While Travis had no firm commitment to Shelley, Miranda had vowed to love, honor, and cherish another man—an incredibly lucky man, particularly in light of the fact that Travis respected those vows. Otherwise, he’d have been doing his best to talk her into having an affair with him.
No. An affair would never be enough. He wanted more than that. He wanted a home and a family. A woman he could love openly, without having to sneak around behind her husband’s back. Unfortunately, having those things also meant he couldn’t have Miranda.
Though he hated to admit it, maybe he did need to talk to Alan.
* * * *
Alan’s advice was simple. “Don’t do it. You’ll regret it every day for the rest of your life.”
After his last job of the day, Travis stopped by the health food store his cousin managed, all set to hear that he should flout convention and go after Miranda, no holds barred. He certainly hadn’t expected Alan, of all people, to sit him down at one of the tables in the deli and tell him to forget about her.
“So you’ve done it, then?” Travis asked. “Had an affair with a married woman?”
Alan nodded, raking a hand through his disheveled locks. “More than once, and I’ve felt guilty ever since.”
“Didn’t stop you from doing it the second time, though, did it?”
“Actually, that second time was the cure.” Alan didn’t look cured. In fact, he looked about as miserable as Travis felt—hollow-eyed, unshaven, and thinner than Travis remembered. “I’m trying to give it up.”
“Give what up?”
“Sex.” Alan’s hand shook slightly as he reached for his cup. “I’m trying to prove to myself that I’m not addicted.”
“How long has it been?”
“Six weeks,” he replied. “I’m doing okay, I think.” He paused, frowning. “Of course, not having a girlfriend at the moment helps quite a bit.”
Finding women had never been Alan’s problem. With tousled curls and a face like a young Russell Crowe, he drew them like flies, and those that weren’t attracted by his looks often took pity on his desperate need for sex. Unfortunately, he also tended to drive them crazy after a few months. Travis was pretty sure he’d never sent anyone to the loony bin, but he wasn’t looking for a pity fuck, either. Not from Miranda or anyone else.
“It’s not so much the sex as it is the physical contact,” Alan went on. “I need it so badly.” He let out a weary sigh. “Too bad no one else does.”
The standard “Don’t worry. You’ll find the perfect woman someday” admonition probably wouldn’t help Alan feel any better at all. Travis doubted there was a woman alive who could put up with him for more than six months, let alone a lifetime. “Maybe if you tried pacing yourself a little…”
Alan cut him off with a wave of his hand. “I have tried, and it doesn’t work.” He took a sip of his tea. “But you didn’t come here to talk about my problems. So you’ve fallen for a married woman, have you?” He shook his head, chuckling. “Your old man will have a shit fit.”
“Tell me about it,” Travis muttered.
“Still, you are thirty-six years old,” Alan reminded him. “Old enough to make your own decisions.”
“Old enough to know better. And I do. I was hoping you could give me some insight.”
“I did. Don’t do it. You’ll be sorry.” He paused, frowning. “You know, most support groups recommend having someone to call when you’re about to fall off the wagon. What you need is a buddy to keep you from doing something stupid.”
“Want to be my buddy?”
Alan snorted a laugh. “I’m not sure I’d be the best choice. Maybe you should ask Stuart.”
“Yeah, right. He’s been walking around in a daze ever since his divorce.” Travis’s older brother had been happily married until his wife’s bariatric surgery. Unfortunately, as her weight went down, her need for boyfriends had skyrocketed. “I doubt if I could spill my guts to him and not have the story leak out to the rest of the family. The whole adultery thing is a pretty sore spot with him—and you know my father’s opinion on the subject. Sure you can’t do it?”
Alan shrugged, giving Travis a weak smile. “I can see your point about Stuart, but with my history, I might end up doing the deed myself.”
Although Travis knew Alan was joking, his comment kindled a flame of—what? Jealousy? Possessiveness? He wasn’t sure, but it irked him. Nonetheless, he went along with the jest. “Over my dead body. Besides, I thought you were trying to give it up.”
“I am, but temptation often strikes when we’re at our weakest—like it did with you.” He shook his head. “You and a married woman. Never thought I’d see the day.”
“Yeah, well, you haven’t seen it yet—and maybe you never will. I’m trying to be strong, but you know how it is.”
“Oh, God, yes.” Shuddering, Alan cupped his hands around his mug of tea as though craving its warmth. “This stuff is hot, sweet, and soothing—it’s a chamomile blend—but I’d much rather be eating pussy.”
Travis wanted to laugh, but for once, he was too much in sympathy with Alan to muster a chuckle. “Have you tried chocolate? I hear it’s supposed to have the same effect as an orgasm.”
“That might work if I didn’t already know sex was a helluva lot better than chocolate.”
Travis got to his feet and gripped his cousin’s shoulder. “Hang in there, Alan. We’ll get through this somehow. We’re supposed to be the stronger sex, remember?”
Alan shook his head, his gray eyes as bleak as a winter sky. “That’s a fallacy and you know it. They’re the strong ones. They’ve got what we want and half the time they laugh at us. Compared to them, we’re a bunch of pathetic fools.”
Travis didn’t argue. He’d never felt quite so weak and helpless in his life, and he didn’t like it a bit. Still, there was an alternative. He could keep on dating Shelley and try to convince himself she was the one he wanted.
Yeah, right. And as soon as hell froze over, pigs would sprout wings and fly.
Chapter 5
Miranda had to cancel her riding lesson the following week to attend a mandatory class on ECG interpretation. In the interim, she decided that getting Travis married off to someone else would benefit them both. He would be happy and maybe, just maybe, she could get him out of her head.
In addition to Christina and Tracy, Miranda knew several single nurses that were about his age. Unfortunately, introducing them was something of a puzzle. Blind dates were nearly always doomed to failure—case in point, Shelley and Travis.
When she finally did see Travis again, it seemed that the inevitable breakup had already occurred. Shelley had given him an ultimatum of some kind—he didn’t say what—and he had balked.
“It’s not that I don’t like her,” he said. “I just don’t think it’s right for her to make me rearrange my life to suit hers. I’ve never met a woman yet who didn’t think I needed improving. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I am who I am.”
Miranda went on brushing Kira while he talked, finally coming to the conclusion that Christina would be perfect for him. After all, if she didn’t have enough time for Mark, she wouldn’t have time to reform Travis. Miranda couldn’t imagine anything that she would change about him, unless it was his age, and not even the most dedicated reformer could do anything about that.
He and Christina would make a striking couple and have lots of beautiful children—provided Christina ever found the time to give birth. Miranda’s only hope was that they would move hundreds of miles away so she didn’t have to watch.
The more Travis talked, the longer the list of Shelley’s faults grew. “We don’t even like to eat the same things. She likes fancy restaurant stuff and all I want is good home cooking.”
“Yes, but home cooking takes time—which she obviously doesn’t have. And not liking the same food doesn’t necessarily mean you can’t like each other. Levi and I hardly ever eat the same things. He likes it salty and I like it spicy. If he see
s so much as a speck of pepper on his food, he won’t eat it.”
“I’m not that picky,” Travis said. “I’ll eat the fancy stuff, but I don’t want it all the time.”
Miranda laughed. “Levi eats the same things over and over. Finding a restaurant we both like is something of a challenge—he’s the only person I know who actually enjoyed school lunches—but it can be done.”
“What about Thanksgiving? Does he at least like turkey?”
“Yes, but he won’t eat leftovers—not even turkey soup.”
“My mom’s turkey soup is the best part of the whole holiday—and before you ask, the answer is no, I’m not taking Shelley with me to meet the family. They’d probably be tickled to death to know I’m dating a doctor, but I’d rather not get their hopes up. I have a feeling it’s over anyway.”
“Really? Better tell me the rest of it.”
“We’re too different, and it’s more than not liking the same foods—though it’d be nice if she’d come down to my level and go out for pizza and beer once in a while.”
“Come down to your level?” she echoed. “Sounds like more than a slight difference in taste.”
He nodded grimly. “She invited me to go out with some of her doctor friends, and I told her I’d rather not. I mean, what could I possibly have to talk about with people like that? Anyway, she said if I wasn’t comfortable with her friends, we might as well forget it.”
If he didn’t want to hang out with doctors, he probably wouldn’t feel comfortable with lawyers or nurses. So much for my plans to marry him off. “Doctors are people too, Travis. Some of them even have horses.”
“I know,” he said with a sigh. “That wasn’t the only problem. It just wasn’t working.”
He finished shoeing the gray mare, and Karen brought out another horse—a chestnut mare that refused to stand in cross-ties and had to be held. Travis didn’t say much after that, leaving Miranda to assume he didn’t need to vent anymore. She chatted with Karen while she bridled Kira, and then headed out to the arena for her lesson.
Nigel was in a relatively chipper mood—that is, until he asked her to try that flying lead change thing again.
Miranda had gotten the canter figure-eight down to only one trot stride in the middle before picking up the opposite lead, and Nigel was sure she could get the flying change without much trouble, but no dice. She left the arena feeling discouraged, hoping that Travis could cheer her up—that is, if he hadn’t left yet.
Karen was still holding the mare’s lead rope, looking bored out of her mind. “How was your lesson?”
“Crappy,” Miranda replied. “No matter how hard I try, Kira and I can’t do a flying lead change. I feel like I’m beating my head against a brick wall.”
“Beats standing here doing nothing,” she said. “I’d rather be riding—or even cleaning stalls. Anything but this.”
Evidently, she hadn’t been looking in the right direction. Travis was interesting from any angle and the position he was in at that moment made Miranda long to throw caution to the wind and pat his hot little ass. Then an image of him doing farrier work while wearing only his boots and chaps flashed through her mind, and she nearly swallowed her tongue.
Travis put down the last hoof and gave the mare a pat. “She’s done.”
“Thank God,” Karen muttered as she led the horse away.
Miranda giggled. “Boring the life out of the help?”
“I guess so.” He tossed the hoof rasp into his toolbox. “She’s not the easiest woman to talk to—unlike you. I could talk to you all day and you wouldn’t say you were bored.”
He was right about that. “Maybe she was bored because you weren’t talking to her. Did you ever think of that?” Karen obviously hadn’t imagined him without his pants. Miranda certainly could—hot ass, dangling balls, rock hard dick… She wiped her lips on her glove, convinced she was drooling.
“Aw, she doesn’t want to hear about my rotten love life.” He smiled sheepishly. “Thank you for listening, by the way.”
“You’re welcome. Anytime.” Yes, Travis, I’ll be right here listening to you bitch and moan about women for the next ten or twenty years. Maybe by then a woman fifteen years his senior wouldn’t seem so bad. It would be a long wait—but worth it.
She had just pulled off Kira’s saddle when Travis materialized right behind her, placing a hand on her shoulder.
“Here, let me help you with that.” Not waiting for a reply, he took the saddle, set it on the rack, and zipped it into the carrying case.
“Thanks.” She stared at him for a moment, puzzled by his unusual behavior, then gathered up Kira’s blanket. As she spread it out over the mare’s broad back, she glanced up to see Travis straightening it from the other side. He’s certainly being helpful today. Must think the old girl looks tired.
A moment later, he was behind her again. “Don’t suppose I could talk you out of another hug, could I?” He held up his hands. “No tools to hurt you with this time.”
Despite his smile, pain lingered in his eyes. Refusing him was unthinkable. She’d barely lifted her arms before being enveloped in an embrace that robbed her of breath and reason. Her eyes stung with tears and her lips were already pressed against his cheek before she remembered he was only there to be comforted. Stolen kisses weren’t part of the deal. She allowed herself a few brief seconds to savor the solid feel of him and let go.
“You’ll be okay, Travis. It just takes a little time.” She was lying, of course. It had taken her a lot of time to recover after Kris died.
He nodded, giving her a half-hearted smile. She suspected he’d liked Shelley more than he cared to admit, or perhaps he was simply tired of the game—always looking and never finding the kind of woman he needed.
Clearing her throat, Miranda patted him on the arm, then went back to packing up her gear.
Travis picked up her saddle. “I’ll put this in the truck for you.”
She was about to tell him not to bother when she finally realized why he was being so helpful. It was simply his way of thanking her for lending him a sympathetic ear. “Thanks. I’d appreciate that.”
After tossing her tote bag into the truck, she returned for Kira. Travis stood next to the mare, speaking softly as he fed her a treat. Miranda hurriedly snapped a lead rope to the mare’s halter and released the cross-ties, turning away before Travis could see the tears gathering in her eyes.
Barely trusting her voice enough to speak to him, she wished him a happy Thanksgiving and led Kira out of the barn, doing her best to ignore the growing ache in her heart. A chilly rain began to fall as they reached the trailer, and her numb fingers fumbled with the latch. “Don’t suppose you’d consider telling me what he said, would you?”
A glance from her big, dark eyes was Kira’s only reply as she stepped up into the trailer.
Miranda sighed and swung the tailgate shut. “I didn’t think so.”
Travis stood watching until Miranda’s truck was out of sight, his cheek still tingling from her kiss. It might not have been the sort of kiss he craved, but it was better than nothing and far more than he deserved—especially after he’d done his best to follow Alan’s advice and then fucked it up by asking for another hug. If Shelley hadn’t given him such a hard time he might have been stronger, but between that and the disappointment he’d felt when Miranda hadn’t shown up for her lesson the previous week, he was surprised he hadn’t kissed her.
What would she have done if he had? His scalp tingled at the thought of her fingers threading through his hair, her hungry lips parting as he deepened the kiss.
“Stop it, Travis,” he muttered. Grabbing his toolbox, he headed out to his truck. The rainy sky further dampened his mood. If the forecast was correct, the paddock at his next stop would be a sea of mud by the time he arrived. He’d already started the engine when a sudden impulse had him reaching for his phone.
Alan answered on the first ring. “I had a feeling I’d be hearing from you tod
ay. What happened?”
“Shit, I don’t know. I’m about to lose what’s left of my mind. You already know what happened with Shelley. If Miranda hadn’t been so damned sympathetic, things might have gone differently, but stupid me, I asked her for a hug and she gave it to me. Even kissed me on the cheek.”
“The slightest touch can be fatal,” Alan warned. “Don’t ever let it happen again.”
“Tell me about it. I damn near kissed her back—and I wouldn’t have stopped with a simple peck on the cheek.” Grimacing, he shook his head trying to banish the thought of Miranda in his arms, urging him on with passionate, heart-stopping kisses. “Maybe I should come right out and tell her how I feel. Then she could tell me to go to hell and never speak to me again.”
“I doubt it. She sounds too nice for that.”
“You’re probably right. Honestly, I don’t know how much more of this I can take. It gets worse every time I see her.”
Alan sighed. “There’s a simple cure for that. Don’t see her again.”
Travis shuddered. “I practically had a stroke when she wasn’t here last week. I’ve never wanted anyone so badly in my life.”
“Cold turkey, man. It’s the only way.”
“I know. I can’t help thinking if I stick around long enough, she might fall for me and leave her husband.”
“And you’ll feel guilty for breaking up her marriage for the rest of your life. I know you, Travis. Sooner or later, the taint would kill any chance of happiness.”
Alan was right. Unfortunately, it didn’t change a thing. “Yeah. Damned if I do and damned if I don’t.” He drew in a ragged breath. “Guess I’m better off keeping my mouth shut.”
“Absolutely. Look, I gotta go now. Next time, call me before you see her. Maybe I can talk you out of doing anything stupid.”
Unbridled (Unlikely Lovers) Page 4