Reality came screaming down on Scott, sucker punching him in the gut and stealing his breath.
“Oh shit.”
A woman two seats over looked up and frowned at his curse.
Ignoring her, Scott stood and began pacing the waiting room.
Scott had done the exact same thing to Phin.
He ran trembling hands over his face.
How hadn’t he seen it?
Dammit!
After spending all this time trying not to be walked all over by men and to stand up for what he believed in, Scott had bulldozed over Phin’s feelings without batting an eye.
Guilt burned in his stomach and up the back of his neck.
Right from the beginning, Phin had given Scott the freedom to be himself. Never once did he force Scott into feeling anything other than exactly how we needed to feel. And rather than return that respect to Phin, Scott had only seen his own side.
Just like Mom.
He’d been so determined to defend his actions online as innocent and trivial, to insist Phin was overreacting. Why hadn’t Scott listened to Phin’s side, thought about it from his point of view? It had to be a shock, seeing his life broadcasted online for entertainment. What had originally been amusing now felt like a horribly insensitive betrayal.
Scott hadn’t intended to hurt Phin with those Facebook posts, but that didn’t mean he hadn’t hurt him. Scott had been so consumed with his own rightness, his own imagined offense, that he hadn’t even listened to Phin. He’d just lumped his kind, understanding, sweet Phin in with the likes of Brent.
You’re such a jerk!
Scott wasn’t being assertive.
He was being just like the self-absorbed people he’d been running away from.
He had to apologize.
Hoping that Phin’s stitches were finished, he asked the receptionist if he could go back. She informed him Phin had been sent to an overnight room on the second floor. Nervous and fearful, Scott hurried upstairs and found the room, then popped his head inside. “Is it safe to come in?”
Phin’s answering chuckle was music to Scott’s ears. “I’m all patched up. Eleven stitches in all.”
Scott entered, and his heart broke at the sight of his big strong Phin on the hospital bed, lying on his side in a blue hospital gown with tiny polka dots. “That’s a lot of stitches.”
“He’s lucky that’s all he needed.” A nurse stood by his bed with a clipboard. “We’ll keep an eye on you tonight to make sure there’s no internal bleeding, though.”
“Internal bleeding?” Scott’s stomach lurched again.
“It’s just a precaution,” she assured him. “The wound only cut into the fatty tissue. It didn’t reach the muscle.”
“Whoever would’ve thought my healthy layer of padding would save my life?” Phin joked.
The nurse smiled. “You’re a lucky man. Two inches to the right and he could’ve killed you.”
Seeing the horror in Scott’s eyes, Phin quickly held out his hand. “Come here, Mouse.”
Fighting his emotions, Scott rushed to his side and took his hand. “How are you?”
“Much better now that you’re here.”
“This is all my fault,” he muttered. “You wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for me.”
Phin ran the back of his hand down Scott’s cheek and jaw, thumb flicking his trembling lower lip. “You’re right, I wouldn’t be here. I’d be all alone with nothing if it weren’t for you. A little bullet wound is nothing compared to what I’d be suffering if you weren’t in my life.”
“I love you, Phin.”
“I love you too, Mouse.”
“Aren’t the two of you just the sweetest thing?” the nurse cooed, surprising them out of the tender moment.
“Yeah, he is,” Scott said, feeling blessed and so in love with the man lying in the bed—his hero—that he didn’t really mind if she’d heard. He wiped his face dry with his free hand, still smiling at Phin. His apology burned on the tip of his tongue, but he would wait until the nurse was gone.
“I’ll be back with your pain meds,” the nurse said, smiling like she’d just watched the ending of a rom-com.
“I thought the EMT gave me some.”
“Do you want them to wear off and feel that bullet wound?” she asked, halfway out the door.
“No!”
Chuckling, she left and returned shortly with a paper cup. Scott poured some water for him and Phin tossed back the pills. When the nurse was satisfied with her patient’s compliance, she headed for the door, promising to check on him in a little while.
Once they were alone, Scott rested his head on Phin’s shoulder and they stayed like that, holding hands. Unable to look into those blue eyes with the guilt weighing him down, Scott whispered. “I’m sorry, Phin. So sorry.”
Phin pulled back, his brows up on his bald forehead. “For what?”
“For last night.” Scott took a deep breath and forced himself to make eye contact. He needed to apologize like a man, take the blame for how thoughtless he’d been. “I was just an all-around ass.”
“I’m not following.”
He gave a self-deprecating sniff. “Of course you’re not, because you’re good and kind, and I’m a selfish jerk. First, I shouldn’t have stormed off, and I’m sorry for that. But when you clammed up on me, it reminded me of how Brent always punished me with the silent treatment.” His voice cracked. “I couldn’t handle it. Not from you.”
“I’m sorry, never meant to treat you like he did. I just didn’t want to say anything I couldn’t take back. I needed to calm down. You know I haven’t been myself since losing Katie—”
Scott was quick to put a finger to his lips. “No, no, don’t apologize. I’m apologizing to you.”
“You are?”
“Yes, I was a total jerk,” Scott admitted. “You didn’t do anything. Yeah, you giving me the silent treatment set off some triggers, but that’s my issue, not yours. You don’t deserve to be judged by the crap Brent did to me. I should’ve tried to understand your side, trusted our love enough to let it work out. Not blame you and act like a self-absorbed child. I’ve been in dozens of relationships where the other guy rules all. I was miserable, but then I turn around and dismiss your feelings, just like they always did to me. I’m so sorry.”
“Mouse, I know you didn’t—”
“No,” he insisted, wiping at the tears on his face. “Don’t let me off the hook. I was a jerk. Thoughtless, just like my mom. You know, I just called her to tell her what happened, and all she could think about was herself. I did the same thing to you! When you were upset about those posts, all I did was defend myself. I was only thinking about me. Yeah, maybe it was innocent at first, me sharing funny stories and stuff. But I should’ve been understanding when you told me how you felt. Can you ever forgive me?”
“Oh, Mouse,” Phin said, drawing him against his good side with one arm. “Of course I forgive you. I know you weren’t trying to hurt me.”
Scott choked on a sob, clinging to Phin. “But I did. And I’m so sorry. Please don’t break up with me.”
“Shh,” he cooed, patting Scott’s back until he ceased trembling. “I’m not going to break up with you. We just had a fight, that’s all. And we worked it out, right?”
Sniffing and wiping at his face, Scott pulled back to look at Phin. He nodded. “Yeah, I guess we did.”
“No guessing, we did work it out,” Phin said. “You should know, I’ll never give you the silent treatment as a punishment, do you hear me?”
Scott nodded.
“But if I’m upset, you gotta give me some time to calm down so we can talk it out without saying things we regret, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” Scott sniffed again, but his heart was calming and his tension easing. “Be patient with me, Phin, okay? I’m trying to figure this all out. How to be confident, get what I want, but I never want that to come at the expense of your feelings. Never.”
He stroked Sc
ott’s cheek, smiling. “I know.”
“And seriously, I gotta stop putting shit on Facebook whenever the hell I want. Look at what happened with Mike. He came for me because I mentioned finding money, and then he shot you. And I’ll have to get a new refrigerator. And I hurt you because I wasn’t thinking. I’m so sorry, Phin.”
“No more sorrys,” Phin insisted. “Fight’s over, okay? I love you.”
“I love you too.”
Scott didn’t know if he’d ever felt so relieved. No wonder he loved Phin as much as he did. There were no messed-up games with ever-changing rules to play. They were open and honest. Genuine. They didn’t keep secrets, twist words, or pretend they didn’t believe something just because the other one found it distasteful. They listened to each other, were understanding, empathetic, and humble. No drama.
They were simply Scott and Phineas, and nothing else.
It was more refreshing than a cool glass of water on a hot day.
Phin smiled at him. “I love you so much, Mouse. I couldn’t sleep last night without you there. It was awful. Will you lay here with me?”
“Right here?” he questioned. “Is there room?”
“Sure.”
It took a little shifting, but since Phin had to lie on his right side anyway, there was just enough room for Scott to cuddle up to Phin’s front.
“Much better,” Phin said, wrapping his arm around him.
“I’m not hurting you?”
Phin squeezed him a little, his voice sounding sleepy. “Nope, not at all.”
Scott studied Phin’s face, soft and dreamy from the pain meds. “So we’re really okay? You’re not mad anymore?”
Phin laughed lightly. “Just don’t put anything else about us on Facebook without letting me know, okay?”
“Can I change my status to ‘in a relationship’?”
“How about to married?”
“What?”
Those blue eyes widened with clarity, and Phin stroked his cheek. “I don’t want to live another day without you, Mouse. I wanna get you a ring for Christmas. But, I mean, is that too soon?”
Scott almost fell off the bed and onto the floor. He gaped at Phin, wondering if this was the drugs talking. “Like, um… like a wedding ring?” He whispered the words, afraid the magic could be stolen by the fairies who’d blessed their first kiss. Vengeance for all their brothers and sisters he’d put in jars as a kid.
“I know it’s crazy, and I might be in shock, but, yes, that’s exactly what I mean.” Phin’s eyes soaked in Scott’s face, so full of love and affection.
Scott didn’t know if he wanted to laugh or cry. “Are you telling me that you want to propose to me at Christmas?”
“I did, but after today, I don’t want to wait. I wanna do this as soon as I get outta here and—”
Scott placed a hand over Phin’s mouth. “No, I want a magical Christmas proposal. Just like the fireflies.”
Phin threw back his head and laughed. “Is that what you really want?”
“Yes,” he insisted. “I want a romance-novel-worthy proposal.”
Maybe it was foolish. Maybe it was immature, but for as long as Scott had been reading and writing romance novels, he’d never thought he’d have a fairy-tale ending. To think he actually would have one brought tears to his eyes.
Phin cupped the back of his head and drew him close for a gentle kiss. “If that’s what my man wants, that’s what he’s gonna get.”
Feeling all squiggly and giddy inside—and a little misty-eyed—Scott smiled. “I love you, Phin.”
Phin shifted the blanket to cover their feet, then grinned. “I can’t wait to introduce you to my family. My mom and dad are really boring, though.” His eyes widened in serious warning. “We’ll be stuck in their condo in eighty-degree air conditioning sweating our balls off while my dad talks about the weather and my mom says we should go to the beach but gives you a guilt trip the rest of the day if you’re gone more than an hour. But they always pay for dinner, and they have expensive taste in food, so at least our four o’clock dinner will be good.” He reached out and hooked their pinky fingers, smiling sleepily, the painkillers obviously making him a little loopy. “My mom’s gonna love you.”
Shaking his head at Phin’s rambling, Scott rubbed his arm. “Get some sleep, big guy.”
“Yeah, I could sleep,” Phin said. “When I get out of here, I’m gonna teach you to shoot.”
“Um,” Scott declared, pulling back, “there will be no more guns in our future.”
“Yeah, there will be. Gotta learn.”
“That’s not gonna happen!”
“We’ll see.” Phin made a sour face, then chuckled and closed his eyes.
Scott didn’t know if it was the pain meds talking or what. But it looked like that conversation wasn’t over yet.
Unlike his family, their conversation would be open and honest, no games and convoluted lies, even if neither of them liked what the other had to say. And afterward, they wouldn’t have to ask if they were “still good.”
They would know.
Scott had allowed everyone his entire life to walk all over him, but Phin had incited rebellion within him. He made Scott think for himself. Whether intentional or not, he forced Scott to defend the things he believed.
Yet Phin wouldn’t change his mind either.
And that was okay too.
Real love, not the stuff Scott wrote in books, was about compromise. He’d heard someone say love was a constant compromise, but that never made sense to him.
Love was supposed to be easy?
You were supposed to agree on everything, right?
But that was about as unrealistic as a green alien with three cocks!
Smiling at his lover, his fiancé, Scott squeezed his hand and whispered, “I can’t wait to go home.”
Phin kissed his cheek. “Me neither, Mouse.”
Epilogue
Eight months later
“WHERE ARE we going?” Scott asked as Phin led him toward the beach.
Phin’s blue eyes twinkled, and he looked positively mischievous. “You’ll see.”
Intrigued, Scott followed, trusting his boyfriend explicitly. He was glad they’d come to Boca Raton for Christmas to meet Phin’s parents, despite Mom’s pouting and protests. Though not swimming weather and mostly rainy days, they’d been having a marvelous vacation. Warmth sure beat the snow back home, and Scott hadn’t eaten so many shrimp or drunk so many daiquiris in all his life.
“Are you sure your mom won’t be annoyed we’ve been gone so long?” Scott asked.
“She probably will be, but trust me, it’ll be worth it.”
“I hope so.” They’d gone to lunch at a cute café by the ocean and then spent the afternoon visiting souvenir shops and a nearby outlet mall. Phin’s mother kept insisting they enjoy their vacation—“Go out and have fun, boys”—but true to Phin’s warning, her feelings had been hurt the other day when they stayed at the beach all day, missing dinner.
Up ahead, a canal exited the ocean and a big fishing boat was coming in for the day, the dusty sky cloudy with cool December weather. The salty smell of the ocean and the faint rustle of palm trees were lost for a moment as the boat sounded its arrival into the canal. A pretty landscaped picnic area overlooked the water, tropical bushes and flowers dotting the sandy point above the retaining wall.
“This is nice,” Scott said, smiling and looking out at the ocean crashing and folding on the beach below them.
“Look,” Phin said, squeezing his hand and pointing into the canal where the wake of the fishing boat had disrupted the water.
“Oh my God!”
An entire pod of dolphins was swimming in the wake, frolicking and diving over the waves. There had to be at least ten of them.
“Oh,” Scott cried, when one of the dolphins jumped from the water, causing another to follow suit, squeaking and having a good time.
Phin’s grin was electric. “They follow the fishi
ng boats in every night, hoping for fish and playing in the wakes.”
“Thank you for bringing me.” They watched the great mammals chattering and playing for a while, neither of them saying a thing as they enjoyed the beauty of nature. Scott withdrew his phone and snapped a picture for Instagram.
“Lemme see,” Phin said, so Scott showed him. “That’s a nice one.”
Scott slid his phone back into his pocket. He still kept his social media active, but he’d become more responsible about it and endeavored to keep his nose in the real world rather than his phone. Because with Phin around, the best action was always right there in real life.
A tiny shadow of gray swam beside a large dolphin. Scott pointed excitedly. “Look! It’s a mama and baby!”
But when Scott turned to look at his boyfriend, Phin was bending down on one knee.
“What are you—”
The words died on his lips when Phin withdrew a small velvet box.
“Scott Howe, will you make me the happiest man in the world by becoming my husband?” Then he opened the box to reveal two identical rings.
Sudden, unstoppable tears sprang to Scott’s eyes. “Yes, yes!”
“You look a million miles away, babe.”
Phin’s voice startled Scott from his wonderful daydream.
“Oh,” Scott said, shaking his head. The May sunshine had warmed him, carrying him away to a memory he never tired of reliving—the magical Christmas proposal Phin had promised and delivered.
Scott spun the gold band on his third left finger, still not used to the weight. “I was just daydreaming, that’s all.”
“Thinking of a new book?” Phin’s shiny bald head caught the sunlight perfectly as he continued harvesting the first crop of rhubarb this season. Their garden was already overflowing with lettuce, peas, and other cool-weather crops.
Still smiling, Scott said, “No, just thinking about what a great guy I’m marrying.”
Phin made a noise somewhere between a grunt and a laugh. “Yes, well, how about you get to pulling some of this rhubarb with me instead? I’ll even make you a cobbler tonight.”
The Rhubarb Patch Page 29