by Tiana Laveen
Taking a moment to regain his wits, he reached over into the glove compartment, grabbed a wad of tissues and cleaned her up. Then, he ripped open a packet containing a single wet wipe from some restaurant and used it to finish the job.
After they got dressed again, he helped her out of the car and they walked back into the hall. The music was still blasting and people were smiling, laughing, having a good time. Tony took her in his arms when Anita Baker’s slow jam, ‘Giving You the Best That I Got,’ started to play. She held him so tight, she thought she might break him… but she didn’t care. The fears she felt for the dangers he was putting himself in had haunted her over the last few weeks; they even seeped into her dreams, plunging them in darkness.
“Tony, promise me you’ll stay alive… Promise me you’ll never leave.” She leaned her head against his shoulder as they swayed back and forth.
“I promise, baby. I’m not going anywhere. I love you too much to ever let that happen.” He kissed the top of her head and rocked her against him.
Sometimes it feels like being in love is a blessing and a curse. Grandmama told me love isn’t always easy. I wish sometimes Tony and I could just disappear, live in our own little bubble, away from this crazy place… and then we could keep all the bad stuff out. It’d be just me and him against the world…
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Don’t Go Chasing Waterfalls…
…Three months later
Tony finished his one hundredth push-up. His biceps burned and his body was coated in sweat. This workout routine had become a part of his new ritual over the past couple of months. Past his bedroom door, which he’d left slightly ajar, he could hear Mom talking on the phone and the television playing. It had been a rather uneventful morning, but he knew it was only a matter of time before the shit hit the fan. His faux sense of peace would be threatened by his own confessions. Falling to the floor, he rested there for a minute, trying to get his mind right.
Just suck it up.
He headed to the bathroom to freshen up and brace himself for whatever would come his way. After peeling off his soaked boxers, he got into the shower, shuddering from the cold downpour. He refused to add too much hot water, wanting to be fully alert and not lulled into peace and tranquility. The strong scent of Coast soap and Pert Plus shampoo merged as he washed his body and hair, dragging it out by a few minutes to mull over various scenarios relating to his dilemma.
When he was done drying off, he put on a pair of Calvin Klein jeans, a black V-neck cotton shirt, and leather red and white Converse sneakers. Mom darted past his room, saying she was leaving for work. He heard the front door open and close, then lock. Picking up the cordless phone, he called Cassidy but once again, she didn’t answer.
That’s strange. Where the hell is she? I’ve called a few times now.
For the past day or so, he’d had trouble getting a hold of her and the one time he’d succeeded, she’d said she was tired and would call him back—but she never did. That was unusual for her but she’d been busy so he’d decided to just let the matter go. He returned to his room and after running a brush over his tresses and trimming up the facial hair on his chin with a razor, he grabbed his keys, pager, and gun, and headed out the door. The drive to the ‘Tang Temple’, as he called it in his mind, seemed the longest of his life…
He had no idea what to expect when he delivered in the area. For all he knew, this could be the end of him—his untimely demise.
I must be fucking crazy… but I have to do this.
He was rather surprised at how calm he was, considering the highly plausible outcomes. He swallowed hard and came to a viable conclusion—he’d seen so many shootings, muggings, fights, death and pain in Belle Glade, he must be now desensitized to it all, even when his own life was on the line. Nothing seemed real anymore. The gray areas were taking over, bringing the idea of death in the realm of the living, and he couldn’t shake that uneasiness off as it swallowed up the possibility of mental parole. Pulling himself out of those thoughts, he arrived at the building and parked.
Without another thought, he made his way inside the structure and up to Sly’s apartment. Taking a final deep breath, he rapped on the door. A tall, slender woman opened it, her long red lace robe hanging open and exposing large breasts with huge, dark brown nipples. Her long, sandy brown hair hung to her ass. She smirked at him, then ushered him inside.
“Sly, Montana is here!” she called out before disappearing into the kitchen where she sat down by a small table with a cocaine scale setting on it.
Sly came out of a bedroom down the hall, gripping a bottle of beer in his right hand. Wearing only boxers and thick, white socks, the man stumbled towards him, then looked him up and down with bloodshot eyes, as if he were insulted by his mere presence.
“What the fuck are you doin’ here, man? Some sort of problem with the delivery?”
“No, no.” Tony shook his head. “It went fine this morning.”
“Good. What’s up then?”
“Uh, Sly, I need to, uh, talk to you. Remember when I told you that… uh,” He glanced at the woman in the kitchen, then back at Sly. “That I only wanted to do this for a few months?”
“Yeah.” Sly stiffened and balled his free hand into a fist.
“Well, I know I’m scheduled for one more run tomorrow, and I’ll do it, but I want it to be my last. See, my girl got accepted into Berkeley. We’re plannin’ to move to California in the next few weeks.”
Sly took a long swig from his beer, and his eyes turned viper-like.
“You wit’ the same bitch, huh? Young love… that’s incredible… unheard of. I was hoping that shit would self-destruct.” The man chuckled, but Tony knew he meant every word he said. “So, you wanna resign. Is that what the fuck you’re tellin’ me? Is that what you’re saying?”
“Yeah, I guess you could say that… I mean, thanks for the opportunity. I learned a lot and it helped me with some life skills and—”
“Cut the shit, man. You wanna be free from this, I get it… standin’ here doin’ some lame ass acceptance speech soundin’ shit. That’s cool but I thought you’d change your mind. You been livin’ good, man… eatin’ good… all that shit. After all I’ve done for you, man?” The guy smirked and rolled his eyes. “The car, giving you ways to make a bit more money… that was all me.”
“I know, but uh—”
“Ahhh, fuck it!” He waved his arm about in the air. “You already told me your plans from the get-go when you accepted the job. What, you lookin’ kinda concerned.” The man grinned wide as if he was getting a kick out of it. “You think I’m gone smoke yo’ ass or somethin’?” Sly chuckled again and held his chin high, realizing he had the upper hand.
“I honestly didn’t know.” Tony shrugged. “I just knew I had to tell you either way. It would be a coward move to just bail. I couldn’t do that… that’s not me.”
The man looked at him a long while, then nodded.
“You wanna get out the ghetto, move to California with that pretty young thing you got… Berkeley, huh? That’s a good ass school.” Tony was surprised Sly knew that, but he imagined there was a lot about the man that he didn’t know. “She must be smart.”
“She is… she really is.”
They were quiet for a spell.
“All right, man. The delivery tomorrow is small, nothin’ big.”
“I’ll take care of it. I know the area and the guy, done it before.”
“No, change of plans.” Sly placed the bottle down on the floor. “Let me give it to someone else and we just axe this. This mornin’ was your final run. Keep your ass right here—hold on.”
Before Tony could respond, Sly disappeared down the hall. His thoughts raced, his heart pounded.
This is the part where he pulls a gun out and blows my fuckin’ head off… Damn, I shoulda just told him on the phone! No, that would’ve been worse. He would’ve accused me of not handling it like a man and then he’d have come after me,
maybe even my family. Fuck. I could be standing here waiting for my life to end…
Sly returned with a black satin bag and handed it to him.
“What’s this?”
A severed cat head? It’s too small to be a horse head like from the Godfather movie…
“A going away gift. You served me well, Montana. I never had any problems outta you ’cept for that one time you left your gun in the car and, uh, you had to fight for your fuckin’ life. That was stupid as fuck, but other than that, your shit has been top notch. You’ve never gotten pulled over by the police, had your house searched, none of the usual shit. My customers trusted you—never any complaints. Must have lady luck on your side ’cause you are one of the few to escape this shit without getting a record.” He laughed, the sound grim and a bit sad. Tony opened the bag and peered inside.
There had to have been at least a thousand dollars there.
“Damn. Thank you, Sly. I appreciate this.”
“That’s chump change. There’s a meanin’ behind it. $990.00… the exact amount that was needed to pay off your brother’s debt. I give it back to you, plus $500.00 more as a little present. That’s a hundred dollars for each month you worked for me. I’m giving you this gift on principle, all right, an investment… got it?”
“Yeah, yeah, I get it. Thanks but, uh, what’s the investment?”
“The investment is just your word. Make me one promise.”
“What’s that?”
“If you move back in town and need to get back in where you fit in, hit me up. You always got a spot ova here.”
They bumped fists. Sly then walked back down the hall to his bedroom, leaving his beer behind. Seconds later, the loud sounds of him fucking someone echoed throughout the apartment.
Tony had no idea why he remained rooted in the spot, his shoes planted in the bright red carpet. It was like some strange dream he was jammed in the middle of. He couldn’t believe it was over, and yet the relief was tangible to his soul. For a while there, he’d been certain his mother and Cassidy would be identifying his body at the morgue. And then he thought of Maize… and he missed him. They hadn’t spoken since graduation.
He finally turned to leave. The woman in the kitchen reappeared and handed him a cigar, then kissed his cheek as she led him towards the front door.
“Good luck, Montana.”
“Thanks.”
“I couldn’t help but overhear. Your girlfriend is going to college, huh? I always wanted to go to college.” She opened the door and he walked out, pausing to glance at her. He wasn’t certain what to say as he stood there for a while, watching her sad, beautiful dark brown eyes. He’d never seen her before, but she seemed to know exactly who he was. She offered a sweet smile, then closed and locked the door, leaving him out in the gloomy hallway, the fluorescent lights above his head blinking like a pulsing heart, glowing like an electric halo…
…A few days later
“I don’t care about that!” Cassidy threw the rest of the old bags of chips in the trashcan and raced through the house. When she returned to the dining room, she paused, held her stomach, and took a deep breath. She’d been complaining about not feeling well, blaming it on the stress of their lives about to be turned upside down. Tony shifted on the couch, getting more comfortable, and cradled his forehead. “I’m so stressed out that I’ve been throwing up! It’s been making me literally sick!”
“Cassidy, you’re trippin’! It’s going to be fine. Grandmama gave us her blessing. I’ve already got some money for her to help her out and she already said she was happy for us.”
“I get all of that, Tony, but she needs help and I just feel like I am abandoning her. Grandmama shouldn’t be living on her own. It’s just now really hitting me. I should have stayed here and gone to school, at least stayed in Florida. California is just so far away.”
Cassidy raced into her bedroom and hauled another bag of trash out. She refused to let him help, but she couldn’t help ranting and raving, ruining something she should have been excited about. He got up and grabbed her arm to make her face him. Cassidy was so pretty with a satin green scarf on her head and long braids flowing from beneath it. Her gorgeous hazel eyes hooded and the sorrow in her heart showed in them. Wrapping his arms around her, he kissed her and smiled.
“She’s asleep in her bedroom right now. She’s at peace, but you’re not. She has always told both of us to explore, to live our lives. She doesn’t want to stifle you, baby. I know you’re worried; I’m here to help as much as I can. I even said we would make sure to come and visit every few months, all right? This isn’t the end. It’s the beginning.” Cassidy looked up at him, her chin trembling, then buried her face against his chest. He kissed the top of her head and held her tight. “Do you realize how much your grandmother has taught me? Not just from the things she says, but the way she lives her life?” Cassidy slowly lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “She’s taught me to not be afraid to say what I know is right. I’ve always seen her do exactly what she said she was going to do. She never backed down.
“If she said she was going to get custody of you as a baby, she did that. If she said she was going to paint her bedroom by herself, she did. That old woman has more heart than most men I know. She’s brave. I never saw that in my home, people facing their fears. She doesn’t want you to leave—she loves you, but she knows that true love means you have to know when to let someone go…”
Cassidy brought him closer and squeezed as she cried quietly against his chest. He ran his hand up and down her back and just stood there, being the one she could lean on. They did that for one another, took turns being each other’s emotional bodyguard.
“I love Grandmama too, baby,” he said gently. “We’re in this together. Everything will be okay…”
Tony stood in the outside front common area of the apartment. There was a bit of a breeze that afternoon and it had rained most of the morning. Sporting a light brown and cream jacket and pants, Maize eyed him with narrowed eyes while holding an orange soda in one hand and a joint in the other.
“I just wanted to see you, man… just wanted to say what’s up. It’s been a while.”
“Why? To clear your conscience?” The guy’s laughter filled the air. “Man, you don’t impress me. You made it clear how you felt.”
“Come on, Maize.” Tony took a deep breath. “You can’t hold a grudge this long. Look, I was wrong, all right? I’m not involved in that shit anymore, either.”
“What? You got arrested or something?” the man asked with a raised eyebrow.
“No. I said it was temporary and that’s what I meant. This wasn’t going to be a lifestyle for me.” Tony threw up his hands. “I needed to get my brother outta trouble, take care of some things and yeah… my head got a little big in the process. I got greedy. I lost sight of what’s real. I’m sorry, Maize. I was going through some things when you and I got into it, so it may have looked like I was just being an asshole, but there was some shit going on that just wasn’t right… stuff I was keeping in. I just didn’t feel like being lectured, but uh, you were right about a lot of things you said.”
Maize kept his expression impassive for a while, but then he smiled. Tony smiled back and they grabbed one another and shared a loose hug.
“Maaan, I missed yo’ stupid ass.” Maize chortled. “Ain’t been the same without you.”
“I thought about you every day, Maize. I’d drive past your apartment and so many times, I wanted to pull up and just kick it with you. But I guess, you know…” He shrugged. “I just couldn’t bring myself to do it.”
“Pride… it’s crazy, right? So, uh, how’s everything been going?”
“Good! Once we get Cassidy settled, I’m going to look into some art schools. I got some money put aside for it. I’m going to get a job, too, and Cassidy will try to find something part time that won’t interfere with her studies. She went to orientation a while back, her first time on an airplane. It was hilarious, ma
n!” They both burst out laughing. “She called me as soon as she landed and was speaking so fast I could barely understand her. Anyway, she was only gone for a couple of days, but when she came back, I could tell that just that short visit really had a big impact on her, in a good way, you know?”
“I ain’t never been on no airplane either… I ain’t never stepped one damn toe outta Belle Glade, not even to meet my family up in Detroit.”
Tony was shocked at that revelation.
“I didn’t know that, Maize. We’ll have to change that. If I send you a ticket to come visit me and Cass in a few months, will you come?”
Maize drew on his joint and smirked. “Yeah, I’d do that. Fuh real. Man, I heard California got the best weed. I’m on it! Shiiid! I’d hang glide over these mothafuckin’ palm trees to see yo’ ass, check out the theory, see if that shit holds water.” They both burst out laughing.
“And they’re trying to make it legal there, well, for medical use if you have a prescription. Seems like the local government is close to doing that too.”
“Word?! Shiiiid! Lemme tell them I got glaucoma! Count my ass in! Send that ticket, my nigga.” They slapped hands. “I bet the honeys look nice there, too, huh? Yeah… I’d love to see you and my girl, chill wit’ cha… Everybody’s real proud of Cass, man. She gettin’ tha fuck up outta here and she ain’t use nothin’ or nobody but her own brain to do it. I always knew she was gonna make it.” Maize’s tone held sadness and joy at the same time. “And I bet you gonna make it big wit’ drawin’ man. Since I’ve known you, you’ve gotten even better and you was at a full ten even back then.”
“Thanks, man. I hope so… you know you don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to, Maize. After me and Cass get settled, I could probably help you relocate.”
“It’s expensive there, Tony, and I ain’t got no job… no real job.” Maize shrugged. “Fred gettin’ crazy, like he got dementia or some shit, and I’m a grown ass man now… I need more than a hundred dollars a week.” Maize took another inhale of his joint then tossed the roach into the grass. He blew smoke out the side of his mouth and it drifted into the air.