He flipped intently through the pages, as everyone seemed to go on to other conversations and stoked the fire. But Willow’s eyes were locked on Jedda. The expression on her brother’s face was keeping her fixed on him, and Josh was tuning into her as well.
“What is it?” Josh asked in a hushed voice, leaning into Willow. The smell of his cologne wafted across her, carried by the sea air and it calmed the fear growing in her.
“This is her handwriting. Mom’s. She wrote all these out.” Jedda said, flipping through each page. “It doesn’t make any sense. She didn’t cook. Ever. Why would she have all these hand written recipes?”
“Hand it here Jedda,” Betty requested, slipping her reading glasses on. “There’s got to be fifty recipes here. Who would hand write all of these out if they didn’t cook? That doesn’t make any sense.” She scrutinized the first few recipes with a grimace on her face. “Well no one could cook any of these.”
“What do you mean?” Willow asked a knot tightening in her throat. “Are they recipes or not?”
“They’re written like recipes, but you couldn’t cook anything edible with them. The ingredients don’t line up with anything. This recipe is for tamales, but none of the ingredients makes sense. There are no apples in tamales that’s for sure.”
“Can I see it?” Willow asked urgently, practically snatching the book from Betty’s hands. She scanned the page looking for anything that might pull all of this together. “Look the recipes are dated, no one does that. This could be their records of what they were doing with girls. This is a Spanish recipe. The cheese is aged, thirteen years. Could that be describing a person? It says it yields ten servings, maybe that’s the price?”
“That seems like a pretty big leap Willow,” Bobby cautioned, coming around behind her and leaning over her shoulder.
“Well they aren’t recipes,” Betty insisted. “They’re certainly written to hide something. I don’t see why it couldn’t be that.”
“Bobby,” Willow said, flipping the page to the date she recalled from their research in the city. “This is the date that Josephine was taken. Look at the recipe. It’s all her information. The date, her age, it’s all on this page. These could be their records. We’d have something to give Denny that he could actually work with.” She was on her feet and shoving the book in Bobby’s face before anyone could get a word out.
“If it were some kind of record book of the girls they abducted and sold it could certainly help close a lot of open cases.” Bobby agreed as he took the book from Willow’s shaking hands and started looking it over. “This could be a significant piece of evidence.”
“Don’t you people ever just have a normal event? You just got married, and you’re already looking for new trouble,” a voice from behind the group said with a hardy laugh that had everyone turning to face the man.
Willow pulled the book back from Bobby and held it close to her chest. The arrival of a stranger at such a crucial moment was unsettling to her and she felt the urge to protect the book.
“Christian Donavan?” Josh asked, with a look that made the hair on the back of Willow’s neck stand up.
It wasn’t until Bobby and Piper’s face broke into wide smiles that couldn’t be mistaken for anything but true joy that Willow relaxed.
“Christian, I mean Chris,” Piper corrected. “What are you doing here?”
“The two tortured souls finally smarten up and get married? I wouldn’t miss that for the world.”
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Piper couldn’t believe her eyes when Christian appeared on the beach out of nowhere. He’d been a person who’d from the first time they met could see right through her bullshit, straight to the truth. It was annoying at times of course but usually he was the kick in the ass she needed to get back on track.
“So how do you guys know each other,” Willow asked, still clutching the book in her hands tightly.
“It’s a long story,” Chris quipped. “A really long story. But we met a while back when we were all trying to either save our asses or save the world. I live out in Illinois with my new wife, my brother, and my son. I used to live in Edenville but,” Chris turned toward Bobby with a devilish grin as he asked, “she’s okay right? I mean she’s one of you guys?”
“She’s one of us,” Piper assured him with a wink at Willow.
“Well then I guess I can tell you I used to live in Edenville until I sold out everyone I worked with and went into witness protection. I was the save my ass part of that equation.”
“No you weren’t,” Piper shot back, waving him off. “You helped bring down some very deplorable people on your way out of town. You saved my life, and I don’t mean that metaphorically. He actually saved my life,” Piper explained, turning toward Jedda, Crystal and Willow. The only ones who didn’t know the story of how her father nearly killed her until Chris came in and killed him before he could finish Piper off.
“You had a pretty notorious reputation in Edenville,” Josh chimed in with a hint of attitude that said he still wasn’t convinced of Chris’s conversion to a good guy.
“Reputations are often blown out of proportion.” Chris said, grabbing a stick and poking at the fire.
“Was yours?” Willow asked, still not completely adjusted to biting her tongue when it was necessary.
“Nope.” Chris admitted, catching the end of his stick on fire and then stomping it out under his shoe.
“Chris got married in Vegas last month,” Bobby cut in, changing the subject as he passed him a beer from the cooler. “Where’s the new wife?”
“It was harder than you think to come out here. You’d be amazed how little the feds appreciate you trying to go back to the state they pulled you out of. I knew I couldn’t be here for the ceremony, but I figured I could catch you before you headed back to Edenville. Unfortunately Sydney and little Chris are back in Illinois.”
“How’s Sean doing?” Betty asked and Piper tried to remind herself that even if Sean had started out as a complete jackass, Chris’s brother had worked hard to reform his old ways.
“Doing great. He’s been sober since he came out of rehab and he’s still doing therapy twice a week. He starts a new job at the beginning of the month. I’m really proud of him.” The look in Christian’s eye was so paternal that Piper couldn’t fight a smirk. They’d all come so far, and worked damn hard to get happy. That was the strangest lesson of Piper’s life so far. Happy was hard work.
“There’s another reason Sydney couldn’t come,” Chris hinted as he took a long swig of his beer, leaving everyone in suspense. “The morning sickness is killing her.”
“What?” Betty hooted almost knocking Willow off the small bench they were sharing. “Congratulations. Oh, the babies! I can’t wait for all these babies. Next thing you know it’ll be Bobby and Piper.”
“Not us,” Piper insisted, regretting the timing of her statement. She and Bobby had a well thought out plan of when to talk about their choice not to have their own children. But like usual Piper’s mouth didn’t check with her brain before she spoke.
“What does that mean?” Jules questioned, as though Piper had just spoken some foreign language.
“We’re doing this now?” Bobby asked, and Piper gave an apologetic shrug of her shoulders.
“I guess we are,” she answered, straightening herself up. “We’ve decided we are going to adopt when we’re ready to start a family. I’ve never really pictured myself having children. Until I met Bobby, I never thought I’d get married. The more I considered what the rest of my life might be like, the more I realized I’d want to adopt. It just feels right with everything we’ve been through. There are so many kids out there who need someone to love them. If Bobby and I adopted them, look at all the people they’d get.”
“But you wouldn’t have any kids of your own?” Betty asked looking like she’d just been struck by tsunami.
“No. We wouldn’t” Bobby answered firmly, sliding his hand into Piper’
s as a silent show of solidarity.
“I’ve never heard anything like that,” Betty grimaced as Clay reached out and touched her shoulder gently. His caress was enough to remind Betty that sometimes people need to make their own choices So Betty pulled her face into a smile. “But every child deserves love. If this is what you two want to do, I can’t think of anyone better to do it.”
“Thank you,” Piper stuttered, letting the tears in her eyes spill over. “I know it’s not normal.”
“If I was expecting normal I’d go out shopping for all new people to spend time with,” Betty laughed as she pulled them both in for a hug. “Whatever you do, we’ll be here for you.”
“Never a dull moment with you guys,” Chris huffed sarcastically as he took a seat on one of the chairs by the fire. “But that’s what I like about you. So tell me what’s in this book? I want in.”
“I knew you couldn’t help yourself,” Michael shot back as he tossed another beer in Chris’s direction.
“Can you blame me? She’s holding that book like it’s got a treasure map in it. I’m intrigued. I’ve been out of the game too long. I need to be in on another crazy scheme.”
“You’ve come to the right place,” Piper retorted as she took stock of the people around her. Everyone in this circle had done the heavy lifting that came with real love. They’d worked. Begged for forgiveness. Accepted apologies. Embraced each other’s flaws.
Though all their relationships worked for very different reasons, Piper’s own life with Bobby was what gave her hope for Willow and Josh. Bobby had to work harder than anyone, not just to win Piper’s affection but to convince her she was worthy of his. Of anyone’s really. She saw so much of herself in Willow, though Bobby would likely disagree. They both harbored a similar pain, but they handled it differently. Piper built a wall around herself, and she learned to live behind it. Willow on the other hand didn’t need the wall. She relied on lashing out, launching attacks on people foolish enough to see the real her. It made Willow seem much more hostile than Piper, but in reality, they were both nursing a similar brokenness.
Piper hadn’t torn down her own wall completely; she found small openings to let people in. If Willow could control the urge to snipe anyone who got close, and Josh was strong enough to keep trying when she failed, then there truly was hope for them.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“I can’t believe you guys rented this house out for another night,” Bobby chuckled as he loaded Piper’s bags into the back of his truck. It was adorned with tin cans and a hand painted just married sign in the back window.
“We’ve got a lot of work to do.” Michael said with a forced seriousness as he waved at Betty and Clay who were pulling out of the driveway with Frankie in the back seat.
“Oh please, you’re just happy to have a night without the baby.” Jules retorted as she drove an elbow playfully into her husband’s side.
“Guilty as charged,” Michael admitted as he leaned in and scooped Jules off of her feet. Spinning her around as he kissed at her neck. “We’ll be in the master suite. No one bother us.” He tossed Jules over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and disappeared back into the house.
Willow found herself holding her breath every time another car pulled out. It was another opportunity for Josh to announce he was leaving too. When she’d left the group that morning to call Denny and tell him about the book, she was sure when she got back he’d be gone. But he wasn’t. When they’d all decided to stay an extra night to help organize the information in the book and take a second look at all the other belongings taken from the apartment of Willow’s biological parents she thought Josh would use that chance to say he was leaving, but he didn’t.
As she watched Michael and Jules playfully enter the house, and Bobby and Piper hop in the car to head out as husband and wife, she found herself thinking only of Josh. She’d taken Michael’s advice and done something big, something that ignored any request for space. Now it was time to see if it would work.
“Can I talk to you for a second Willow,” Jedda asked just as she intended to pose the same question to Josh. The look in Jedda’s eyes was enough to keep her from being able to turn him down.
“Of course,” she acquiesced as she watched Josh fish his keys out of his pocket. “Don’t go,” she said catching his arm with urgency that had everyone’s eyes fixed on her.
“I was just going to pull my car up,” Josh smiled awkwardly. “I had to move my car to let Bobby and Piper out, I was just going to pull it back in.”
“Oh, yeah, go do that,” Willow stammered as she tried to casually shrug the embarrassment off.
“We’ll bring the boxes in so you can go through them again and see if you overlooked anything,” Crystal said, trailing off as she and Chris headed for the house, and Josh headed for his car.
“I feel like we haven’t talked,” Jedda said, leaning himself against Chris’s rental car.
“I think I was avoiding you,” Willow admitted as she cast her eyes guiltily away from him.
“Why?” Jedda asked with a pain in his eye that hurt Willow even more. He had a look on his face as though he’d done something wrong and that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“I’ve done a lot of selfish stupid things over the last couple of months, well years maybe. But of everything I regret, the way I treated you kills me the most.”
“You were hurt and confused. I don’t fault you for feeling how you did,” Jedda insisted, lifting her chin with one finger and upturning her face so their eyes met. “I’ve tried to work really hard in therapy and part of it was trying to understand why you were so angry with me. It’s survivor’s guilt Willow.”
“But we both survived,” she said not letting the out he was giving her penetrate her self-hate for how she’d treated him.
“You saw my going to prison as a form of death. It’s normal to go through all the emotions you have. Including being angry with me.”
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever done. Do you know when it hit me, how absolutely foolish I was being? When I got a chance to see how other girls in the same position as me turned out. If only someone had been able to save them the way you saved me. I’m so lucky you were willing to kill for me. I’m so grateful and so very sorry it took me this long to understand it.” Willow had worked through these words, well more concise words, for over a week. She had every intention of this sounding better, of them being somewhere other than standing outside leaning on a car. It was meant to be more powerful, more profound. But the message seemed to be registering with Jedda.
“I don’t regret it. I’ve told you that. I’ve always just wanted you to be happy and safe. I would do it all over again.” Jedda choked out as he pulled Willow against him, squeezing her in a hug that nearly crushed her.
“I’m going to do better. I’m going to be better. I’ve been a bitch to everyone.”
“You don’t have to be, not all at once. I think you’d be promising the impossible.”
“How’s anyone going to ever forgive me, or care about me the way I am right now? The way I’ve been?”
“Wake up Willow, they already do. They might not like the way you’ve acted, but they love you in spite of it. I know it’s not how we grew up when we were little, and it’s hard to believe that it really exists but it does. There really are people who can love no matter what. And that’s more powerful than anything we’ve been through. It’s bigger than our past.”
“I’m going to put it all out there for Josh. I’m terrified he’s going to tell me to go to hell.”
“He might,” Jedda shrugged as he released Willow from his tight grip. “Or maybe he might not. You never know until you do it.”
“Why did you forgive Crystal? She misled you. She kept a secret from you. You were finally opening yourself up. How did you get past that?”
“I’d already lost so many years of my life. Here was someone that was more like me than I had realized. She was willing to r
isk everything. I know what that decision is like and I respect what she was doing, even if it hurt me at the time.”
“Maybe Josh will feel like that?”
“You were being kind of a jerk,” Jedda said through a snickering laugh, then quickly straightening his face. “But he’s a good guy and he seems like he can see the forest for through your crazy ass trees.”
“I hope so.”
“Now’s your chance to find out,” Jedda said raising an eyebrow in Josh’s direction as he approached. He leaned in and kissed Willow’s cheek as he whispered, “You’re my baby sister. No matter what happens with Josh, I’ll always be here for you.”
Rather than just accept his kiss and let him go, she wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him into her to the point where he nearly lost his footing.
After a moment, as Josh’s footsteps grew closer, Jedda wiggled out of her grip and winked at her.
She sucked in her bottom lip as the tears trailed freely down her cheeks. Jedda’s love had saved her. It wasn’t a burden to be saved it was a miracle.
“You okay?” Josh asked as he stepped in close to Willow and then leaned back on his heels to put safe distance between them.
“Just a lot of tough conversations and overdue realizations on my part. It’s not easy figuring out you’re an asshole.”
“You’re not, well acting like one and being one are two different things.”
“Josh I know that you said you didn’t want to do this here. You said you wanted space to figure things out. I can’t give you space. I’m sorry.”
“What do you mean?”
“I’m too afraid to give you space, like if I give you enough time you’ll figure out you’re too good for me. So I’m just going to put it out there and pray you will listen.”
“I don’t think that’s a−”
“I don’t care,” Willow insisted as she drew in a deep breath. “I called Denny this morning. He’s anxious to get a hold of the book. He did some quick cross-referencing of information I read to him and he thinks it could be a huge source of information on open cases. He asked me to go up there. My experience with the cases gives me a unique advantage and I could consult.”
Settling Scores (Piper Anderson Series) Page 17