by Jade Kerrion
Brandon set aside his legal notepad and leaned forward. He searched her face and expelled his breath in a soft sigh. “How badly do you really want a divorce or even a separation?”
~*~
Brandon’s simple question plagued her for the rest of the day.
How badly do you really want a divorce or even a separation?
Valeria didn’t know. She just wanted to be loved by Gabriel as much as she loved him. Failing which, she wanted something different, and she did not think the something different included the grand plan that Gabriel was pursuing for both their lives.
She twisted her ring around on her finger. The diamonds glittered as they caught the light. They were so clear compared the blur of unarticulated needs and hazy desires that shrouded her life in confusion.
“Are you all right?” Brett’s clear tenor recalled her to the present, reminding her that she had stopped by the foundation office and asked to see him.
She looked up and managed a wan smile. “I suppose so.”
“We can meet another time,” Brett said.
Valeria shook her head. “I just wanted to give you an update on Peter’s wish.”
“Of course.” Brett sat on the edge of his desk as he had the last time, close enough that she could smell his aftershave.
“I spoke to Peter. He doesn’t want to be just any judge; he wants to be an environmental judge.”
Brett grinned. “What a great kid.”
Yes, Valeria thought. Gabriel, on the other hand, had not noticed or cared enough to comment on it. Peter was just another item on his long and inexhaustible to-do list. “Anyway, I spoke to my husband, and he says he knows a few judges who might be able to help out. He says he’ll reach out to them.”
“Fantastic,” Brett said. He clasped his hands loosely in his lap. “It doesn’t explain why you look so lost.”
Lost. Lost was a good word to describe what she was feeling. “I…my husband and I are going through a bit of a rocky phase in our marriage.”
Brett’s hand closed over hers. His hand was warm, his touch consoling.
Valeria inhaled and continued. “I don’t want it to affect Peter’s wish though. I don’t think it will. Gabriel’s professional enough to separate what’s personal between us and something—like Peter’s wish—that has nothing to do with us.”
“Of course,” Brett said. “He’ll come through for you.”
“When he chooses.” Valeria’s half-smile turned bitter.
“Val?” Brett said.
It was Gabriel’s name for her, but it flowed from Brett’s lips more gently and tenderly than she had heard from Gabriel recently.
“The children have a school fair to celebrate the end of the school year. I know he probably just sees it as a small thing—kids craft tables, lemonade stands, that kind of thing—but it means a lot to the children.”
“Did you tell him?”
“Of course I did. He was going to attend, but now he has to go out of town for the weekend, and he wants me to go with him.”
“Is it important?”
“He thinks it is, but of course his work is always important to him.” She shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. I’m sorry; this has nothing to do with Peter’s wish.”
“I’m just here to listen.” Brett smiled at her. “Anytime at all, if you want someone to talk to, about a wish or anything else, just call me. You have my number, right?”
“I do.”
“I hope to see you at the Make A Wish Foundation sponsors dinner. It’s just two weeks away. The chaos has already begun here. Lots of frayed nerves leading up to the big night.”
“I can imagine.”
“Will you be attending? Do you have tickets?”
“Yes, I actually bought tickets for myself and for Gabriel. We’ll be there.” I think.
“Great.” Brett glanced at his watch. “Say, it’s almost lunchtime. Can I convince you to stay? There’s a little café downstairs that has an excellent selection of soups, salads, and sandwiches.”
She shouldn’t. She knew she shouldn’t, especially when she found Brett more than just slightly attractive. He listened with his full attention focused upon her, a far cry from Gabriel’s perfunctory nods and questions. Brett’s kindness was genuine, unlike Gabriel’s practiced and honed client skills.
“No,” was on her lips, but at that moment, Brett smiled and held out his hand to her.
It’s just lunch, she told herself. Her grip tightened against his hand, and she allowed him to pull her to her feet.
~*~
Brett had been right about the café. It was little more than a hole-in-the-wall, but the lunch line extended around the corner. The café served a grand total of two different kinds of soups, three salads, and four sandwiches, but the menu apparently changed every day, drawing repeat customers.
The four-bean soup had a spicy kick, just the way Valeria liked it, and the seasoned portabella mushroom, draped with delicate sprouts, and served on a sesame seed-encrusted bun, had as rich a flavor as steak.
“Great choice,” she complimented Brett.
“It’s a huge favorite of the foundation staff,” he said. Indeed, he seemed to nod or call out greetings to every other person who came into the café. “We’ll need to come back here when they have their pastrami. It’s to die for.” He smacked his lips. “The oddly named strawberry fields salad is also excellent.” He tilted his head. “So, how did you get involved with the foundation?”
“Junior year in college. Somehow, Gabriel caught wind of a dinner just like the upcoming sponsors event. Even though we could hardly afford it, he bought tickets as a surprise for my birthday. I’d always wanted to work with children. Once, I even thought of applying to nursing graduate school and then joining a pediatric ward.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“We had to make choices. It was hard getting through college. Gabriel and I worked two jobs each, shared an apartment with a roommate, who eventually turned out to be a convicted felon, and for the most part, eked out a living on macaroni and cheese. Gabriel got into law school, and I into nursing graduate school, but we didn’t get enough scholarships or loans to make it work. So, we agreed that he would go to school while I worked.”
“Were you married then?”
She shook her head. “Engaged. Gabriel proposed to me in our junior year. In fact, he proposed to me the night of the foundation dinner while we were still in the foyer of the hotel.”
Brett chuckled. “That’s romantic.”
“Not quite a private candle-lit dinner, but it was the best meal we’d had in a while. Gabriel even made a donation that night in my name. A small one—I think it was only fifty dollars—but back then, it was a week’s worth of pasta dinners for us.”
“So you’ve been a sponsor for years now.”
She nodded. “Gabriel has donated money every year since then. I expect it’s grown quite a bit larger than fifty dollars. I chose, however, to give my time. It gets me closer to the children.”
“So, did you ever go back to nursing school?”
She shook her head. “By the time Gabriel graduated with his law degree and got a job, it didn’t seem to make as much sense anymore. I spent a lot of time in his last year of law school planning our marriage on the cheap. That’s when I realized I really enjoyed talking to vendors, negotiating with them, getting them to sponsor freebies that they might not have otherwise done. Gabriel offered to pay for nursing school, of course, but he’d already received an amazing job offer, and it’s not as if we needed my income anymore, so when I told him I wanted to volunteer instead, he told me to go for it. So, here I am.”
“Here you are,” Brett repeated, admiration in his voice. “You’ve taken a remarkable path to get to where you are today as one of the top financial sponsors and wish volunteers with the foundation.”
“Oh, the money comes from Gabriel.”
“It’s donated in your name though.” He hesitated briefly. �
�You do know that there’s an opening on the board of directors for the foundation?”
“I’d heard about it.”
“Would you consider putting your name in?”
Her jaw dropped. “To join the board of directors? I…I’d never have considered it.”
“You’d be perfect for the position. A long history of dedication to the foundation and its mission. You put your time and money where your mouth is, and of course, you’re highly placed in society—one of the who’s who you should know.”
“It’s Gabriel.” He was, after all, the go-to lawyer for high net-worth divorces, and Manhattan had many of those kinds of people.
“And by extension, you. The point is you know a lot of people, both directly and indirectly, through Gabriel. We could use someone like you on the board of directors. Please think about it, at least.”
“I will.” She smiled suddenly. “I’m flattered, really.”
“Not at all. The foundation is lucky to have you.”
Valeria blushed and lowered her gaze briefly to her empty plate. “And how about you? What brought you to the foundation?”
“A stroke of good luck actually. My parents swore charity and social work would never pay, and to be honest, they were right about 90 percent of the time. After I graduated with my Masters in Social Work, I drifted from nonprofit to nonprofit, trying to find the one that did the highest social good. Unfortunately, most of the time, they also paid the least amount of money.”
“It’s tough balancing the social good and other stakeholders.”
“Of course, but after a while, ramen gets to be tiresome.”
“You could alternate with pasta.” Valeria laughed. “It’s how Gabriel and I got through college.”
“College sure, but it’s not that great when you’re twenty-eight, supposedly in your prime dating years, and the women won’t give you a second look when they find out that you don’t earn enough to take them to a halfway decent chain restaurant.”
Valeria’s eyebrows drew together. “Really?”
Brett shrugged. “It’s New York City,” he said without any apparent rancor. “The women are looking for investment bankers, management consultants, lawyers.” He acknowledged Valeria’s choice of husband with a wave of his hand. “Social worker is far down the list. Anyway, I figured I needed to find a balance, so here I am at the foundation, getting paid decent money to do some good. The medical benefits are a nice perk.” He grinned.
Even so, Valeria thought she heard a twinge of bitterness in his voice. “You wanted something different.”
“I still do,” he confessed. “But I thought I’d give this a try and see how it works for a while. Short-term job commitments are no big deal. If it doesn’t work out, no harm, no foul.”
Unlike a long-term commitment, like a marriage, Valeria thought. “How much of a chance will you give the foundation?”
“I don’t know. Haven’t thought that far ahead, but I’ll know it when it’s time to move on.” He pressed against his stomach. “I’ll feel it here. The unease. The restlessness. The soul just knows.”
He could not have described her symptoms any more perfectly. I guess I know too. Perhaps I’ve always known.
CHAPTER FIVE
An appointment reminder popped up on Gabriel’s computer screen, yanking him away from his contemplation of the Horton case. Damn it. He ground his teeth as he considered his options, and realized that he had none. He could only hope that James hadn’t already left his office to meet for lunch.
He reached for his phone to call his friend. Thankfully, James Warren picked up the call immediately. “Hey, I’m just heading out. I’ll be there in fifteen.”
“Glad I caught you, then,” Gabriel said. “I’m buried in work, and I need the hour back. Can we push lunch out to next month?”
“What? You can’t even spare an hour for your best friend since high school. What the hell, man.”
“I’m sorry. I just…” He ground his teeth.
James’s tone changed. “Is something wrong?”
Gabriel released his breath in a shuddering sigh. “Yes…No…I don’t know.”
“D. All of the above?”
James’s wisecrack won a chuckle from Gabriel. “Probably.”
“Spill it. You’ve lost your cool, and even I can hear it over the phone.”
“Val and I…we’re just going through some rough times.”
“Since when?”
“Depends on who you ask. A few days for me. Probably a few months—” Years? “—longer for her.”
“And she didn’t say anything?”
“She did, finally.”
“What did she say?”
“She wants a divorce.”
James was silent for several long moments. “Hell of a bombshell. How could you not have seen it coming?”
“I don’t know. Everything seemed fine. I know I work a lot and I’m not home much, but it’s work a lot or don’t get paid. There’s nothing physically lacking in our lives, nothing lacking in our children’s lives; I mean, that’s why I have a job, right? If there’s an honest-to-God choice to be made in this situation, I’m just not seeing it.”
“Is she having an affair?” James asked.
A sharp pain stabbed through Gabriel’s chest. “I…don’t know. I don’t think so, but then again, I’m never around. How would I know?”
“So what did you tell her?”
“Nothing. I’m still trying to figure out what’s wrong and what I can change. Time’s part of it. I think she resents the fact that I work so much and that I never talk about my job.”
“What’s there to say? ‘Good evening, dear. I helped break up three more marriages today. Is that pot roast I smell in the oven?’”
Gabriel grimaced at James’s humor. The exact nature of his work, he realized, was part of the problem. Leaving aside client confidentiality issues, there was nothing inspiring or uplifting about the kind of work he did every day as a divorce lawyer.
James continued. “And Val’s best friend, what’s her name—Charity?”
“Cherish Petersen?”
“Yeah, that one. Married four times?”
“Three, I think.”
“Worst gossip this side of the Rockies. If I were in your shoes, I wouldn’t have said much to Val either, just because of her friendship with Cherish.”
“Val can keep a secret,” Gabriel said bitterly. “God knows how long she’s kept her unhappiness a secret from me.”
“That’s why you’re bailing on lunch. You’re trying to get work done so you can get home early.”
“Right.”
“So why are you still on the phone with me, dude? Get back to work.” James hung up without saying goodbye.
Gabriel expelled his breath in a sigh, the sound laced with an undercurrent of laughter. James got it. Valeria didn’t. Gabriel’s mistake was assuming that, for all these years, she had gotten it. Apparently, the grand plan for their lives was no longer the grand plan.
He only wished she had told him sooner.
~*~
Gabriel glanced at his watch before stepping in from the garage into the house. Six p.m. It was the earliest he had ever made it home, and had required leaving the office at the ungodly hour of 5 p.m., walking past wide-eyed associates and paralegals, and taking a massive pile of work with him, to be completed later at home when the children and Valeria were asleep.
An excited babble of chatter and laughter from the dining room drifted out to him. He inhaled deeply, resisted the need to roll his head to alleviate the tension in his neck, and braced himself to see Valeria. Fixing a smile on his face, he strode down the hallway and into the dining room.
Three pairs of eyes flashed toward him.
“Daddy!” Marlena squealed and hurled herself from her chair to hug him.
Diego was two seconds behind her. “We didn’t know you were coming for dinner, Dad,” he said after disentangling himself from his hug.
> “I managed to get off early today,” Gabriel said. He glanced at Valeria. She said nothing as she stared, unsmiling, at him. The warmth of her reception was like a blast of Arctic winds. Their eyes locked; hers revealed nothing.
Despair raked at him. How can I save our marriage if I don’t know what exactly to fix, let alone how?
Valeria broke the standoff. “I’ll get you a plate.”
“No, stay. I need to put my stuff away anyway. I’ll get it,” he said. He took his bag and files to his office, and then returned to the kitchen to fill a plate with rice, black beans, and roast chicken, before taking his seat at the dining room table.
“Did you see my drawing on the fridge, Daddy?” Marlena asked.
“I did. I liked the way you colored the gardens.”
She preened, fluffing up like a miniature peacock. “My teacher says my money art is awesome.”
“Money?” He looked at Valeria.
“Monet,” she mouthed.
Marlena’s art did look like something an extremely young Monet might have started out with. “I think it’s beautiful.” Gabriel took a bite of his dinner. The aroma of spices, perfectly balanced, filled his nostrils, and he smiled. Valeria’s roast chicken was always better fresh than reheated, which was what he usually had when he got in from work, frequently after 10 p.m.
“Are you coming to the school fair, Dad?” Diego asked.
“Yes, I am,” Gabriel said.
Diego’s eyes brightened. He straightened in his seat. “You’re going to check out my robotics project, aren’t you?”
“I helped with that,” Marlena interjected.
Diego nodded. “She helped me draw the plans and put the big pieces together. I did all the little bits on my own. Do you want to see the plans?”
“Sure.”
“Awesome. I’ll go get them.” Diego darted away from his half-eaten meal and dashed upstairs, while Marlena started a conversation about her best friend, Jenny.
The lively banter continued through dinner, a flood of information catching him up on the stories he hadn’t known and the antics he had missed. Valeria was quiet, but the children were doing such a fantastic job of keeping the conversation going that her silence was not obvious. For the most part, she kept her gaze on her plate or shuttling between her children. When their eyes met, it was for the briefest of seconds—the moment of contact too fleeting for him to decipher anything except the fact that an ocean of tension lay between them.