by Chant, Zoe
As Hal went on describing how loving and cozy his family was, Ellie couldn’t help comparing it to hers, with her parents who hated each other, her bitter mother, the father whom she barely knew, and the brother she loved and hardly saw.
And this is why none of my relationships ever work out, Ellie thought. It’s not just my schedule. It’s because once I tell guys about my background, they decide I’m too damaged to have a relationship. Maybe they’re right. Why would a guy like Hal ever want to be with a woman like me?
Hal broke off abruptly. “I’m sorry. I’m being a complete asshole.”
“What?” She was bewildered. “What are you talking about?”
“All that stuff about how great my family is.” He let out a long breath. For the first time, she saw his usual calm break into anger. “I mean, everything I said is true. It’s just not the whole truth. They are nice. They also want a lot of stuff from me that I’ve never been able to give, and they’ve pressured me to be someone I’m not for my entire life.”
“Who do they want you to be?” Ellie asked, barely stopping herself from blurting out, “But you’re perfect.”
“A small-town man leading a small-town life. They want me to live quietly in a cabin with a wife and a bunch of kids, and never use a gun for anything but hunting. Ellie, I was a kid like you and Ethan, and my entire family lost their shit every time I took a risk or broke a rule. I couldn’t stand it. I ran away when I was seventeen and enlisted in the Navy.” He squeezed her shoulder. “So don’t feel like you’re the only one with the messed-up family. Join the club.”
She was surprised and touched by his story... and that he’d confide her. “Do they still get on your case now?”
Hal nodded, then gave a wry smile. “My parents were on the phone this morning, telling me to move to the country and have lots of babies.”
“Do you even have a girlfriend?” Ellie spoke without thinking, then instantly blushed. “Sorry. That’s none of my business.”
Hal’s hazel eyes focused on hers, and she forgot her embarrassment as she gazed into them. Their rich brown-green reminded her of a forest. All those colors. She could get lost in them. “No. No girlfriend.”
In the silence that fell, she became acutely sensitive to how close together they were sitting. His hand was still on her shoulder. All he’d need to do to kiss her was lower his head a little. She could imagine the press of his warm lips against hers, imagine the scratchiness of his stubble.
He stood up abruptly. “I know you’re tired. I’ll show you the spare bedroom.”
She stood as well, irritated at herself for her own imaginings. Just because Hal didn’t have a girlfriend didn’t mean he was into her. He was just a sweet, considerate, sexy guy who would make some future girlfriend deliriously happy.
Some future girlfriend who wasn’t her. That future girlfriend had all the luck. Ellie hated her already.
Oblivious to her ill-wishes against his non-existent girlfriend, Hal showed her the bathroom, and gave her a spare toothbrush and one of his own shirts to sleep in. She brushed her teeth and took a shower, then put on Hal’s shirt. Ellie was a big woman, but it fell to her knees.
It was a black-and-red checked flannel shirt, buttoned down the front. She rubbed the hem between her fingers. It was soft, well-worn, and though it was clean, it had a very faint, lingering scent that she knew had to belong to Hal. Wearing it made her feel cozy yet lonely, as if she was both close to Hal and reminded of how far away he really was.
When she got out of the bathroom, he said, “If your apartment isn’t safe to return to by the time you wake up, I’ll have my team pack up some of your clothes and bring them. Now get some rest.”
“Do I get a cappuccino in the morning?” she asked playfully.
“Absolutely,” he promised. “I’ll even make a fancy pattern on the top with chocolate shavings, how’s that sound?”
“Sounds like something to look forward to. Good night—” Ellie realized that it was still barely afternoon. “I mean—”
Hal smiled. “Good night, Ellie.”
“Good night, Hal.”
Ellie closed the door of the guest bedroom and flopped down on the bed, too tired at first to even turn off the light. She lay on her back and looked around the room. Like the rest of Hal’s apartment, it was cozy. The mattress was firm but not too firm, the pillows soft but not too soft.
This bed is too big, she thought with a grin. This bed is too small.
As she reached out and clicked off the light, her last thought before she sank into a dreamless sleep was, But this bed is juuuust right...
***
Ellie lay helpless in an alley. She tried to get up, but her limbs wouldn’t move. She couldn’t feel the ground beneath her back.
Paralysis, she thought. Nerve damage. Spinal injury.
Nagle stood over her, looking down with eyes as cold as a winter frost. “You can still back out. Promise not to testify, and I’ll let you live.”
Terrified, she tried to agree. Part of her hated herself for her own cowardice, but another part was desperate to live. But her lips wouldn’t open. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn’t speak.
Nagle snapped his fingers at the hit man. “Kill her. Oh, and kill her bodyguard, too.”
She couldn’t turn her head, but she could move her eyes to follow Nagle’s gesture. To her horror, she saw Hal sprawled beside her. He’d been shot. Blood drenched his shirt and jeans. He was lying in a pool of it, shiny and black under the harsh white streetlights. His eyes were closed.
But he was still alive. She could hear his breathing, fast and shallow. His skin was sweaty and pale beneath the tan.
Hypovolemic shock, Ellie thought. Apply direct pressure to stop the bleeding, stabilize cervical spine, give oxygen, start an IV, and transport immediately.
She struggled to get up, to get to him, to throw herself across his body to protect him. But she couldn’t move.
His eyes fluttered open. “Ellie? Help me...”
She couldn’t move.
Hal was going to die, and she couldn’t help him.
It was all her fault.
Her fault.
Her fault...
Ellie sat bolt upright in bed, gasping, her heart pounding. It was pitch black. She didn’t know where she was.
Hal is dying—!
Then she felt the firm but not too firm mattress beneath her, and remembered.
It was just a dream, she told herself.
But her heart kept on slamming against her ribcage like it was trying to break out. She couldn’t get that picture out of her head, of Hal lying there in a pool of blood. She’d treated enough people for gunshot wounds that her treacherous imagination had made every detail absolutely realistic.
The memory of the dream was so vivid, Ellie could practically hear his pained breathing. If she hadn’t been paralyzed, she could have reached out and touched his face. She knew what his skin would feel like, clammy with shock and slippery from sweat.
Her vision adjusted to the dark, allowing her to see the dim rectangle of the door. She swung her feet over the side of the bed, determined to see for herself that Hal was all right. It was the middle of the night, so he was probably asleep. The apartment was silent. But she knew she’d never be able to get back to sleep without checking on him.
She’d just peek into his bedroom— like a creepy stalker, the sane part of her mind informed her— and listen till she heard him breathing. Then she’d go back to bed. Once she got the idea, she couldn’t wait to carry it out. She dashed forward, her bare feet silent on the plush carpet, and threw the door open.
It slammed into something solid. She stared at the shape of a huge man lying on the floor, then realized that it was Hal. He let out a grunt of pain as he sprang to his feet, far more quickly than she’d ever seen a man of his size move.
“Ellie!” Hal exclaimed. She could only see him in silhouette, but his tall form bent toward her, every line of his body
expressing concern. “Are you all right?”
“Sorry,” Ellie said. “I’m fine. Are you all right?”
Hal gave a rumbling chuckle. “I’m fine. Are you sure you are?”
“Yes!” She was too embarrassed to say, I had a nightmare. Or, worse, I dreamed that you were dying, and it was the worst nightmare I’ve ever had.
She’d only just met him. It made no sense for her to feel so attached to him, or to feel such tremendous relief to see him alive and well. And it would be hugely awkward if she let him see how she felt, when all she was to him was a job.
He flicked on the light switch and stepped aside so she could pass him. She blinked in the bright light, rubbed her eyes, and started to walk past him. Then she stopped and looked back.
Hal stood barefoot on the hallway’s hardwood floor, fully dressed and holding a gun. His brown hair was tousled into a bedhead that made her long to smooth it back. He’d obviously been asleep...
...but not in bed. She’d slammed the door into him because he’d been lying on the floor.
She was unable to completely believe her own memory. “Were you sleeping on the floor here?”
Hal ducked his head. “Um...”
“Why?”
“I’m your bodyguard.”
“Yeah, but...” Ellie looked again at the hardwood floor. “Not even a pillow?”
“Well...”
“Is that normal procedure? Sleeping on the floor outside your client’s bedroom, fully dressed with a gun in your hand?”
A pink flush crept along Hal’s cheekbones. “No.”
The lingering fear and horror of her nightmare faded, replaced by curiosity, even amusement. Hal looked so deeply embarrassed. And there was something simultaneously hilarious and adorable about an enormous tough guy like him blushing. “Then why were you doing it?”
He squared his shoulders as if he was about to charge some terrifying enemy. Then, unexpectedly, he replied, “Let’s make a deal. I’ll tell you why I was sleeping on the floor if you tell me why you bolted out of the room like that.”
She hesitated. “You go first.”
Hal’s steadfast hazel gaze never left her face as he said, “I know my home is secure. But I couldn’t relax. I kept imagining someone hurting you. So I got my gun and stood outside your room. But then I realized that if I was sleep-deprived, I’d be damaging my own ability to protect you tomorrow. So I lay down on the floor with my back against the door, to make sure that anyone who tried to get to you would have to go through me first.”
Ellie was both touched and amazed. “Do you always do that?”
“Never. Just for you. Ellie, you’re... You’re special.” He fell silent, gazing deep into her eyes. His right hand clenched over the pistol grip, and he pulled his left forearm against his chest, as if he was stopping himself to doing something with it.
You’re special.
Her heart began to pound as hard as it had when she’d woken up from her nightmare, but with excitement and arousal rather than fear. She knew that Hal was standing like that, all his muscles tense, because he was holding himself back.
And she knew what he was holding himself back from. All the uncertainty of the night before vanished like smoke in a wind. Ellie knew that Hal wanted to touch her as much as she wanted to touch him. But just as she knew that, she also knew that he wasn’t sure she felt the same way.
“Want to know why I opened the door?” She couldn’t quite catch her breath. Her voice wavered.
“Yes.” Hal’s voice came out in a low growl that sent a bolt of desire straight to her heart. And also lower down.
“I dreamed that you’d been shot.” Her voice was shaking again. “You were dying. You asked me to help you, but I couldn’t.”
“Oh, Ellie.” Hal replaced his gun in his holster, then enfolded her in his strong arms, pulling her tight into his body. She leaned against him, listening to the thud of his heartbeat. She could feel his body heat, and hear every breath he took. “It was just a dream. I’m fine. I protect you. Don’t worry about me.”
“I know it was a dream,” Ellie muttered into his shoulder. “But it felt so real. I had to see for myself that you were all right. I was going to sneak into your bedroom and listen to you breathe, like a creepy stalker.”
Hal burst out laughing. At first she was hotly embarrassed. Then his deep, infectious laughter made her realize how absurd she’d sounded, and she laughed as well.
“You can stalk me any time,” Hal said.
She took a deep breath and looked into his eyes. “Even into your bedroom?”
“Especially into my bedroom.”
Look, but don’t touch, Ellie’s cautious side warned her. But she and Hal were already touching.
Too late, she thought.
As if he had read her mind, he said, “If you want to say no, say no.”
“I’m saying yes.” Ellie tilted her head back, presenting her lips for a kiss.
Her entire body seemed to melt from the heat of his mouth. Dizzy, she clung to him, molding her softness against his hard solidity. He stroked her shoulders, her back, her sides as they kissed. She slipped her hands under his shirt, exploring the angles of his bone, the firmness of his muscle, the silky smoothness of his skin.
This close, she could smell his masculine scent, and it made her feel wild and desperate. She kissed harder and wriggled against him, as if she could merge her body with his. She felt the huge, hard rod of his erection, and she rubbed herself against it, drawing a rumbling groan from him. She loved knowing how much she could affect him, and rubbed against him again. A bolt of desire went through her at the friction. He gasped, and so did she.
With another groan that was almost a growl, Hal snatched her up into his arms. Ellie yelped, startled.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Hal said. “Do you want me to put you down?”
“No, I was just surprised.” She reclined in his arms, letting her head fall back against his shoulder. “No one’s ever lifted me before. I thought I was too heavy.”
“You’re not too heavy,” Hal replied, striding toward his bedroom. “Or too light.” He bent to kiss her. “You’re just...” Another kiss. “Exactly...” And another. “Right!”
She giggled, remembering her sleepy thoughts about the too big/too small/just right bed.
He kicked open the door and took her into his bedroom. To her total lack of surprise, it had more bookcases, plus a teetering stack on the bedside table. There was no light that she could see, but the room was filled with a dim white light, like moonlight.
Then she looked up. There was a huge skylight, showing the night sky and a three-quarters moon. The bedroom was lit by moonlight.
“I love the skylight,” Ellie said.
“So do I,” Hal said. “It makes me feel almost like I’m out in the woods. We could make love there for real some day.”
Ellie tried to conceal her surprise. It wasn’t at “make love” instead of “have sex.” She’d guessed before that Hal was an old-school romantic. It was at the “some day.” He was already thinking of this as a relationship, not as an ill-advised one-night stand. Ellie didn’t know whether to be delighted or unnerved. How heartbroken was he going to be if this relationship lasted all of one week?
How heartbroken was she going to be?
Then he laid her down on his enormous bed and kissed her, and she tipped over into delight. She wanted to kiss him forever. Or at least as long as she could. Even one week would be better than one night.
Even one night would be better than never.
It was impossible— they’d only known each other for one night— but a feeling swelled up in Ellie’s heart at the touch of his lips, a feeling hot and warm, passionate and tender, possessive and protective.
She couldn’t call it anything but love.
It was crazy. But it was true.
Oh, well, she thought. Hal called it: I’m a risk-taker.
I hope he is too.
He straigh
tened up, took off his holster, and put it on the bedside table. Then he stripped off his clothes and stood naked in the moonlight. Ellie lay back and relished the sight of him. As impressive as he was clothed, he was magnificent in the nude.
His rock-hard erection was the biggest she’d ever seen, but it was perfectly proportioned to his height and burly build. He looked like some heroic statue made to larger-than-life scale. She let her gaze travel over his perfectly sculpted six-pack, the elegant hollows over his pelvis, and his heavily muscled shoulders and chest.
His tousled hair and eyes looked black in the moonlight. But despite the lack of color, she could easily read his expression. He was looking at her not only with lust, but with tenderness. Maybe even with love.
She might be a risk-taker, but she didn’t dare to ask.
Instead, she said, “You look great. You should be naked all the time.”
Hal let out a rumbling laugh. “I want to see you naked now. Fair’s fair.”
She loved how eager he sounded. It was flattering... and a huge turn on.
“Go ahead,” she said. “Take off my shirt.”
She expected him to pull it off, but instead he bent down and began undoing the tiny buttons, one by one. His huge fingers worked with surprising delicacy, brushing against her uncovered skin as each button came free. Ellie didn’t know if he was doing it like that to tease her or himself, but she lay there and positively ached with desire.
Finally, the shirt was off, and her own nude body was exposed to his view. His gaze traveled over it, so hungry that she could almost feel it on her skin. She loved seeing him look at her. It made her feel like the most beautiful and sexy woman in the world.
“You’re so gorgeous,” he said. “You have the most incredible body I’ve ever seen. I can’t believe I didn’t just rip that shirt off you!”
Ellie grinned, but her amusement melted into desire as he knelt over her. She could feel the heat coming off his body, and smell his personal scent. She reached up and tangled her fingers in his silky hair.