Something in Sammy Jo twisted. As she held her breath, she watched Shar position her helmet more securely and then, grinning, she waved.
“Okay, kiddos, I’ll be right back!” And then with a squeal of pure joy, Shar pushed off the edge of the platform and, holding onto the handlebars, sailed out into nothingness.
Sammy Jo gasped. Her stomach rolled and she watched Shar with envy as she flew through the trees, laughing with glee. She even let go of the handlebars and leaned back with her arms held wide open. Sammy Jo had a sudden, overwhelming desire to let go like that. To live, without fear.
“You would enjoy it,” Jillian said softly, coming to stand beside her. “Really, why don’t you do it?”
“Yes.” Kelsey smiled. “I enjoy keeping my feet firmly in the stirrups of my horses saddles, but that zipline is addictive. I’m going next, unless you want to go. I’ll wait until after you go to do it.”
“Me? I don’t know. I don’t know if I could—”
Lilly studied her. “You can do it. It’s scary until you take the first leap, and then you never look back. Come on, let’s get you into a harness.”
“Oh, no, I couldn’t,” she stammered. But the next thing she knew, she was surrounded by Sinclair women and they were all encouraging her. She was really embarrassed about trying to weasel out of it. They would all think she was a big chicken. And before she could get enough objections out, Shar was back and all of her new friends had practically coerced her into getting up on the platform wearing a helmet and a harness.
She was about to kill herself. As sure as she was a female coward, she was about to see her last sunset as she plummeted to her death through the canopy of these beautiful trees. And all of her so-called new friends were going to be cheering on from the treehouse.
How had this happened? The question rolled over her like a steamroller. She was sweating and feeling faint. “Really, I don’t know if I can do this.”
“You can do this. I think you need to do this,” Shar said, mischief in her eyes. “Want me to push you?”
“Push me?” she asked, startled that Shar would even suggest that she just give her a shove off the platform. She was holding onto the handlebars with a death grip. It was her last shot to get off the platform. She needed to just back off the platform and take the harness off. But somehow, she was still standing on the platform, knees knocking and stomach curdling.
Had she lost her ever-lovin’-mind?
In the next instant, she didn’t have time to ask herself this question, because Shar misunderstood when she’d said “Push me?” Shar thought she was actually telling her to actually push her.
And Shar did exactly that.
One minute, Sammy Jo was standing on the platform with her knees knocking together like bongos and then suddenly hands shoved her in the back and sent her sailing out into the air.
“What!” she screamed as her weight caused the wire to dip downward. She screamed again, clutched the handlebars with a death grip as her feet swung free beneath her and her scream died in her throat when she realized she was not falling but flying. Gliding like greased lightning through the trees, a feeling of freedom and wonder.
Chapter Eleven
“Are you fudged out yet?” Jake asked her a few nights later as they wandered along the main street that the Fudge Fest was set up on. The delicious scent of fudge filled the air and it was about as sweet as it could get.
“I think I’ll pop if I try to eat any more. It is wonderful, though.”
He grinned. “Yeah, it is. I’m pretty much done too. How about a cup of coffee?”
“That sounds wonderful. Something to take the sweet edge off.”
He led the way over to a booth that was serving all types of drinks, coffee included. “I’m still trying to wrap my mind around the fact that you did the zipline at Lilly and Trent’s place. I wish I had been there.”
Sammy Jo beamed. “I loved it. I mean, like I told you, I was terrified. Really, really terrified. But your sister Shar, crazy woman, she shoved me off that platform without hesitation. If I could have jumped back on the platform, I probably would have strangled her, but of course I couldn’t. And after the initial lose-my-stomach moment, the exhilaration took over and it was amazing. I get chill bumps every time I think about it.”
He grinned at her. “I should have warned you not to turn your back on Shar. She’s something else.”
“Yes, in a very good way. Oh Jake, I just feel amazing.” They got their coffee and walked out to a bench and sat down. “I can’t imagine not living here in Windswept Bay.”
He couldn’t imagine her not being here either. Looking at her, he had the overwhelming need to pull her into his arms and ask her some very important questions.
But those questions…struck fear in him. Was he cut out for life as a married man? Would committing himself to being a family man last for him?
He’d always held onto the knowledge that all he had to take care of in life was himself. No one really relied on him. He’d had men depending on him when he’d been in special ops, and after he’d gotten out, he’d just never been able to hold someone else’s fate in his hands. Could he commit?
His brothers all seemed to love their new lives as family men. He envied them and yet when it came down to actually saying the words of love and commitment to Sammy Jo, he clammed up.
And so he just smiled. “You fit in perfectly. I’m glad you’re enjoying it. You ready to take that first dive next week?”
She froze with her coffee midway to her lips. Her eyes widened and he thought he saw panic. Then her jaw tensed and she nodded. “Let’s do this. If I can jump out of a treehouse connected to a cable, then surely I can dive into the ocean with an air tank.”
On Sunday, with her nerves tangled together, Sammy Jo met Jake on the dock. She was nervous but feeling better about herself since Shar had pushed her off the zipline. She could give herself a shove on getting this dive done and off her bucket list. Her gram would be proud of her.
“You ready to get this done?” Jake grinned at her with a sparkling smile and twinkling eyes as he took her hand and steadied her as she stepped into the boat. He didn’t step back but instead remained where he was, which brought them chest to chest. Her insides got all shaky and gooey and she wanted to throw herself into his arms. She had it bad and there was no getting past it.
“I am,” she said, breathless. Her pulse raced as she looked up into his eyes. “I’m a little nervous, though.” She was nervous—on all kinds of levels.
He lifted his hand and caressed her cheek. “Sammy Jo, you don’t have anything to be nervous about. I wouldn’t ever let anything happen to you. I’m crazy about you. Really, really crazy about you.”
Shivers raced down her spine. She told herself not to let his affection go to her heart. Do not let him get to my heart. She told herself to remember the way he’d pulled back after their kiss on the moonlit beach. There was no guarantee that he wouldn’t do that again, despite the fact that he’d apologized several times.
Would he pull back again? Could she trust him?
They had been having a good time since the night at his parents’ home. She reminded herself that that hadn’t been a date. His mother had set that up by asking him to pick her up. But she hadn’t been able to get the lovely evening off her mind. It had felt so good to feel as if she belonged. It was a feeling she did not need to let herself get too connected to. At least not as someone special to Jake. But then he’d talked her into dive lessons again and they’d gone to the Fudge Fest together and the days had just rolled comfortably into each other.
And now, the feel of his hands against her jaw was doing funny things to her thought process as she stared into his eyes. He was crazy about her. Did crazy about her equate to love her? The question echoed through her.
“You…what?” she mumbled, managing to speak past the thoughts jumbling through her.
He smiled. “I will never let anything happen to you. Trust
me.”
She was mesmerized by his eyes and realized they were still staring at each other.
Trust. It was a hard word. “Okay, great. I will,” she managed.
“Good. We better get going. We have a bucket list wish to mark off.” He backed up and gave her room to move into the boat.
Within minutes, they were racing across the bay. She thought about how Jake was acting all the way to the dive spot. He had almost acted as if he cared for her, as more than a friend. She knew she cared for him. She had tried and tried to deny it but she couldn’t any longer. But she was scared that he was not a commitment kind of guy. So, it wasn’t very smart of her to fall for him. But as they rode the waves and the sea spray hit her and the salt air filled her lungs, clearing her mind, she knew…she loved Jake Sinclair. She had let him get past her barriers.
She suddenly felt sick. Now what?
When they reached the dive spot, Jake helped her slip into her wet suit and they went through all the procedures he had taught her in their times at the pool. The closer it came to actually going into the water, the more her blood pressure rose. She kept practicing her breathing and told herself that if she could breathe through the regulator in the pool, she could do it in the ocean.
And Jake was going to be right there with her.
He frowned, a goal post of concern etched between his eyebrows. “Are you okay? You look like you feel bad.”
She took a shaky breath. “I’m fine. Well, okay, the closer it comes to actually getting in that water and going down there with only my air coming from this tank strapped to my back, the more nervous I get. Panicked, actually.”
She could be a risk taker. No, she had never really taken a risk—jumping off the platform of the zipline hadn’t actually been her taking a risk. It had been Shar shoving her into it.
Her mouth was dry.
This was pretty risky, no matter what Jake said. He was a Navy SEAL, after all. There was nothing that scared him. Her…well, this actually scared her.
“I’m scared actually,” she admitted because she basically couldn’t deny it any longer. This was it. Truth time.
His frown deepened. “You do know you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I won’t feel any differently about you. There is no shame in not enjoying something.”
Tears pricked at her eyes. “But Jake, I’m a wimp. Do you know how much I hate being a wimp? When I put it on my list, I was feeling all brave and determined. And Gram was all proud because she was feeling that way too. Scuba diving seemed like such a cool thing to challenge myself to do. So, Gram urged me to put it on the list because she always regretted not doing it.”
“Okay, so here is the thing—I’ve been meaning to ask you what parts of this list were you and what parts were your gram. What on this list do you want to do?”
Her brows scrunched. “Well, the dive is mostly Gram. But I want to be brave enough.”
“But that just doesn’t seem like the thing that a bucket list should be about. Shouldn’t it be about things you enjoy and long to do? Why don’t you step back and think about this? There are a lot of things that could be on your bucket list that maybe will challenge you, but also that you would enjoy. I just wonder about having to force yourself to do this.”
“But you love it.”
“So? It’s my passion. Don’t you get that? It’s my passion. I would never want you to do something that you are uncomfortable with.”
She swallowed hard. “But I feel like I failed.”
He tugged her against him. “You didn’t fail. It’s your choice what you want to do. You enjoyed snorkeling the other day.” He leaned back and looked into her eyes. “And that wasn’t even on your bucket list. What if you just trade that out with this dive?”
She couldn’t believe he was so calm about this. She sank down onto the bench seat. Her knees felt weak. This was why she wasn’t right for Jake.
The knowledge sank in. He deserved someone braver, full of fun and a risk taker. And she just wasn’t. And she’d known it all along.
He sat beside her. The boat rocked as she stared out across the beautiful topaz water surrounding them. “I love looking at this water. I loved snorkeling because I was above the water, looking down. But the truth is, I’m claustrophobic and it took every ounce of effort I had to go underwater in the pool with the regulator on. But to think about being below the surface of that big, beautiful ocean overwhelms me.”
“You should have been honest with me. I’m not used to taking people diving who don’t really want to do it. Let’s get that outfit off you and let’s go do something you’ll enjoy. And then, I think you need to look over your bucket list and turn it into what you want. Your gram loved you, and I am pretty sure she wouldn’t want you to do anything you don’t want to do.”
Feeling completely defeated, she sighed and gave in. She wanted to cry all the way back to the dock. Because she knew in her heart of hearts that Jake Sinclair deserved someone he could live life to the fullest with. And that was not the likes of her. And that broke her heart.
He needed more than a scared, wimpy gal who couldn’t keep up with him.
Jake worried about Sammy Jo all the way back to the boat dock. He had thought something about the dive was bothering her, but he hadn’t picked up on the fact that she really didn’t want to do it. Now, he knew she was being hard on herself.
As soon as he docked the boat, he cut the engine and looked at her. “Okay, now, we have an entire afternoon to do something fun.”
She looked really sad. Defeated even.
“I don’t know. I think I’ll just go to my apartment and do some work.”
He stared at her. “Nope. Trust me. There is more to do that’s fun that has nothing to do with extreme sports. And guess what? I enjoy those things too. Come hiking with me. I’d love to show you something beautiful.”
She took a deep breath and looked interested. “I don’t know.”
“You were supposed to spend the afternoon with me. Don’t let me down. I was counting on it.”
She sighed. “Okay, but you are not playing fair.”
“Maybe not, but all I’m interested in right now is doing whatever I have to in order to spend time with you. You might want to run up and grab some sturdier shoes instead of those flip-flops. I’ll wait here for you.”
“Okay. I’ll be right back.”
She jogged up the stairs and he watched her go. His heart was pounding. He was crazy about her. And he had realized that he didn’t want to lose her.
She came back down wearing running shoes and a smile. “Ready. I’m feeling better. I can’t wait to see what you want to show me.”
“Then let’s go. Your chariot awaits you.”
Sammy Jo had given herself a pep talk as she’d put her shoes on and now, as she followed Jake up a hillside, she kept trying to convince herself that everything wasn’t as bad as she thought. But she knew it was. She could never hope to hold a man like Jake. He would need a woman who wasn’t afraid to jump into the ocean and explore the worlds beneath the surface with him. He would need a partner in life who could keep up with him. And she might as well resolve herself to that fact and learn to live with it. Windswept Bay had everything she could possibly ever want or desire. Except an inner braveness that only she could muster up. She’d risked everything by letting herself fall in love with Jake.
Risked it all and lost.
And now, she just had to be a graceful loser and try not to let him see just how much she cared for him. If she could hide her feelings, then he wouldn’t feel so bad when he finally found his soul mate.
The best thing she could do was let him go. Just be friends.
And love him at a distance.
She would be the quintessential girl next door. The friend and never the lover.
Never the loved.
By the time they reached the waterfall, she had become quite depressed. She should have stayed home.
But when they walked thr
ough the trees, suddenly the forest opened up and there in front of them was the waterfall cascading down the rocks and splashing in the green pool below them.
She gasped. “Oh, oh, Jake. I had no idea this was here. It is breathtaking.”
He turned toward her and smiled. “Just like you.”
His words filled her and caused her to take a shaky breath. He was so very sweet.
“A little more exciting than me. But wow, just wow.”
He took her hands. “Actually, I disagree. You see, this waterfall is very much like you. See, that first day when I looked up and saw you standing in the doorway of your shop, you took my breath away. I couldn’t take my eyes off you. I could come to this waterfall and look at it all day long and never grow tired of it. It bubbles with life and hope and beauty. And so do you. And it doesn’t have to do anything to make me love it more than what it already does. It draws me to it. It infatuates me and it makes me stand here and take in my surroundings and fills me with peace. That’s what you do to me. But it’s your heart and your selfless spirit that draws me to you the most.”
She blinked back tears. His words started to sink in. “But you are so full of life. You need a woman who can keep up with you.”
He cupped her face in his hands. “I need a woman who balances me out and fills me with peace, love, and joy. That’s you, Sammy Jo ‘So’ Lovely. I know you feel bad about the dive. But I personally couldn’t care less about that. You can leave it as a goal if you want and we will spend the rest of our lives seeking to achieve it. Or who knows, you could do it next week. Me, I don’t care. I want to make a new bucket list that you and I want to fulfill together. And the top of that list is I want you to become Mrs. Jake Sinclair. I want you to be my wife. If I remember correctly, there is one other thing on that bucket list that my wish would complete if you felt the same way and said yes.”
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