by Amy Lillard
“Did you plan it?” Mabel Ebersol asked.
“What?” Nadine had barely gotten a drink before Mabel sidled up.
“His shirt and your dress. Did you plan it?”
Nadine sighed. “It’s a complete coincidence. Not sure how it happened.” Lord, please forgive me the lie. Amen.
“Well, I think it’s . . . sweet.”
Nadine couldn’t tell if she meant the words or they were a cover for her real feelings. Hadn’t she just had pie with Amos a couple of days ago? Had the potential for romance already turned sour?
And what did she care? She didn’t. In fact, she didn’t care so much she was leaving.
She turned to do just that, but stopped when she heard someone call her name. Amos. So close. She had almost made it.
“Jah?” She spun to face him.
“Pretty dress.” He grinned at her. Had the nerve to actually smile right in her face.
“Did you know about this?” she demanded.
“Why are you so upset?” he asked.
“This looks like a little more than fishing buddies,” Aubie Hershberger commented as he buzzed by.
“Hush, Aubie,” Nadine said.
The man didn’t stop, didn’t even turn around.
Nadine sighed. “This is why.” She swept an arm around the room. “Now everyone here thinks we’re dating.”
Amos ground his teeth together and pulled her out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. She opened her mouth to protest, but he cut her off.
“Everyone here has believed that we have been dating for two months. What’s the big deal tonight?”
“But—” She wanted to protest, but there was nothing she could say. He was right. Again. As usual.
“And I’ll tell you something else,” he continued. “People are going to believe what they are going to believe, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
And again.
“What are you doing in there?” She gestured vaguely toward the dining room. She was all too aware that everyone outside the door was wondering what they were talking about. Or doing ... The idea made her cheeks heat.
It took him a moment to answer. He seemed almost confused. “Decorating cookies. That’s the activity tonight.”
“And you just couldn’t not participate. Not only that, you have to make sure your cookie looks like it came from one of those fancy, fancy Englisch bakeries.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” For a moment, she considered the possibility that he might be telling the truth. Then she pushed the idea aside. He knew what he was doing.
“I find that very hard to believe. And in that shirt.”
“That’s the real problem, huh? That Charlotte made us clothes out of the same material. Did you ever stop to think that maybe she liked the color?”
“No. She set this up to try and make us friends again.”
“We’re not friends?”
Nadine held back a sigh. “She saw you in Kauffman’s Saturday.”
“Jah?”
“With Mabel.”
“I see.”
“Jah, well, then the shirt and now everyone believes—” She bit off the last words. There was no way she was saying them out loud, to him.
“Answer me this,” he said. “Are you more concerned because everyone here thinks we’re dating again or because they are going to find out that we really aren’t?”
She stared at him for one moment, then turned on one foot and marched out the door.
* * *
Amos didn’t think he would ever forget the look on Nadine’s face when he’d asked her if she was afraid that folks would find out that they really weren’t dating. Stricken. He was pretty sure that’s what it was called. She’d looked scared, crushed, ready to run, and stuck in place all at the same time.
He shouldn’t have said anything. She’d walked into the meeting, and he had been in the middle of the silly cookie-decorating contest. She had been wearing that dress, the same color as the new shirt Charlotte had made for him to replace the one her puppy had ruined with paint, and he knew that Charlotte was trying to tell them something.
He wanted to listen. He wanted to see how they were two parts of a whole. He actually believed it with all his heart. And he had done everything in his power to convince Nadine of that very same thing. And yet in the end, he knew it was time to give up that dream. It was never going to become a reality. And on the way he was going to end up with a broken heart. They couldn’t be friends, she didn’t want to be more, so he had to get out while he still could.
And then the dress. Jah, he’d known straight away that Charlotte had been responsible, but he couldn’t help feeling like it was another sign. That God was telling him that he was giving up too soon. There was more to be found, to be had. He just needed to be patient.
Then when he talked to her. It was the same old Nadine—inflexible, stubborn, and rigid. Okay, so all three things meant the same thing. The point was she was triply more bullheaded than anyone he had ever known. Or . . . something like that.
“Amos?” Someone knocked on the bathroom door, and a woman called his name.
“Jah?”
“Are you okay? Cleon said you were in there with Nadine, but I just saw her leave. She didn’t look very happy.” Martha. Of course she would come check on him. It was her house, after all.
“Fine.”
“You won the first round. They’re holding the second round for you.”
Of course they were, and he would have to come out and explain to everyone why he couldn’t finish. Or didn’t want to. And if he didn’t lie, that would lead to more questions that he didn’t want to answer.
“Coming. I just need to—” He coughed and turned on the water. Like he told Nadine, everyone was going to believe what they were going to believe. The only thing he could control was how he reacted to it. And tonight he was going to be as cool as a cucumber. Just as soon as his ears returned to their normal color.
* * *
The prize for the cookie-decorating contest was a ten-dollar gift card to Esther’s Bakery. Since Amos won, he promised the group that he would use it for snacks for next week’s meeting. It was the least he could do. Especially after Nadine’s comment about him and decorating the cookies and always having to be better. Or whatever it was she’d said. He might not remember the exact words, but he remembered the tone. Chastising.
He didn’t have to be better than everyone. He just did things his way. And he gave one hundred percent to everything he did, whether it was planting flowers or painting a picture in class with Lorie Calhoun. Things just seemed to come together for him. He’d always said it was God working through him. He didn’t know why. This was a talent he hadn’t asked for, but he was bound to use it. So why did it upset her so?
But now that it was over, he just wanted to go home and get some rest.
And decide if he was going to puzzle night on Wednesday. He wanted to. He had fun with Nadine and her family. He loved them all. And he loved spending time with them. He’d been missing the interaction with people since he had retired. He was no longer out and about as much. Maybe that’s why he had gone traveling for so long. He needed to be around people. But he couldn’t use them for his own gain.
The thought perplexed him. What was he to do?
He really didn’t need to answer that, he knew. If Nadine didn’t want him around—and apparently she didn’t—then he wouldn’t be around. Her coming in tonight in the same color dress wasn’t a sign at all. She was right; it was Charlotte trying to make something where there wasn’t anything. At least not on Nadine’s side.
He must have simply misread what God wanted from him. God was never wrong, but Amos could be. Or maybe he just read into the message what he wanted to hear. He had taken one look at Nadine Burkhart, and he had fallen straight in love. There was no way around that. But there was nothing he could do about it, no way to act on it. It was simply a fact that he had to deal with
.
Amos switched off his tractor, only then realizing that he had been sitting in his yard with the motor idling while he muddled through life’s problems. All he was doing was making himself sad and wasting gas.
He swung down and sighed. He looked at his trailer with its new porch and reattached skirting. The inside was kept clean and neat. He had no issues with sweeping and dusting or doing the dishes. But it was empty. There was no one waiting for him when he got home.
He supposed he could get a dog, but after seeing all the problems Nadine and Charlotte had had with their new addition, he wasn’t sure he was up for it. So that meant his house would remain empty and lonely unless he found someone to marry.
Not love.
Just marry.
He had found someone to love, and she didn’t love him back. His love was deep and true, but it was not returned.
But the kicker of it all? He didn’t think he would ever find a love like that again. If he wanted to marry, it would have to be for the marriage. Not love.
Maybe Nadine was right after all.
Chapter Eighteen
“That’s the third time you’ve gone to look outside,” Charlotte said just after five on Wednesday night. Puzzle night. “What are you looking for?”
“Nothing,” she mumbled and moved away from the window. But that was a lie. She was looking for Amos. She hadn’t talked to him since Monday night and she felt a little bad leaving things between them as she had. She hadn’t seen him since then, and she supposed that finally he had understood what she was talking about, what she wanted.
But if it was what she wanted, why did it all feel wrong?
“Are Buddy and Jenna doing okay?” Charlotte asked.
Puzzle night had been postponed. Buddy and Jenna had come over early to work with Goldie and try to teach her some manners. Nadine knew that wasn’t the proper way to refer to the training, but the point was the same. Goldie was destructive and ill behaved. According to them, she was merely a puppy with too much energy and not enough training.
“I think so.” Nadine peeked out the window again, this time on the pretense of checking on Jenna and Buddy and not looking to see if Amos might be chugging down the drive. “It looks like they have taught her to sit and to bring the ball back when you throw it. She won’t let them have it, but at least she brings it back.”
Charlotte smiled like a proud mother. “That’s good, jah? That sounds like a lot for one afternoon. Goldie is smart. I told you.”
Nadine nodded. As far as she could see, Goldie wasn’t any smarter than other dogs, but if Charlotte needed to be proud of her pet, who was Nadine to say otherwise?
Nadine looked out the window, just once more to see if anyone was coming down the drive. No one.
“He’s not coming you know.” Charlotte looked up at Nadine over the top of her reading glasses. She was sitting at the table, working on the puzzle that everyone seemed to have forgotten.
“I know.” But an old woman could still have hope, jah? She looked back to Charlotte, but her daughter-in-law had returned her attention to the puzzle.
“It’s just going to be the four of us.”
Abbie and Titus had sent word with Buddy and Jenna that they couldn’t make it. There was some exotic animal show in Tulsa and they had gone over to look at the camels. That meant Priscilla and Emmanuel had twin duty. They had been planning on coming and bringing the girls with them, but this afternoon, Nancy had come down with a stomach bug that had them all staying close to home. Nadine figured that if Nancy had it, it wouldn’t be long before Carrie got it as well. It had always been that way with her children. If one got something, they all came down with it within the week.
Nadine smiled a little to herself, somewhat nostalgic over those days gone by. At the time, they had been hard living. She’d had a houseful of kids with the mumps one year, and chicken pox the next. With all that, she’d kept her house, maintained her laundry, and made sure everyone was fed and not scratching the blisters until they bled. At the time, she had felt harried and overworked. She remembered stopping during the day to ask God for patience, wisdom, and energy. Somehow, she had made it through, and she looked back on those times with a touch of sadness that they were gone.
Now she was in a different part of her life. She wouldn’t be wiping dirty noses or washing laundry for six, four children and two adults, but she was—
What was she?
She was ...
“I saw a flyer today at the post office for this street fair thing in Tulsa next week. I thought you might like to know about it.” Charlotte pushed up from the table and started rummaging through her purse. “I took a copy so I could show you. Here it is.” She held up the colorful piece of paper triumphantly, then handed it to Nadine.
Mayfest.
According to the piece of paper, it was an international art festival with music, food, and crafts from local artists around the area.
“Why would an old Amish woman want to know about this?” she asked.
Charlotte gave a sly little shrug. “It looks like something Amos would enjoy.”
“Two things,” Nadine said, handing the flyer back to Charlotte. “Amos and I aren’t anything more than friends, and right now we aren’t even talking to each other.”
Charlotte looked crestfallen. “Oh, no. Why?”
“I’m glad you asked; that’s another thing I’ve been meaning to talk to you about. What came over you that you thought it would be a good idea to make me and Amos matching clothes?”
Charlotte opened her mouth to answer, but Nadine interrupted. “And don’t tell me that you loved the fabric, because I’m not believing that for a second.”
“I did really like the fabric,” Charlotte grumbled.
“But—” Nadine rolled one hand in the air as if to tell her to keep going.
“I thought it might help bring you together.”
Nadine sighed. “Why would that—” She stopped. “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. But I will tell you that if you thought you were going to make things better between us, you only made them worse.”
“I was only trying to help.”
“Just like bringing me that flyer. How does it help?”
Charlotte drew in a deep breath and let it out with a heaving, exasperated sigh. “Okay, here’s the deal. You have been going around here telling me how there’s nothing between the two of you. But I see how he looks at you, like you are the one God made only for him. Do you know how special that is? I would do anything for a love like that. I pray every night that a man to cherish me and care for me is part of His will in my life. And you just want to toss it away.” She shook her head. “Are you so arrogant that love means nothing to you?”
Nadine couldn’t answer; she was literally speechless.
“Then the minute he stops coming ’round, you mope and grumble at everyone, check the window every few seconds. See! You just did it again.”
Nadine hadn’t even been aware that she was looking out the window. She was listening to Charlotte, shocked by her words. Her gaze had wandered over to the window all on its own.
“Are you even listening to what I’m saying?”
“Jah.” But her voice sounded choked, like she had just come off a bad cold.
“Amos is a good man and he wants to take care of you. What I don’t understand is why you won’t let him.”
* * *
Nadine barely remembered what happened after that. Jenna and Buddy had come in, and Goldie had flopped down to sleep, worn out by the exercise. Then they had worked on the puzzle, but Nadine’s mind had been on the flyer and Amos and all the things that Charlotte had said. It was a strange combination, but she knew what she had to do.
She had to give Amos a real chance at romance. He cared for her so much, confessed his love and all. She hadn’t thought it fair that she marry him without loving him in return. But, up until now, she hadn’t allowed herself the chance to love him. She had cut him off, saying that true
love only happened once in a lifetime, and her once had already happened.
Was she really being arrogant? She had never thought about it before, but she supposed it was possible. And over the last few weeks, she had started to take Amos for granted, that he would always be there. Yet almost certainly, one day he would grow tired of being rebuffed, and he would quit trying to court her, maybe even trying to be her friend. The thought was staggering. She couldn’t allow that. She would miss him. She had gotten used to having him around, and even though everything he touched came out perfect, she had fun with him. Eating pie, fishing, picnicking in the park. If he gave up on her, she would have none of that. The thought was heartbreaking. She couldn’t allow that to happen.
“Can I see that flyer again?” Nadine asked over breakfast the following morning. Her plan had been to get up early and make Charlotte breakfast. Her daughter-in-law was such an early riser that their first meal usually fell to her, and Nadine wanted to make it up to her, but despite her plans Charlotte was already up and at the stove when she came downstairs.
Charlotte gave her a strange look, but Nadine wasn’t about to pick it apart. It was only a look, maybe triumphant and self-satisfied, but she supposed Charlotte deserved those emotions. She had seen everything when Nadine herself had missed it all.
Her daughter-in-law pushed back from the table and went in search of the flyer. She brought it back to the table and handed it to Nadine.
She studied it. “You really think Amos would like to go to this?”
Charlotte nodded and went back to eating. “I do. He’s more into things like art and expression. More than any man I know—Amish or otherwise. It says there is food and music.”
Nadine shot her a look.
“If nothing else it might be fun to look at all the crazy things Englischers wear.”
“I suppose.”
“But the lady at the post office told me that you can buy the things too. Like paintings to hang on the wall and pottery. I think that would be fun to look at.”