“If you say so. But just know if that guy shows his face anywhere around here, he’s gonna have your sisters to deal with. And it won’t be pretty.”
Tess smiled. The love of her family kept her going after Ben left. Her sisters acting like warriors ready to strike at anyone who crossed her path.
“Thanks. I’ll remember that. Love you.”
“Love you too.”
The line went dead. Tess stared at the now black screen of her phone. She should just ask Ben if he went to San Diego. But why would he hide it?
***
Tess scanned the parking lot for her car. If Ben wasn’t there, maybe Aimee was right. Maybe he went to San Diego and didn’t make it back in time to pick her up from work.
Her eyes caught sight of the blue convertible as Ben guided it around the lot and up to where she was standing. Right on time. That meant nothing. He still could have driven all that way. Or not.
“Door-to-door service, my lady.” Ben smiled at her from behind the wheel, his hair tussled from driving with the top down. Her knees turned to jelly. Resisting this man was way too hard. Every part of her being wanted to believe he wasn’t lying to her. Believe he hadn’t remembered. But the note left for her a week before the wedding kept flashing through her mind. If he was that coldhearted then, why wouldn’t he be deceitful now?
He hopped out and opened her door for her. “Your chariot awaits.”
She smiled and slid into the passenger seat. Being charmed by the man was too easy.
They drove in silence, Tess not sure her heart was ready for the conversation she knew should come. The sea air was helping clear her head. The closer they got to home, the more she thought telling him who he was wasn’t such a good idea. Maybe he needed to come to it on his own. Or maybe he had already and was biding his time until he could get up the nerve to tell her what happened. Why he left. The confusion made her dizzy. Lord, give me wisdom.
“Penny for your thoughts.” His deep voice broke her concentration.
She smiled.
“What?” He took her hand, entwining her fingers with his own.
“A…friend… and I used to say that to each other. The other would always answer with ‘They’re always yours for free.’ You just reminded me of that.”
“It sounds like a happy memory. That’s good, right?”
He kissed her knuckles while expertly maneuvering her car into her driveway.
Unwrapping her hand from his, she got out of the car. Ben did the same. They walked into her house together, much like they did every day now. He’d hang out for dinner, or breakfast, whichever was the appropriate meal after her work shift. Then he’d head home to Mike’s. How long could they keep doing this? She was fooling herself. And him.
She plopped her purse on the front table. “Hey, I’m gonna go take a quick shower and then I want to talk to you about something.”
“Okay. I’ll get some dinner going. How’s that sound?”
“Perfect. Thanks.”
Halfway up the stairs, Tess remembered her workout bag still in the car from yesterday. It had the shampoo in it she wanted. Ben had his back to her, his head stuck in the fridge. He hummed while he searched for ingredients. A smile crossed her lips. Maybe he would remember once she told him. And maybe the reason he left her was something she could forgive. Her future rode on the back of a lot of maybes.
She sighed and went to get her bag from her car. She popped open the trunk, and a flash of gold caught her eye. What looked like a black leather wallet stuck out from underneath an old towel she’d thrown in and forgotten to take inside. What would a wallet be doing in her trunk? She picked it up and flipped it open.
Her heartbeat pounded in her ears. She felt sick to her stomach. Ben’s detective badge. What was it doing in her trunk? She rummaged around in the same place. A cell phone was tucked under the towel. She picked it up and stared at the screen. Why would Ben’s badge and a cell phone be in her trunk? Her mind told her one thing, but her heart refused to believe it. Aimee was right. He did go to San Diego.
Tears welled in her eyes. She swallowed them. Her finger bumped a button on the phone and a picture popped up. The tears she valiantly tried to hold back now fell freely. Holding a hand to her stomach, she sat on the back of the car, halfway in the trunk.
Without a doubt, she had her answer. She and Ben were done.
***
Ben hummed while he chopped lettuce for a salad. He didn’t get the answers he wanted from his trip to San Diego, but he at least got to see Dane. And if Dane was right, if Carlos thought him dead or gone, maybe he could move forward with Tess and leave the past where it belonged. He wanted to believe Carlos would leave him alone, consider him a loser that didn’t have the guts to be a drug dealer. But a small voice in the back of his mind told him it wouldn’t be that easy.
He had to focus on Tess and how to handle recovering his memory. Her accident and the burglar lurked in his mind. To let his guard down now would just be stupid. But to act like a cop would only let Tess in on his secret. He shook his head. A secret. He’d never kept anything from Tess before. At least not until his undercover job. But telling her the truth now meant facing all he did when he left. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that. Was she ready for that?
He heard someone come in the front door. Instinct made him turn the knife in his hand toward the intruder. Tess stood in the doorway. He dropped his hand and let out a breath, mentally berating himself for being so lost in thought.
“You startled me.” He went back to making a salad. “And that’s not easy to do, ya know? I’ve been told…”
“Ben.”
The cold steel of her voice ran like ice down his spine. He put the knife down and turned to her. A few steps away from him, she stood holding his badge in one hand, his undercover cell phone in the other. Her red-rimmed eyes and tear-stained face tore at his gut and wrenched his heart in two.
“Who is this?” She held up the cell phone. “Who is this woman in the picture, Ben?”
Chapter 14
Ben’s heart dropped to his gut. He stared at the photo on the phone Tess held, the image shaking because of her trembling hand. From anger or hurt he wasn’t sure. Most likely both. But every part of him ached, because his actions were the cause.
“I asked you a question, Ben.”
“Let’s sit down.” He tried to guide her to the sofa, but she pulled away.
“No! No more games. No more lies.” She shook her head. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks. Twists of hair had come undone from the clip on the back of her head, causing wisps of blonde to caress her cheek. He reached out to tuck them behind her ear. She stepped back.
Her green eyes were dark from hurt and frustration. What he wouldn’t give for them to be filled with love like they were not long ago. But he’d taken that from her. It was his fault her heart broke before, and it was his fault it was broken now.
“Who’s in the picture, Ben?” Venom filled her voice unlike anything he’d heard from her before. So this was what it felt like to have the weight of the world on your shoulders. The source of all joy ripped out from under you. He had no one to blame but himself. That fact alone crushed him. Turning from her, he leaned on the counter with both hands. He couldn’t look in her eyes anymore. The pain was too great. His head drooped.
When he’d left Tess the week before their wedding, he did it thinking it was best for everyone. But his heart knew he’d only caused her the agony he felt now, and it ripped through him like a firestorm.
“Her name is Sophia.” The words cut his throat like a knife, the intensity of Tess’s emotions palpable. She wouldn’t understand. Wouldn’t listen. Not now. Anger emanated from her and wrapped around him like a vise. It was hard to breathe.
“Who is she? Is she the reason you left me?”
His head snapped up. “No! She has nothing to do with what happened.”
He didn’t think it possible, but her eyes grew colder.
He blew it. He’d remembered everything. And now she knew the truth.
***
Tess’s stomach churned. Heat pulsed through her veins. Never before had she been this angry. Not even when she sobbed her eyes out over the note Ben left months before.
The buttons from the side of the phone dug into her hand. She tossed it and his badge on the kitchen counter in front of him, not wanting to see his smiling face next to this woman. Sophia. She rolled the name over and over in her mind. A beautiful name, really. But the thought of ever speaking it left her tongue dry and her mouth sour. If she wasn’t the reason he left her, then what was?
“You remember.”
He nodded. He dropped his head again, his eyes closed.
“How much do you remember?”
“Everything.” He rubbed his eyes with his fingers and turned to her again. “I remember everything.”
“It was when you fell off your surfboard, wasn’t it?”
“Yes.” He looked her straight in the eye. “Did you know right away?”
Tess moved toward the sofa and sank down into the cushions. The fatigue from a twelve-hour shift mixed with the emotional roller coaster she rode was taking its toll. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. A small part of her thought for sure the truth would bring her some measure of peace, closure of some kind. Secrets weren’t her thing. She and Ben both hated lies. And never in a million years could she ever imagine him with another woman. But the proof was in the picture. Tears stung her eyes again. She let them fall. She was done being strong. Done holding back her feelings.
Ben took a step in her direction, but she stopped him with one hand raised.
“Don’t.”
He would try to console her, hold her tight and tell her it would all be fine. It wasn’t fine. Nothing was fine.
He leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms. He rubbed his beard.
“The answer to your question is no.” Her lip quivered. “I didn’t figure out that day that you remembered. I entertained the thought, yes. But honestly, who I am to talk? I’ve known all along who you are, and I didn’t tell you. Mike said it was better for you to remember on your own. And I was confused and blindsided. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I really am.” She looked toward the phone on the counter. “I thought I was over it. Over you. But then you came back.” She chuckled. “In the craziest way possible.” Her smile faded. “But not by choice.” She sighed and looked him in the eye. “What happened to us? We prided ourselves on how much we trusted each other. Did you leave me for another woman?” She asked the question in a whisper, unsure if her heart was ready for the answer or not.
Ben cringed. He swiped at his eyes with his hand then re-crossed his arms. Was he crying? The damp and red-rimmed look he gave was her answer. She’d only seen Ben cry once in his life. His parent’s funeral. A piece of her anger chipped away. Maybe he did have a good explanation for what was going on. But how much more could her heart really take?
“I’m so sorry, Tess.” He shook his head. “Those words are stupid and hollow, I know. But they’re the truth.”
“I have no idea what’s true anymore.”
“Sophia’s just a friend.”
She snorted a laugh.
Ben moved around the kitchen island. He turned a bar stool around to face her and sat down.
“By the way you two look in that picture, she’s a friend who makes you very happy.” Her tone was nasty, but she didn’t care. Bitterness rose in her throat and any tenderness toward him she’d had before evaporated once more.
“Look, Tess. You know me. I would never cheat on you.”
“Ben, at the moment I have absolutely no idea who you are.”
“That’s not true.”
“Of course it’s true!” The shrill tone in her voice bounced off the walls. “The Ben I knew wouldn’t have left me at the altar with next to no explanation, breaking my heart into a thousand pieces. I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you your identity. I am. And I’m not mad you remembered and didn’t say anything. I’m upset because you ripped yourself from my life and you still haven’t explained why.”
She leaned back again, every last ounce of her energy spent.
“I came here to start over, thinking I would never be whole again. I was just beginning to think I could heal. I could put everything behind me. Then you showed up in the hospital where I work of all things and now, here we are. And who is Jake? Why do you have an ID that isn’t yours?”
“Tess, you have to believe that I love you. I’ve always loved you.”
“I don’t have to believe anything. I’m more questions than answers at this point.”
She looked down at her hands folded in her lap. Weariness and nausea moved through her like a wave. Tiny pieces of her heart began to break off one by one. “Please, Ben. Just go.”
***
Her eyes went cold again. Ben believed for a moment he’d broken through her resolve to a place where he could reach her. But the moment was gone. Even if he spilled his guts right now, told her the entire story, she wouldn’t believe him. He’d given up any right to her trust the day he wrote that note and walked away.
“You’re right. You don’t have to believe anything. And I have no right to ask you to.”
He slid from the barstool and grabbed the badge and cell phone. At the back door, he turned to face her. Her puffy face and red eyes tore at his insides. It couldn’t be the last time he ever saw her. He wouldn’t allow it.
No. He needed to get things resolved with Carlos and Sophia and then see if he and Tess had any future.
“I’ll see you later.”
Instead of “good-bye,” Tess had always said, “See you later.” There was hope in those words, where “good-bye” was too final. As he closed the glass door behind him, Ben prayed those words still held hope for him now—hope for them. A life without Tess was no life at all. And he would do everything necessary to make things right.
***
Ben sat with his bare feet propped up on the fiberglass hull. The Hideaway was his dad’s big splurge when he’d retired. A 1994, thirty-five-foot Cabo Express, it was his dad’s escape to fish, relax. After his parent’s death, the Hideaway became Ben’s, and it was his respite from the world. His only place of peace. He had a small apartment in Ocean Beach where he could walk to the water to surf. But since he’d returned to San Diego, he’d spent every night on the boat.
However, he hadn’t been able to find any peace since he left Tess a few days before. Mike called once, told him she seemed okay, but Ben knew better. He’d seen her face when he left. He’d broken her heart not once, but twice. He would never be able to forgive himself for that. How could he ask her to?
Leaving Tess the first time was tough, but he’d been blinded by wanting to avenge his parent’s death. This time, as he walked away, part of his soul tore, leaving a gaping hole he knew only Tess could fill.
But mulling over it for the past few days gave him a measure of clarity. As much as it gutted him to leave Tess again, being far away from her was the best way to keep her safe. If he was here pretending to be Jake Wilson, he could keep an eye on Carlos. Make sure he wasn’t paying any attention to Tess. Protecting her right now was more important than being with her.
He’d thought of calling her, telling her the whole story. Explain why he left. But the wounds were still too fresh. He knew that. Even if he did give her the whole story, she might not believe him. And if by some miracle she did believe him, she had no reason to forgive him.
A sailboat glided by. Headed to sea, it broke the glass surface of the water. The Hideaway rocked in its wake. Ben used to love coming out here with his dad. Sometimes they’d take the boat out to sea for a day of fishing, but most of the time, they just enjoyed the quiet of the marina. The squawk of the sea gulls overhead. The breeze floating through the sails of boats docked nearby. Nothing could touch them. Not the world of crime and greed and death they faced daily. Just peace. His dad w
as a quiet man. Not the stereotypical boisterous Italian. That personality described his Irish mother. Both headstrong and stubborn in their own ways, but huge-hearted people filled with a love for others and a desire to change the world.
Ben crumpled his empty Red Bull can and tossed it in the trash. He used to think his parents’ desire to change the world was exactly what caused their deaths. But working with Carlos taught him otherwise. Sin was in the world, plain and simple. And the devil was having one hell of a time. His parents saw their work as a mission field. A way for them to share the love of Jesus in proactive ways. They hoped to change lives. Lives like Sophia’s.
When Tess held up Ben’s phone and Sophia’s smiling face stared back at him, his world had spun. He’d told the truth. Sophia was just a friend. A friend he was trying to help. As Carlos Menendez’s sister, Sophia was caught in a world she wanted no part of. She wanted out. When Ben came into Carlos’s organization posing as a guy down on his luck and wanting to make fast money, his main goal was to nail Carlos for his crimes and move on. But when Sophia asked for his help, he couldn’t say no. “Lives saved and lives changed,” his dad used to say. “That’s why we do what we do, Son.”
Ben had lost sight of that when he went after Carlos. Grief stricken over his parents’ murders, he only wanted revenge. Justice. But his misguided motivation caused more pain than healing. Seeing Tess again, seeing what truly mattered in life, he now just wanted to be done with the case and move on. He would help Sophia get out and be done.
His cell phone rang, pulling him from his thoughts. It was his undercover phone.
“Wilson.” It amazed him how his cop instincts returned immediately when he recovered his memory. Alert. Aware at all times. He couldn’t afford to slip up, think of himself as Ben Russo. He was Jake Wilson. Had to be until the job was done.
“Jake. Where have you been?”
Remember Me (Men of Honor Series Book 1) Page 11