by Xyla Turner
“Why the hell would I fuck him?”
“Good bye sex, is the best sex. Just like make-up sex. Y’all are going your separate ways and usually you want the other one to remember what it was like to be with you. So y’all bounce in bed like rabbits.”
I burst out laughing. “How many of those things have you had?”
“Girl, I have no idea. You’re driving though.”
“You damn right.”
Chapter 8: Xavier
No Xena.
No word on Gavin.
No Matt.
No Xena.
No nothing.
Over and over again, I kept repeating the same mantra. It was making me fucking crazy. Xena was pulling away from me and there wasn’t anything I could do about that shit. I was trying. Making myself available, wooing her, but nothing was working. She was scared and I didn’t know where. I was assuming, thinking it was maybe the Gavin situation, but she seemed to move past that. I wondered if it was another man, but she wasn’t that type of woman. I was losing her and she was right under my nose.
Jackson kept giving me reports on her, even when he lost track of her a few times. She changed cars with her employees. Maybe he contacted her in some way.
This shit was making me crazy. My secretary called out for the week, because she apparently could not deal with me on my period. If I could find someone as efficient as her, I’d fire her ass for that comment. I did ask her if she was incompetent and I might have raised my voice loud enough for people to come out of their offices, including Matt. I did ask everyone what the fuck they were looking at and all except Matt shrunk back into their respective places.
It was happening, I was about to lose my shit.
Something had to be done.
I texted Xena:
- Dinner tomorrow at 7?
There was no immediate response from her. She probably wouldn’t respond until later and I was almost certain there would be an excuse to why she could not go. I had a good mind to kidnap her ass. Sending me through all of these changes. My brain couldn’t concentrate at all and there was no real reason for me to be at work.
I sent Matt an email telling him, I was leaving early.
No response from him either.
Rarely did I feel alone in the world, since I was always surrounded around people. Needy people that wanted something from me. The most consistent friend that I had was my brother and after him came Xena. Two relationships I fought hard to keep intact, mostly with Xena now, but when we were kids, our father used to try to put me and Matt against each other. He knew if we bonded, we’d overthrow his ass. The man was smart, but ass mean drunk. He would beat on our mother in front of us, just so we would listen to him. When I became of age, I told my mom to leave. Encouraged her to go. She refused. Then I started drinking and drinking more. The pain in her eyes, when she saw me throwing up red stuff in the basement was devastating. She put me in a rehab center for six months, but my only concern was Matt and her. With me out of the house, he would terrorize them to no end. They didn’t come to see me, because he wouldn’t allow it. Matt would sneak and write me letters, but I couldn’t write him back. He begged me to get better, so we could leave and never come back. We had planned on it for years. I was about to be 18 and since I had more credits than I needed, I was able to graduate on time despite being out of school for so long.
Matt was a year behind me, so we stayed until he graduated. Our plan was to graduate, go to college far away and stay away. We begged our mother to come with us. She refused. She maintained that somebody needed to take care of him. The very first time I cursed in front of my mother, knowingly was that day.
“Fuck him!” I yelled. “He doesn’t give a rat’s ass about any of us and you remain by his side?”
It wasn’t a question, but a statement of fact. At that point, my timid mother of nineteen years, smacked me across my face. She even shocked herself, ran to me crying and apologizing. I remember holding her as we slid to the ground in the kitchen floor. Matt walked in on us and just sat there, waiting for her to get it all out. After she did, her last words were,
“You boys go and be better. Do better. Your father is sick and that’s the grave I signed up for. You’re not sick.” She looked at me. “You’re not like him. Never was. You go. I’ll miss ya dearly. I will.” Tears started streaming down her eyes. “But you can’t stay here like this. I know it.” She looked at Matt. “You take the world in the palm of your hands and make it yours. Ya hear me.” Turning back towards me. “Make it yours.”
The ‘make it yours’ was what I took from her. I made it mine, but this moment, I felt like I was in rehab again. It was the last time I felt as lonely as I do now. It was the last time I felt helpless. Nothing that I was doing worked. No action, no amount of money, no amount of restraint could help me when I needed the most.
Those were the same feelings, I fought hard to eliminate. Companionship was one thing, but not have my love with me. Not in the physical form, but even on the same wave length was discombobulating. Being out of sync with Matt was equally challenging, as he was always my thermometer. Helping me gauge when I was going too far and keeping me on the straight and narrow. I was almost certain he would have told me not to go to Gavin’s sister house.
I’m pretty sure.
“Hi, may I help you?”
“Yes, actually you may. My name is Xavier Andrews and it seems your brother has taken a liking to me and something that belongs to me, so I’d like to return the favor.”
Chapter 9: Xena
The morning flew by, which was great since it was Friday. This week needed to end quickly, because I was out of patience, time and endurance. Milan passed out last night after we went out to eat after our spa session. Tee texted me earlier to let me know that he should have something later on and asked if I was still coming in the afternoon. I confirmed that I would definitely be there. Traffic would be a bear, but I was going to be there for sure.
Around lunch time, Janice and I made the car switch with her shaking her head, but enjoying the opportunity to drive in my car. It was six years old, but she said it felt new to her. I would take it, I just needed to switch it up in case someone was actually following me. After that last email, I tried to be even more vigilant about what I was posting on the internet, was I used the same routes and methods of transportation. I might have been slightly paranoid, but who could blame me.
Once I arrived to Tee’s office, he had me come right in. The pregnant lady wasn’t there nor was anyone else.
“Hey, how you holding up?” Tee asked.
“I’m alright. Just anxious. Hoping you have some news for me.”
“Have a seat,” he gestured with his hand before he rounded the desk to sit.
“Sure.” My heart was racing.
He was being so serious and I had no idea what he was going to say.
“I’m a big girl, Tee. Just give it to me.”
“Alright,” his accent came out.
“So, you see here.” He pulled out the sheet of donors that I gave to him. “It is true that all of these companies have donated to your school. It is also true that all of them are under investigation.” My heart sank, but I tried to keep it together. “However, what is not true is that all of them are from Xavier Ander’s. He has a main company, XAND Incorporated, but he has three other companies as well. X2 is his, ANEX is his and NAVIER. They are listed under his name, so they can be considered shells, but not necessarily. One is actually a non-profit, NAVIER. The others are for profit companies that have donated to your school.” He looked up at me and asked, “How you doing so far?”
“I’m good.” my head nodded, “continue.”
“Okay. These other companies, he pointed to five of them are all under different people and at one point in the past three years, they have contributed to you. They are all under investigation as well. Now this is the thing, investigation could mean anything. So, let’s say your boyfriend met with one of these
guys and the FEDS were already looking at the guy he met.” Tee pulled out the photo of Xavier talking with Tay Connors. “So, if the FEDS are looking at him and he is meeting with him, they are going to expand their search and look at your man too as a potential contributor. So, being under investigation does not mean guilty. It means just that.”
“I see,” was all I could say.
I was reeling, trying to grasp on to what he was confirming. Xavier had more than one company donating money to my school and they were all under investigation.
“This is not entirely bad news.” Tee chimed into my thoughts.
I pulled out of my bag, a copy of the newspaper article that was sent to me and slammed it on the desk. “This isn’t bad? This is.”
Tee read over it silently, then raised his head and asked, “Who is Kevin Lowe to you?”
“He was a friend with benefits before Xavier and I got together.”
“So, you think Xavier had something to do with him missing?”
I exhaled sharply, “Tee, I don’t know.” Grabbing my hair and pushing it back, “I don’t fucking know what to believe. He’s not telling me things and I’m left to my own assumptions. I can’t fucking take this shit anymore. I can’t live my life like this. Hiring Private Investigators and consulting lawyers and shit for his bullshit.”
I sank back into the chair. Tee rose from his seat and came around to the seat next to me.
“Listen darling, go talk to the man. If he’s interested in keeping you, which he’d be a fool not to, he’ll tell you everything. If not, then it’s time to cut down the web.”
I looked at him with an arched eyebrow. “Cut down the web?”
“Oh, I’m from Georgia. It’s a saying we use.” He laughed. “It means, uh, cut your losses.”
Nodding my head, I straightened and said, “Yeah, I don’t have a choice. I can’t.”
The more I thought about having that conversation, the more my heart broke. Tears started to stream down my eyes. What was I going to do without him? Imagining a life without Xavier was simply heartbreaking.
“Hey, Tee. You ready?” A female voice yelled outside the office.
A black woman dressed in a two piece, green suit walked in, then stopped abruptly. “Oh, I’m sorry. Didn’t mean to interrupt.”
“No, no.” I raised up, “I was just leaving.”
“No, you’re not. Can’t have you leaving like this.” Tee chimed in. “Hey, Imara, this is Xena. She’s a client from Brooklyn.”
“Oh, okay.” She nodded at Tee. “Uh, we can wait for you out here.”
“No, no, it’s…”
“Tee, man, what the fuck? Bring your ass and come on.”
Imara turned, then a tall, familiar, black man appeared in the office immediately wrapping his arms around her waist. She whispered something in his ear, then he said, “Oh, sorry.”
The two started to back out, but I yelled, “Uh, I know you.”
He stopped and said, “I’ve never seen you before.”
“You’re, uh,” I started as my mind was trying to figure out where I knew him from. Oh. “You’re the college president. Uh, Matthews, right?”
“Yes, that’s me.” He smiled.
“Oh, I read an article about you. You’re doing great things out here in Far Rockaway.”
Imara tilted her head smiled with pride at him.
He nodded his head and said, “Thanks so much. What brings you down here?”
“Just consulting with Tee.” I said, “Shit, if all else fails I may have to move down here.”
“What do you do?” Matthews asked.
“A few years ago I started a charter school in Brooklyn. That’s where I’ve spent most of my energy, besides some other ventures.”
“Oh, wow.” Imara exclaimed. “Another educator.”
“Are you in education as well?” I asked, my tears drying up.
“Yes, I’m an English Professor and I used to teach in middle school before I was an adjunct at the college.”
“Nice!” I smiled. “It’s always cool to meet people in education.”
“Yeah,” Matthews and Imara said in unison.
“What am I, chopped liver?” Tee raised both hands.
“Oh shut up. We all know it’s nice to have an investigator in the family.” Matthews said.
“You guys are related?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah. Sorry.” Tee said, “That’s my cousin and that’s his new wife. Guys, this is Xena Fuller.”
“Oh, wow. Look at that.”
“Yeah, it’s pretty cool.” Imara chimed in, then removed herself from Matthew’s grasp. “Are you alright, though?”
“Yeah, yeah, girl.” I waved at her, “I’m alright. Just need to handle some business. I seriously may be calling one of y’all in the next few months, just in case.”
“Seriously, Xena. We could use more school choice in Far Rockaway, so definitely give us a call.” He pulled a card out of his jacket, “Here’s my card.”
“Thanks. I may have to take you up on that.” I turned to Tee and said, “I’m good, Tee. Promise.”
“Okay, then.” He responded.
“You guys, it was so nice meeting you and either way, I’ll be in touch, because I want GRIT to expand regardless.” I stood up.
“Wait, you started GRIT Charter?” Imara asked me with huge eyes.
“Yes,” I responded hesitantly.
“Oh my God, we just read an article about you. I knew your name sounded familiar. Babe, she’s the one that received the World Changer Award.”
“Well, damn!” Matthews exclaimed. “Let me get your number, we’ll be calling you.”
We laughed, then I pulled out my card to give to them.
“We’ll talk soon.” I waved at them.
What a cool group of people. Those were the types of people I needed to associate with. I texted Xavier that I would be at his place within the hour and drove like a mad woman to get there.
Chapter 10: Xena
The rest of the drive was a haze as there was no traffic going into Brooklyn. It was my own life that invaded my mind. I had to say something to him, but I did not want to do this. Worst case scenario, I would end up with cats for the rest of my life. Deep down, I knew he wouldn’t hurt me, but deep down I knew if I didn’t, I would not be able to look at myself in the mirror.
After gathering all of my wits, I went to Xavier’s place, letting myself in with the key he’d had made for me. I hadn’t been back there for what felt like ages ago, which was only a few days. He did have some new things. A vase, an abstract picture on the wall and flowers on the countertops. The bright orange petals were so vivid, they almost looked fake.
“Hey,” a familiar voice broke through the silence.
I turned to see Xavier standing in the doorway, leading to patio.
“Hey, yourself.”
“I called you twice today. Is everything okay?” He asked.
Maybe I was hanging around him too much, but I lied to keep from saying, I was avoiding his calls and would have avoided his presence if I didn’t have to talk to him about this mess.
“No, just busy. Had an issue with one of my teachers, a meeting with a potential donor and some paperwork that was due.”
“I see. Next time, send me a text just to let me know you’re alright.” He waved me over. “Look, I have something to show you.”
“Sure.” I said, as I laid my purse down on the couch and joined him on the patio.
He had candle lights all around the massive banister, and a table with two chairs off to the side. The table had silver food covers on each side along with a wine bottle in a bucket of ice. It looked like something out of a movie, as the ambiance was set.
“What’s the occasion?” I asked. “This is beautiful, Xavier.”
“Thanks. No particular occasion, just the next level of us.”
“Next level?” Those words peaked my curiosity.
I almost told him, we’d never get to th
e next level if he didn’t tell me the truth.
“Yes, baby. Next level,” he repeated. “Have a seat.”
Xavier held out his hand and gestured where he wanted me to sit. Once I was in my seat, he pulled the top off of my food, then his displaying a nice juicy steak, mashed potatoes and asparagus.
“This smells delicious.” I heard my stomach agree in that moment. “So, we need to talk though.”
“Let’s eat first.” He nodded, like he agreed, but didn’t really want to have the conversation right then.
As I picked up my fork, he slipped it out of my hands and grabbed them, like he wanted to say grace or a blessing over the food.
“Xena, I need you to know that no matter what, I love you. Only you, baby. Do you understand?”
Where was this coming from? Matt must have spoken to him.
“Xavier, you’re scaring me. Where is this coming from? Have you talk to Matt already?”
“What? No, I haven’t talked to him. You spoke with him? What did he say?” He seemed all of a sudden on edge.
“Uh, nothing much. He had a bruised eye a couple of days ago. Said some guy at a club clocked him for hitting on his girl. He came to my school to help one of my teacher’s find a place. I told him to find her a deal like he found me.”
Xavier stiffened, let my hand go and picked up his fork to eat.
“What? It was a deal. There is no way, I’d be able to afford that without one.”
I followed suit and took a chunk of the steak.
“What did Matt say?” He asked.
After I finished chewing, I replied, “Well, he did one better. She is going to stay at my apartment in Brooklyn while they go hunting for a house and get this,” I leaned in. “He was willing to subsidize whatever she couldn’t afford in rent.”
Xavier raised his eyebrow. “Really?”
“Yup. I think he likes her. Like a lot, but she’s a shy thing. She couldn’t even talk to him when he was sitting next to her in the booth. She finally asked him to sit on the other side.”
I started laughing, while he raised both eyebrows and continued eating.