by A. Zavarelli
Still no luck.
I stare at it for a long while, trying to figure out what it could be for. As much as I want to believe it, it wouldn't make sense for Javi to have a key of importance haplessly lying around like this. He is too careful for that. Even if he forbade me from coming into this wing, he had to know I might still try. So I go back to the surgery room and poke around the cabinets for a clue. They are all unlocked. But they aren’t attached to the wall. It is simply a standing row of shelves. Shelves that might have something behind them.
It's a long shot. And probably too risky to be moving furniture. Can Javi hear me in this part of the house? It feels so far away from his office.
I'm not certain.
Until I think of the bird again. And I realize that I am choosing safety over freedom. That if I really want to know the answers to my questions, I need to figure out what this key is for.
I test the cabinets by wiggling them with my hand. They are old. Rickety. But they aren't as heavy as I thought.
I start out small. Sliding them just an inch forward.
Pausing.
Waiting.
Holding my breath.
Javi does not come. So after a minute, I move it another inch. And then another. And after I've cleared about half a foot, I can see it.
The square shaped door in the wall. A built-in cupboard. With a lock. My heart beats faster.Louder. I move the cabinets again, not stopping this time until I can reach the lock. My arm almost gets stuck in my panic to test out the key. But with a twist, I hit gold.
The lock turns. The door opens. And my shoulders fall when I see the contents.
Tapes.
They are simply more tapes. But why are they in here? Hidden away. It doesn't make sense.
Down the hall, a door slams and jolts me from my thoughts. He's coming. He must know, and he's coming.
Gathering the tapes into my arms, I shove them into my pockets. I lock the door and slide the cupboards back into place. Footsteps echo down the hall, and I know I am caught.
He will be here any moment. And there is only one thing for me to do. I climb back down into the underground tunnel and run. Testing each latch that I come to with a sliver of light above.
I pass up five before I find one that is unlocked. Oddly enough, it is the same one I escaped into before.In the conservatory. I swore Javi locked it again. But it doesn't matter. He's looking for me. And I need to hide these tapes and find a way to avoid his wrath.
I dart into the one place in this room where I know he doesn't have cameras and shove the tapes into a makeup case before securing them in the drawer.
There is a loud crash from somewhere on the opposite side of the house. I don't know what to do now. How to explain my absence, or if he knows. I creep back towards my room but stop when I pass the piano room.
The piano.
I haven't played since those early first weeks. I haven't wanted to play since long before I left Luke when he tried to turn me into a pop princess. But Javi asked me to play. He wanted to hear me play.
And I can only hope that it will calm him now.
I sit down on the bench and take a deep breath, closing my eyes as my fingers hover over the keys. Feeling them. Reacquainting myself with them.
I don't open my eyes. But I play. The song that I had stuck in my head for so long, but was afraid to give voice to.
It's rough at first. I have always done better thinking of the lyrics as I go along. Finding the right notes. I play it over and over again until I feel like I have it right.
Everything else slips away. I forget why I came here as I get lost in the music. Nothing else matters at this moment. Not until I open my eyes and see him standing there. Watching me. Enrapt. Suspicious. I stop, and our eyes lock.
"Keep playing," he says.
I keep playing.
Javi doesn't say another word. He just listens. Watches. Waits until the song is over.
And then he leaves again.
Chapter Twenty-Three
I have underestimated Luke. Underestimated his level of obsession, and also his reach.
He has hired a team of private investigators. He is relentless in his pursuit of my Bella. He is sniffing around too much. Making too much noise. Her face is plastered over every major news outlet.
Pop princess gone missing?
Rumors of nervous breakdowns abound. Fans theorizing a possible connection to her father's disappearance. Questions. Questions that I can't have. The agency can't know she is with me. And so it is time for me to quash the problem.
River arrives at seven, two hours later than he said he would. We give each other a brief nod, and then he asks me where the girl is.
If there is anyone I trust, it's River. We were in the sanitarium together as children. I did not speak, and he spoke too much. And as luck would have it, he ended up being my roommate.
He was annoying. Psychotic. But mellow, most of the time. And mellow was what I needed. When I wouldn't speak to him, he started writing me notes. In code. My brain liked the challenge. It took me a week to figure it out. He was smart, like me. So we wrote to each other. In code.
I didn't tell him my secrets, and he didn't tell me his. We just talked. About stupid things. But it was nice to talk about stupid things. When everyone else looked at me like I was the worst of humanity. Like I was a monster.River never did.
He was my first friend. My only friend. And he is the only person I would trust to look after my Bella.
I have no need to call her out of her room. When she hears the door close, she comes on her own. Her face flashes with surprise and then fear when she sees that we have a visitor. The same visitor I tricked her with before.
River smiles at her, juggling an apple between his palms.
"Hello, Isabella."
"You know my name?" she asks.
Her eyes flicker to me, and she bites her lip. She wants him to be someone other than who he really is. A knight come to save her.
She wants to tell him about her monster. How I am keeping her here against her will. About the dirty things I do to her, but not how much she really loves them. The things he has already seen with his own eyes.
"Of course I do," he answers. "My friend Javi here has told me so much about you."
My cheeks heat, and I want to tell her that's a lie. I've told River very little about her. But he is nosy. And this is his way of getting information. I have no doubt he will ask her plenty when I'm gone, while she tries to persuade him to set her free.
"I'm leaving," I announce.
Both of them look at me. River takes a bite of his apple, and Bella's eyes grow wide.
Afraid.
River is watching me carefully as I go to her, but I do not care. I touch her cheek. It has been so long since I've allowed myself to touch her. To feel her. To breathe her in.
I want her. I want her to let me have her.
"You are mine, Bella," I assure her. "Only mine."
It is the right thing to say. Her shoulders relax, and she leans into my touch. It surprises me.
River smirks. I don't care.
"Where are you going?" Bella asks.
"I have some business to take care of."
She doesn't know about Luke. She doesn't know about the trouble he has gone to in order to find her. She also doesn't know that I've been looking for her father myself. And that Luke isn't the only matter I am leaving for today.
"How long will you be gone for?"
Her lip trembles and something wrenches inside of my chest. An urge to comfort her. To tell her it’s okay. But that would be a lie.
She is with me. And it is not okay.
"I will be back soon enough."
"That's what my father always used to say."
She retreats, and I feel the loss of her immediately. My hand is cold when I shove it into my pocket and turn away.
River gives me a nod before I go. One that says everything I need to know.
He will ta
ke care of her.
Chapter Twenty-Four
If Javi had a brother, it could be River. They are alike in so many ways. Both lofty and well built. Masculine. Dark. Mysterious. But where Javi is closed off, River is open.
There is something about him that alarms me. The way he smiles. It isn't normal. I don't trust that he's all there in the head. But then again, I don't trust that Javi is either, really.
And yet, I have started to feel safe with Javi. It is the story my father used to tell, becoming my own. I am the caged bird, adapting to my prison.
The guilt and confusion weigh heavy on my soul. I should want to leave. Before it’s too late. It's a long shot. But I have to try.
River is eating another apple. His third since he arrived. He is at ease in Javi’s home. He is at ease around me. I doubt there is anyone that can truly ruffle his feathers.
"What has Javi told you about me?" I ask.
"Very little, actually," he says between bites. "I was just giving him shit."
"So he hasn't told you?"
"Told me what?"
"That he kidnapped me? That he's holding me here against my will?"
River smiles. Unfazed. "Oh, he did tell me that."
I glare at him.
"So that's the kind of man you are? You're just going to let him do this..."
"Do what?" he asks. "You look fine to me."
"I don't want to be here," I bark. "Please, if you have any morals at all... please just let me go."
He is quiet for a moment. I think he might actually be considering it. Until he laughs.
"Do you know where I met Javi?"
"No."
"In the psych ward," he says, twirling a finger around his head. "That should tell you I'm loco, little Bella."
"You met him in the sanitarium?"
Suddenly, I'm less concerned with my escape and more interested in what he has to say.
"After he killed his mother?"
"Yep."
His reply is matter of fact. Unbothered. And I find myself wondering about him too. If he doesn't seem to mind that Javi killed his mother, I can only imagine what he was in there for.
"You know what I think?" River asks.
"What?"
"I think you like him. I think you like the mystery of him. The dangerous man beneath the hood. Have you seen him yet?"
I open my mouth to deny it. But River laughs.
"Spare me. You can lie to yourself, princess. But you were worried about him leaving you here with the big bad wolf because you feel safer with him."
"I just want to leave," I tell him.
"Do you?" he asks. "Do you really?"
"Yes."
"And go back to what? That glamorous life you hated so much? Your pervert manager who couldn't keep his mitts off you?"
"It's not any different than Javi. I've traded one hell for another."
But even as I say the words, they feel like a lie. I hate it. I hate that I am so confused about Javi. I don’t understand why I feel things when he touches me. Why I dream about him sometimes. Or why I lie awake at night in my bed, listening to see if he will come down the hall to my room.
River can see this weakness inside of me. And I’m certain Javi can too.
"I'm going to go read," I mutter.
River reaches for another apple and nods. But when I enter the hallway, his words stop me.
"How do you know?"
I turn and look at him.
"What?"
"How do you know he killed his mother?"
Javi has been gone for four days. It feels like a year.
It’s strange without his presence here.I'm on edge, and I don't really know why. I'm lonely and bored and the last four days have left me wordless and anxious.
River doesn't bother me.
He lounges around the house all day, eating apples and listening to music. Today I catch him looking at some of Javi's drawings. Drawings that I have only recently discovered myself. They have the same precision as the ones he used to send me.
I sit down across from River and watch him as he studies the charcoal sketches.
"What do you think they mean?"
River rolls his eyes. Laughs.
"Why does everything have to mean something? Maybe he just likes to draw."
I don't reply.
He's a smart ass. And I don't know why I even thought to bother with him at all.
I stand up. But he stops me again.
"They're tattoos."
"Tattoos?"
River pulls up his sleeve and shows off his own ink. Raises his eyebrows at me like I'm a half-wit.
"I know what tattoos are."
"Congratulations," he replies.
"You're an asshole."
"Never said I wasn't."
We fall silent. Staring at each other. I want to ask him when Javi is going to be back. It's taking too long. And I don't know why it matters, but it just does.
"He draws them," River tells me. "I ink them."
"He has tattoos?"
"You really haven't seen him," he says. "Have you?"
I shake my head. He smiles.
"Won't be long now."
I glare, and he makes a gesture with his hand.
"You can run along now. I'm bored of you."
And so continues the next three days.
River doesn't look at me. Whatever concerns I had in the beginning are long gone now. I know now that he either respects or fears Javi too much to do anything to me.
We are like ghosts in the house, living together, but not really speaking. Until the seventh day. When even he is on edge, and he comes to the conservatory and finds me reading. He walks around the room, taking in the roses and the books while eating his apple.
Quiet.
Too quiet.
"I have to go out for a little bit."
"What?"
"I have to leave for a while."
At first, I think he's joking. But it becomes obvious that this time he isn't. I'm not really concerned with the why, because this could be it. My chance.
"Okay."
He's quiet again. Thinking again. Watching me while he eats his apple.
"It's been too long."
"What do you mean?"
"He should have been back by now."
I swallow. Tell myself I don't care. It doesn't matter. Javi doesn't mean anything to me. If he's gone, then it means I can be free again. It's what I should be thinking. Instead, something else comes out of my mouth.
"Is he okay?"
River shrugs like it's not a big deal. But he looks concerned. As concerned as a psychopath can be, I suppose.
"Come with me for a minute," he says. "I need to show you something."
I close the book and stand up. He walks down the hallway, and I follow. He pauses at the door to Javi's master suite and gestures to a piece of paper on the bedside table. I move to inspect it, only to realize it was a trick when River shuts the door behind me and engages the lock.
"What the hell?"
I pound on the door.
"Let me out."
"Sorry, princess. No can do. Gotta make sure you don't cause any mischief while I'm gone."
"I won't," I lie. "Please don't leave me locked in here."
"You have everything you need in there. I'll be back soon."
"But what if you're not?" I ask. "What if something happens and you can't come back?"
Silence is the only response I get. Because he's gone. And when I turn around, I'm not any more relieved to see that he was right. He has, in fact, stocked the room with everything I could need.
For what looks like a year.
Chapter Twenty-Five
It's been three days.
Three long, never-ending days.
While River supplied me with food and books, he didn't supply me with my journal. So I have my thoughts, but nothing to write them down with.
I sing the new lyrics on repeat so that I can remember. I take
baths. I eat the food he left in here for me. I attempt to read. But my mind is elsewhere. Scattered. Wondering what's happening.
Where is Javi? What is he doing?
I don't have to wonder long. On the fourth day, River returns. I want to slap him when he opens the door. But the expression on his face is grim.
"What is it?" I ask.
My stomach flips, and I'm afraid to hear whatever it is he has to say. He gestures for me to follow him. Something that didn't bode well for me before, but this time, I trust his intentions aren't trickery.
I shuffle along beside him to keep up with his long strides.
"How are you with blood?" he asks.
I stop. He turns around and sighs.
"He's been hurt."
His words urge me forward again, and we are walking in tandem now. He leads me to the conservatory. The same bed where Javi first held me captive is where he now rests, motionless. It isn't until I am close that I see him.
And I gasp.
"What happened?"
His clothes are shredded. Covered in blood and gravel.
But it's his face.
His face that is no longer hidden beneath the hood. He looks like he's sleeping. But his face is battered and swollen. He's been beaten.
Repeatedly.
"Motorcycle accident," River tells me.
I turn to him and glare.
"Don't lie to me."
"What does it matter?" River barks. "Can you help him or not?"
I hesitate. Unsure of myself.
"He should be in a hospital."
Now River really does look at me like I'm stupid.
"He can't be in a hospital, Bella. He can't ever go back to a place like that. I had to drug him just to get him back here."
Relief swells inside of me- if only briefly. He's drugged, not knocked out. That is something, I guess.
But the level of his injuries is not something I should be dealing with. He could have a concussion. He could have broken bones. There could be internal bleeding. There could be a whole host of things that I can't fix. But when I look at Javi, I know River is right.