by Blythe Stone
After watching me a second she began to shake her head back and forth and stare at me like I was being both cruel and amazing.
“Come closer,” she said, nodding her head back.
She wanted me close, wanted to touch me and I wanted it too. I lifted myself close, so that she could touch me with her face if she wanted.
As soon as I was close enough I felt her tongue and her lips at my neck. “You’re so sexy,” she breathed after touching me like she’d wanted.
“So, are you. I think you make me feel sexy so I am.”
I wanted her more, I wanted her to kiss me with so much power that I was pushed back. I tried to tell her without words, moving her face so that I could part her lips and dive in.
As I swept into her I felt her fall back. Her legs came up and wrapped themselves around me and she gasped in my mouth, quickly coming back into herself and fighting to keep me without the help of her hands.
I wasn’t going to touch her center. Not yet. This was too good. I put my hands on her arms and pulled her into me so she could feel me there between her legs but not with enough pressure to cause friction.
“I love that you wear skirts so much,” I sighed into her mouth as she kissed me again.
“Yeah,” she smiled, eyes shut as her tongue ran along my bottom lip. “Why do you think I do it? She asked. Always with the attitude. Everything about her with me was a come-on or an invite.
“Evil genius,” I muttered
I wanted her on a different surface, one where I could get more into her. I looked around. Yes. The window seat. It was almost like a mini couch. I put my arms around her body and picked her up. Her legs tightened around me, holding on.
When I got to where I wanted her. I just set her down and leaned over into her, making her lay back into the soft cushion. “Better.”
She craned her neck to kiss me again. “Don’t stop,” she asked needily. Her voice so quiet in such a large unending space.
I pushed her back, kissing her again and again, and I let my hands move over her body, playing, stroking. She was moving under me but not to get away, to get closer. I needed a little room though. I needed to feel her skin with my hands. To know it all by memory was my goal.
I reached down and unfastened my shorts, pulling them down and separating from her long enough to get rid of them. Her legs came back around me and I felt better. There was nothing between us.
“I’m being unfair,” she said, twisting. I felt her force a kiss, and then I felt her hands gently touching my face, pulling me to stay on her, tangling up in my hair.
“How is anything about this unfair?”
I was breathless and drunk. She was touching me and my entire body was reacting.
“You want me to touch you just as much as I want you to touch me,” she said, running her nails lightly down my back and teasing at the possibility she had to place intense pressure.
I arched my back and swallowed, trying to maintain enough mental power to actually talk to her. It took me a moment.
“Yes, but I’m always of two minds on that because you tied up is hot. So, I’m good either way. You touching me just makes me even more unable to function.”
“I like you like this,” she said, kissing me harder. I felt her other hand on my side, touching me, grasping for me, and then rubbing around to my back. “I like you here,” she said, her hand pushing beneath my underwear and over my ass as she squeezed, wanting me closer.
She liked me between her legs, that’s what she meant. I pushed into her hand but she forced me forward and I grinned as my body pressed into hers. She was very insistent. It made my center clench to have her push me a little. I spread my legs just a bit, thus spreading hers all the more.
“Mmm,” I hummed into her skin as I kissed her chest right over her heart.
“You kill me and I love it,” I said.
“Can we please just never go back to school again?” She whined, allowing me to kiss her skin and travel. Her fingers scratched at my scalp and absentmindedly played. “These past few days with you have been even better than a dream.”
“Yes, let’s forget about school. We can just live like this always. We’ll be the most boring and happiest people ever.”
I leaned into her fingers, turning my chin down to let her know that I wanted more. It felt so good and not even in a sexy way so much as a deliciously pleasing way.
“We could just hang out and not even worry about clothes most of the time. I like feeling your skin anyway.”
“You could lock me up a whole week and I probably wouldn’t even care,” she said, scratching and tugging a bit more on my scalp and my hair. “I like when you isolate me. I’d almost like to see how far I’d let you take it. Though, it was pretty hot earlier when I thought of you all jealous over me.”
“It was hot?!” I pulled my head back up to look down on her. I couldn’t even think about the joys of having her to myself for long periods of time when she followed it up with something like that. It was a tad agonizing.
“Of course,” she smiled. “You know how you get,” her voice shivered like the air was carefully splitting it up and deciding to put it back together at the very last second. “I realized right after, you’d been trying to give me cues about how you felt… Your hand on my back. Your short phrasing. That mention of us being engaged… At the time I just thought you were proud. I get it now,” she said, eyebrow raising. “You were marking your territory.”
“Ohhhhhh, that makes me feel animalistic, which is not entirely bad, but yeah I guess it was that and also the pride. I love when people know you’re mine and see how amazing you are.”
“You love when people who want me know I’m yours,” she said.
I snorted and shook my head in agreement. “Yes, that too.”
“It’s strange,” she said. “You’re wonderful and I knew there were a lot of people, especially at our school, who wanted to sleep with you around the time I met you. I never thought about that really, after. I didn’t need anyone to know you were mine. No one but you. Me and you. And that was more about you knowing I was yours to use as you like. I guess in a way it wasn’t even about me.”
“Well, you’ve achieved that.”
“If I played it up,” she said. “It was always for you. I knew you wanted people to know.”
“Do you think that’s bad?” I asked. “I’m not sure exactly where all those feelings come from but sometimes I’m afraid it’s petty.”
I looked into her eyes. I was open, receptive.
“I don’t think it’s bad, no. I just think we’re very different. As long as you know I’m yours that’s all that matters to me. That ring wasn’t about claiming you, neither was the proposal. It was more about loving you, promising you.”
“I know and that’s what giving you your ring was about too,” I confessed.
My head tilted as I remembered giving it to her.
“The proposal and the rings… All of those promises and our marriage. That’s not about anyone else. That’s about us and how we love one another.”
“I thought if I sent you home without that ring you’d find a way to lose me…” Her breathing slowed, I felt her arms stop as she held me.
“I don’t think I would have ever been able to let go of you. I won’t.”
“Lose sight, I mean,” she said. “Forget how much I want to be there. How much I want you.”
“Mmmm, it’s amazing.” I was continuously in awe of her and of us.
“I never knew someone could ever love me this much. I’d given it up early. But now I believe that somehow it’s possible because of you.”
She laughed lightly. “I didn’t want love before you. My parents wrecked me. I didn’t want it from them or anyone. And then I met you and I wanted to give love, give it to you. I can’t explain it any other way.”
“Isn’t that kind of poetic though? I was the same. I didn’t want to love. It scared the shit out of me. You came along and made it impo
ssible not to love you.”
“You were too scared to act because of how strong it all was... I was scared not to act for the exact same reason. We were opposites. I wouldn’t let you dismiss my valid care. I needed you to at least acknowledge me. It’s strange to think about now. All that time before.”
“It worked out perfectly.” I sat back and looked down. She was art. The sun came through the window, making patterns of sunlight on her skin.
I could never do her justice. In paint, in words, in any medium it would be incomplete with the actual life and soul inside of her.
“I could look at you for hours.”
Her eyes were closed but I watched her mouth open into a sly little smile.
“What? What are you thinking?”
I broke my gaze and bent down to nuzzle her neck.
“Wasn’t thinking anything,” she said, dazed. “Just that it’s fun spending private time with you.”
“Well, that’s good,” I pulled back with mischief written in my eyes.
“What are you thinking?” She asked, her voice darkening like she knew I was about to be up to no good.
“Nothing important. It was just interesting that girl asked you if I was pissed off earlier.”
“Why?” She held in the half of her laugh. Her eyes opened and she stared up at me interested.
“She knew exactly what she was doing after I said we were engaged.”
“My god, you’re obsessed with her,” Olivia teased.
“HA!” I shook my head back and forth. “No, I’m obsessed with you.”
“Are you saying she was trying to piss you off?”
“Maybe not trying to piss me off so much as let me know that she didn’t care that I was claiming you.”
“Sometimes when people act possessive it means they’re insecure,” Olivia smiled, teasing me.
“Yep. If I were her I would have probably done the same thing. That’s the funny part.”
“If you were her and we hadn’t met yet?” Olivia asked skeptically.
“Yes. Do you ever wonder what would happen if we’d met in different ways?”
“I’m pretty sure you would’ve pissed me off and put me in my place no matter what. You do that to me every single day,” she laughed. “But if you were that cashier and I had someone else? You would not have been trying to hit on me. Not that she was. I still don’t think she was. You were pretty anti-game with me, you know that right? The very moment you started to flirt was the moment I knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I was already head over heels in love with you. And all your attempts at having some game?” She teased, adoring me. “They all came after I’d confessed how I felt.”
“You’re probably right. I never really hit on people.”
“Is there some situation you could find yourself picking me up?”
“Yes. For sure. I’d try at least. If I met you somewhere like a cafe or a club and we were both alone or even with a group. Not with just one other person. I’d walk up to you and ask you something. Anything. It would just depend on the situation.”
“Hmmm,” she smiled. I couldn’t tell what she was thinking.
“What?” I narrowed my eyes.
“Nothing, I just wonder if I would’ve attacked you,” she said. “And what you would’ve done about that. The memory lingering… If I’d met you like that, sort of drunk, no strings attached… I’m pretty sure I would’ve been unforgiving. Physically,” she said. “Taking all you could give.”
“I would have let you and I would have been addicted.”
I licked my lips, thinking about her doing that. Me not knowing who she was or anything about how we would be. We would have spent a long time.
“What do you think would have happened after?”
“You probably would’ve never wanted to see me again,” Olivia said stoically.
“Not true. I don’t think I’d have been able to get you out of my system. I’d probably act like an idiot or something though.”
“Fine then,” she sighed. “We would’ve fucked… Hard. And a lot. Like Nat and I. And I would’ve ruined it somehow, scared you off like Daisy. I would’ve been too into you staying over, giving me more. It’d be like all those clichés where the one person never stays over. I’d get sad and distance myself. You’d move on.”
“Maybe something like that but I don’t think I’d move on and if I did then it would haunt me forever. The missed possibility. Once we got intimate I was hooked.”
“And what was that for you?” She asked. “Which moment? What was intimate? I thought everything was intimate with you. Your words were just for me. They weren’t for that stupid yearbook assignment. I found you terribly intimate, immediately. I couldn’t even look without it hurting me inside. You were everything right away. You made us intimate.”
I lay on her, letting myself rest while thinking of those seconds and impressions. That first meeting.
“It was intense. I knew it was different but I had no idea how it would bring me out. I’d be the same way if we met somewhere else. I’m slower to wake than you are. I can remember all the flashes of feelings. During that interview I was all of these emotions at one time.”
“Slow to come,” Olivia teased.
“Isn’t that a good thing though?” I teased her back.
Neither of us lasted long really. I was always ready for her and she for me.
“It’s definitely sexy,” she said, bringing her hand up to mine and entwining our fingers. I felt her tongue running along the side of one of my fingers in her hand.
“Sometimes I have to give you a challenge, huh?” I wanted to make things last forever with her.
“Though cumming over and over has been a new and wonderful experience.” I traced her forehead with lazy fingers. “Sometimes I wish you were my first and last.”
“I can never be your first,” she said.
It made me a little sad but I didn’t let it sink me. “No, but you’re my first love and last love.”
“I dunno,” she sighed. “You’ve loved things before me… People.”
“Not the same.”
There were so many forms of love.
“I love my family and I’ve felt love for friends but I’ve never been in love till you.”
“It upset me when Holland said something about that,” Olivia darkened.
“What do you mean?”
“She said something about us being lucky to find each other on our first go around. It upset me.”
“Oh...”
“It also upset me that she asked if this was my first long-term relationship.”
“Why?”
“Because I haven't had nearly enough time with you. I want us to have been together for years but it's only been 4 months, Avery. I am sure about you, sure that I want to be with you forever but we’ve no right to call this a long-term relationship. We’ve managed to struggle and fight and make-up through every bit of our time. We’ve always been intense. Time isn't something you can measure us with, it never has been.”
“Things like that upset me,” she went on. “People can't know how intense this feels for me and what you mean in the scope of my entire life. They can't understand what your mere existence has done to me. Let alone what all this has done.”
I felt her hands roaming again, brushing my skin, asking for me. By, all this, she meant EVERYTHING ELSE, everything since meeting me.
“With you I was immediately changed. I was strong before. People couldn’t break me. Not in mind or body,” she pushed. “You made me weak,” she said. “You got under my skin where other people just couldn't go. That's why I had to tell Holland that you changed me right away. She couldn't understand any of that. It hasn't happened to her that way. You instantly altered my path and my thoughts and my life. A lot of people haven't felt something so immediate like that. I know I never had before… How do you explain to someone that meeting someone else was so intense for you that you were literally paused at a fork in the r
oad for that person and you made a conscious choice to trespass in danger and go up their long private shaded dirt road completely unprepared and defenseless, all alone, not knowing if you'd ever be met with another curious person, the person you sought, or never-ending terrain, or an eventual dead-end, or a cruel angry shotgun aimed right at your eyes or a whole town or ranch filled with enemies all upset that you tried to go on that land? When you go down a road like that it takes a long time to get back. In some cases you may never find your old road again. My journey changed Avery. I chose to follow you, to seek you. Pursue you, I guess, though it wasn't me trying to be romantic in the beginning and it wasn’t some chase like you may have thought. It wasn't about that at all though it turned out that way… You just. You called to me, like an undeniable whisper, and you just changed me. And everything since then? Everything in my life has been largely about you, like 80% you. I diverged from my own path and decided to take yours. Our roads were different. There's no way they could’ve been the same, they're not even similar.”
She seemed frustrated. She couldn't explain it right and that obviously bothered her.
“Imagine the trees and bushes that line a road. Those are my thoughts. Any person or animal or car we come across? Those are events… Even the scenery is different; the way the road rises and falls, the paths I can take away from the road, away from you, plus the shortcuts I could try... There is no way my old road would have the same trees or the same paths or the same people or the same cars. Plus, that road would go somewhere else… Don't you see? Even the soil is different,” she sighed. “Even the air.”
“I couldn’t explain that to her,” she said sadly. “I can’t even explain that to you.”
After that she was still and silent. I could feel her brain thinking though, trying to find a better way to get it all out. “No one else could make me feel scared and helpless while at the same time giving me so much hope.”
“I’d never felt that,” she confessed.
“I need water,” she said, brows furrowing as she tried pitifully to swallow.
I got up immediately and went to the sink, filling a glass and bringing it back to her. She drank some and then handed it back. Her words made sense to me. That’s what I wanted her to know. I understood but they also made me quiet and thoughtful.