She looks lovingly at LOLA.
YOLANDA
All the bad-luck stuff doesn’t matter. Because
I got you. A daughter.
They embrace.
RHONDA (SINGS)
Oh baby . . . sing my song
We been waiting much too long
Lock the door, turn out the light
O yes . . . tonight’s the night.
45A INT. FITZGERALD STAGE—SAME TIME
GK
Prince of Pizza, the frozen pizza that tastes
homemade. With real Minnesota mozzarella
and sausage.
(HE SINGS, TO TUNE OF “LA DONNA E MOBILE”)
One Prince of Pizza slice
Puts me in paradise,
Sausage and extra cheese
Onions and anchovies,
You can stay home
And feel you’re in Rome
No need to go ta
Italy, you can eat prettily here in Minnesota.
Prince of Pizza.
46 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DRESSING ROOM—MOMENTS LATER
LUNCH LADY is knocking on the door with the Do Not Disturb sign.
LUNCH LADY
Chuck? Honey? It’s me, Evie. Ready or not,
here I come.
She opens the door quietly.
LUNCH LADY
I’m looking for a big hot dog to put in my
bun, you old dog you.
She slips in and closes the door.
LUNCH LADY (O.C.)
Wake up, sugar.
She screams.
CUT TO:
47 INT. CHUCK’S DRESSING ROOM
DANGEROUS WOMAN embraces the LUNCH LADY.
DANGEROUS WOMAN
It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay. It’s all okay.
LUNCH LADY
How can he be dead?
DANGEROUS WOMAN
He just went away, that’s all.
LUNCH LADY
My Chuck . . . my baby . . .
DANGEROUS WOMAN
The death of an old man is not a tragedy.
LUNCH LADY (WEEPING)
I—don’t—want him to—go.
DANGEROUS WOMAN
Forgive him for his shortcomings, and thank
him for his love and care . . .
The LUNCH LADY is blubbering, speechless, in the arms of the DANGEROUS WOMAN.
DANGEROUS WOMAN
Tell him he will be remembered, and turn
away and live your life.
LUNCH LADY (CRYING)
Good-bye, baby.
(TO DANGEROUS WOMAN)
You got anything to drink? Like a rum and coke?
48 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DRESSING ROOM—MOMENTS LATER
GK stands at the JOHNSON GIRLS’ dressing room door, listening to them sing inside with LOLA.
YOLANDA & RHONDA & LOLA (O.C.)
Oooo baby . . . you’re my man
You do what no other can
I’m a girl who’s hard to please
You bring me to my knees.
Oh baby . . . sing my song
We been waiting much too long
Lock the door, turn out the light
Oh yes . . . tonight’s the night.
He knocks lightly on the door.
CUT TO:
49 INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE DRESSING ROOM—MOMENTS LATER
YOLANDA stands in the doorway. Camera looks over GK’s shoulder as he speaks.
YOLANDA
You heard about the Soderbergs selling the
radio station.
GK
Yeah, I heard—
YOLANDA
Are you okay?
GK
Of course.
YOLANDA
Kind of a bizarre feeling, isn’t it?
GK
What?
YOLANDA
The silence.
GK
What are we supposed to say?
YOLANDA
Are you going to say something?
GK
On the air?
YOLANDA
Of course. “Thanks for listening” . . .
something. “Good-bye”?
GK
I hate good-byes. I don’t believe in them.
YOLANDA
What do you do when you leave someone’s
house?? Just turn around and walk away?
GK
I just don’t want to make a big weepy speech
about—
YOLANDA
That’s it!!! You’re afraid you would cry!!!
GK
I wouldn’t either.
YOLANDA
That’s right. You wouldn’t. You know, maybe
that’s why you and I broke up when we did.
Because I knew that if I waited, you wouldn’t
cry anyway. Does that make sense?
GK
No.
50 INT. FITZGERALD STAGE—SAME TIME
Musicians coming on- and offstage, YOLANDA and RHONDA come onstage as GK speaks at the podium, and ROBIN and LINDA stand at the microphone.
GK
Tonight’s show brought to you by
Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie and
Bebopareebop Rhubarb Pie Filling. Wouldn’t
this be a good time for a piece of rhubarb pie?
BAND strikes up “Shortnin’ Bread.”
GK & ROBIN & LINDA (SING)
One little thing can revive a guy
And that is a piece of rhubarb pie.
Serve it up, nice and hot,
Maybe things aren’t as bad as you thought.
Oh, Mama’s little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb
Mama’s little baby loves rhubarb pie.
Mama’s little baby loves rhubarb, rhubarb,
Mama’s little baby loves rhubarb pie.
GK
And now here’s Yolanda and Rhonda, our
very own Johnson Girls!
The audience applauds.
YOLANDA
Thank you so much. This is a song we wrote
for our mama who brought us up, with no
luxuries, no vacation trips, no vacations,
period. Just one luxury and that was music.
No matter how tired she was, she loved to
hear us kids sing and—
She is momentarily choked up.
YOLANDA puts a hand on RHONDA’s shoulder.
YOLANDA
She did the laundry in one of those old
washing machines with a wringer. She fished
out the wet sheets and towels with a big
stick and hung it all on the line. She did
everything for us, made our clothes, put up
preserves, a hundred jars of corn and beets
and tomatoes. This is for you, Mama.
YOLANDA & RHONDA (SINGING)
Good-bye to my mama, my uncles and aunts,
One after another, they went to lie down
In the green pastures beside the still waters
And make no sound.
Their arms that held me for so many years
Their beautiful voices no longer I’ll hear
They’re in Jesus’ arms and he’s talking to them
In the rapturous new Jerusalem
And I know they’re at peace in a land of delight
But I miss my Mama tonight.
DISSOLVE TO:
51 INT. BACKSTAGE—SAME TIME
GK, LEFTY, and DUSTY stand in the wings, watching.
YOLANDA & RHONDA
Good-bye, Eleanor, and Aunt Franny and Jo
Good-bye, Uncle Jim, and Elsie and Don,
Good-bye to my mama who went to lie down
And now is gone.
Whose hands are these so rough and hard
Nails all torn from toil and care?
Who cleaned the house and kept the yard?
Touched my cheek and stroked my hair?
Thank you, Mama, the Lord give you peace.
>
Bless your voice and the songs you’ve sung.
Blessed your arms and your hands and your knees.
How you loved us when we were young.
CUT TO:
52 INT. BACKSTAGE—SAME TIME
The DANGEROUS WOMAN walks past, stops, watches for a moment. Continues.
YOLANDA & RHONDA (SING)
The Lord’s my shepherd, I’ll not want.
I have my mama, my uncles and aunts.
Waters so still and the pastures so green.
Goodness and mercy following me.
Goodness and mercy following me.
The BAND is playing onstage and musicians are standing in the shadows offstage, the reflection of stage light on their faces. LEFTY and DUSTY are waiting. JEARLYN is by his side.
DISSOLVE TO:
53 INT. FITZGERALD WINGS—SAME TIME
The STAGE MANAGER is looking up at the clock. His lips move as he calculates minutes remaining in the broadcast.
STAGE MANAGER
Get Chuck up here.
DUSTY
Don’t forget our song.
STAGE MANAGER
What’s this one about? Horse hockey?
DUSTY
Not about horses at all.
On the STAGE MANAGER’s desk the phone light flashes red and he picks it up.
STAGE MANAGER
Yeah? . . . He’s here? . . . Okay. . . . Thanks.
He hangs up the phone.
STAGE MANAGER
The axeman is here.
He turns.
STAGE MANAGER
Hey what happened to that trophy we were
gonna give to Chuck? Who took it?
CUT TO:
54 EXT. FITZGERALD THEATER—FRONT OF BUILDING
Nighttime. The lobby and glassed entry are brightly lit. The marquee advertises A Prairie Home Companion. A black car is parked at the curb. The chauffeur stands by the open rear door.
The AXEMAN is walking from the car to the entry and entering the front door. He is slender, tanned, fashionable, handsome, in a black suit, black shirt, dressed like a magazine model. The TICKET LADY asks him a question but he smiles and walks in. She follows him for a few steps. A young male USHER steps toward him and half blocks his way.
55 INT. FITZGERALD LOBBY—SAME TIME
The AXEMAN looks around. A few fans around the souvenir stand turn to look at him, assuming that he is a famous person but unable to put a name to him.
USHER
Do you have a ticket?
AXEMAN
I’m with the company.
He gives the usher a smile and walks past him.
CUT TO:
56 INT. FITZGERALD LOBBY—SAME TIME
The AXEMAN strolls through the archway to the inner hallway. He looks to his left.
GUY NOIR (O.C.)
Mr. Cruett?
The AXEMAN studies him for a moment.
AXEMAN
I don’t believe we’ve met.
GUY NOIR stands, hand in pocket, facing him. He pulls out a cigar.
GUY NOIR
Guy Noir, vice president for security and
data acquisition.
AXEMAN
Show almost over?
GUY NOIR lights the cigar and puffs, and takes a deep drag and blows smoke.
GUY NOIR
Almost.
AXEMAN
Well, just in time then. Show’s been going
how long? Somebody said fifty years.
GUY NOIR
Almost. Thirty-something.
AXEMAN
Weird. Like a time warp.
GUY NOIR
We’ve got the luxury box waiting for you.
Right this way—
AXEMAN
Who’s the guy up there?
GUY NOIR turns and looks.
The bust of F. Scott Fitzgerald sits on a ledge above their heads.
GUY NOIR (O.C.)
He’s a guy who used to come to shows here.
F. Scott Fitzgerald. Novelist. Grew up in St.
Paul.
AXEMAN (O.C.)
What kind of novels?
GUY NOIR (O.C.)
Romantic ones. The Great Gatsby.
AXEMAN (O.C.)
Oh. I don’t read romance. No time. Where
am I going?
GUY NOIR (O.C.)
Right in here.
CUT TO:
57 INT. FITZGERALD LOBBY—SAME TIME
GUY NOIR opens a door and the AXEMAN enters a room with a large glass window looking directly at the stage. It’s a dim room with a couch and several easy chairs and a table with glasses and liquor decanters on it. GUY NOIR reaches up and turns down the volume on the wall monitor.
GUY NOIR
Usually we’ve got five or six clients in here,
sponsors and so on, but—
AXEMAN
Nice plasterwork around the proscenium.
We’ll have to remember to save a piece of
that. I wish we’d taped this show. Videotape.
For historical purposes. Send it to a museum.
GUY NOIR
Let me fix you a drink.
AXEMAN
Just water. No ice.
GUY NOIR pours a glass of water from a pitcher and hands it to the AXEMAN.
GUY NOIR
So what can I tell you about the show?
AXEMAN
I know all I need to know about the show.
GUY NOIR
You sure about that?
AXEMAN
I am. Theater’s got to come down. We’ve got
a Prince of Pizza drive-in coming in here in
three months.
GUY NOIR
Not going to change your mind?
AXEMAN
Man’s got to do what has to be done, Mr.
Noir.
GUY NOIR
Lot of good people up there, on the stage . . .
lot of them. I mean, I’m a man of the world
like yourself, but . . . these folks put their
lives into this.
AXEMAN
Now they can put their lives into something
else. Always something to put your life into,
right? No, it’s like Scripture says, you’ve got
to lose your life before you can find it.
GUY NOIR
Scripture is guiding you here?
AXEMAN
The company is owned by people of faith,
Mr. Noir.
The AXEMAN sits down on an easy chair.
AXEMAN
Before I came to the Lord, I played in a band
myself. The Dukes of Rhythm. We put our
lives into it and we were awful. Bunch of
drunks thinking we knew it all. And then,
thank God, we were rescued by the simple
fact of getting fired. It was a blessing. Lost
my guitar to a repo man. You lose one life,
you find another. Praise the Lord.
GUY NOIR
I’ll be right back.
He wheels around and exits past the camera.
CUT TO:
58 INT. FITZGERALD LOBBY—SAME TIME
GUY NOIR closes the door quietly behind him. He walks down the hall past two ushers sitting in chairs, reading books, and stops at the concession stand, hearing . . . something . . . and looks over the counter. MOLLY sits on the floor within the little cubicle, listening to the radio.
GUY NOIR
Hi there.
MOLLY
Hi. I never listened to it on the radio before.
GUY NOIR
Oh?
MOLLY
Who’s the guy in the booth?
GUY NOIR
He’s the hangman. The iceman.
MOLLY
Funny. People sitting at home and listening . . .
and they don’t know: it’s the last one. You
know? It’s like, you always t
hink there’s going
to be more after this. But maybe not.
GUY NOIR
Everything has an ending, sweetheart.
MOLLY
My aunt Evelyn listened to it every Saturday.
Five o’clock, she was right there by the radio.
Until they put her in the home. In the home,
Prairie Home Companion, A (movie tie-in) Page 10