by Ashley Harma
Liz’s brow creased. “Well, that’s good, right?”
“Yes, it’s good. I guess. But I’ve been thinking about someone else.”
“Noelle!” Liz accused scandalously. “If you are seeing someone else and you haven’t told me or Quinn, then I’m going to freak the hell out!”
“No, no! I’m not seeing anyone. But it’s that guy from Vegas – Blaze. You remember him?”
“Umm, yeah. How could I forget him?” Liz’s eyes took on a dreamy look as she remembered Blaze. Her eyes snapped back to Noelle. “But what does he have to do with any of this?”
“Well, I kind of got his number, and we’ve been keeping in touch,” she paused, unsure of how much to share. She took a deep breath and decided she was going to share as much as she possibly could without mentioning the money or the heists. “And I kind of went back out there to see him last weekend.”
Liz’s jaw dropped.
She was speechless, which was rare for Liz.
“Are you serious?” she asked disbelievingly.
Noelle nodded. “I know it’s crazy, but we had such chemistry, and it was such a great distraction from Todd.”
“Oh my god, Noelle!” Liz squealed, “How could you keep this from me?”
“Well, I was embarrassed. And it was kind of crazy.”
“Yes, it certainly was!”
“The problem is that I’m developing feelings for him, and I shouldn’t be! He lives out there and I live out here, and we have two completely different lives.”
Liz nodded, taking the information in slowly. “What does he do for a living?”
Noelle bit her lip. “He’s involved in his family’s business. I don’t quite understand it.” That much was true. She didn’t understand the lifestyle, or the rules, or any of the other crap that was associated with the Widowmakers MC and their clubhouse.
“Well, women have been known to do crazier things,” Liz reasoned. “You aren’t the first person to fall for a stranger. And there are plenty of long distance relationships, especially with online dating these days...”
Noelle stuck her tongue out at Liz. “Be reasonable. Clearly, this is a byproduct of my bipolar disease. I’m only making these crazy, rash decisions because I’ve basically fallen off the wagon with Todd dumping me.”
“That might be the reason,” Liz said thoughtfully, “or maybe you just desperately needed a change in your life. I mean, you and Todd were practically married. You lived a very safe, comfortable life with him.”
Noelle buried her head in her hands. “I know,” she moaned, “I just don’t know what to think. I pretty much told Blaze good bye last weekend, because I can’t believe that I went out there like that.”
“Well, did you have a good time while you were out there?”
“Yes, I had a great time actually. We really connected,” she saw Liz’s face, “and not just in the bedroom!”
Liz laughed.
“We have a lot in common,” Noelle continued. “He is bipolar too.”
Liz raised her eyebrows.
“And we had similar issues with our moms while growing up.”
“It sounds like you guys do have a lot in common,” Liz observed. “Not to mention he’s gorgeous. So why not try something long distance? It sounds exciting!”
“There’s just so much more to it. I mean, can I realistically consider a future with someone when we live so far apart?”
“Well, why are you so worried about the future?” Liz argued. “I mean, you just got out of a long-term relationship. Have some fun!”
“Well, yes, but don’t you think I should be ‘having fun’ locally and not clear across the country?”
“I kind of see your point.” Liz gave Noelle a sad look. “That’s a whole lot to have been happening in the past two weeks. I still can’t believe you didn’t tell us.”
“I was just so confused. I’m still confused.”
“How does Blaze feel? What does he want? Does he want to see you again?”
“Yes. He told me he has feelings for me. He wants to see me again but he also wants me to think about what I really want for myself.”
“Wow. I’m kind of jealous.”
Noelle gave a little laugh. “Yeah. A hot guy wants to see more of me.” She shook her head. “I just need to think more. I need to think about what I really want and if it’s worth it to pursue things.” She ran her hand over her face. “The scary thing is that I can see myself with him. A bipolar couple, for God’s sake, and I think that’s just crazy and frightening.”
Liz nodded, and Noelle was surprised that she didn’t offer any more advice, or tell her that she was nuts for picturing herself with Blaze.
“Well, I’m here if you need to talk.” Liz laughed. “And don’t do anything stupid like run off to Vegas and get married!”
“Oh, so funny,” Noelle teased, giving Liz a playful shove.
The topic of Blaze didn’t come up again, and Noelle was relieved to have an uneventful afternoon with her friend. She felt refreshed when she returned to work on Friday, and her shift was so busy that she barely had time to think about Blaze.
As she drove home from work on Friday, she felt that she might be alright if she never saw Blaze again. She could stay away from his frightening lifestyle and throw herself into her work. Noelle could pay off her student loans, easily sell her condo, and move into a house. She would have enough money for a hefty down payment and she could live without major financial worries.
Yet even as she considered those choices, thoughts of Blaze still nagged at the back of her mind. She was so wrapped up in her thoughts that she didn’t notice the familiar looking car sitting in the parking lot outside her building. Unaware, she entered her building and went up to the third floor. As she came out of the elevator, she felt all of the air leave her lungs.
There stood Todd, leaning against her condo door, looking calm and cool.
Noelle stopped in her tracks, her mind spinning in a hundred directions. First, out of habit, she felt a wave of happiness at seeing his familiar face. Then a wave of shock, followed by confusion, and lastly, anger.
“What – what are you doing here?’’ she sputtered, not moving another step closer to her door.
Part of her felt like her old self again, and she wanted to reach out and throw her arms around Todd. Then she remembered what he had done to her, and she wanted to slap him.
Another part of her was so annoyed, because he looked so...normal. So unaffected. He looked as if his entire world had not been turned upside down.
She realized that was because his world hadn’t changed much at all. Todd had a replacement waiting long before he dumped Noelle.
It was only Noelle who had been forced to adjust to a new life, one without Todd and one without the future she had originally envisioned.
She shook her head to clear the thoughts. She didn’t want that life with Todd anymore.
Todd stared at her, looking just as she had remembered him. He was dressed in jeans with the black loafers he always wore. He was wearing a dark green polo shirt that brought out the color of his eyes. It was a shirt that Noelle had seen him wear a dozen times before. His hair was just as it always was, combed to the side – dark and wavy.
“Wow. Okay. That was some greeting,” he said.
“I’m sorry, Todd. How would you like me to respond to the fact that you’re camped outside my condo,” she snapped. “Forgive me that I’ve forgotten my manners,” she added sarcastically.
She moved toward her door, and Todd jumped out of the way.
“Now please tell me what you’re doing here.”
Sheepishly, he looked down at his shoes. “Actually I was coming by to get a few things that I left here.”
Noelle laughed. “Well, I’m really sorry but anything you left behind is gone.”
“Gone?” he asked stupidly.
“Yes, gone,” she clarified, feeling angrier by the second. How dare he show up here on her doorstep nea
rly three weeks after walking out of her life and asking for things he left behind?
“What do you mean?” he asked, crossing his arms.
“Trashed.”
Todd began to lose his cool composure. “You threw out my things?”
“Yes, Todd. What did you think I would do with your crap? Create a shrine for them? Weep over your college sweatshirt every night?”
“You threw out my sweat shirt?” he fumed.
“Whoops.”
“Damn it, Noelle. Why would you do that?”
“Excuse me? A better question is why did you cheat on me? And how did I know you would want that crap back? I figured you left it behind because you didn’t want it.”
“I left it behind by accident!” he exclaimed.
“Sorry,” she shrugged. “I’m not a mind reader.”
Noelle opened the door to let herself in, but Todd stopped her.
“So you really threw my stuff out?”
“Yes, Todd,” she said exasperated. “It really wasn’t that much stuff. A few beat up clothes –’’
“Some CDs!” he interjected.
Noelle shrugged again. “A few old CDs, yes! I’m not a mind reader, Todd. Now if you’ll excuse me, I want to go inside.”
“So, it’s going to be like this?”
Noelle whipped around, her eyes flashing. “Like what? How would you like me to be? You dump me the night before our vacation, telling me that you’re in love with someone else and taking her to Aruba? So, tell me. How should I be acting?”
For the first time, Todd looked remorseful. “You’re right. It was a really shitty thing to do.”
“It was completely underhanded and cruel! You broke my heart!” she cried out, losing her composure and letting her emotions get the best of her.
“Alright, Christ, Noelle. I’m sorry.”
There was a long pause, and when Noelle looked at Todd, she realized that she truly didn’t want to be with him anymore. Now she only saw him as a weak man. A weak, dishonest man.
“It doesn’t matter, Todd. Let’s be honest here. There’s no reason for us to keep in touch. Your things are gone, and I can’t do anything about that now. Please leave.” Noelle was weary and she just wanted to go inside and relax.
“Fine,” he threw his hands up, though Noelle could tell that he was still pissed about his stuff. Just as he started to leave, Noelle spoke up.
“Just tell me this much, Todd. Who is she?”
Todd turned around, and he looked aged. Noelle wondered if his new girlfriend was okay with his being a cheater. Or would she always have to wonder if Todd was going to cheat on her just as he had done to Noelle.
“Her name is Whitney. She works in my building.”
Noelle nodded, feeling only a slight twinge. She didn’t know why she suddenly needed to know that information, but somehow knowing it now, helped her. There was a name to this other woman, and a place.
“Well, let’s hope Whitney trusts you. I know I could never trust a man who had to cheat in order to be with me.”
Noelle saw the look of surprise and irritation on Todd’s face, but she didn’t even care. She went inside her condo, and slowly closed the door.
* * *
To her surprise, the encounter with Todd didn’t throw her into a tailspin as she had half expected. However, the brief meeting left her feeling exhausted, although that might have been the result of too little sleep. Soon after Todd left, she ate a quick dinner and collapsed into bed.
Noelle woke up Saturday morning feeling different. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but something within her had changed. For the first time since Vegas, she didn’t peek at the money hidden in her desk, and she felt strangely calm. As she ate a leisurely breakfast, it finally hit her.
There was a reason that the surprise encounter with Todd hadn’t bothered her.
Her heart had moved on, however foolish that might be.
At that moment, Noelle knew with more certainty than she had ever felt, that she was meant to see Blaze again. She still didn’t think that she could actually run away with him, or see a real future with him yet, but she knew that she had to see him again. And as scared as it made her, she was willing to help him in one last heist.
Another four hundred thousand dollars would open doors for Noelle, and even though it was wrong in every sense of the word, she couldn’t refuse the freedom it provided her.
And if that’s what it took to see Blaze again, then she would do it. She was unable to stay away.
She gave a wry smile as she took her medicine, knowing that any normal person of sane mind would never agree to help rob a casino for a third time. But Noelle wasn’t a normal person. She had seen things that no other person should have to see.
She waited until late in the afternoon to call Blaze. This time he had given her his actual cell number.
“Hello?” his voice came over the line clear and sexy. It was as if he were standing right next to her.
“Blaze?”
“Noelle!”
The fact that he recognized her voice made her beam like an idiot.
“I’ve been hoping you would call,” he said. “But I didn’t really think that you would,” he added.
“I wasn’t sure myself if I would ever call you again, Blaze.”
“So... are you calling because you want to come back out here?” he hedged.
“Yes.” She paused, unsure of how to phrase things. “I can’t make any promises about afterwards, but I will come out to help you one last time.”
“Are you doing this because of the money, or because of me?” His voice was gruff with emotion and Noelle ached to be near him.
“Mostly because of you,” she admitted.
“Good,” he seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. “Come out in two weeks. Text me your flight information so I know when to pick you up from the airport.”
Noelle hesitated, suddenly feeling needy. “Can’t we speak before then?”
“I wish we could, but I think it’s best that we don’t.”
Noelle nodded, hurt, even though Blaze couldn’t see.
“Right. I’ll text you my flight information.”
Blaze’s voice dropped softly. “I can’t wait to see you.”
Noelle felt so many emotions at the prospect of seeing Blaze again, and while there was so much she could say to him, she kept it simple.
“Me too.”
Unable to wait, she immediately booked her flight. She was tempted to immediately text Blaze the information, but she didn’t want to seem too desperate. She would text him as the time drew closer.
Now that her mind had been made up, she was able to get through the rest of Saturday without turmoil, and soon Sunday night arrived.
Nervously, Noelle got into her car and started driving to her sister’s house north of Philadelphia. Noelle wasn’t sure what to expect, and she wondered briefly when she might see Vivienne again if she did something crazy like run away with Blaze.
Noelle pulled up outside Vivienne’s house, and her sister hurried out onto the porch, waving and smiling.
Vivienne looked as pretty as ever, her blonde hair hanging in loose waves past her shoulders. She was dressed in a simple peach maxi dress and it was hard to imagine that someone so lovely looking could have suffered such a viciously abusive childhood.
“Hi!” Noelle called, climbing out of the car and waving as she walked toward the house.
“It’s so good to see you,” Vivienne exclaimed, embracing her.
Noelle hugged Vivienne back, a flood of memories emerging as she recalled growing up under her big sister’s care.
“I missed you Ellie,” Vivienne said affectionately, using the private nickname she had for Noelle. Clasping her hands, Vivienne leaned back to look at Noelle.
“You look great! Your hair is different,” she observed.
“Thanks.” Noelle ran a hand through her hair self-consciously. “I got some new highlights.”
&
nbsp; “Come on in! I want you and Brian to meet.” She ushered her inside and Noelle looked around her sister’s house. She had only been here a handful of times, and she had forgotten how cozy it felt.
A tall man with olive skin and deep brown eyes was standing in the kitchen.
“Noelle this is Brian. Brian, this is my sister, Noelle.”
“So nice to meet you,” Brian said, extending his hand. “Vivienne has told me so many things about you.”
Noelle picked up on a slight accent, and she was suddenly burning with questions to ask her sister.
“Thank you,” Noelle said kindly, “it’s so nice to meet you.”
“Vivienne keeps talking about her little sister,’’ he explained, his eyes twinkling, “but I didn’t think such a sister existed. I’m so glad you could join us tonight.”
Noelle felt another wave of guilt, though she knew that Brian had not intended it that way.
Vivienne quickly bustled around the kitchen, pouring Noelle a glass of wine, and setting out a small tray of cheese and crisp vegetables.
Noelle settled into Vivienne’s couch, and she found conversation with Vivienne and Brian to be comfortable and effortless. Noelle watched when Brian gently stroked Vivienne’s hand as she spoke, and when he gazed at her with obvious adoration, Noelle had to look away. She almost felt at times that she was intruding on their intimacy.
As Vivienne teased Brian about his terrible taste in movies, Noelle wished she saw her sister more. Everything felt so warm and easy, and while Noelle always felt like she was lacking in family, she realized that it couldn’t be further from the truth. She had family right here – a family with whom she felt entirely comfortable.
“Vivienne, we should do this more,” Noelle blurted out as they sat down to dinner.
Vivienne’s eyes lit up and her face broke into a grin. “Yes, we should! I would love that!”
The evening passed so quickly that Noelle could barely believe the time when she glanced at her watch and saw that it was past ten.
“I have to go,” Noelle said sadly, “I have a seven a.m. shift.”
Vivienne and Brian stood up. “This was so great,” Vivienne said hugging her. Noelle squeezed her and then turned to hug Brian too.