by Pete Bevan
“But I don’t wanna get under the car, it’s dirty!”
“Listen. This is very, very important and you mustn’t make a sound for anyone until I come and get you.”
The sounds are getting louder now and I want to twist and see but Mummy’s face is red and she is crying. In her eyes she looks like she loves me when I have been a good boy all day and she tucks me up with a nice story.
“Ok.”
“Your dad and I love you more than anything, you know that don’t you?”
“I love you too, Mum.” I throw my arms round her, she smells warm, like bed. My neck feels wet and I realise it’s her tears. We hug like that for ages. I hear another explosion and it makes me jump it’s so loud. There is another sound too, like someone moaning.
She lowers me to the floor.
“Now, Paul! Get under the car now!”
I scrabble under the car, it’s still warm from when Dad was running the engine earlier. It smells like the garage. I think about calling out to Mum. I can still see her feet, but I remember the ‘Stop’ game and stay quiet. The screams are louder now and I can hear running and something like a dog growling.
I can see Mum’s feet walking slowly backwards and then there are people running past her and the screams are so loud I cover my ears and want to cry and I can hear the growling again. Then I see someone hit Mum and knock her over and she’s lying on the ground and I can see the back of her head and I want to crawl out to her but I remember the ‘Stop’ game, and someone is hurting her and I can see her blood and the man has blood on his face. Oh...my..God... it’s a Zombie. The man gets up and carries on running and the screaming won’t stop and all the people running past the cars and I see Dad’s shoes I think and I can’t cover my ears hard enough to stop the screaming and growling but I can’t see any dogs and there is blood spraying on the floor and Mummy is just lying there and I want to go to her but the ‘Stop’ game won’t let me and I feel wet on my legs and I don’t need a wee anymore and I lie there for hours and the people keep running and the dogs I can’t see keep growling and the tyres keep screeching and things keep exploding and then Mummy gets up slowly and something red and covered in blood falls from her as she stands and then she runs away and she’s gone. Mummy’s gone!
Then it starts to go grey.
Paul Jollie sees the images from a lifetime ago fade away, but the feeling of fear stays with him like a child. It’s so real, the letterbox view from under the car, but soon it fades to milky mist like a cloying London fog. He can still feel the fear in his legs, still see his Mum lying on the ground a thousand years ago. Before...
Before something happened. Before he died.
Now all Paul can see is the fog, so close he couldn’t see his hand in front of his face, yet all around he could see myriad specks of black off to a billion miles. Specks in pairs, like soulless eyes all facing in the same direction. Billions of black colons looking past him.
Paul turns slowly to see what the eyes see around him see and, with the feeling of dread spreading through his dead mind, he sees the monstrous black shape that they stare at. Slowly it rotates like a massive black hole in the grey and he finds himself on the edge of its centrifugal force, both repelled and attracted to its horror and majesty like all the other Dead around him. They are waiting for the black to cast its vastness at them and tell their dead legs how to function.
Paul died in a kitchen in Edinburgh with a sword in his belly and his image reflected in the black eyes of the Minister. Eyes that contained the black hole in front of him, and the boy was how it all started.
Kobayashis’ Button
The first time Seth saw Janice she was sashaying across the canteen talking to that girl from Human resources who always looked down her nose at him. Janice was wearing a white lab coat, as was the uniform for technicians or scientists, and carrying one of the small grey plastic trays from the pile at the entrance of the canteen. On it, she was carrying an orange, a carton of milk, a plate with lasagne, fries and peas. Underneath her new, pristine lab coat, she was wearing a short black dress with tights and a pair of flat black leather shoes. Even though he could remember all these little details it wasn’t that that made his mouth flop open, and a little dribble of apple sauce escape from the corner. It was her jet black hair, shining like the leaves of a rubber plant, and down past her shoulder blades. That, and her skin. It was porcelain white like the bone china his mother served tea in when he went to visit her occasionally. Then, as she turned towards him, he audibly gasped at her beauty. She was tiny, no more than five feet tall. He stared too long at her jade, asian eyes and her button nose. She looked up at him as he turned away rubbing the apple sauce from his chin as he did so. He looked again, and saw an expression on her face he couldn’t interpret, but this was normal, as Seth was a man with no empathy, and reading people was a skill he just never had.
It had first come to light while he was at High School. The local bully had decided to pick on someone bigger than him to prove a point, and Seth was the obvious target. A massive boy for his age, ungainly and not the brightest in school, he put up with the taunts and pranks for several months before turning on his tormentor in the playground and pinning him to the ground while he pummelled his face. After a few minutes the playground cheers turned to horror and three burly teachers had to drag Seth off the now unconscious boy, with some of the voyeurs in tears in the belief the battered victim was dead.
Later, in the Principals office he had been asked why he hadn’t stopped. Seth shrugged his shoulders. He was asked how he could have done such a thing, and how he would have felt if that was him on the floor. Seth had looked confused and asked the Principal to explain what he meant. It was then he first heard the word ‘Empathy’. No matter how it was explained Seth couldn’t grasp the concept. How did you put yourself in someone else shoes, unless in a purely literal sense? How could you place yourself in someone else’s position? Seth couldn’t understand, and so, the Principal instructed the school psychologist to intervene and determine if there was something wrong with the boy.
After a battery of tests the psychologist determined that Seth had a mild form of Dyslexia that meant he was a below average student at writing and comprehension skills, but Seth was not stupid and had an average IQ, and yet he could not empathise with other people. All relationships were assessed only on how it affected him, and him only and yet, he had no sociopathic tendencies prior to today, indeed it was more likely that it was noted just how gentle and kind he was. Years later it had occurred to him while watching Blade Runner that he had more in common with the Replicants in the film than the humans, and he smiled at the realisation that it was not empathy that lead him to this realisation, only rational thought and deduction.
So Seth was not bullied at school again, and unlike others who would have abused this new found position of power he didn’t, but then again he didn’t stick up for anyone else being bullied, because he couldn’t empathise with their plight. He drifted through school getting average grades and being an average kid. All apart from the fact he continued to outpace his peers in terms of growth to the point where, unbeknownst to him, he earned the nickname ‘Jaws’. This was due to his resemblance to the bond villain from the seventies and eighties in stature, if not metallic teeth. He had few friends but didn’t mind, and spent his time playing computer games and reading books on all subjects except fiction. Eventually his friends lessened as it wasn’t much fun being with someone who didn’t ‘get’ or laugh at your jokes.
After High school he didn’t want to go to college and didn’t really have the grades to do so. His mother was disappointed but didn’t say so, and his father was long gone so his opinion was unimportant. Seth drifted from job to job, usually in Sales at first, until customers complained about his unhelpfulness with returns, or customer complaints, again a consequence of his condition. He also grew interested in girls but he believed his absence of empathy meant he was incapable of love. A belief he harbour
ed until the day he saw Janice in the canteen, when he realised for the first time that love was about how that person made you feel. A relationship may be difficult without empathy, but love certainly wasn’t.
Seth had just been fired from yet another job when he spotted the advert in the paper for a security specialist who could work alone for long periods, harbour responsibility and be reliable. He had no experience in this field but the idea of working alone appealed to him and so he applied. The job was at the Carver Centre for Communicable Disease Research, on the other side of the city so his Mom helped him write the application letter and fill out the application form. He thought nothing of it until he was invited to an interview. He bought a new suit and went to the immense grey single story building ringed wing a razor wire fence, studded with smart looking security guards, and devoid of windows.
The interview was cursory and he was told he had done well, but it wasn’t until the psychological evaluation that the interviewer showed any real interest. As it turned out he was the fourteen hundred and fifth applicant for the job, which was to monitor security inside the facility from a remote office at the edge of the building. It was explained to him that this was a ‘Bio Security Level five’ facility and that research was being conducted into Ebola, lasser fever, and other such rare and nasty diseases. The psychological evaluation reminded him of the test in Blade Runner, which made him smile. He was told that until the previous year the security system had been totally automated but an accident with the system resulting in the deaths of several leading scientists had convinced the Directors that it was important that a human be in charge of the security, however the persons monitoring the facility had to be of a very specific psychological makeup. It turned out that Seth was perfect. However when Seth was offered the job he didn’t accept it straight away, he held out until they offered nearly double the original wage. He was many things, but not stupid.
The wage was sufficient for him to finally move out of home and yet offer his aging Mother a monthly amount to help her along. She was sad to see him go, but glad he was striking out on his own and like any good son he visited regularly. He moved into a nice house with a big garden where he could engage his one and only passion. From an early age he had loved tending the garden, he loved all manner of flowers and plants, vegetables and grasses. He loved to watch them grow from seed and smell their unique scents, and after seven years of working at the facility he had won several competitions for his Roses and Orchids, and he had a garden of uncompromised style and beauty. It was featured in magazines and he became quite the celebrity amongst the older generation in the neighbourhood who would come over to sit in his arboretum in the afternoon sun. He didn’t mind and was confident enough in himself that he told his neighbours of his condition and apologised in advance if he ever offended them through it. They didn’t seem to mind.
So life ticked along nicely for Seth, he worked ten hour days, as security specialists with the unique skills required for the job were hard to find or replace, and in all that time he sat alone in his office opening doors for the scientists as they engaged in their work, remotely, through the three large flat screens that dominated the wall above his desk. He informed maintenance of system failures and ensured that the cleaning teams rotated through the building thoroughly. It was a responsible job ensuring the safety of others and he did it well, with professionalism, and in all that time there was never a breach of protocol or a single problem with bacteriological or viral escapes. Eventually he had been there longer than any other security specialists and would be nodded to, and greeted by scientists on this way in and out of work. Some of the nicer ones would have a little conversation with him when they phoned the security office to be granted access to the parts of the building not requiring key codes or card access.
He was the model employee right up to the point where Janice walked into his life. One of the conditions of his employment was that he was not allowed a relationship with anyone who worked at the facility, and so he loved Janice from afar. His heart palpitating as he went for lunch with Gary, his only friend in the place, in the knowledge that she would be there, with her milk and her orange, every day while the relief security specialist relived him for thirty minutes to have his own lunch.
Gary was a technician in the Bio Security Level three and an immensely empathic person, and so they gelled well together. Seth would often ask his opinion if someone said something Seth didn’t quite get, and Gary would come over at the weekends sometimes and they would drink beer together in the garden. Some summer evenings Gary would bring his wife, Shelley, and two young girls, Alice and Anna, over and they would relax and fire up the barbecue while they laughed and he listened, still not quite getting the joke.
For months Seth watched Janice, and every time she turned towards him, he would turn away and she would sit at a far table where he could gaze at her shapely back and shiny straight hair, until one day she paid for her lunch and instead of walking to her normal table she span on her heels and walked straight towards them. Gary’s eyes widened in surprise and Seth found his legs turned to jelly. She approached the table and Gary drank his coke so fast he nearly choked. She looked Seth squarely in the eyes and said, “Mind if I join you?” with a small smile. Seth just stared at her and Gary in a panic stood up, flipping the empty orange carton onto the floor. He quickly grabbed his tray and stuttered
“I was err... I was erm... just... I have to get back anyway!” Gary backed up to let her sit down and as she did so Gary was behind her. Seth glanced at Gary as he made a ‘Don’t blow this!’ face. A gesture completely lost on Seth, and there she was. She was sat opposite Seth, smelling of perfume and chemicals.
Seth just stared at her as pieces of chilli and rice fell from his fork back onto his plate.
She opened her milk and drank deeply. Seth placed the empty fork in his mouth before realising his mistake. She was making him feel very strange and he wanted to run but he hadn’t finished his lunch.
“So, it’s Seth, isn’t it?” she said.
Seth nodded.
“Gary tells me you have a beautiful garden.”
“Does he?” That bastard had never mentioned he had spoken to her. He realised that his voice was two octaves higher than it should be, and cleared his throat. She laughed but he didn’t know why and so he realised if her was ever going to stand a chance with this girl he would have to tell why he didn’t get the joke. So he did, and they talked while they finished their lunch. Eventually they had to get back to work so she left, and he stayed while the strength returned to his legs.
When he got back to the security office the relief had a go at him for having a long lunch and left. Seth sat down at the terminal, found her email address in the directory and sent her a short email asking out to dinner that night. After fifteen minutes she hadn’t replied so he found her on the CCTV system and watched her while she worked, as he occasionally had done before she had spoke to him. After an hour in Bio Security 3 Lab she returned to her desk, he watched her intently as she typed. After a minute or so he received an email and nearly broke the mouse in his spade like hands as he clicked on the ‘open’ button. It said simply ‘Yes’ with her phone number.
Before dinner that night, Seth drove over to Gary’s house and surprised his friend by using his immense frame to grab Gary and hang him upside down by his ankles until he admitted his part in the matchmaking, and by the time Gary confessed even Seth was smiling because of the infectious laughter of Gary, Shelley, and their two daughters, as they danced around their Father making fun of him.
Seth and Janice met for dinner that night, and then most nights after. They stopped having lunch together as Seth didn’t want to compromise his contract, but she regularly stayed over at his, and came over at the weekend as she was also a keen gardener with a gift for growing vegetables. They had their ups and down, and they argued as any couple does, but they fell quickly in love and she came to adjust to his peculiar world view. The biggest prob
lem was making love where he appeared selfish, and more importantly quick, but they were patient and he learned the importance of satisfying her before himself. They grew as any couple do.
They had been together for more than a year, with no hint of suspicion about their real relationship by their superiors when the accident happened. As is the way with these things it wasn’t a catastrophic failure but a series of small coincidences and errors. Professor Ryan West was working in the level 4 containment labs on the experimental H1Z4 flu variant. The cabinet he was working in was hermetically sealed with rubber gloves used to manipulate the samples inside the cabinet. The gloves were on the maintenance schedule to be changed yearly as the rubber tended to perish with time and use, however Terry Butcher, the maintenance technician assigned to change the gloves had had an argument with his supervisor an hour before and in a uncharacteristic fit of temper he had signed off the check sheet without actually changing the gloves, so the gloves hadn’t been changed in over twenty months.