In less than four minutes, Greg was already opening his apartment door.
25
Vasko had no particular plan in place. He packed a few clothes and left for the airport. Only after the plane took off did it occur to him that Annika might already have someone else there. Their e-mails had been quite general and they did not know too much about each other’s personal lives latterly. With each day they shared less, and only now did Vasko realise that he knew nothing about her friends or lifestyle. She mostly wrote about her work and the books she was reading.
Vasko wanted the plane to fly faster. No longer could he bear their separation. He did not know how he was going to pull it off, but he had to get back what they had had. Vasko had passed all his exams and his graduation was in a week’s time. From then on, his future depended on how Annika would react. They had not seen each other for an entire year but he still recalled her smell, how her skin felt and her taste.
Finally he was there. The taxi was taking him to her place and he was looking around with an amazed face. It was so different from anywhere he had been so far. Now he could understand why Annika liked this city. It was so much like her – unpredictable, crazy and full of contrast. At the same time the city was cosy, welcoming and diverse. Vasko realised that with his calm, shy and quiet character, he would never be able to live here. The thought made him sad. Most probably Annika would not like to give up the city for someone who had once before given up on her. He felt extremely insecure.
The taxi pulled up next to the entrance to her building. Vasko picked up his small suitcase, paid and got out. He took a sharp deep breath. It was still only four in the afternoon, which meant that he would have at least two hours to wait until she got back from work. That is, if she did not go anywhere else. Only then did Vasko realise that he had absolutely no clue about what her days were like.
Full of thoughts, emotional pressure and confusion, he sat down on the steps to the entrance and waited. Vasko had not the faintest idea what he was going to do when he saw her. How could he have forgotten to buy flowers? Stupid, stupid... how dumb could he be!
Vasko sat and watched the passers-by. They, on the other hand, paid him not the slightest attention. A modest guy sitting on some steps: a completely uninteresting sight for Amsterdam.
That day Annika had joined her colleagues for a drink after work. They’d spent a few hours drinking, relaxing and telling stories. It was a nice evening and there was nothing to indicate that anything out of the ordinary would happen.
It was around 10 pm when they all parted. Each went home. The pub was not too far, so Annika walked home alone. Strange to say, given the city's reputation, Annika always felt safe there. She did not feel any danger and was very comfortable walking alone in the dark.
As Annika got close to her building’s entrance, she noticed someone sleeping on the steps. That did not worry her at all. There were many possible explanations – homeless, drugged, drunk...anyone could be sleeping there. She just needed to be careful not to wake him up, open the entrance door with her key and sneak inside: that was all.
The sound of a key opening a door woke Vasko up. At first he did not understand where he was or what was happening. He had lost all sense of time and space. Then he saw Annika and immediately stood up. Annika turned towards him with fear in her eyes. She hoped that she wasn’t going to have to confront a stranger on the empty street at this hour. Who could say who or what the guy might be?
“Hi, Annika!”
She still could not see his face under the cap Vasko was wearing, and was startled to hear her name.
“Hi,” she murmured.
“Oh, it's me,” Vasko took off the cap and looked straight into her eyes.
“Vasko!” Annika threw her arms round his neck and hugged him tight. It felt so nice to see someone familiar and close to her soul. Only now did she actually realise how lonely she’d been without him.
Vasko was overjoyed to see that he was welcome and that his fear of finding Annika living with someone else was groundless. He smiled to himself to think how stupid he had been, both for entertaining such ludicrous thoughts and for not buying any flowers.
Annika finally made her way back to the door again, and opened it. But something in her mind was bothering her. Although she was extremely glad to see Vasko, it felt more like meeting an old friend or a brother. The passion seemed no longer to be there. With time and distance, something had disappeared …but she couldn’t quite identify precisely what it was. It all seemed so perfect, but only almost so. Everything seemed to be ok, but not quite. Annika could not put her finger on anything in particular, but something important was missing.
She climbed the stairs and Vasko followed. Annika unlocked the door to her room and they went inside.
Vasko had no doubt that this was her room. It reflected Annika's personality. Everything there was so much like her- the bright colours, the soft textures and the positive feelings of comfort and warmth. He recalled how nice their rented apartment had been when they lived together. He still could not believe he’d given it all up. But then again, it was easy to think that way now that everything was past, and his finance degree completed.
Vasko felt a pang in his heart when, looking around, he realised that there was absolutely no hint of his existence in the room. None of their photos together, none of his photos, none of his presents to her... nothing to prove that he had ever been in her life. That hurt. It hurt really badly, but he knew that what Annika had done was justified. It was a reasonable choice to leave memories behind and carry on. Vasko, on the other hand, had not managed to do the same. Maybe it was because he felt guilty about how things had turned out and she did not. Maybe because he really was guilty and she still thought so too.
There was tension in the air. Annika put the kettle on to boil and its dull hiss was the only sound in the room. Neither knew what to say and both felt uncomfortable. Vasko had had many hours on the plane to prepare himself for the meeting and collect his thoughts, but he hadn’t done so. Besides, falling asleep on the steps had thrown him completely out of kilter.
Annika, on the other hand, was more concerned about her feelings than the silence. She tried to concentrate on how she felt about his arrival. Was she happy, annoyed or indifferent? Her soul was silent, her heart did not respond and Annika had no idea why.
Annika's bitterness and Vasko's worries filled the air and both tried to cope with the situation. It all resulted in a twenty-minute tea ceremony while they both looked into each other’s eyes in complete silence.
****
Annika and Vasko spent one week together. Annika had decided to take the week off so she could spend more time with Vasko, concentrate on her emotions and understand whether their feelings were permanently dead or temporarily frozen.
With each single day Vasko was making Annika fall back in love with him again. The guy she’d been head-over-heels in love with was back, and she rediscovered the long-forgotten feelings of warmth, comfort and love. For the first time Vasko was able to open his soul to her and explain everything he felt.
Annika finally realised that she had most probably over- reacted when he chose to leave for the States. Now, after so much time she was able to look at it more coolly and understand that his studies abroad were the only chance for them to have a better life in the future. In their country there was high unemployment, meaning ridiculously low salaries. People could not afford decent lives even if they worked 24 hours a day. There was no way to put by any savings, no way to get a steady job or advance in your career unless you’d been educated abroad, spoke foreign languages and were still young enough to work long hours. That was the only way out.
Studying abroad was too expensive for people living in her country, and Vasko's scholarship had been the one and only opportunity he would ever get. So Vasko had suppressed his emotions and switched on his brain while making the decision. Annika by contrast had switched her brain off completely and had sunk into her tu
multuous sea of emotions.
In any case both of them needed that week to get back to where they had left off. Both still loved each other and Vasko thought that his impulsive arrival was the best thing he had ever done.
When the week was over yet another long-distance period started for both of them. This time it was harder. Both were trying not to have too much free time to be able to bear the distance. It felt like a déjà vu from the days when they’d been living in different cities and were spending only the weekends together, only now they were too far from each other and there were no weekends.
26
Annika worked in her rehab clinic and spent her free time with the few good friends she already had in Amsterdam. She read a lot and started writing too. Her newly created blog was a place where she shared her thoughts and creative writing pieces.
Vasko confronted the different challenges and struggles most Eastern Europeans encounter abroad - work permits, job interviews and green card to mention just a few. It all took a great deal of time, commitment and perseverance, but Vasko refused to throw in the towel because he was determined to provide Annika with the best life he could possibly offer her. If there was even the slightest chance of not going back to their developing country, which was “developing” far too slowly, he would definitely seize it.
Vasko spent most of his time studying for exams to obtain different stockbroker/financial qualifications and attending job interviews. He hoped to get his dream job soon. Annika motivated and encouraged him from Amsterdam and that was enough to make him carry on. He was sure that sooner or later all his efforts would culminate in the desired result.
They did not notice precisely when it happened, but both of them grew up and became mature people with mature problems.
****
Annika heard her apartment phone ringing as she was opening the door. It was very persistent. She got inside, put down her bags of groceries and ran to answer the phone.
“Hello.”
“Hi, dear,” Vasko's voice was trembling with excitement.
“Hi, love. How are you?” Annika asked.
“Guess what happened a few minutes ago!”
“You won the lottery?”
“Nope.”
“You’ve decided to move to Amsterdam?”
“Nope.”
“Then I give up.” Annika had no idea what it could be.
“I just became a senior financial analyst at Euro Brokers.”
“Wow, that's such brilliant news!” Annika was really happy for him. She knew only too well just how many difficulties he had had to overcome in order to achieve his ambition.
“You can be proud of me now.”
“I am,” Annika smiled to herself. Vasko was always trying to get her approval and it felt sweet.
“I start in two weeks, so we’re definitely going to see each other before that.”
At long last, financial pressure was no longer going to be an issue, and he was planning to fly back and forth more often. Previously there had been no way he could have afforded to.
“Cool. We need to celebrate this.” Annika was already wondering what kind of offbeat surprise to arrange for him.
“A big, big hug, dearest! I will call again tomorrow, so make sure you log into Skype tonight.”
“Urghhhh, I am fed up with these long-distance dates,” Annika said in a tired voice.
“I know... Me too.”
When they had finished talking, both sank into their thoughts. Annika wondered how long they could carry on like this. In his mind Vasko began to lay plans for their next meeting.
****
Annika opened up another message from Vasko and wrote down the details of his flight in her diary. In his e-mail Vasko had asked her to be sure to bring her passport with her so they could rent a car.
She had to leave in two hours in order to pick him up. Finally they’d be meeting again, she thought. This long-distance thing was really beginning to irritate her enormously.
Annika took a shower, put on her new dress and some makeup. For the last few months, in order to boost her mood, she had taken to wearing lipstick and mascara every day. It made her feel better. No matter how funny it might seem, she sometimes even did it in the evenings when she was home alone. A few months earlier Annika had had adopted three “major” changes – the makeup, high heels and her newly established blog. Otherwise she was the same Annika that Vasko had fallen in love with more than a year before.
The taxi service called to say that the taxi was waiting for her in the street. Annika took her bag and ran down the stairs. The taxi driver smiled when she got in.
“Where am I taking you, beautiful?”
“To the airport,” she smiled back.
They got stuck in a traffic jam, so she took out her book and continued reading the novel she had started the previous evening.
“Thank you! Keep the change,” said Annika as she paid the driver and ran out. She was ten minutes late because of the traffic jam and wished she had left the house earlier.
She saw Vasko. He was looking at his watch nervously, then all around. She ran up to him and they hugged.
“I thought you had forgotten about me,” said Vasko, pretending to be deeply insulted.
“How could I?” Annika smiled and kissed him on the lips.
In her high heels she no longer needed to stand on tip-toes to reach his mouth – very practical.
“C'mon, we’re late,” said Vasko, and taking her hand he led her at a rapid pace away from the exit.
“Where are you taking me?”
“You'll see. But we’re late.” Vasko was pulling Annika after him with one hand, and his small wheeled suitcase with the other.
“Take out your passport,” he instructed.
Annika fished her passport out of her handbag, and Vasko grabbed it from her hand.
“Now don't go off anywhere. Just stand here. Guard my suitcase until I come back,” he said in parental tones, as if Annika were some naughty five-year-old.
“Ok.” Annika looked puzzled.
Some five minutes later, Vasko ran back.
“We don't have much time. Our plane leaves in twenty minutes. Get moving!”
“Our plane?”
“Yes,” Vasko smiled at her, and only now did it begin to dawn on Annika what was going on.
“Our plane to where??? Wait a minute. I haven’t brought anything with me... I have not...”
“Hurry up!” Vasko took her hand and the suitcase handle and they practically ran to the gate.
By the time they’d found their seats and sat down, Annika was just about breathless, both from the run and from the excitement. Never in a million years would she have expected anything like this from Vasko, from the finance guy who merely evaluated and analyzed everything, from the guy who was so very shy when she’d first met him, from the Vasko who had been so indecisive about moving in with her that she’d had to take the initiative and rent the apartment for them herself.
Not until the plane was taxiing to the runway and the flight attendant had made an announcement did she find out that it was to Paris that they were flying.
“I know you have never been in Paris. I haven't been there either but what I have heard is that it is the one place you are really supposed to go to with the person you love,” Vasko explained.
Annika smiled and leaned over to give him a kiss. Her eyes showed how grateful she was. They spent most of the flight hugging and kissing each other, to the intense annoyance of the lonelier passengers.
****
So that's how Annika and Vasko lived. Managing the long-distance relationship was a challenge, but Vasko did his best to lighten things up by surprise visits and vacation trips. They would meet up at various European airports, spend weekends in different cities and discover new cultures together.
Three weeks before Christmas they were discussing on Skype where should they go for a holiday.
“You know what? I think I know wh
ere we should go.”
“Where?”
“Considering that we both feel homesick, I think we should go home.”
“Really? Maybe,” said Annika doubtfully.
She did not really feel like going back, but then again, so long as she was with Vasko everywhere was fine. In fact, if she was going to be completely honest with herself, she had to admit that she wasn't actually really that homesick.
“I will make the reservations and send you the itinerary.”
Vasko always took care of that sort of thing because that way he felt both in charge and self-confident - and he was the one with the much higher salary.
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