by Decadent
Kimber kissed his words away, softly. Deke could almost taste her regret and pain as he watched. Then she drew in a teary, shaking breath. “Luc, I’ve got to go. I care about you, too, but I can’t be here with him. It hurts too much.”
Oh, shit.
She opened the door and turned back. Deke’s gaze connected with hers, and it felt like a battering ram crushing his chest. His cheek burned where she’d slapped him, and he knew that would be the last place she ever touched him. Hell, he was going to implode from the pain. He hurt so fucking bad.
Kimber didn’t say a word. She just shook her head, stepped out, and slammed the door behind her.
His knees nearly crumpled. Deke turned and braced himself against the wall, closing his eyes against this hell.
Luc cursed softly, an ugly string of words Deke doubted his cousin had ever uttered in his life.
He was in major trouble, no doubt. Luc had every right to be pissed. Kimber had every right to hate him.
She couldn’t hate him anymore than he hated himself right now.
Chapter Eight
KIMBER smoothed down a ripple in her jeans, flipped her hair over her shoulder, then knocked on the door.
Nearly five years. That’s how long it had been since she’d actually seen Jesse McCall in the flesh. She’d seen dozens of pictures. They’d talked on the phone, written countless e-mails. They’d shared parts of themselves over the years—what it had been like for her to grow up without feminine influence after her mother’s death, what it had been like for him to be thrust into sudden stardom. Her difficult classes. His demanding schedule. Her wishes. His dreams.
She’d planned for months to be with him so they could share all that together in person finally, maybe for the rest of their lives.
Now, she’d come here with mixed feelings, no longer certain what her future held. She’d wanted to be with him for so long.
But Deke, his anguish and need, his hunger and denial, haunted her.
Kimber’s stomach twisted with pain. She pushed it down, hoping to achieve the numbness that had blanketed her for the past forty-eight hours.
Clear the mind. Deep breath. A little calm, but will it ever be enough?
For days after she’d left East Texas, Kimber had hoped that Deke would call and apologize, beg her to come back, tell her he was sorry for humiliating her. God, the hours of tears she’d cried . . . Jesse had been the last thing on her mind.
From Deke, there’d been silence. Utter, hellish silence. Luc had called to check on her, and attempt to cajole her into returning. He’d even pleaded. But Deke wasn’t going to beg her to come back. According to him, he had a stiff dick for her, nothing more. Kimber didn’t believe it. She’d gotten too close to him emotionally; Deke had shed her in an attempt to protect her from something she didn’t understand. But he was also protecting himself.
After he’d thrown the offer of her virginity back in her face and all but announced he was tossing her over for a stripper was a hell of a time to realize that she loved him.
She shoved the thought and the chest-crushing pain aside as footsteps approached the door. She took a deep breath. The blessed numbness began to return.
Deke expected her to move on. So here Kimber was, at Jesse’s door, determined to follow through with her plan. She still adored Luc, but she had to get over Deke and carve out a future. What else could she do?
The hotel room door opened. A stranger with a boyish smile stood in the doorway. Wavy brown hair. Blue eyes. He would have been white bread and apple pie—except for the big tattoo of a skull and crossbones on his biceps, his black eyeliner, and the bullring through his nose.
“Hi, I’m here to see Jesse.”
He stuck out his hand, pale and artistic. “You must be Kimber. I’m Ryan. I do backup vocals and write songs.”
She took his hand, shook it. “Oh, yes. He’s mentioned you many times. Nice to meet you.”
Ryan’s gaze roamed over her with subtle appreciation. “You, too. He said you were a gorgeous girl, but he was wrong. You’re a gorgeous woman, and he’s going to be surprised.”
Sending him a nervous smile, Kimber looked around the room. A suite. A very nice one in tasteful taupes and creams—and a view of Houston’s skyline that went on forever.
“Thank you. Is Jesse here?”
“Just getting out of the shower. He asked me to greet you since he got out of rehearsals a bit late and had to take an unexpected radio interview.” Ryan shrugged narrow shoulders. “Goes with the territory.”
“I’m sure.”
Kimber tried not to be let down, tried not to fidget. Surely, Jesse would have greeted her personally if he could. Still, she’d waited five years and she really, really needed a friend. Couldn’t those people wait ten minutes?
“Have a seat,” Ryan invited. “Drink?”
He pointed to the half-empty minibar. Lots of little bottles missing. The soda shelf was mostly full.
She shook her head as she sank onto the empty chocolate brown sofa. For a moment, she was tempted to lose herself to whiskey oblivion, but she’d tried last week and endured the hangover from hell. “No thanks.”
Ryan sat beside her. “Jesse has talked so much about you, I feel like I know you. He always brags about how kind you are. How sweet.”
Kimber frowned. She wasn’t a saint. Look at the things she’d done with Luc and Deke. And in retrospect, she hadn’t done them strictly to learn for Jesse. Or to see if she could handle a ménage. Once she’d identified her lack-of-experience problem and realized Deke was a solution, she’d jumped—hell, leaped, hopped, and skipped—at the chance to see him. To satisfy a dark fascination she’d had for the hard soldier since she was old enough to understand and too young to indulge.
“Jesse may have exaggerated my goodness.”
“Him? Nah. He’s as jaded as they come. He never gives praise unless it’s due. Trust me.”
“I see.” But she didn’t. Not really.
The Jesse she’d connected with that special summer had been optimistic and eager for the future. True, in the last few years, he’d seemed . . . a little more skeptical about people. Less trusting. But didn’t that come with stardom? Having to protect your identity and privacy? All that crap would affect anyone’s outlook, she supposed.
“It’s great to meet one of Jesse’s friends. I know you two are pretty close,” she offered, fishing for information to discover exactly what role Ryan played in Jesse’s life.
“He probably told you; I’ve been a member of the band for the last three years.” He leaned in, gave her a direct stare. “We do everything together.”
Including have sex. So he was the third in Jesse’s ménages. Ryan’s pale blue eyes communicated the gravity of the information without saying a word. As far as he and Jesse knew, Kimber had no notion about their kink, but she understood the other man’s message. And his stare made it clear that he expected to jump in on the action.
The thought was unsettling. Would Jesse want her to have sex with this person she barely knew and wasn’t sure she liked? The thought made her grimace. Wasn’t she different to Jesse than other women? More special? He’d always said so . . .
But that wasn’t her problem. Deke and Luc—they were the issue. They haunted her. Yes, spending time with them had shown her firsthand how arousing ménage could be. Kimber was sure that Jesse craved the excitement, the forbidden thrill. Lord knew, after those few days with the cousins, she more than understood. But now, the thought of anyone else touching her made her queasy. When Ryan looked her over, she recoiled and nearly lost her lunch.
Run! a part of her screamed.
Ever practical, her mind pointed out that she had no future with Luc and Deke. She had to move forward, and she’d planned for years to be with Jesse. She had to follow through, to see where their years-long rapport might lead. Maybe her first love could help her recover from her last mistake.
“I understand what you’re saying,” she murmured.
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Ryan’s smile faded, removing the boyish quality. One brown brow quirked up. “Do you?”
“Jesse may have last seen me as a seventeen-year-old girl, but while I’ve retained a certain amount of innocence, I can assure you I’ve grown up.”
“Beautifully so, I’d say,” boomed a voice from behind her.
Kimber whipped her gaze around. Jesse?
He looked so much the same from a distance. Tall, shaggy brown hair liberally laced with sun-streaked gold, olive complexion, dark eyes, and a smoking hot bod, as evidenced by his tight black T-shirt and jeans. Jesse.
She jumped up from the sofa at the same time he moved toward her. When he grabbed her in a big hug, wrapping lean, strong arms around her, she sank against him—just like she had that summer they spent together. Her head didn’t fit exactly under his chin anymore, but he kissed her lips tenderly, as he always had. Kimber waited, but . . . Where was that shiver his kiss had always given her? The smile he flashed her didn’t look complete.
Maybe he was just tired. And distracted. Lord knew, she’d been completely preoccupied after leaving Deke and Luc. And it had been five years since she’d seen Jesse. Things changed. People changed. She’d learn his new ways. She and Jesse would reconnect.
Holding out hope that Deke would call and apologize and ask her to come back was plain stupid.
“Wow!” He stood back, holding her at arm’s length, and stared. “You look great.”
“You, too.”
He waved her compliment away. “It’s easy when you have a hairdresser, a personal trainer, a chef, blah, blah, blah. Sit down. It’s great to see you!” He tugged her to the sofa and she sat beside him. “Since we haven’t had the chance to catch up in a couple of weeks, tell me how your dad has been.”
“You know the Colonel. Always busy. Always running a tight unit. He’s been all over the world lately. He’ll be heading home next week for a mini-vacation. He hasn’t had one in over a year.”
Jesse nodded. “That man was always driven. Remember that week at the lake we all spent the summer he guarded me?”
Remember? That’s where she and Jesse had fallen for each other, and they’d started talking about the possibilities of a future together.
Nothing had changed since then. Yet everything had. Jesse had drifted into a wild lifestyle, according to the tabloids. Now, Deke kept intruding on Kimber’s thoughts. Her stomach was in a constant knot of pain. Standing in front of Jesse with Ryan looking on, one big question hit her: Even if she managed to push Deke and Luc out of her heart and started a new future, how could she fit into Jesse’s life?
The details of how Jesse had become attracted to ménages—and where he got the women—should probably trouble her. It had several months ago. But since her involvement with Deke and Luc, she hadn’t thought much about it. Certainly, she couldn’t expect celibacy when she hadn’t seen Jesse for so long. And she had problems of her own.
Besides, the last time she and Jesse had talked, he’d said he was ready to give up his partying ways. More than ready. She wasn’t exactly sure what that meant. Giving up ménages? No matter what, she’d have to forget Deke and Luc enough to handle being with Jesse if they were going to have any sort of future.
“Sure, I remember,” she murmured. “I have fond memories of that week.”
“You know that was my attempt to force your dad to take a vacation.” He had the good grace to look sheepish.
Really? She’d thought—hoped at the time—it had been his ploy to get some extra alone time with her.
Kimber reminded him tartly, “All he did was complain for a week that the cabin was too hard to defend and that any psycho fan could get out on the lake with a sailboat and a high-powered rifle and pick you off.”
Jesse rolled his eyes. “Yeah, he never mastered the fine art of kicking back.”
“Nothing has changed.”
“So you’re still working on your nursing exams?”
She shook her head. “I just finished my state exam yesterday. Once the results are in, I have to figure out where I’m going to work. I’ve got a couple of offers I’m considering, of course contingent on passing the exams.”
“You’ll pass.” He frowned. “You’re going to get a job? How soon?”
“Six weeks.” She shrugged. “I won’t get my test results until then.”
Something pensive crossed his face. “That gives us a little time—”
A sudden hard rap on the door startled Kimber. She and Jesse both turned toward the sound as Ryan opened the suite’s door. An older man dressed in a camel-colored sport coat and an overstarched white shirt stood on the other side and entered the room. As he moved under the light, Kimber saw his hair was dominated by salt more than pepper. Sagging jowls puffed up an otherwise thin man.
He scowled. “Jesse, you’ve got press coming in an hour. Don’t forget.” He turned a sharp stare to the half-empty minibar. “And damn it, don’t get drunk. They spot that shit a mile away, and your reputation isn’t exactly squeaky clean.”
“Cal,” Jesse supplied. “My manager. The soul of kindness.”
A deaf man wouldn’t miss the sarcasm in Jesse’s tone.
All gruff and rumble, Cal blustered out, “I keep you from self-destructing. Without me, you’re one party away from has-been.”
“Thanks for the pep talk, Dad.”
His manager turned his watery blue gaze on her. “We haven’t met.”
The greeting wasn’t warm, but it wasn’t unfriendly, either. She wasn’t sure what to make of him, since she didn’t disagree that Jesse needed to tone down the partying. But if she was delivering the message, she would have done it with a little more finesse.
She stood and held out her hand. “No, we haven’t. I’m Kimber Edgington.”
Cal’s blank expression as he shook her hand said he’d never heard of her. Odd. Then again, Jesse had only hired the seasoned veteran about eighteen months ago. Jesse and Cal weren’t close, and their relationship was strictly business.
“I’ve known Jesse for years. We’re old friends.”
“And since we’ve got a little break, Kimber and I are going to catch up,” Jesse chimed in, now standing beside her and wrapping his arm around her shoulder.
“Just remember your priorities, Romeo. We’ve got a lot riding on this next album and upcoming tour.” Cal frowned.
“Got it.” Jesse shoved Cal toward the door. “I’ll be down in an hour. Thanks for the heads-up. Good to see you. Buh bye.”
Kimber frowned. “You’re going back out on tour?”
“Mostly we’re finishing studio work. There’s a mini U.S. tour, but it’s only ten cities,” he assured, still pushing Cal. “You’ll come with me, won’t you? You said you’d spend at least a few weeks with me. Does it matter where we are?”
“She’s a distraction you don’t need,” Cal warned, digging in his heels just short of the door. “It’s not the image we’ve been pushing to the press. Single bad boy with a voice like an angel. Chicks dig it, and it sells records. Word gets out that you have a girlfriend on tour with you, and you watch. The album won’t do as well.”
“If you leave in the next ten seconds, I’ll do an extra press junket in the first three cities.”
With a scowl, Cal dashed out, slamming the door behind him.
Jesse leaned against it with a groan. “He’s got great business smarts, but he’s so single-minded, he drives me crazy. So, you’ll come with me on tour, right?”
Kimber had cleared her schedule so she could be with him. But a tour? Everything between them right now felt a little awkward. Having Cal and Ryan hanging around wasn’t helping. Or maybe this . . . weird feeling was all in her head because she couldn’t get Deke out of her thoughts.
Did he regret rejecting and insulting her? Did he miss her at all? Even now, she itched to pick up her cell phone and call Luc, ask him for some word about the hard-headed soldier. But why? Even if Deke wanted her, he’d never accept his desire. F
or some reason, she made him vulnerable and he refused to tolerate it.
And damn, it hurt like hell.
Kimber cleared her throat, tried to clear her mind. “I’ll have to make sure there’s nothing going on, but I’m pretty sure I can go.”
“Great.” He shrugged and tugged her back to the couch, plopping down on it and pulling her into his lap. “I really want you to go. I’ve been looking forward to having you around. You’re just what I need, babe. Without you here, I can be a really bad boy.” Jesse flashed her a thousand-megawatt smile.
Yeah, that’s what all the press about him said. With looks, money, and stardom, he was all about the sex, drugs, and rock ‘n’ roll—pretty much in that order. Sitting on his lap felt weird, since she could only wonder how many other women he’d perched on his thighs and what had happened next. And he didn’t rev her up like Deke or comfort her like Luc.
“How will having me here change your bad ways?”
He picked up her hand, rubbed his thumb along the back. “You’re a calming influence. My good luck charm. My conscience.”
What? The last time they’d talked she wasn’t wild enough to live his life, and now she was his conscience?
“Don’t frown,” he said. “That’s a good thing.”
Ryan glanced at his watch. “Time to go face Jimmy for the day, toss out the new crop of songs for him to butcher and bitch about for the album.”
“Jimmy is my producer,” Jesse explained as a quick aside to Kimber. “Dodge a few bullets for me, would you? I want to spend a little time with Kimber.”
Ryan’s gaze slid over to her, moved over her breasts. She felt somehow touched without permission. Almost violated. She shivered. If he was the third in Jesse’s ménages, and if she stuck this out with Jesse, she’d have to talk to him about finding someone whose mere stare didn’t make her feel the need to shower.
“Sure,” Ryan said. “I need some liquid fortification before I go.” He peered down into the minibar and extracted a couple of the little liquor bottles. He opened one and chugged it straight, in seconds. “Want something?”
Jesse looked at the bottles in Ryan’s hands, then at Kimber. Discreetly, she checked her watch. Two in the afternoon, and he was starting on hard liquor? And drinking it straight?