by Xyla Turner
She didn't believe half the shit I said out of my mouth?
The door slammed.
Before I could process my next move, I picked up the vase of flowers and threw it against the wall across the room. It shattered to unrecognizable pieces just like my heart.
******
The rest of the day went by like a blur. I sat at my desk, looking at the cold breakfast reeling over her words as they kept running through my mind. Thinking about rehab, thinking about my father, what Matt said, what my mom said and Xena.
Sunday was more of the same, but after no food and the demons of my past keeping me from sleep I found myself standing outside of the liquor store. Even Lee asked if I really wanted to stop here.
“Pull the fuck over,” I barked at him.
Stumbling out of the car, not because of being intoxicated, but dehydration, I leaned on my town car. Staring at the bright, liquor store building. Knowing that over twenty-four year ago, that was my go to when things were tough. When I was helpless and wanted to escape. There was no drunk father that beat my ass instead of my brothers or mothers. It was just a man who was the catalyst to the ending of my life. What was left of my family, my lady, and my career?
The last thing I needed was to lose my will to the uncontrollable force of a foreign substance. I swore I’d never be a slave to alcohol again. I swore I’d never be a slave to anything again, but Matt was right. She was my drug of choice. My body craved her, but I didn’t know how to get her back without putting her at risk.
Getting into the car, I nodded, “drive.”
******
The next day Matt walked into my office. His eye was slightly puffy and his body language did not appear open for an apology.
“Matt.”
No response.
He sat right across from my desk and said, “Susan is out for the day, so we have a temp at the front desk. Not sure who you have to manage your mail, but just in case you receive any more pictures, you may want to closely monitor that. The technicians are working overtime to make sure we have no vulnerabilities on all sides, so we should be good on that end. Is there anything I should be focused on right now in regards to XAND?”
He stared at me with a blank look. He wasn't going to make this easy for me and I didn't blame him. However, yet again he was there for me as he'd always been. Even at 17, when I almost died of alcohol poisoning. He was the one that made our mother get me some help.
We never talk about that day, but he knew I had a problem, because he found my bottles of liquor. What started out as an expedition to see why my father drank so much, turned into an addiction I didn't understand at such a young age. Matt did and he made not only informed my mom, but made sure I was at each meeting.
At 18, I went away to college and he would call me to make sure I was on the straight and narrow. By the time I graduated, between counseling and my need to not ever be controlled again, I learned to create, shift and cope with my reality. I was an alcoholic and the one thing I could control was myself and ensure that my atmosphere was the way I said it would be.
Little did I know, Matt was doing the same thing for different reasons. XAND started as a thought between two brothers, but ended as a plan of two partners. We pitched and we won. From there, we invested wisely. Matt did real estate to help subsidize our income because he had the gift of gab and I was more reserved and brooding. His words. I like to deal with logistics and figures, not necessarily having to sell people on things that was matt’s domain and that was why we worked. Brothers, friends and partners.
“You're right.” I said. “I fucked up and I should have told her.” Matt looked away. “You're always right. I know you look out for her like a sister. I just get so fucking anxious when I can't control the things around her and real shit, Matt. I'm fucking scared. Xena wants a certain type of man. A provider, a leader and on some level a man that will always have her back. So in my fucked up way I thought that is what I was doing and honestly I don't know how to be any other way. I won't go back to 17, Matt.”
He turned to look at me, “nobody is asking for that.”
“That's what it feels like.” I stated, “like going back to be helpless.”
“Well, you're a man in love. You are as helpless as fish out of water.”
“What,” I half laughed.
A buzz ran throughout the office.
“Yes,” I pressed the button.
“Sir, you have a package.”
“Bring it in.”
An older woman with salt and pepper hair comes into the room with a plain white envelope. Matt holds out his hand to receive it. He hands it to me and she leaves.
“Well,” Matt said.
I opened it up, displaying a picture of Xena with a man’s arms around her shoulders walking her into an apartment building. I turned it over and it read, you fuck with mine, I fuck with yours.
The picture dropped from my hands as a cold sweat broke in my body. Matt jumped to his feet and picked up the letter, while I reached for my phone.
“J-jackson.” I asked. “Where is Xena?”
“At work, sir.”
“Go and verify that shit, NOW!” I yelled.
There was some shuffling on the phone, then I heard a car door slam.
“Oh shit,” Matt shook his head. “What did you do, man?”
I looked at Matt, not wanting to disappoint him, but fuck all of this shit. “I paid a visit to his sister’s house.”
“Fuck,” Matt exhaled. “Xavier, what did you do?”
There was some shuffling, then heavy breathing, “Yeah, she’s there. In the yard with students.”
I exhaled and said, “Okay.”
My world was collapsing around me and I had no fucking control.
“FUUUCCCKKK!” I roared and in one swift swing, I wiped everything off my desk, including the computer.
“Fuck, man.” Matt muttered.
I just started smashing shit. Breaking it. Anything in site. I needed to hit something, to feel pain. Somebody opened the door and Matt yelled for them to get out. He knew me. Knew me well enough to know when I was here, I’d tire myself out. He stood near the door as I tore my office up. Holes, broken glass, splinters of wood were everywhere as I let everything in me out. The anger, the frustration, the guilt and pain.
Sliding down the side of the wall, I looked at my bloodied knuckles as tears streamed down my face. I hadn’t cried since rehab. Well, I cried when Xena first showed me her tattoo, but she didn’t know. Matt sidled next to me and asked, “Have you had a drink?”
Shaking my head, I murmured, “I thought about it. Even went to the store last night. But no.”
My arms rested on my knees and hung in the air. He wrapped his arm around me just like he did when I had mom in my arms in the kitchen that dreadful day. When she told us to leave without her.
“I’m losing everything. All over again.” I didn’t even recognize my own voice.
There was silence among us as we sat silently for what felt like an hour, but was only fifteen minutes.
Then Matt squeezed my shoulders, then he exhaled. “No, X. You’re just coming to the end of yourself. Everything is still here. You just can’t keep doing what you’ve been doing to keep it here. We’re not those kids anymore. We’ve made this and did what she said. Now, we just have to eliminate anything that will stand in our way.”
I looked up at Matt. “But you said to change methods.”
“Yeah, as of yet. What have you done? Kidnapped him, paid a visit to his sister and I’m praying that is all, vandalized his apartment and paid him to dig up info on Xena. Now what has he done. We’ve been playing defense, when we should have been on the offensive.”
This was my brother.
“Let’s think, what has he done?”
I told him about all the things Xena had in her bag.
“That’s it.” Matt cut me off. “That’s it.”
He hopped up and grabbed my phone off the floor on the othe
r side of the room.
“Good, it’s not broken. That phone cost a pretty penny too.” Matt said.
“It better, it’s The Stark. A guy from D.C., designed it.”
“Ah, I need to get me one.” He turned the phone around several time. “Okay, you call Tay and I’ll call some of these other people to have a meet-up. Just to let them know that a guy with a name is looking in on their business and they might want to take a closer look at that.”
“Fuck.” I caught my phone as he tossed it to me. “You’re a goddamn geniuses. I’ve been off my game.”
“Yeah, you have. But that’s what I’m here for.”
“Yeah, man. For real.” I let him help me up. “Don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Me neither.” He laughed. “I’m glad Xena told you about that information. She was vague with me, trying to find out what was true or not, but I told her to tell you.”
“Yeah, she did.” My heart contracted. “Then she left.”
“What?!” Matt turned around to face me. “Nooo.”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck, man. I didn’t know that shit. I’m supposed to be helping her teacher find a place. Going there today.”
“Yeah, I heard about that.” I smirked.
“What’d you hear?”
“Oh, nothing.” I found Tay’s phone number.
“Yeah, okay. I think the poor woman has a little crush on me, but she’s a damn recluse. Couldn’t even sit on the same bench as me to talk. You ever heard of anything like that?” He held up his phone. “Bat shit crazy.”
“Hmm, well. I’ve heard worse.”
“Ain’t nothing there man. I promise you that.”
I would have laughed outwardly, but he didn’t know Xena’s gut like I did. The fucking woman was on point.
Chapter 12: Xena
“Mr. Jackson, Ben’s behavior is unacceptable. We've had this discussion before and while I understand what you'd aging about the situation with his mom, I also have you some suggestions on how to get help with that.”
“Are you seriously back on this counseling shit again? My son is fine, I already told you. He’s eleven years old.” Fear was evident in the strong man’s eyes.
“And as I already told you. This is a red flag and the last thing you want is an opportunity to fix something that you chose not to do something about now and it becomes something later.”
“It's his fucking mother. She got him on this shit. No judge will give me custody.” He made a sideward turn of his body like he was ready to walk off. Then he spun back around and said through grated teeth, “Fine. What the fuck should I do?”
I stepped closer to him, so no one would hear us and said, “What you do in your personal life is your business. But the kind of school we are trying to run here. A safe one, free of anything that shouldn't touch these kids at this age.” I straightened myself up and repeated, “Not this age. There is nothing wrong with counseling. You may also want to make a truce with his mother because this is not working out on your son’s behalf. I can refer you to some people. Great family counseling.”
The hairs on my arm slightly rose. Then I heard, “Baby, what’s going on here?”
I turned around to see Xavier standing close to me in a possessive way.
Narrowing my eyes at him, I said, “hello Mr. Andrews.”
He put his arms around my waist, pulled my body into his and whispered while looking at Mr. Jackson “what's going on?”
“You’re Xavier Andrews?”
“Who’s asking?”
“Bishop Jackson.” He stuck out his hand. “I just got your call and my guys are on it.”
“Good! Nice to put a face with a name.” Xavier replied as familiarity settled in his eyes.
“Likewise. Ms. Fuller and I were just discussing my son and some possible options. I'll leave you to it, but,” he turned towards me and finished, “I'll do it. It's all about Ben. Please send me the information.”
I nodded my head and smiled, “Good. That's good. I'm glad to hear it. Have a good evening.”
He raised his eyebrow at me then walked to the rear passenger seat of his chauffeured car.
“Xavier, what are you doing here?” I pushed away from him.
“Came by to see you.”
Putting my hands on my hips, I said, “We’re over. Okay. There is no reason for you to come and see me.”
“Xena,” he took a few steps towards me.
I backed up towards the school and said, “We’re not doing this dance.”
“What dance?”
“The dance where you act like nothing has happened and we end up in bed together to continue our toxic relationship built on lies and no trust.”
“Xena, that’s a fucking lie. Our relationship was not built on that. I love you and you love me too. Do we go hard, fuck yeah. But that’s us. You can sit here and act like I’m the villain in all of this, but you know I’d do anything for you. That’s love. You wanted a partnership. Fine, I gave you what I could give.”
“How do you know Bishop?” I turned to ask Xavier.
“I’m a business man, I should know people like Bishop?”
“Why, because he's the plug?”
Xavier reared his head back and asked, “What do you know about the plug?”
He was smirking.
“No, Xavier. I work at a school. I'm the one that should be hip on all terminology. You on the other hand should not know a man like Bishop.”
“On the contrary, darling. I'm a business man. I need to know everybody. All the players, the wannabes, the dreamers and the fakes. Bishop is highly connected and so am I. We just never met and now he knows who you are to me. So, now it's settled.”
“What's settled?”
“You won't have to worry about him and his business”
“Xavier, why I appreciate the sentiment. Mr. Jackson and I already discussed this. I'm a safe zone. We’ve had dinner on this already.” I started to walk away.
“Dinner? When?”
“Oh that's none of your business any longer.” I kept walking.
“What?”
I looked to see that all my students had been picked up or at least walking home. GRIT was shut down for the day and most of the teacher’s cars were gone.
“Xena, where are you going?”
“To clear the building. Make sure everybody left.”
“Why?”
“Because Xavier, it's gets dark out here quicker now and I don’t want people traveling to their cars or the train late at night.”
I kept walking and then it hit me, so I turned and asked, “Why are you here, again?”
“Why do I need a reason to come see you?”
I stopped dead in my tracks.
“Because,” I said slowly. “We are no longer together.”
I looked him straight in the eyes.
He looked like he was contemplating on saying something, then he exhaled slowly.
“Well, a situation came up and I …”
“Xena, is the building closed?”
I turned to see Penelope standing in her doorway.
I turned to face her, then said, “Yes, it's closed to you. Go, enjoy the rest of your evening. This will be here tomorrow.”
“Well,” she started. “I was going to meet Matt here, so we could go apartment hunting.”
Xavier sidled beside me. I turned and he raised his eyebrows. “Is this who you were telling me about?”
“Yes, Penelope this is Xavier and this,” I pointed to her and said, “This is our science teacher, Penelope. Also, my new tenant as of Friday.”
She looked down and away. Xavier stuck out his hand, then said, “It's nice to meet you.”
“This is Matt’s brother as well.” I added.
Penelope nodded, but kept her eyes averted away from him.
Okay?
“What time are you guys meeting?”
“He should be here any minute now. He text me a few minu
tes ago.”
“Yeah, I just spoke with him.” Xavier chimed.”
Just as Xavier finished speaking, the doorbell rang. “Oh, I got this?” Xavier said and turned to get the door.
When he was out of ear shot, I asked, “So, are you really that shy? Or do men make you uncomfortable?”
Her eyes widen in surprise. “Uh, is it that obvious?”
“Girl, you look like you want to crawl under some bodies table.”
She smiled and said, “Oh God. I'm so sorry, that's so rude and they probably think I'm a freak or something.”
“No, just shy. I'm sure.”
“It's not shy really. It's more that they make me nervous. They are hot. I had to talk myself into not canceling this showing with Matt, because I couldn't bear to be in the car with him. He’s drop dead gorgeous and it'll just be me and him.”
I erupted in laughter.
“Oh, I'm serious.”
“I know you are,” I said through small chuckles.
“I promise you they are just flawed men.”
She shook her head with a faraway look. “Gorgeous, flawed men.”
Oh my.
“How old are you?”
“25.”
“Okay. Well, you'll do fine. Matt is cool peoples. So you need help moving on Friday?”
“Not really. Matt has organized everything for me.”
“Oh, he has?”
“Yes” she sighed.
“You like him, huh?”
“It doesn't matter, he doesn't like me like that.”
“Why you say that?”
“He told me.”
What?!
“You ready?” Matt called to Penelope. “Sup Xena.”
He came over to me to give me a half hug. “Hey, man. Thanks so much for taking care of Penelope.”
“Sure.”
“So, I was just telling Matt here. We should all go out after you guys look at the three apartments. You know like a double date.”
Matt turned to glare at Xavier, “and I was telling him that, it wasn't feasible because I got shit to do.”
“It can wait until tomorrow or Monday.” Xavier chided.
“No, it can't.” Matt responded.
“If you need to do something else, we don't have to do this. Xena has been kind enough to let me stay at her place, so this isn't urgent.” Penelope said.