First, I had to correct him. “For your information, I kissed Caylee outside the church, on the steps. I’m pretty sure that, had we done it inside, the building would’ve toppled down on us. Apparently, God frowns on lewd behavior.”
Secondly, I hadn’t missed the other piece of his comment. Lately was code for “since you returned, you look like my brother, but you’re not.”
Ignoring my sarcasm, Bryce leaned forward, placing his bottle on the coffee table. “Do you want my advice?”
I let out a heavy sigh. Seemed I was due for a well-intentioned lecture. “Will you leave me alone if I say no?”
“Shut up and listen, little brother. You need to realize something. I’ve been here since you came back, and I’ve watched you fight your demons, and frankly, you’re losing. I’ve said nothing because I know you want to conquer them yourself, but I’ve always been here, waiting for a glimpse of the old you.”
“The old me is dead. Why can’t everyone see that?”
“Let me finish. No one knows what you faced over there because you refuse to let anyone in. As much as it hurts to see you screw your life away, I can respect that. I figure, some day, you’ll be ready.”
“Is there a point to this? If not, I’m going to bed. My leg hurts.”
“No, you’ll sit there and quit being a stubborn son of a bitch. Caylee is the best thing to happen to you. I’ve been waiting for that shift, those glimpses of my brother, and it’s her. She reaches you. She makes it safe for you to relax and breathe. So, Cooper, don’t screw it up. Quit pushing her away when things get a little real between you two. Don’t let that sense of honor and misguided guilt ruin something I think you desperately need.”
“I don’t need no woman,” I grumbled, annoyed to catch myself pouting.
“You’re right.”
I hadn’t expected him to agree so quickly. “Then what was the point of this after-school special?”
Bryce then delivered an honest blow to the gut. “What you need is to start living again.”
Instantly, my anger boiled. I hated being told what to do, especially by people who had no idea what it was like to be me. “Don’t tell me how to run my life. You have no idea what you’re asking.”
“Exactly. You won’t tell me. You won’t tell anyone. You’ve locked us all out and left us helplessly watching from the sidelines.” There was no frustration or animosity in his tone. Bryce said it plainly, like it was something he didn’t like, but accepted, nevertheless.
“I’m not doing this with you tonight,” I countered, the mouthful of beer feeling like ash in my mouth. The euphoria from earlier, from kissing Caylee, had evaporated like it had never happened. Just that fact alone made me want to punch my brother. Fuck him and his asshole intentions. “I’m going to bed.”
“Fine. What do I know? I’m just trying to help.”
“Well, keep your advice to yourself, okay? It’s not necessary.” Even I knew how hollow those words were. Deep down, I wished I could open up and purge every dark thing inside me. While I couldn’t do that with Caylee, no matter how close we became after tonight, Bryce would be the perfect candidate. He would listen without judgment.
I just couldn’t let the anger and self-loathing go. So instead, I chose to suffer alone.
“Sweet dreams, Cooper.” It was something he always said, even though he knew there were nights I was terrified to close my eyes. He’d heard the strangled screams as I woke from relentless nightmares. I guess, by saying sweet dreams, he was hoping it would come true.
Me, too.
God, how I needed just one night of peace.
Leaving the room, I could hear him turn the volume back up, the fake audience laughter replacing the awkwardness of my departure. One day. I’d make it up to him. I just didn’t have the strength for it.
He’d been right, the damn bastard. I couldn’t push Caylee away—not now. I didn’t think I could, even if I wanted to. The kiss had definitely changed things between us. I couldn’t stick my head in the sand and hope it went away. For one, she wouldn’t let me. If there was one thing I knew about her, it was that Caylee liked to talk.
Grabbing my phone, I paused for a second to think of what I could say. Once we’d gotten into the car, I’d driven like a bat out of hell, wasting no time in dropping her home before speeding off. What we needed was more time together without the pressure of getting up close and personal with our feelings.
Then I remembered our upcoming gig out of town. It was the perfect solution to our situation—music, the guys to act as buffers, enough alone time to figure out our next moves. If I even wanted to take it further.
Who was I kidding? I wanted more. Needed more.
I quickly thumbed a message into my phone: want to go on a road trip?
Acting with my heart for the first time in forever, I hit send.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Caylee
It was hard not to laugh when Cooper showed up the next morning to pick me up. I’d been expecting him to arrive with the rest of the guys in a van or something. Definitely not the gunmetal grey Toyota Corolla he drove. Somehow, it didn’t quite match the image in my head that I was “going on the road” with them like a professional groupie.
My surprise must’ve shown because he started chuckling the second he hopped out of the driver’s seat. “I ruined the illusion, huh?” Taking my small weekend bag from my hands, he walked around to the trunk and stowed it inside.
“That obvious, am I?” I joined him, sliding into the passenger side and buckling up. “Where is everyone?” We were alone.
“Usually, we all ride together in a larger van or minibus, but with you coming along, I figured you might want to chat while we travel.” Cooper was a lot more open this morning than he had been last night. A weariness hid in his eyes, but it was overshadowed by the easygoing smile he offered. I’d worried after the hurried race home last night that our kiss had freaked him out. The fact he was so chipper bode well for our small road trip.
“I hope me coming isn’t an inconvenience,” I added, resting back in the seat as Cooper pulled out into traffic.
“Don’t sweat it. I wouldn’t have invited you if it was a problem.” He cast me a quick look before slipping on a pair of aviator sunglasses. His fingers tapped to the beat of the radio against the steering wheel, and a comfortable silence fell over us.
I watched as the scenery became a blur, joining the freeway out of town. The area was pretty with tall green pines that filled the air with their fragrance. I could only imagine how amazing it would smell after a long storm and wondered how often this part of Arizona had rain.
Cooper appeared to be in his own world, focused on the vehicles around him and his personal thoughts. It didn’t seem important enough to interrupt him.
“I won’t bite, you know.”
His comment made me laugh. “Are you sure?”
“Positive. I only bite on invitation.” Peering over the top of his glasses, he winked before returning his gaze to the road. “I’m glad you were able to come.”
That was a relief. Before he’d texted me after dropping me off at my front door, I was pretty sure he’d disappear for a while, hiding until our kiss became a distant memory. It was something he did every time we got a little closer or I said something that hit a little too close for comfort. “I won’t lie. I was surprised considering how we ended things.” I licked my lips, trying to think of something else to add that didn’t reduce us to awkward silence. “Is it bad that I’ve totally declared myself the band’s mascot?”
“Is that why your bag was a little heavy? You brought a cute costume to wear to the shows?” He was teasing me, and I rolled my eyes in reply. “I’m not really into the furry fetish, but if you want to prance around and do cartwheels, who am I to stop you? I can be supportive.” His cheeky grin was definitely a good sign that he hadn’t freaked out. I was enjoying being on the receiving end of his charm.
“Oh my. Cooper Hensley, are y
ou flirting with me?” I countered, playfully punching his arm.
“Maybe.” Setting the car on cruise control, Cooper relaxed a little into his own seat. “I could keep this up the whole time we’re together. Does it make you uncomfortable?”
“No.”
“Liar,” he chuckled. He’d noticed me fidgeting with my fingers. It wasn’t that it made me feel twitchy. I just wasn’t sure where it would lead. “Fine, I’ll be good.” Changing lanes to drive around a slower vehicle, Cooper quickly checked his rearview mirror before pulling back into the lane. “So, what should we talk about?”
“Last night.” As much as I loved this playful banter, I needed to know where we stood with each other.
“Wow, straight for the jugular, huh? You don’t hold back any punches, do you?” I’d caught him off guard, and I secretly smiled.
“Might as well address the elephant in the room, so to speak,” I answered. “I don’t want to start up a lengthy discussion, and I know that kiss kind of came out of nowhere. I guess I’d like to know why you did it.”
He seemed to chose his words carefully. “I’m not going to lie, Caylee. I know I initially said that all we could ever be is friends. There’s a reason why I avoid it, and it’s not because I want to be an asshole to pretty girls. We haven’t talked much about Owen, and that’s my fault. I don’t like dredging up the past, and I guess I started enjoying your company.”
Judging by the way he’d tightened his grip on the wheel, I knew I needed to tread carefully. “I get it. I know our situation is a little different from what either of us is used to. Doesn’t mean the feelings behind that kiss weren’t real, though. Did it mean something to you?”
“Do you really need to me answer that?” There was the Cooper I was familiar with. He was private at best, keeping a lot of his secrets and feelings close to his chest. He didn’t always freely share, and dragging things out of him felt a lot like pulling teeth. I understood why, and I didn’t ever try to change him, as tempting as it was.
Something had shifted between us, and I refused to let him sweep it under the carpet. Hearts were involved, even if it was just mine.
“Don’t you think I deserve one? I was there, Cooper. You kissed me. You made that first move. Not me.”
He didn’t say anything for the longest time. According to the dashboard clock, it was merely a few minutes, but to me, sitting there with bated breath, it felt like forever. Each passing second chipped away at the hope I’d cultivated. It was why I’d agreed to come along. Not with the intention of having a dirty weekend with a new beau, but to at least see whether last night was a fluke.
“You know you mean a lot to me, Caylee. I’m just cautious.” There was honesty in his tone that showed me beneath the arrogant and tough exterior, Cooper Hensley hurt—was scared even. He wasn’t the only one.
Everything about that kiss had terrified me with the same intensity that blew my mind.
“Why, though? You know me. We’ve spent a lot of time together. One kiss shouldn’t freak you out.” As soon as I said it, I bit my lip, knowing it was a lie. Of course it freaked him out. I knew that the thing that held him up and left him skating around the issue was a ghost.
Owen.
“You know why, Caylee,” he muttered gruffly, his focus still on the road.
Bingo.
“Why can’t you just admit you like me?” Damn, I was feeling brave and stupidly courageous. It must’ve been the knowledge that he was my captive audience. Driving, just the two of us in the vehicle, there was nothing else to do but talk. Maybe next time he’d be less inclined to let me choose the subject.
“Caylee,” he warned, finally risking me a slight glance. “Can you talk about something else? Please.”
It was the please that made me relent, stowing away the topic for another time. He could avoid it for now. Just as long as he realized, sooner or later, he’d have to face reality. I wasn’t someone who would stay silent forever.
“Okay, fine. You win. How about you pick?” I threw him a genuine smile to let him know that I wasn’t angry. Disappointed, maybe. But I’d known who he was when I asked for his friendship. He’d warned me it wouldn’t be easy.
“I promise I’ll give you an answer,” he whispered, like he was afraid if he spoke louder, the dreaded question would rear it scary head and bite him. Men. “I just need to know myself first. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Then don’t.” It was as simple as that.
Nodding, Cooper reached for the stereo, pushing a button to increase the volume. I guess he’d chosen how we’d spend the next little stretch of road.
****
It was clear people loved Cooper. From the second he stepped off the stage, him and his guys were surrounded by fans and well wishes. It was interesting to watch how scantily dressed women threw themselves at him, the different ploys they used to catch his eye and attention. He took it all in his stride, playing along, a touch here and there paired with a smile so charming there were more than a few giddy sighs expressed.
But the minute their backs were turned, the real Cooper surfaced. It was all for show. No one had impressed him.
I’d be a liar if I didn’t say it made me smile. He might not want to admit his feelings for me, but he was leaving with me. That had to mean something—no matter how small.
“You sure you don’t want to go and party with the girls back at the bar?” I asked as we walked back to our hotel rooms, instantly cringing with regret. Jealousy was ugly, and I had a big case of it. “I don’t want to cramp your style.” I’d been on the receiving end of scowls when Cooper had announced it was time to leave and wrapped his arm around my shoulder. It was all for show, but there was a secret part of me that melted from the contact. Despite all my attempts at keeping my emotions professional, it was hard not to fall for his allure and give in to the chemistry I felt brewing.
“Honestly, all I can think about right now is the bed in my room,” he whispered into my ear, pulling me into him. “Care to join me?” He was back to flirting.
Heat blazed through me at his offer, kindling a fire in the pit of my stomach. “Cooper.”
“Relax. I’m just teasing. You’re safe for now.” Squeezing me tightly one last time, he finally dropped his arm, and I instantly missed the connection. Even as we entered the elevator to go to our floor, he stood close.
Too close.
“I’m tired. That show took a lot out of me.” He rubbed his eyes before letting out a weary exhale.
“You were amazing,” I admitted. Tonight’s show had been the same high-energy performance I’d caught earlier. His talent blew me away. “I can’t believe you wrote One More Time. The emotion in it was incredible.” I blushed when I realized how enthusiastic I sounded.
Yep, I was definitely their band mascot.
“Thanks.” He didn’t add any more, his head resting back on the elevator wall, his eyes closed.
“You could tell it came from the heart,” I prompted, hoping he’d open up a little.
Cooper peeked at me and offered me a crooked smile that gave him a softer, boyish appearance. It didn’t matter how he looked—whether it was full of sensual heat or relaxed charm—this guy was absolutely lethal. “It was just a song, Caylee. Nothing more.”
The elevator doors opened and he pushed away from the wall, gesturing for me to lead the way down the hallway. When we’d checked in, Cooper had asked for our rooms to be close together. My wild thoughts had insisted it was so we could have a late night tryst, but he’d confessed he’d sleep a lot easier knowing he was near enough to help if I needed it. I wasn’t sure what he thought might happen that would warrant his protection, but his chivalry made me inwardly smile. It felt nice to be looked after.
“It sounded like it meant something.” Casting a sidelong glance, I watched with dismay as the mental shutters fell over his features, hiding him behind them. Talking with Cooper felt like a field filled with land mines sometimes. Just when I thought it
was safe to proceed down a certain conversational path, he closed himself off.
“You talk way too much.”
I laughed out a loud. “I’ve been accused of that many times.”
“Has anyone found a successful way of curing you of it?” he asked, slowing down as we approached my room.
“Obviously not,” I winked, fumbling through my small purse for my key. “I really enjoyed tonight, Cooper.” My heart raced when his hand reached out and stopped mine from opening the door. Glancing up at him, I wasn’t ready for the tender look that filled his eyes.
“I think I may have an idea. It’s just a hunch, but the curiosity is killing me.” Before I could ask him what he meant, he pressed his body against mine, my back against the wall, and he captured my mouth.
I’m kissing Cooper Hensley again was the only thought I had before everything muddled and thinking became impossible. If his voice held the power to melt my insides, his kiss was my complete undoing. There was no time to prepare, no chance to ease into his attention. Cooper seized the perfect moment and left no choice but to surrender.
He reconfirmed his title as expert, his kiss far exceeding anything I could’ve fantasized about. There was no hesitancy on his part. Nipping at my bottom lip, his tongue traced a light trail before demanding entrance. I felt inexperienced to this level of kiss—everything that came before paled in comparison as his tongue danced with mine in a way that robbed my senses. He tasted decadent—a mixture of sweet and the forbidden, and I gripped him tightly, not wanting to let go.
His hands held me just as firmly, one fisted in my hair and the other on the small of my back. He had total control, making me his willing puppet to move according to his desire. When he deepened the kiss even further, I knew I was hurtling toward a decision that could change things forever. I wasn’t a girl who believed in one-night stands, but for him, to hold on to the firestorm of emotions bursting through me, I would willingly say yes.
I all but whimpered when he pulled away, sucking on my bottom lip before releasing it. My tongue darted out for one last taste. He’d stoked my hunger like a master. With one kiss, he’d shown me how dangerous he was.
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