other day grabs her arms and whispers something in her ear. She follows him, and they stand next to Pres who yells at everyone to stop talking. "Listen up! Tonight we are going to fucking celebrate because my little sister here, and my brother," he nods at the man, "they're gonna be adding to the mess of kids we have running around here on a daily basis."
The whole room erupts in applause, and the old ladies rush over to Izzy hugging and congratulating her. I look at Wrench and know that he's thinking that could never be us. It isn't allowed to be. What was supposed to be a fun night now has a dark cloud hanging over it.
"Hey, girl."
I look up to see Izzy in front of me. “Hey! Congratulations!”
"Thanks, this so wasn't planned, but it's about time. I've been holding Lady off long enough at this point." She shrugs with a laugh. "So how is everything?" Her eyes shift over to where Wrench is standing.
"Um, it's going." I lean into her, so Wrench doesn't hear me. "I honestly have no idea what I'm doing or if I'm making a mistake. Maybe we can talk sometime since you've been in this life for so long?"
"Anytime, girl." She winks at me and then looks over at Wrench. Something passes between them although I really can't put my finger on it.
I look around, seeing guys that don't just have the same patch on their jackets that Wrench does, there are at least two others. A guy wearing one eyes me and starts walking toward Wrench. He shakes the stranger’s hand. "Hey brother, that's a nice piece you got next to you. Let me take her for a spin."
The man reaches for me, and I want to retreat, but my back is already pressed against the bar.
“Not now,” Wrench’s voice is smooth. “I haven’t had her yet tonight and I ain’t trying to double dip.”
My mouth drops open some. He didn't tell him no and to fuck off. He said not now. This is so not what I signed up for when I came here to meet him tonight. Nausea rolls through my body as I imagine the man who just told me he loved me handing me off to someone else for the night.
I look over at Izzy, and she is shooting daggers at Wrench right now.
I can’t stand here and do this.
I can’t be here if this is how it will always be.
I can’t be with him.
Chapter Eleven
Wrench
Hatchet walks away from me and before I can say anything, Carly takes off toward the door.
Shit.
"You are a grade A fucking asshole." Izzy's voice is full of venom. The girls aren't allowed to talk to brothers like that, but I'm pretty sure right now she couldn't give two shits. "I hope she leaves your ass and never looks back." She walks away, and I know she's right.
That doesn’t stop me from going after Carly though.
I catch her as she’s walking toward the damn street, where the hell does she think she’s going? “Carly, stop!”
The gate starts to open. "Mikey, you better close that shit right the fuck now!" I yell, and the prospect jumps and quickly pushes it closed before she can get out.
“Open the gate please, Mikey.” Carly’s voice carries over to me.
He looks at me, and I just shake my head.
"Mikey, open the damn door! This is false imprisonment, and I'm two seconds away from calling the police." Her voice hardens, and I can tell she's pissed.
He looks back at me eyes wide at the mention of her calling the cops.
"Take a fucking walk, Mikey." I'm staring at Carly now, but she won't meet my eyes.
He looks like he's about to protest but I give him a look, and he slinks away with his tail between his legs.
"Get away from me and open this gate now, Jax." Her arms cross in front of her, and she still won't look at me.
"You need to let me explain." I take a step toward her, but she takes two back.
"No, I don't." She looks up at me, her eyes watery. "I told you I wasn't going to do this with you. I refuse to be put down and talked about or to, like that ever again. I also will never put up with someone who constantly has to issue apologies and excuses. I'm done with this charade, this life, and you."
She turns her back on me, and her words cut like a damn knife to my heart. "Babe, just listen. I had to act like you were just any other club girl. I can't treat you like my girl, you aren't allowed to be. We've been over this."
She turns to me, and the sadness I saw before is replaced with anger. "Excuse me? We've been over what? Never once did you say that you'd be treating me like some empty hole and offering me up to other guys once you had your fill for the night."
The fact that she thinks I would let someone else touch her makes my blood boil. "He would have never fucking touched you." My voice comes out hard and animalistic, but I can't control it.
"Oh, yeah? Not what he thought when he gave me a creepy ass smile before he walked away."
My hands fist trying to keep my cool. “Doesn’t matter what the fuck he thought. It would have and will never happen.”
“Does it matter what I think?” Her voice softens some.
“Always.”
A sigh leaves her mouth, and it's the saddest sound I've ever heard. "I think I was a damn idiot for thinking this could ever work. I can't believe I considered opening myself up to you. That for one minute I could love you and be happy." She digs in her purse and pulls out her cell phone. "I'll be sending back the money I got from the club. I'm done with them…and you." I open my mouth to tell her to calm down and that we can figure this out. "No. I don't want to
hear anything else from you. Open the damn gate, or I call 911."
I stare at her but once she unlocks the phone and starts to dial I move to the gate pulling it open. “Please, just wait.”
“No, I’m done waiting for people to decide to treat me better. I did it with Tony, I started to do it with you. I’m done.” She turns away and walks out of the gate.
"Mikey!" I yell loud, and he runs over to me. "Get the truck, make her get in, take her home." He nods. "If she refuses you follow her the whole fucking way."
"Got it, Wrench."
Letting her walk away from me fucking kills me, but seeing the pain I caused her tonight hurts even more.
***
I wake up the next morning needing to give this one more try. I knock on the office door and hear Pres’s voice. “Come in.”
When he sees me, he already knows why I'm here. "I need to talk to you about this whole thing."
"There isn't much to talk about, brother. Rules are fucking rules. I don't know how many times I need to do this with you. What you should be talking to me about is finding the assholes hitting our shipments. Not some pussy that's got your head all fucked up." He sits down behind the desk.
“It’s not what you think it is.” I sit down across from him. “I’ve been in love with that girl since high school. She’s only been with me since she walked in the damn door on her first night. She’s mine in every sense of the word except in the eyes of the club.”
"And that's the way it will always be."
I just look at him. “There has to be something else I can do. Someway to get around it. What would you do if it was you?”
His hands slam on the desk. “I wouldn’t have fucking gotten myself into this damn position. I’d have known the fucking rules from the start.” He stands up, “I’d be more concerned with the scum putting us all in fucking danger, especially since I need you to fucking find them!” his chest heaves from the anger flowing out of him. “Get the fuck out. Don’t bring this shit to me again.”
I stand up knowing anything else I say will fall on deaf ears and only get me in more shit than I already am. Walking to my room, I slam the door and throw my fist through the damn drywall. The pain doesn't bother me, at least I feel something which is more than I have since she walked away last night.
Sitting at my computer, I open up the internet and try to focus on finding the bastards making our life difficult while I try to forget the only girl I've ever loved.
Chapter Twelve
Carly
A knock sounds at my door, and I pray it isn't Jax. It took everything I had in me to walk away from him last night. As much as I wouldn't admit it to him right now, I do love him.
I loved him when we were kids, but I never thought he saw me as more than a little sister. I didn't want to admit it, but my heart was his when he first touched me on his birthday. After his admission the other day, I let my mind wonder about what a life with him would have been like only to have it ripped away from me. I cried myself to sleep when I got home, and now today I can't focus on anything but thoughts of him. I need to find a job now that I'm going to distance myself from anything that has to do with the club.
I look through the peephole to see Brick standing there. Things started going to shit once he pulled me into his room. I open the door stepping back without saying a word. As I close the door, I'm taken back to that day.
He opens the door to his room. “Been hoping you’d go against Wrench and come here alone.”
I bite my lip as a knot forms in my stomach. This was initially what I signed up for. Being free, having the chance to experience different men with no strings attached. That all changed once I realized Jax was one of those men. When he told me that he'd wanted me all those years ago.
"So before anything happens the most important thing you need to know is that no one is told what goes on in here. Not Jess, not Wrench, no one. You got it?" I nod, not trusting my voice. "You and I have a lot in common, Carly." He sits on the bed, but my feet are stuck. "Shit, stop looking at me like I'm gonna force myself on you, that's not what this is. I'm not that kind of guy."
My eyebrows draw in confusion. “Then why did you bring me back here?”
"Because I needed someone to talk to." He pats a space on the bed beside him, and I don't feel as uncomfortable anymore.
I walk over and have a seat, still not completely okay with the situation because I barely know Brick aside from hearing Jess talk about him all the time. “What’s up?”
He takes a deep breath. "I'm in love with Jess." I look at him shocked because I didn't think that was what would be coming out of this at all. "Originally I just hooked up with her because she was gorgeous and she was one of our girls. After that first day though I haven't wanted to look at, much less touch another girl. I don't know what to do. I haven't even told her how I feel because of what you and Wrench are going through. I make sure I'm around whenever I know she's coming so I can keep the other guys away from her."
"’Cause you don't want to flip out when one of them disappears with her?" I think about Wrench and hope that this doesn't get back to him, especially since brick just told me I can't say what happens in here.
"Exactly." His hand scrubs his face, and I can see how torn he is feeling.
“Why don’t you talk to Wrench about it? I’m sure he’d probably be a better ear than me considering I have no idea what I’m doing.” I’ve been in this life for only a short time, and most days I think I’m crazy for sticking around.
"Because he's on this whole tirade and constantly clashing with Pres about this issue. I'm not trying to have him drag me into that shit. Especially since no one even knows that I'm in the same boat. As chicken shit as it sounds, I'd rather see how it plays out for him before I put myself in that position too."
I nod, totally understanding where he’s coming from. He doesn’t want to fight a battle that is already being lost.
We talked for a while about how much it sucks and even had a few laughs. I felt so guilty once Jax asked me about what happened because I knew the assumption he was making and honestly it was a fair one and would have probably been an accurate one had it been any other brother than one who was in love with my best friend.
“Hey, what’s going on?” I say, sitting on the couch and nodding toward the love seat.
Brick takes a seat and then looks over at me. “Just wanted to come by and check on you. I heard that things went south pretty quick for you guys last night.”
I scoff, “That’s the understatement of the year.” Looking at him I can see he has no idea how to respond to me. “I walked away. I can’t be in that life with him constantly needing to play hot and cold. Having him disrespect me isn’t something I can deal with while I love him.” I freeze realizing what I just said to Brick.
“There a reason you haven’t said that to him?”
"What, that I love him?" He nods. "I can't, not when I know we can't be together. If I keep it to myself at least I'm not giving him all of me. He already took enough to make me miss him constantly and hate myself for ending things. I can't say that to him knowing how my life with him would be. How did you know I haven't said it to him? I thought you guys weren't talking because of this whole thing."
Sadness fills his face. "We aren't, which really fucking sucks because him and I have been at this together since day one. I heard him talking to Torch about it today. He also tried to go to Pres again, but it didn't make a difference."
“I think you should tell Jess how you feel about her.” I know she’d feel the same. Brick is all that girl ever talks about.
“Everything that’s happened with Wrench and the stuff you just said to me are the reasons I can’t.” He shakes his head. “I want nothing more than to let her know how I feel, put a jacket on her, my patch on her skin, but I’ll never be able to do that. so telling her will only hurt the both of us.”
The door opens, and Jess walks in stopping immediately in her tracks when she
sees Brick on the couch. "Hey, what are you doing here?"
He stands up quickly. “Just needed to deliver a message to Carly from Wrench.” He walks over to her. “You coming to the club tonight?”
“Of course.” She smiles at him and I swear it’s like I can see the love in her eyes. “I’ll be there with bells on.”
“Okay, maybe I’ll see you.” He gives me a nod, and his eyes almost beg me to keep my mouth shut, then he’s gone.
"Girl you could have at least sent me a warning text so that I could have thrown on some makeup in the car." She blows out a breath. "That man does things to me without even touching me. How you doing?"
I get up, walk into the kitchen, and grab my pint of cookie dough ice cream that I started digging into last night. “This answer your question?”
"Sorry chica. Tell you what, I have the day off tomorrow, and we are going to have a girl’s day." I try to protest, but before I can even get a word out, she shuts me down. "Nope. End of story. Me, you, lunch, day drinking, and main/pedis."
She walks away, and I just laugh.
Even when I don't want it, the girl knows exactly what I need.
Chapter Thirteen
Wrench
My phone buzzes in my pocket.
Mikey: Why’d you ask me to camp out here if you were just going to send Brick over?
Motherfucker.
I’m going to fucking kill that bastard.
Me: Don’t go anywhere and let me know when he leaves.
Mikey: Got it.
I head downstairs to the gym because I need to fucking hit something and I’d rather not have to call Doc to cast my broken hand. Throwing the gloves, on I start to wail on the bag pretending it’s that traitor’s face. Not enough for him to take my girl in the clubhouse he goes to her damn apartment.
Reckless (Deathstalkers MC Book 9) Page 5