The Dilemma: A Her Choice Story

by Megan McCoy

  “Then let’s go find one,” he said, and grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the chair, leading her to the bedroom.

  * * *

  Blaze looked over the low hills to the south, and turned east, to get the setting sun out of his eyes. He leaned against the barn, and knew one thing he could do, and he was man enough to do it. He hoped. His nerves were ridiculous and he also knew that. It just felt like such a big step. But, hell, he was an adult and this was not unreasonable for an adult.

  “Hey, Grandpa,” he fell into the stride of the older man as he walked out of the barn. Everyone said he looked just like his grandpa and if was half the man he was, he would be a good man, and that would be a good life.

  “Hey, Blaze, what you up to?”

  His grandpa just knew things, Blaze wondered how, but knew it was a fact. “Need to talk to you about something, if you have a minute.”

  “Always have a minute for you,” Jeb stopped and looked at him. “You need a boat ride?”

  A boat ride was code for ‘do you need a long conversation in private.’ Jeb had an old rowboat he liked to spend time on in the evenings after work. Blaze had been on a lot of boat rides growing up. Some of them ended well, and some of them ended with him being deservedly punished, but his granddad had always listened when he needed an ear.

  “Nope. Just want to know,” Blaze took a deep breath. This shouldn’t be this hard. “Want to know if I can rent a cabin and move in there? I’m a man now, I’ve been wanting to be here all my life, and am needing my own place.”

  Jeb looked at him. “I guess you are. Got a place in mind?”

  Blaze took another deep breath and let it out slowly. This was going better than he thought. “I was thinking the Earth Song cabin.” He said. All the cabins were named after the roses his grandmother had planted around them as they were being built. The newer ones had someone else planting them, but he had a fondness for his grandma’s roses.

  Jed nodded slowly. “Check with Candy and see how often it’s been rented for the rest of the season, and if we can move them to somewhere else. Glad you’re staying here long term.”

  Blaze grinned at him, relieved, “Just where the hell would I go?”

  “Figured you’d be trotting back to the big city and find yourself a girl,” Jeb teased, then looked him sharply. “Or have you already? Is that what this is about?”

  “No, sir,” Blaze said, hopefully not too quickly. “No girl.” He took a deep breath. “Gabe might come stay with me though.”

  Gabe wouldn’t consider that telling someone, but that was a start.

  Jeb nodded. “Plenty of room in there for two guys. Just don’t be throwing wild parties and tearing the place up.”

  “Well, if that’s the rules, never mind,” Blaze grinned back at him and pulled on the rim of his black hat. They both knew his wild days were behind him. He’d sown all the oats he needed to when he was a kid. All he wanted was to live in peace here, with Gabe, the rest of his days. He’d just made a first step. “Thanks, Grandpa. I’ll check with my new gramma and see when I can get in. Like to be there before all the guys start moving out.”

  Since Rose’s Ranch hired on quite a few summer hands who moved on after the season started winding down in late fall, they both knew it would be soon when the exodus began, as people left to go back to school, or like Gabe, their winter jobs, or just their families.

  The winter season had only a light staff, though there were almost twice as many now as a few years back. Candy perked things up during what used to be a long stretch of winter, with holiday parties here, as well as adding a couples Valentine package which included buggies for winter rides which seemed to appeal to the romantics. Winter still wasn’t as busy as spring, and by mutual vote, they took off most of January off after the New Year’s Eve bash till early February, to have the ranch for just the family as much as possible. By then, they all just needed a break. The clients were what made it work, but it was a basically 24-hour day, 7 days a week job during the season.

  “Okay, Grandpa. I’ll check into the availability tomorrow. I’m heading to bed now. Crack of dawn keeps coming early,” Blaze took off at quick walk, wanting to see Gabe and tell him they would soon have a house. He knew it wasn’t what Gabe had wanted, which was for him to tell someone. It would just have to do for now though. He got them a house of their own and he couldn’t wait to share the news with his love. Moving in together seemed a great first step.

  Chapter Three

  Liz double-checked the bag, sorting through clothes and making sure he had his toothbrush and several changes of socks and underwear. “You sure you have everything you need?” she asked anxiously.

  “Mom, I’m not a baby,” her baby whined back.

  “Ben. I know you aren’t, it’s just a little scary letting you go out in the woods with no cell phone or way to get hold of me,” ruffling his hair, she was a little hurt when he pulled away. Kid reaction. That’s all it was.

  “Blaze is going to be there. Twenty other people. I thought you wanted me to unplug,” he looked at her with eyes and tone so much like his dad her heart jerked.

  “Unplugging is a good thing. Unless your mommy wants to get hold of you. Don’t roll your eyes, you know how mommies are! You’ve had one all your life,” she teased.

  “Yes, Mommy,” he said, only slightly mollified. “I have clean underwear and my toothbrush. Is it okay if I go down and hang with Blaze till it’s time to go? I want to help saddle the horses.” Ben grabbed his bag and backpack and started heading toward the door before she could even answer him.

  “Can I have a hug first?” she said, trying to keep the plaintive tone from her voice. He hadn’t been away from her much since his dad died. A few nights here and there, but this was the first time he’d be gone three days without the reassurance of reach out and touch via phone or email. But, she could handle it, she wasn’t an over protective mom. She trusted Ben, and Blaze, for that matter. When she and Holly and Meredith had been in the accident last year, Blaze was the one who took care of Ben till she made it home. Blaze wouldn’t let anything happen to her son.

  “Liz! You going to let the kid go to the barn before or after you get all weepy woman on him?” Matt’s voice penetrated her brain.

  Looking up, she saw him leaning against the doorjamb and tried not to throw herself in his arms. What was wrong with her? Why was she being so silly? Hundreds of acres of woods and nothing between her child and death, but the experience of a twenty something year old cowboy? No, that was being ridiculous. No, it really wasn’t.

  Liz bit her lip hard and said, “Yes, you can go help Blaze saddle the horses. I’ll see you Sunday night.” Not being able to help herself, she pulled Ben to her for one more hug. “Have a great time! I love you so much.”

  “I know, Mom. Love you, too. Bye, Matt. Thanks. See you soon,” Ben had summoned up one of his rare smiles, grabbed his bags and loped out of the cabin and up the trail, while Liz watched.

  “You okay?” Matt asked. She thought he asked very cautiously. She liked that, a lot. Work it, she told herself.

  “No,” she whimpered, crossing her arms over herself, and looking up at him through her lashes. “My bottom still hurts and my kid is leaving for days, and I’m hungry and I’ve not been kissed for hours.”

  Matt grinned at her and her knees all but buckled. What he did to her. Simply amazing. “I can help with that kiss thing,” he said and took a step over to her.

  “Can you? I guess it would be okay, coming from you and all,” she didn’t quite leave whimper mode but almost, as his lips caressed hers. He tasted so good. Other males thought they could kiss, why? They should just pack it up and go home. Position taken. Best kisser ever. She only mentally hash tagged.

  “Should I purr now or wait till later,” she breathed into him. He tasted like… him. Wind, the summer breeze, a bit of musky male. Nothing better.

  “I’m just here for the ride,” he murmured into her ear and gently nip
ped it.

  “Please let me ride,” she moaned into his neck.

  “Yes, Ma’am,” suddenly he scooped her up and carried her to the bedroom.

  Now this, she thought, was distraction from worrying about her kid. Good Matt. Major points.

  * * *

  Exhausted, but not yet sleepy, Liz stared at the ceiling.

  This. This was the life she’d always wanted. She wanted a big strong man, who made her feel safe, no matter what happened or what she did, and who loved her till she screamed. Matt had proven he was just that.

  She had both. The man, the security.

  So.

  What was wrong? Could it be nothing and she just didn’t know? Was it okay he’d spanked her earlier in the week? Well, if she was okay with it, and he was, then did that make it okay? Surely it did. Behind closed doors and all that.

  What would people think, though? She couldn’t imagine. She squirmed on her not really still sore bottom, and decided she wasn’t going to worry about it too much. She only felt love and contentment toward Matt. That was really the only thing that mattered, right?

  Right?

  * * *

  “Grandma Candy?” Blaze, with Gabe in tow, as always, came up to her, sitting under the old elm tree, doing some paperwork.

  “Do you have to call me Grandma?” Cassandra whined, but only a little. So thrilled to be part of this family, she didn’t care that Matt called her mommy, even though she was only old enough to be his big sister, or that Blaze called her Grandma. Why not? Whatever made them happy made her happy. These Lyon men. What she wouldn’t do for them.

  “I don’t,” Gabe offered, and Candy sighed dramatically, pushing her short blonde hair up into a silly spike.

  “Might as well, Gabe. Otherwise you’ll just feel left out.”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” he said too politely, making her laugh.

  “What do you boys want? Or need?” They looked serious.

  “We were heading to the barn, to get the horses ready for the camp out. But, I talked to Grandpa yesterday. Did he say anything to you?”

  “About what, Blaze?” She tried to think if they’d talked about Blaze yesterday, but they’d had other things on their mind. Very fun things. She smiled. Yeah.

  “I told him Gabe and I were wanting to rent the Earth Song Cabin as soon as it came up empty. He said to check with you, see how often it was rented this summer and if we could change some of them out. We’d like to move in as soon as possible and I need to know how much rent there is,” Blaze said it in a rush, as if he were nervous.

  Candy thought a second. Blaze was a grown man and basically did the work of two or three grown men. He’d lived in the Lyon’s Den, the main office, till one day he’d walked in on her and his granddad having a good time. He’d moved to the bunkhouse the next day. She kind of felt bad about that, but not really. She liked having privacy with her new husband. But Blaze was a grown man, and while the bunk house was probably fine for the short term, if he was going to stay here and one day take over, of course he wanted his own place. Having his best friend move in to help with the expenses, was another normal thing. What made her feel wonky about this? It didn’t matter. This was her step grandson. Her husband had okayed it. He was a grown man and needed his own place. It was time.

  Beyond time.

  “Okay, let me double check a few things.” Looking down, she swiped the screen a couple times. “All right, I only have Earth Song rented out a few times this summer, but I think we’ll be able to move them to another one. Plus, you all will have the three new ones finished by the end of the month, right?” She looked up from her laptop at the guys nodding.

  “They’re on schedule, Miss Candy,” Gabe said.

  “Okay, while you are gone on the camping trip this weekend, I’ll have some of the cleaning crew in there to do a deep clean for you. Then, barring anything else, you’ll be free to move in after you get back. How does that sound?”

  They left a few minutes later and Gabe told Blaze, “It would sound better if they knew we were living together.”

  Blaze retorted, “They all know we’re living together.”

  “Don’t be obtuse,” Gabe said flatly.

  “Look at you, using those big words,” Blaze teased, uneasily, and shoved his black hat back again.

  “Yeah. That’s the part you want to focus on,” Gabe said, and Blaze felt a huge pang of guilt.

  “I’m sorry. One step at a time, okay? At least we’ll get to be together every morning and every night, and with no one else around,” Blaze hated the pleading tone in his voice. He knew what Gabe wanted. He just couldn’t give it to him yet.

  He only hoped one day he’d be able to do that for him.

  * * *

  Liz picked up the phone, “Eric! How’s my favorite big brother?”

  “Missing his baby sister. How’s life treating you?” His deep voice rumbled back at her. Her heart eased, just a bit from the angst of worrying if being spanked was right or wrong or just so many shades of kinky. She knew that Eric and his wife, Holly, enjoyed, and yes, enjoyed was the key word, a wonderful relationship and a very happy marriage that also included Holly going over his knee fairly often. If it was good enough for them, she wasn’t going to worry too much more about it if was right or wrong. Her big brother could do no wrong in her eyes.

  “I’m very happy. Love it here, love being with Matt. Ben is so happy, Eric. He’s off on a three-day trail ride and camping trip with Blaze this weekend,” she gushed.

  “I’m so happy to hear all this,” he said, and she knew he was. He’d worried about her so much since her husband had died. He had to be thrilled she was no longer his problem. “Holly is making some reservations down there for us next month. Looking forward to seeing how you settled in. Just no trips to St. Louis for you girls, so you know.”

  Liz gave a short laugh, but asked, “How is Meredith? Have you seen her lately?” The first time they’d all been here, she and Holly and her brother’s fiancé Meredith had all headed up to St. Louis for a few days at a spa, and ended up at the bottom of a ravine. Meredith had been hurt badly, but she and Holly had escaped with only a few minor injuries.

  “She’s still in rehab, but Ethan’s getting his house set up for her to come home soon,” Eric said.

  “She’s moving in with him? They weren’t living together before, were they?” Liz was quite certain they weren’t.

  “Yeah, he wants her there, and thinks that’s the best place for her right now.”

  “What does she think?” Liz asked.

  “About what?” Eric asked as if genuinely confused.

  “Does she want to go to Ethan’s house, or does she want to go to her apartment? Or does she want to go home to her mom when she gets out?” Liz asked patiently.

  “Ethan thinks being at his place is the right thing for her,” Eric repeated and Liz rolled her eyes. All these alpha males were the same.

  “Darling brother of mine, females are allowed opinions. I wasn’t asking her what my other dear brother thought was best for her. I was asking what she wanted to do,” Liz tried to keep the snark out of voice. She didn’t think her brother would turn her over and paddle her, but she wasn’t quite that certain about it. She also felt fairly certain that he’d call Matt if he thought it necessary. She didn’t want that, but really!

  “I’m sure she agreed. Why wouldn’t she? He only wants what is best for her. But if it makes you feel better, I’ll ask Holly when she gets home from work, okay? She visits Meredith a few times a week,” he said it, in a way that didn’t sound upset with her, so she felt better.

  “Thank you, Eric, I’d appreciate it. Have Holly call me sometime, okay? Love you, and see you next month!”

  “See who next month?” Matt asked as he walked in the door. “We getting company?”

  Liz’s heart jumped. Damn, the man was gorgeous. All sweaty and hot from work, well-worn jeans, his hat still cocked jauntily on his thick head of hair. Would she e
ver stop desiring him desperately? She hoped not.

  “Eric and Holly are making reservations to come down next month,” She told him. “I think he wants to make sure that you’re treating me right.”

  Pulling into a big hug, he kissed her thoroughly, then smacked her butt twice, making her squeal, “So? Am I?”

  “Yeah,” she breathed, and wiggled hard against him. Wanting more.

  “Then why didn’t you ask them to stay with us?” He said, and smacked her once more. That one stung! “The couch pulls out.”

  “Because they like their privacy, especially on vacation,” she explained. “They just don’t know how to behave in civilized company.”

  Matt looked at her, oddly, “I have no idea what that even means,” he said, slowly.

  “It means they like their alone time,” she explained.

  “Oh. I get that, but I just know it’s rude not to at least invite them. Get back on the phone and ask your brother and his wife to stay with us.”

  “What?” Liz looked at him as if he’d grown two heads. “They will be fine in a cabin. I can talk to Cassandra about working off some of their bill, if that makes you feel better, though. I don’t mind doing that.”

  “I know they will be fine in a cabin. If my mom came, though, or one of my half siblings, I wouldn’t ask them to stay in a cabin. They’d be coming to visit us, not stay in a rental cabin.”

  “Oh, I see,” Liz felt a little relief. Now she understood. “This is a vacation for them, too. Not just a stay and visit with us thing. They know we both work and will be doing the trail rides and boat rentals and stuff. It’s not only a come check on baby sister visit.”

  “Well, the right thing for baby sister to do, is call them back and invite them. Or do you want me to do it?”

  Okay. Matt was being an ass. “No. I don’t want you to call them. I don’t want to call them. Holly is supposed to call me tomorrow after she checks in on Meredith, and I’ll mention they are welcome here then,” she said, slowly. “If it’s really important, I can text and ask. But I see no reason to call.” Her brother liked to hear her voice, but really, even her dental clients could make appointments on line. She didn’t need to bother her brother who was probably back to work at his demanding job, from his quick break right now.