by E. A. West
She studied him for a moment but the confusion remained. “I don’t understand.”
“Where I come from, respectable women do not wear clothing like yours.” Basir briefly met her gaze and looked away again. “Here, respectable women do wear clothing like yours. I still have a lot of adjusting to do since your culture is much different from the one I grew up in.”
“My clothing is what upset you?” Memories flashed of news reports showing women clad in long dresses with long sleeves, their heads covered. “I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable.”
“You have nothing to apologize for.” Basir shifted in his seat and looked at her a little longer before his eyes moved away once more. “I am the one who should apologize for overreacting to something that needed no reaction at all.”
“Like you said, you have a lot of adjusting to do.” Although she was sure her brother would doubt the wisdom of what she was about to do, she couldn’t ignore that pesky nudge in her heart. “I can easily wear different clothes if it would make that adjustment easier for you. I’m sure it still won’t be like what you’re used to, but maybe it would help a little.”
Basir stared at her, his eyes wide. “You would do that for me?”
“Yes. I want you to be comfortable here.”
“But would you be comfortable?”
“I plan on wearing things that I find comfortable. Maybe a long skirt instead of shorts?”
Although he looked as if he wanted to agree, he slowly shook his head. “I can’t ask you to change what you normally wear. I am a guest in your house, and I have no right to ask anything of you anyway.”
“You’re not asking me to do anything.” Meghan could see his stubborn nature wouldn’t back down, so she made a quick decision. “Wait here for a minute, OK? I’ll be right back.”
She hurried upstairs and dug through a dresser drawer until she found the ankle-length skirt she was looking for. A moment later, she’d exchanged it for her shorts. The lightweight material flowed around her legs as she headed back to the kitchen. Regardless of whether Basir appreciated her clothing change, she liked the way the skirt felt. It was light and loose enough to keep her cool in the mid-summer heat, and it was long enough that no one could argue over its modesty.
When she stepped into the kitchen, Basir’s expression made her question whether she had truly made the right decision. His eyes widened, but he looked away before she could decipher the emotions roiling in the tawny-brown depths. She hesitantly stepped closer to where he still sat at the table.
Clasping her hands in front of her waist, she tried to quell her nerves. “Will clothing like this make it easier for you to talk to me and adjust to life here?”
He slowly rose from his seat, his gaze nowhere near her face. “You did not have to change for me.”
“I know, but I want you to be comfortable around me.” She bit her lip and looked down as she fought the urge to cry. Had she made the situation worse by trying to help?
“I’m trying, but it is difficult regardless of what you wear.” Basir stepped closer. “You do look beautiful in that skirt, though.”
Her eyes darted up and met his. Maybe she had done the right thing after all. The warmth in his expression confirmed her suspicion that he was attracted to her, and the way he moved to stand directly in front of her gave her hope that maybe their friendship would grow stronger. Her pulse increased as she realized he stood closer to her now than he ever had, even though it was still farther away than many of the men Julia had set her up with.
Basir reached out and brushed his fingers across the back of her hand, sending fireworks exploding through her. “Thank you for caring so much about a man you barely know.”
He touched me.
The thought bounced around her brain, rendering her temporarily incapable of speech. How could one simple skirt bring about such a change in the man who had essentially avoided her since moving in? Better yet, why hadn’t she thought to wear long skirts before now?
The uncertainty in his features brought her out of her thoughts, and she smiled. “It’s easy to care about you.”
His face flushed as he dropped his gaze to the floor, and her heart did a happy dance. Seeing evidence that her words affected him gave her a sense of power, but it also made her feel closer to him somehow. Almost as though what she said mattered to him on a deeper level than she’d realized.
Aware of how difficult it was for him to be so sociable with her, she decided to give him an easy out. “I need to get the yarn out of the dye pot and hang it up to dry.”
“Do you need help with it?” He sounded puzzled as he glanced at the pot still sitting on the stove.
“Not really. I just need to squeeze out most of the water then take the yarn outside and hang it on the porch.”
He nodded and looked at her long enough to give her a brief smile that made her feel a little giddy. “Then I think I will go clean the alpacas’ pasture.”
Meghan watched him head outside and smiled. Maybe she would get the chance to find out her brother’s opinion of her having a relationship with Basir after all.
7
A shout startled Meghan awake, and she sat up, the covers sliding to her lap. Had something happened to the alpacas? The house couldn’t be on fire since the smoke detectors were silent. Another shout broke the quiet of the night, and footsteps raced down the hall. As they passed her door it finally sank in that the shouts were coming from the direction of Basir’s room. Her brother was responsible for the footsteps.
Meghan threw back the covers and hurried into the hall, praying Basir was OK. Muffled voices drifted out of his room as she approached, and her heart nearly broke as she caught part of the conversation.
“...nothing for me there.”
“I know.” Her brother’s voice held a soothing tone. “But you’ve got a place here, now. Meghan and I both think of you as family. You’re not alone.”
“But Meghan doesn’t know... She can’t understand what it was like. The bombs, the gunfire, the fear...” Basir’s voice broke.
“She may not understand, but she cares. She knows you’re having a rough time, just like I did when I first got here.”
“But even you don’t understand. You didn’t have your own people try to kill you.”
Meghan peeked through the open door and found Ryan sitting on the edge of Basir’s bed. Basir had his knees pulled up to his chest and his arms wrapped around his legs. Despair filled his features as he looked at Ryan. “You did not lose your family because you chose to help the United States.”
“No, but I know what went on over there. I know what you went through. Just because I wasn’t the target doesn’t mean I don’t understand. Not after everything you and I went through together. Didn’t I keep you from bleeding out when you were attacked in that village? Didn’t I help you when you first found out your family disowned you?”
Basir nodded, his gaze downcast. “You are right. Forgive me.”
“There’s nothing to forgive, my brother.” Ryan rested a hand on his friend’s shoulder. “You’ll get through this just like you’ve gotten through everything else. I’m here for you, and so is Meghan. You can trust her just as much as you trust me.”
Her brother’s insistence that she was trustworthy made her heart twist with guilt. Here she stood, eavesdropping on a private conversation. Even though she’d only come out of concern for Basir, she should have gone back to her room the moment she heard the men talking. Heat flooded her face, and she backed away from the door. The quiet murmur of male voices continued behind her as she reached her room and stepped inside.
Once she closed the door, she leaned back against the wood and closed her eyes.
“Forgive me, Father,” she whispered. She released her guilt on the wings of prayer, and the weight lifted from her soul.
She climbed back in bed and settled under the covers, but she couldn’t quiet her mind enough to fall asleep. Worry kept up a constant tornado of questions. Wh
at had caused Basir to shout? Would talking to Ryan do enough to help him? What could she do to help him heal from whatever he had been through?
What had he been through?
That was the biggest question looming in her mind. What little she’d heard told her he had been through much more than either he or her brother had even hinted at. She longed to understand what life had been like for him in Afghanistan so that she could help him heal and adjust to a safe life in the United States, but the small bits of information the men had revealed made her wonder if she really wanted to know more.
Each time Ryan had been deployed, she’d carried around a constant fear that something terrible would happen to him. In her weakest moments, she’d been terrified her twin would come home in a casket. In all the e-mails he’d sent and the phone calls they’d shared while he was in Afghanistan, he’d never once hinted at how much danger he’d truly been in. He plied her with humorous anecdotes about the guys in his unit, locals he’d witnessed, and the contents of MREs he had eaten. She’d known even then that he was holding back a lot to protect her, and she’d been thankful. Then he had come home and moved into her house.
From his first night on the farm, his actions had made it clear that he had numerous memories that weighed heavily on his mind. Meghan had never asked him for details, and he hadn’t offered any. She’d assumed he would eventually work through everything and either tell her about some of it or put it all behind him and move on with his life. Although it felt a little like hiding her head in the sand to pretend things couldn’t have been too bad for him while on deployment, it kept her calm and helped relieve the worry about her brother.
Now, however, she couldn’t help wondering if the rose-colored glasses approach had been a mistake. The longer Basir lived with them, the more obvious it became that Ryan harbored a lot of memories that were likely to haunt him for the rest of his life, including some that would traumatize even the most stoic marine. What man wouldn’t be deeply affected by having to keep his close friend from bleeding to death?
Meghan’s eyes stung as she realized how little she knew about her twin, the guy she’d been closer to than anyone else for their entire lives. Then there was Basir. How could she ever hope to get to know him when there was so much about his life before coming to the United States that she couldn’t possibly understand?
“Oh, Lord, help me know what to do,” she whispered as the tears slipped past her lashes. “I care so much about both of them, but I have no idea what to do for them. Please guide me in my interactions with them and give me the wisdom I need to strengthen the relationships I have with them. And, Father, please heal them both. I have no doubt they need You to get past whatever they went through over there. Give them the strength to face whatever ghosts have followed them here and help them find their way free of those memories so they can live happy, successful lives as civilians.”
She rolled onto her side and dried her eyes as her heart continued the prayer. No more words came to mind, but she knew God would understand. The book of Romans promised the Holy Spirit would intercede for her.
Her tumultuous thoughts gradually calmed, and she thanked God for bringing peace to her mind and heart. She closed her eyes and had just started to doze off when she heard a light tap on her door.
“Megs?” Ryan’s soft voice barely reached her ears. “You awake?”
“Yeah.” She opened her eyes and sat up. “Come on in.”
The door swung open, and her brother entered the room. He sat on the foot of her bed and combed his fingers through his messy hair. Then he looked at her. Even in the darkness broken only by the light of the moon and the stars coming through the window, she could see he was troubled.
“I know you heard some of what Basir and I talked about.” He sighed and lowered his head. “I didn’t want you to know how bad it was when I was over there, but maybe I should have told you more.”
Meghan scooted closer and laid her hand on his shoulder, wishing she’d never eavesdropped. “I didn’t hear much.”
“You heard enough, I’m sure.” Ryan shook his head and met her gaze. “He and I both have a lot of stuff that will stay with us forever. He’s got more, which I’m sure you already realized.”
“I wish I knew what to do to help you guys deal with it.”
“Keep doing what you have been.” Ryan wrapped her in a hug. “I can never thank you enough for giving me a safe place to readjust to life. I know Basir feels the same way.”
“I’m just glad I had a place to give you.” Meghan sat back and brushed a strand of hair away from her eyes. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but would it help if you talked to a counselor?”
“Yes, it would. It does.” Ryan offered a sheepish smile. “I probably should have mentioned it before, but I’ve been seeing a guy at the VA outpatient clinic for a couple of months.”
“You don’t have to tell me everything.” Meghan gave him another hug. “I’m glad it helps, though.”
“Me too.”
She released her brother as she considered how to ask her next question. Straightforward seemed like the best approach. “Has Basir thought about talking to a counselor?”
“Not until I suggested it to him tonight. I’m taking him to the clinic tomorrow to get him signed up.” Ryan stood and then reached down and tugged a strand of her hair. “We’ll all get through this and figure out what we’re doing eventually. Just don’t let Basir know you overheard anything tonight. He didn’t see you in the doorway like I did, and I’m not sure how well it would go over.”
“I didn’t mean to overhear anything. I just wanted to make sure everything was OK.”
“I know.” He smiled and headed for the door. “Sleep well…for what’s left of the night.”
“You too.” She watched him step into the hall and close the door, and then she flopped back on her pillow and attempted to go back to sleep.
~*~
Morning arrived far too early in Basir’s opinion. The nightmares the night before had made it nearly impossible to sleep, and when he did it was far from restful. His head throbbed as he pulled on jeans and a T-shirt and headed downstairs. He didn’t hold out much hope for a good day and prayed Meghan wouldn’t be offended if he avoided her and the rest of the world. Dealing with someone as kind and wonderful as Meghan was more than he could handle after a night of dreams about his wife’s death and the destruction of his honor. She deserved much better than him, but he didn’t know how to let go of his fragile hope that maybe one day he could have a relationship with her.
He paused at the base of the stairs and rubbed his temples. The motion did nothing to relieve his headache, so he dropped his hands to his sides and headed back upstairs to grab the medication a doctor had prescribed for his migraines. When he finally reached the kitchen, prescription bottle in hand, Meghan and Ryan both sat at the table. They greeted him with smiles he couldn’t return as he headed for the cabinet.
“Everything OK?” Ryan asked.
Basir pulled out a glass and resisted the urge to shake his head. “Migraine.”
“I’m sorry to hear that.”
The sympathy in his friend’s voice made him sigh. As much as he appreciated Ryan loving him like a brother, this morning Basir couldn’t bring himself to believe he was worth it. How could anyone have concern for a man who had failed to protect his wife and had been disowned by his family? He had nothing, was nothing.
And yet...
He swallowed the pill and drank a little more water as his mind raced. Ryan had never shown him anything but kindness and respect. Even when he was at his worst, when his honor was completely destroyed, Ryan had continued to treat him like a brother. Then, he had come here, broken and with permanent injuries, and Meghan had welcomed him with open arms. She had gone out of her way to make him comfortable and to help him adjust to a new way of life. Just last week she had voluntarily changed her clothes to make him more comfortable.
Maybe he was worth having someone
care about him after all. Maybe his honor wasn’t as unredeemable as he had assumed. Perhaps instead of looking at the past and worrying about everything he had done wrong, he needed to look forward and realize that with a different society came different expectations. According to Ryan, he was a good man and worthy of respect. If an all-American marine believed that about him, perhaps it was time to accept that it could be true.
Basir set his glass on the counter beside his pill bottle and turned around. The sympathy and concern in Meghan’s eyes warmed his heart and increased his determination to try to see himself as worthy.
“Would you like me to fix you some breakfast?” she asked, her soft voice soothing his frayed nerves.
“Yes, please.” Surprisingly, his headache hadn’t killed his appetite yet. He didn’t hold out much hope for the coming hours, but perhaps he had taken his medication soon enough that it would keep the worst of the migraine away.
She rose from her seat. “What would you like?”
“Anything is fine.” He had no doubt she would prepare anything he asked for, but he didn’t want to impose upon her hospitality.
She studied him for a moment, and then turned to her brother. “Do you have any preferences?”
“Whatever you want to fix is fine with me.”
“Pancakes and scrambled eggs it is, then.” She returned her gaze to Basir. “Why don’t you go ahead and sit down?”
“I should feed the alpacas.”
“I already did it,” Ryan said and grinned. “I figured you could use the break this morning.”
“Thank you. I appreciate it.” Basir sank into a chair at the table and rested his head in his hands. The spear still pierced his skull, making him even more grateful his friend had cared for the herd. With the way he felt right now, he wasn’t sure he could manage to feed and water the alpacas and let them out into the pasture for the day.
His mind wandered as Meghan moved around the kitchen, and he remembered Ryan mentioning counseling the night before. He had been resistant to the idea at first, but then Ryan had admitted to his own need for counseling. If his friend thought it was a good idea and effective in helping one adjust to normal life, perhaps he should give it a try as well. Not only did he have many memories that wouldn’t let him go, but he also needed help figuring out how to live as an American man. The pastor had provided useful advice, yet Basir still felt he needed more. Someone who could offer guidance when necessary and assist him in putting the past behind him would undoubtedly be valuable.