“I know. It makes me a coward, and it made me hate myself. I just…I’ve lost so many people I cared about, and I was just beginning to fall for you. I couldn’t handle it. I took the cowardly way out and broke things off.”
“Then why didn’t you just do that? You could have come in and said that you didn’t want to see me anymore. That would have been better than months of nothing from you; not really knowing what was going on.”
“Because I am a coward, deep down,” she said, her voice small. “When it comes to relationships, I have never had a healthy one. And…”
She trailed off, and he knew that she was avoiding something. What, he wasn’t sure, but it was something big.
“What?” he urged.
“I knew if I faced the issue and told you, that I wouldn’t last. That I would cave.”
He heard the shame in her voice. Tears now spilled down her cheeks. This was a side of Cat he knew was there, but had never seen.
“Cave?”
She nodded and sniffed. “I couldn’t handle you being hurt. It…it almost broke me, Drew. I thought, if I stayed away and put you in that friend zone again, that it would all go back to normal.”
“But it didn’t.” he murmured. He took hold of her hand and threaded his fingers through hers.
“No.”
He raised her hand to his lips and brushed her fingers with his mouth. “And how did that feel?”
“Like hell. It…it’s hard to explain. If I thought you being shot was bad, seeing you every day and not being able to be part of your life was gut wrenching. It physically hurt.”
He let the words sink in, then he felt his mouth curve. Damn if the woman didn’t please him. The odd thing was that she thought she was a coward, but she was far from it. He knew it was a knee-jerk reaction she used to protect herself.
“You think this is funny?” she asked, her tone filled with equal parts anger and pain. She tried to pull her hand away from his, but he refused to let go. Instead, he gave her a gentle tug and she tumbled onto his chest.
“I don’t think it is funny, but it does make me happy.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but he silenced her with a kiss. When he pulled back, she was breathless.
“Why does it make you happy?”
He touched her face, the evidence of her tears was still there on her cheeks. Cat wasn’t a woman who cried easily, or at the drop of a hat. It took a lot to get to her.
“Because I was miserable all the time too. I thought I was pathetic.”
She shook her head. “Never.”
“Then I have to say the same thing about you being a coward.”
“But I was. I walked away from you when you almost died.”
“No, you were trying to protect yourself.”
“Yes. And that makes me—”
He placed a couple fingers on her lips. “Don’t say it. It wasn’t a shining moment for either of us, but I understand.”
“How?” she asked against his fingers.
“I see you get ready to go out to work in the streets almost every day at work. What you do is important, but it is always dangerous. I know the rates of injuries on the job for cops. Every day, I watch you walk out, and I worry if it will be the last time that I see you. That some bastard won’t shoot you or you’ll end up risking your life for other people. It doesn’t make either of us cowards.”
She sighed.
“Dammit, out with it, woman.”
“I walked away. When you needed me. I understand what you are saying, and I completely agree with it. But you didn’t walk away.”
In that moment, it would be so easy just to let her take the fall, to let her keep on believing that she was more at fault than him. He couldn’t think. Not when he realized that this could be the start of a new relationship for them.
“Yeah, I did. I could have fought for us. I could have forced you to explain yourself, but it was better to bury all that, because I was afraid. I didn’t want to lose you a second time.”
Her eyes softened. “Drew.”
“I couldn’t handle it, not then, and not now. Just know that I’m going to be fighting like hell to keep you with me. There will be no letting you walk away.”
Her mouth curved, and he felt it all the way to the soles of his feet. “Yeah?”
He nodded as she lifted herself up, then started sliding down his body. First there was a kiss, a nip, then the glide of her tongue against his flesh. She knelt between his legs and wrapped her hand around his cock. He was already rigid, a drop of precum wetting the head of it.
She didn’t look down at his cock as she stroked him. No, she didn’t break eye contact. Over and over, she slipped her hand over his hardened flesh. Those small fingers danced over his shaft, teasing, tempting, torturing him. Granted, it was mind blowing bliss, but it was also agony.
Then, again, without moving her gaze away from his, she lowered her mouth. With one lick across the crown of his penis, he almost came right there and then. But that was just the proverbial shot across the bow.
She opened her mouth and took him inside. God, her mouth was hot and wet. Her tongue should be registered as a lethal weapon. It slid over his rigid cock, wrapping around him as if he were her favorite treat. With every twist around his cock, she drove him further to the edge, and closer to losing his freaking mind. Fuck, he was so close, he almost came, but he didn’t want that. Pulling her up, he turned the tables on her. He rolled them over on the bed, and grabbed her by the hips, pulling her up to his mouth.
She was laughing, then moaned loudly, as he slid his tongue into her sex. She was hot, wet, and tasted just like before. Delicious. He pushed her fast and hard, right up to the edge, then he pulled himself back. When he moved away from her, she growled and he laughed. After grabbing a condom and rolling it on, he took her in hand again and thrust into her. Damn.
It was like coming home.
He held himself still for a long moment, then started to move. He didn’t know at that point where one of them stopped and the other started. He was so lost in her that he didn’t care. Again, and again, he thrust into her, pushing them both closer to the edge, then pulling back. Then it became imperative to get there, and he wanted to be there with her.
He felt his orgasm approaching, so he reached down between their bodies. He pressed his finger against her clit.
“Come for me, Cat. Come on.”
She was moving her head back and forth as if denying him, as if it was too much to take in. But he would not be deterred. He stopped her by leaning down and kissing her. She returned the kiss with an intensity that sent him hurtling over the edge. He couldn’t seem to hold himself back anymore. But it did not matter. She bowed up against him and screamed his name. Her orgasm ripped through her, and pulled him deeper into her hot core. Her nails bit into his back as she convulsed against him.
He was there with her, his own release coming in a rush just a second after she had screamed his name. He plunged into her again and gave himself over to pleasure. But he wasn’t done. With infinite control, he pulled out and thrust into her one more time, and pushed her over the edge into another orgasm. This one even stronger than the first, from the way her inner muscles tightened on his cock.
He collapsed on top of her, completely wrecked. If he had thought she blew his mind before, this left him deaf, dumb and blind. He felt connected to her on some other level that he had never had with another woman.
“Hey, you’re heavy,” she said, pushing at him.
He used what little energy he had left to roll off her, then pulled her over with him. He wrapped an arm around her, cupping her rear end. The only word that came to mind was…satisfaction. This woman, in this moment, was all Drew needed.
“I don’t know if I can move now,” he said.
“We don’t have to do anything but go to sleep,” she mumbled against his chest.
The comfort of that one statement warmed him from the inside out. Cat might not think of
herself as a comforter, but she was. Even after everything they had been through, he felt safe with her. He drifted off, the feel of her hair against his neck and her hand over this heart.
14
Drew heard her rustling around looking for clothes at just after six a.m. the next morning. He tried to open his eyes, but it took three times to achieve it. It was still dark in his bedroom. That made sense, since in his mind, it was the middle of the freaking night. It was too early for humans, in his opinion, but he knew Cat got up early.
“Where are you going?” he mumbled.
The sounds of her gathering her things stopped. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“No problem,” he said as he forced himself to open his eyes. “Just as long as you weren’t trying to leave without saying goodbye.”
She said nothing for a minute, and he knew that had been her plan. He rolled over to look at her. “Really?”
“I know you don’t like to get up early.”
She didn’t sound convinced of her own argument. He could get mad at her, and in the past, he probably would have. But talking last night had put some of his worries to rest. He knew that they had issues, but much of it stemmed from her upbringing and her sense of worth. He would not allow those to mess with them again.
“And so you were going to sneak out to work?”
“I have to go home.”
“Why?”
“Really? I need a shower.”
“You could take one here.”
“I have no clothes, and I am not doing the walk of shame into the office. I also doubt that Del would be happy if I showed up in my board shorts and tank top.”
He smiled. “Well, give me a second.”
“For what?”
He said nothing as he slipped out of bed to stand beside her. He leaned down and brushed his mouth over hers. “Good morning.”
She sighed and leaned closer to deepen the kiss. Just that little gesture had his heart singing. In this, she couldn’t hold back. There was no hidden agenda or pretending in this moment. There was only Cat.
He pulled back. “Give me a sec and I’ll go with you.”
She nodded, but didn’t say anything. He had hoped they’d cleared the air last night, but now he was worried she was having second thoughts.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing.”
“No, there is something. You thought I was trying to run out of here, didn’t you?”
“Maybe.”
She rolled her eyes and leaned in for another kiss.
“I’m not going to run away anymore. I didn’t want to be so brazen about our relationship at work either.”
He cocked his head to the side and studied her for a second. “You want to keep it secret?”
“For right now.”
So, she didn’t want anyone to know they were together now. It irritated him enough that, apparently, she picked up on it.
“Hey. It doesn’t have anything to do with the team. It has to do with us. I want to give us some time to just be us. You know with everyone at work, they can be so nosey. We have enough baggage from before that I don’t want it to interfere with what is going on now.”
“Yeah?”
She nodded. “So, hurry up. I’ll make some coffee.”
He stood there for a few seconds trying to grasp this new situation. He had never been a man who liked to rush things. Even as a child, he liked to take his time and savor the moment. Last night, though, he had been different. Now, in the light of day, he wanted to spend all day with her; although, he knew that wasn’t possible. But he wanted to make that happen, and soon.
First, though, they had a killer to catch. It still didn’t mean he couldn’t steal a few moments here and there.
With that on his mind, he started the shower, and decided to get ready.
Cat found her way around Drew’s kitchen. For a man who grew up in a family that was considered a legend in the restaurant industry, she knew he didn’t cook much. She had a secret suspicion that he was a killer cook, but just told people the opposite, so he didn’t get roped in to cooking all the time. He seemed to survive on prepackaged food.
She opened the refrigerator door and studied the contents. Good lord, the man needed to go shopping. There was very little perishable food in the refrigerator, but he did have a lot of energy drinks. She shook her head. That couldn’t be good for him.
She found his coffee in the freezer. As she filled up the water reservoir for the coffeemaker, she started thinking about how to handle this new relationship. She knew that Drew thought everything was settled, and he had forgiven her. Maybe that was why she hadn’t told him before. Drew was one of the most forgiving people she knew, and keeping the truth from him had given her some distance.
Now, she had to deal with this relationship. One she didn’t feel she really deserved. Drew was a good man, one that she knew she could count on. And their friendship was something she had cherished since they’d first met. The last year had been so damned hard on her. She hadn’t just lost a potential boyfriend, she had lost a very good friend. It wasn’t anything new. She was toxic. Drew didn’t deserve to be exposed to that, but he apparently didn’t care.
Worse, she had hope now. A tiny kernel of optimism had blossomed in her heart, one that she would be smart to kill. She didn’t want to. She yearned for this, to have a good man who thought she was special, who treated her with respect. It was something she had wanted for years, but now that it was a possibility, she was sure something would come in and take it away from her. She wasn’t sure if she would be able to handle another breakup with Drew like the last one. They had barely started dating, and had never been to bed together. Now that they had been intimate, there was a good chance it would tear a hole in her soul if everything went to shit again.
She closed her eyes as she thought about the night before. When he had kissed her the year before, she had known he would be a good lover. Add in that he was detail oriented, and she knew that he’d know just how to handle her. None of that had prepared her for the night before. She could still feel his hands on her body, see the intense look he gave her when he drove into her each and every time.
Even right now she wanted him. She wanted to have him take her again and damn the consequences. When she found herself contemplating why it wasn’t a bad idea to join him in the shower, she pulled herself back from the edge. She opened her eyes and shook her head. Too much work to do. They needed to take this slowly and make sure they didn’t hurt each other. She turned on the coffeemaker just as her phone vibrated on the kitchen counter. She saw Del’s number and grabbed it immediately.
“Hey, boss. What’s up?”
“Nothing really. I got a call on one of the women that dated all three men, an Amber Tanaka. She was off the island…in fact, out of the country at the time of Anderson’s murder. So, she’s off the hook.”
“Is there a reason that I didn’t get that call?”
He sighed. “No. It was the assistant to the chief of police. You know how they work. They think that calling me looks better. All it does is piss me off at six in the morning.”
“Sorry.”
“No worries. Not your fault. Consequently, that takes us down to two women, and you can tell Drew he doesn’t have to set up a date with Ms. Tanaka.”
“Sounds good.”
There was a pause. “You sound different.”
She hesitated. “Uh, okay.”
“No, you sound rested. That’s good.”
She heard a sound behind her and turned to find Drew standing there smiling. His hair was still wet and, good lord, he was shirtless. Little droplets of water glistened on his flesh. The need to walk over to him and lick all of it off almost overwhelmed her. That is, if she weren’t talking to her boss on the phone.
“Cat?”
“Sorry,” she said as her cheeks grew hot.
She wasn’t a prude, and growing up in Hawaii had a lo
t to do with that. You couldn’t spend so much time at the beach and be embarrassed by skin. Being on the phone with her boss while lusting after Drew was an entirely different matter altogether. Especially since the images continued to flash through her brain. God, she wanted to taste every inch of his body.
“I need to finish getting ready and head in. I’ll catch Drew up with the new info.”
“Good. See ya then.”
They hung up and she set her phone down. Drew stood there smiling at her. She could tell from his expression that he was aware of what he was doing to her.
“What?”
He shrugged. “I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you embarrassed.”
“I wasn’t embarrassed.”
“Liar,” he said, as he stepped closer and pulled her against him. “You were. And all because the boss caught us.”
“First, he didn’t catch us. He just called to say that the Tanaka woman was off the island for the last murder.”
“And second?”
“What do you mean?”
“Second? What was the second point that you were making?”
Dammit. One of the things she liked about Drew was his quick mind, but sometimes it was her undoing.
“If you must know, it’s because I was on the phone with Del—”
“I knew it.”
“You didn’t let me finish.”
“Sorry.” But he didn’t look that sorry. In fact, he looked damned smug.
“Fine. It’s because I wanted to lick the water off your chest. It normally wouldn’t embarrass me, because I am not a prude.”
“Thank God for that.”
“Still, it was weird having those thoughts while I was on the phone with Del.”
He chuckled. “That’s actually kind of cute.”
“Don’t make me punch you in the groin, Franklin.”
“Sorry, but it is.” He leaned down and brushed his mouth over hers. “I take it that we don’t have time for a leisurely breakfast?”
She shook her head. “We need to check out this other woman, and you probably need to set up another date with Lana.”
Just saying the woman’s name left a bad taste in her mouth.
Tangled Passions (Task Force Hawaii Book 4) Page 13