by Lisa Shea
“Did you finally get a chance to talk with Lucia?” asked Michael, concern ringing in his voice.
Stephen shook his head, reigning in his horse slightly to make it easier to talk. “The alert came too quickly, there was not enough time.”
He took a deep breath, then looked over at Michael. “I love your sister. I hope she knows that by now. Still, to ask more of her would be unfair before she got to know me better. We have barely talked for the past two weeks. I want to renew that trust with her, to show her that I can be depended on.”
He paused for a long moment, his face reflective. “I did give her my ring, just in case. She should have that much, in case something happens to me in battle.”
Michael sighed in exasperation. “You should have said something to her,” he repeated. “Because this is a battle. It is best to have a clear mind when going into this kind of situation.” He shook his head. “There is nothing to be done about it now; it will have to wait until after the fight is over.”
The two men nodded in farewell, then thundered off to their respective positions.
* * *
On the other side of the ridge, Lucia was demarking a line along a main trail with her archers. She motioned the others into their positions and took up her own behind a large, gnarled oak. She focused her mind on the task at hand, mentally calculating where each of her soldiers were, what angle shot they would have on anyone moving against them. She determined which would be able to see the enemy first, and which would have the clearest line of sight.
An hour passed, and they heard the sounds of fighting from far off. The battle had begun. Lucia moved amongst her troops, keeping them settled. It was not their place to rush in to help. Their job was to prevent a retreat. Time passed, punctuated by noise, held by long periods of silence.
Despite her years of training, Lucia’s focus began to slip, and a welling of emotions bubbled up within her. What was she going to do about her child, this innocent new life within her? She shook her head, driving herself to concentrate on the task at hand, but it was as if her mind had two masters now. Her eyes teared of their own accord, her breath came in long draws. She bit her lip, focusing on the pain, willing herself to push aside the cascade of feelings, to stamp down the irrational fears and longings which seeped into her consciousness. Now was not the time for this. She knew better, she was better than this. She would do her job.
She brushed her hair from her eyes, focusing her gaze back down the trail, but there was no motion at all there. Things were quiet. Thank the Lord for that at least. She prayed Stephen was doing well in his battles, that the quiet did not intimate a victory by the bandits. Her heart seized with pain at the thought of Stephen being overrun, overwhelmed. What if he was slain? Her heart began to thunder, panic edging every thought. What if her child grew up never knowing how kind Stephen could be, how full of strength, how caring …
Suddenly a loud snap sounded above her. She looked up and froze as she saw a muscular, scarred man leering over her. There was a vicious glint in his eyes as he grinned down at her. In one hand he held a dagger pointed toward her belly; his other hand raised to his lips. “Shhh, now, my pretty,” he soothed in a crackling voice. “There is no need for anyone to know I am here ...”
Lucia moved her hand slowly toward her knife, but at the same time her gaze was transfixed by the dagger pointing at her child ... her child ...
The Gray gasped in surprise and shock, and as he toppled over, Lucia could see the protruding shafts of a pair of arrows that had embedded themselves into his back. She sat back in shock at the suddenness of it all. Marcus and Shawn ran over to her, low and silent, their eyes showing concern.
Marcus’s voice was rich with concern. “Are you all right?”
Lucia shook her head, furious with herself “If I had been paying attention that never would have happened,” she berated herself in a harsh whisper. “I cannot believe I let that man get so close to me. What was I thinking ...?”
Shawn patted her on the shoulder and chuckled softly. “Do not worry about it, Lucia. Everyone has that happen every once in a while. We will get back to our positions.” They ran back to cover, and Lucia, her face burning with shame, determinedly faced the road to watch for more soldiers.
* * *
In another hour, the fighting groups moved nearer as the Grays’ retreat was pushed backwards. The archers spotted troops coming through in greater and greater numbers. Often Lucia’s archers could only watch as the two forces fought along the path, but sometimes they had a clear shot and could take out one of the Grays without endangering their own soldiers. The day wore on, the strain and noise of battle taking its toll on the fighters involved. Eventually, the fighting in their area slowed, and the remaining Grays retreated the way they had come with soldiers in strong pursuit of them.
As nightfall swept across the forest, the sounds of battle had long since died off. Lucia sighed wearily. The day’s melee was over, and she was completely exhausted. Two of her men had been injured, and had already been escorted back to the chapel. She sat heavily against the tree which had served so well as her protection, and laid the bow next to her in the grass. So close - she had come inches from being injured or killed by that rogue scout.
It was no use. She had to face the fact that she would be unable to remain as a useful fighter while she was pregnant. Her lapses in attention could easily cause others to be killed. She could not allow her concern for her unborn child to jeopardize her men.
She felt a hand on her shoulder, and looked up. It was Shawn, his weathered face creased with lines, smiling at her with concern. “It was a good fight,” he complimented, straightening up and resting his hand on the hilt of his sword. “You were an excellent leader. We could not have asked for better.”
Lucia picked up a small rock, glanced at it for a moment, and absently tossed it at a nearby tree. “You could have asked for someone who was not daydreaming when the battle was first joined,” she grumbled, still quite upset with herself.
Shawn grinned. “Now, come on,” he rejoined easily. “Everyone has a moment like that at least once in a while. Besides, it could hardly be helped for someone in your condition. Why, I was just telling Marcus -”
Lucia leapt to her feet, glowering.
“What do you know of my condition,” she hissed under her breath. “Nobody was supposed to -”
She stopped and took a deep breath. This was not going well at all. Her emotions were a pack of hunting dogs in a flock of partridge, and she struggled to draw them into order.
Her voice was tight with the effort when she spoke again. “What condition do you speak of?”
Shawn took a step back, his eyes creasing as he reevaluated the situation. “We have not said anything to anyone,” he promised. “We just guessed, between the way you have been eating, your previous sickness, and, well ...”
He motioned at her waistline.
Lucia looked down. Her cloak was flung back, and the modifications to her tunic, while not yet being taken advantage of by a bulge, were still quite visible.
Shawn gave an expressive shrug. “But if you do not want it known, you can trust us not to be the ones to speak of it,” he vowed. “We will not tell a soul what we have seen.”
Lucia’s shoulders slumped. There was no cause for her to take out her frustrations on her loyal companion. “I am sorry,” she sighed. “I am just on edge from the fighting. I would appreciate it if you kept this to yourself, at least for now.”
Shawn nodded, his eyes somber. He slipped back into the woods, and Lucia winced as he bent his head to Marcus and spoke to him in low murmurs.
This is how it would begin.
She sighed as she leaned over to retrieve her bow and quiver. If the two men had noticed, others would not be far behind. Soon the whole castle would be whispering about her. About her and Ian’s bastard she carried within her.
She remembered the fury in Stephen’s eyes when the soldiers had come to retriev
e Ian’s body. How would he look on her, when he realized that Ian’s son now grew within her womb?
She wrapped her arms defensively around her abdomen.
She had to get away.
She strode over to where Troy was tied, and quickly mounted him. She urged him into a canter, and soon they were traveling the road she had come by only this morning. She occasionally passed discarded weapons and injured men, but already the way was clear and the women tending to the hurt.
Jubilation was all around her; the fight had been won. Only one key battle now remained - that of her own lands back north. With the southern areas clear of danger, a full force would be able to be gathered for that attack. Yes, she imagined the battle could be difficult, but she was sure her side would prevail.
They had no need for one extra woman.
Especially a woman who might not be ready when she was needed. A woman whose inattention could lead to a disastrous rout.
Exhaustion swept over her. It was nearly impossible to think. She needed time to evaluate her choices, to figure out what she should do. She could not stay in Penrith; that was not an option. She had no home to return to, either.
There must be another way.
She thought of her times out on patrol, how much she had enjoyed the peaceful serenity of the forest. Her mind latched onto this solution. She would simply go on her own for a month or two. She would be out of the way of the battle, and have the peace she needed to work on a solution.
She planned out the idea as she rode. Once she got word that her home was regained, she would move back to Michael’s side, quietly, to be with him for her final months of pregnancy. But could she stay there, an unmarried mother, once the child was born? Surely it would prove a hard life for the young child …
Her eyes lit up. She would talk with her brother about living in one of the more remote, northern outposts. The villagers there would accept her without question. Enough families had been shattered by the bandits to make that easy. She would be able to raise her child in peace and quiet, without shame.
Lucia fingered the smooth ring which rested in her pocket. Perhaps Stephen did care ... but he had stayed away from her since their return to Penrith.
She shook her head, her thoughts a flock of blackbirds scattering at a sudden noise. Who had stayed away from whom? Nothing seemed to make sense to her any more.
Had she stayed away from him? She hadn’t really given him any chance to spend time with her. Had she wanted him to take extraordinary steps to reach her, like a princess in a tower?
Lucia took in a deep breath, then let it out. She supposed it didn’t matter at this point. She no longer had the luxury of waiting to see. To stay with the forces would put them into more danger; she could not do that. With time running out, Lucia couldn’t trust that Stephen would admit his love, freely, before she felt obligated to leave. She would never pressure him into making this decision.
She rode a while longer, lost in thought. The more she considered it, the more correct her action seemed. She would get clear of the fighting, get clear of Penrith. If nothing else, having time on her own would let her figure out what to do with her life.
After some time, she approached a larger group of soldiers. She saw Michael off to one side, and sighed at the thought of being separated from him for another few months. It would be easier not to tell him, she decided. If he knew of her plans, he would talk her into remaining behind at Penrith while the forces went ahead to Keilder. That was the last thing she wanted to do. Her only other alternative was to go with the forces, where she knew she would be in the way.
Lucia tried to smile as he spotted her, rode up to her, and embraced her heartily.
Michael’s voice was rich with satisfaction. “The day was a success,” he assured her. “All of our plans came together with precision, and we had a minimum of losses. We are going to push on toward Keilder first thing tomorrow morning, to maintain our momentum. Stephen is back at the keep already, spreading the news.”
Michael nudged Lucia with his arm, his high energy shining in his eyes. “I hear he is also going to make an announcement, one that you’ll be quite interested in. Something special. Come on, we are heading out there ourselves.” He kicked his horse, wheeled it around, and headed down the road toward the keep. The soldiers thundered with him
Lucia looked after him with her mouth open in surprise. Her whole being flooded with joy and anticipation. Wonderful news? Perhaps her days of worrying had been for nothing! Of course Stephen hadn’t wanted to interrupt the mourning period with a new relationship. It would have been disrespectful for him to court her openly so soon after having broken the engagement with Anna. No wonder Stephen had stayed away from her. He was acting with the utmost of honor while they were still at Penrith.
Her heart sang. Now that the battle was over, and the mourning period for Ian was over, she and Stephen could renew their bonds. They would leave Penrith tomorrow and be side by side on the road again, just as before. Soon they would be back in her homelands. Stephen would be free to spend time with her as often as he chose.
She had been childish to want him to hurt Anna’s reputation and the sensibilities of Ian’s family. It would have been selfish for them to openly demonstrate their love during the past few weeks.
Lucia was in the courtyard before she realized it. Troy’s hooves clattered on the cobblestones as she dismounted and ran up the stairs. She paused in the archway leading into the main hall. Her eyes quickly took in the clamor of servants busily preparing a victory feast. To one side she saw Stephen and Michael talking with Lord Edmund. She paused for a moment and gazed at him with happiness, wondering how she could have been so disturbed over a mere few weeks of separation. Stephen felt her attention, and turned with a wide smile on his face.
“Lucia! We have won! We have won!” he called triumphantly, and then suddenly he strode over to hold her against him, resting his head on top of hers. Lucia embraced him tightly in return, almost crying in relief. It seemed like years since they had ridden together, spoken together. She sighed contentedly in his arms, the stress of the weeks’ efforts melting away.
After a moment, he broke the embrace and held her out from him. “The dinner will be in a few hours, and there will be a wonderful announcement. I hope you will be happy with -”
He took in the weary lines in her face, and his brow drew close in concern. He brushed the hair gently from her cheek. “I am being selfish; there will be enough time for talk later. You need to go up and rest.”
Michael’s voice rang out in the hall. “Stephen, over here!” Stephen glanced up at once, then gave Lucia a tender hug. “Go now, rest,” he insisted, then turned to trot quickly in Michael’s direction.
Lucia’s heart sank as he left her so brusquely. She shook the feeling off with deliberate effort. The battle had barely been finished; there were still important loose ends for him to finalize. He was right – her part was at last complete. She should rest and clean off the dirt of battle.
She moved up the stairs, and down the hallway to push open her door.
It was as if Ian’s presence was there with her, his breath hot on her neck, his arms reaching for her, and waves of panic drove her to her knees. She drew in long, shaky breaths, desperately drawing herself together.
What was going on?
After several long moments the feeling passed, and she was able to stand, to push her door shut, and look around the room again. It was as it had always been. The white curtains fluttered at the window. The lamp sat, dark, on the table by her bed.
She ran a trembling hand through her hair. She was struggling on an emotional see-saw, with feelings barely within her control. Maybe the baby being inside her was affecting her?
She made herself breathe more slowly and struggled to rein in her racing thoughts. She had always prided herself on her logic, on maintaining a close rein on her fiery temper. It seemed to her that her grip on her emotions was now tenuous at best.
She thought again of Stephen waiting for her below, and she focused on that with all her might. As long as Stephen was there beside her, she could get through anything.
Determined, she moved into the adjacent room. The bathwater was waiting, but Ellie was nowhere in sight. She stripped off her clothes and eased into the scented water. After the chaos of the morning, it was nice to see the gentle, evening light spilling over the tiles, and to watch the fire crackle under the mantelpiece. She drifted in and out of sleep, dreaming of her future with Stephen and their child.
After a while Lucia shook herself awake, and dried herself off. She donned a loose dress of white muslin and lace, with gold trimming draped from her waist and around her neckline.
There was a sound at the door, and Ellie peered around its edge, smiling in delight as she took in the sight before her.
“Why Lucia, you are positively glowing!” she cried happily.
Lucia simply nodded in response, and sat by the window, slowing brushing her hair until it gleamed. She had worn it braided throughout the long travel to and from the coast. It had been braided each day as she engaged in her archery work.
Tonight she would leave it loose.
Soon it was time for dinner. Lucia stomach roiled with nervous energy. She wondered just what would be announced in front of the group. Would Stephen tell his foster family that he was planning on staying with the Keilders even after the battle was through? Would he go a step further, and let them know how he felt about Lucia? She thought back through her life, and it seemed that every twist and turn had somehow brought her to this point. The heartache and suffering was worth it, if it led to her and Stephen being together. That was all that really mattered. She could not believe how happy she was.
Lucia entered the dining hall with uncertainty. She had not been in the room for a meal for several weeks, and she worried at the reception she might receive. It appeared that time had healed their wounds, however. Courtiers looked at her with a smile, and several approached her to offer thanks for the role she had played in the victory. Even Lord Edmund made a special effort to greet her, and guide her back to sit by his side.