He nodded. “I won’t disturb you when I come out.”
She wasn’t sure how he would manage that since they would doubtless be sharing the bed but she only nodded back. As Sylvan went into the bathroom and shut the door, she climbed under the slightly musty-smelling sheets and tried to get comfortable in the strange bed.
Even though the mattress wasn’t lumpy or hard, she couldn’t seem to find a good position. She kept imagining Sylvan in the shower, lathering up with hot water running down his hard, naked body. If there hadn’t been so much standing between them, she might even have had the nerve to go join him. Not that he would want her there now.
Not after what I said. God, why did he have to bring it up? Why couldn’t he just let things be? We were doing so well and he seems like such a nice guy—when he’s not going all freaky-scary, that is. Now everything is weird between us and it’s going to stay weird because I am so not going there. I mean, why should I even talk about it? It was years and years ago…
Her mind ran on in an endless loop of regret and self-recrimination until she heard the water shut off. A few minutes later Sylvan came out. Water droplets sparkled on his shoulders in the weak light of the dying fire. He was wearing his black pants and carrying his boots in one hand while toweling his hair with the other.
Sophie closed her eyes at once and pretended to be asleep. She had decided that it would be better not to talk to him for the rest of the night. Maybe when they woke up in the morning he would be ready to start fresh without any embarrassing or hurtful talk about the past.
She watched through half-slitted eyes as he walked toward the bed. Every muscle in her body tensed as she waited for him to climb in beside her. Would he get under the covers with her? Or sleep on top of them to give her more space? Did she want him to give her more space? Would he—
Her thoughts were cut off abruptly as he bypassed the bed and lay down on the rug in front of the fire.
What the hell? Why did he do that? Is he that mad at me?
“Sylvan?” she said before she thought about it.
“Yes?” He didn’t sound at all surprised to hear her awake and alert.
“You…I…” She wasn’t quite sure what to say. “Are you laying down there because you’re mad at me?”
“No, I’m not mad.” He sighed and shifted. She could hear the whispering sound of the rug under his large body.
“Well, then why…?”
“It’s a better position to watch the door from. And…”
“And?” she prompted.
“And if I get into bed with you, I’ll want to hold you. Touch you.” His voice was deep and soft. “But I don’t think you want to be touched right now.”
“Oh.” Sophie nibbled her lower lip and then had to muffle a squeak of pain. It made her realize Sylvan still hadn’t gotten around to healing her lip where he’d bitten her, which seemed like a lifetime ago. And he never will now, she realized sadly. I’ve ruined everything…everything.
“Goodnight,” he said softly and she heard him shift again, as if trying to get more comfortable.
“Goodnight,” she echoed. Turning on her side, she buried her face in a pillow and tried to get to sleep. But as exhausting as the night had been, she still couldn’t relax. The misunderstanding between herself and Sylvan was pressing on her like a lead weight, making any kind of rest impossible. She turned over and then flipped her pillow to the cool side, hoping it would feel better against her hot cheek. She tried counting backwards from a hundred and then from a thousand but she couldn’t concentrate, couldn’t relax and she was just getting more and more tense and restless and—
“Sophia? Are you all right?” His voice in the darkness sounded concerned. “You’re tossing and turning all over the place.”
“No, I’m not all right.” She sat up in bed and glared down at him. The fire had died to red coals by now and he was barely visible—a large dark shape on the floor at the foot of the bed. “It happened a long time ago,” she said, running a hand though her hair which was getting tangled from all her restless maneuvering. “And it’s not really something I like to talk about…or even think about, really.”
“No?”
“No.” She sighed again, supremely irritated. “Fine, you want me to tell you? I’ll tell you. It was at my senior prom. Or after it, anyway.”
“Prom?” he asked.
“A dance.” Sophie made a vague gesture with one hand. “A…a coming of age ritual. Everyone gets dressed up and goes to a big party and dances and drinks way too much and has fun.”
“If that’s your idea of fun,” he said neutrally.
“Well it is if you’re a senior in high school and you’re about to graduate,” Sophie told him. “Anyway, it was only a few months after…after my parents were killed.” She choked a little on the words. Even though it had been over six years since that fateful night the highway patrolman had knocked on the front door, she still missed her mom and dad fiercely.
“I’m very sorry.” Sylvan’s voice was soft with concern.
“No, it’s…that’s not the point of the story.” She took a deep breath. “What I was going to say was that Liv and I were going to stay home. I mean, who wants to go to prom after something like that? But Kat convinced us that it was a once in a lifetime deal and our parents would want us to have some fun. So we were all three going to go together—just us girls, you know?”
He made a slight noise of understanding.
“So we were going to go together—none of us had dates anyway—but then Burke Simpson asked me to go with him. He was the captain of the football team—really, really popular. Our team went to state, so he wasn’t just a big fish in a little pond—he already had a scholarship to FSU and everything. Honestly, I was really surprised that he asked me.”
“Why should that surprise you?” Sylvan sounded like he was frowning.
“Because. He was the big man on campus—the alpha male. And I was just this shy little nobody. I wasn’t a cheerleader or in the student council or anything like that. I thought he was probably being nice to me because of what happened to my parents.”
“Did you go with him?”
Sophie nodded and then realized he probably couldn’t see her in the dark. “Yes. Uh, he picked me up in a limo—a big long car with a driver. Then he took me out to a really nice restaurant—I remember being afraid to order anything but a salad because everything was so expensive. And besides, I was too nervous to eat around him.
“We got to the dance and everything was beautiful and romantic. The only thing was, Burke kept trying to grope me. He acted like he was playing around but I had to kind of keep fending him off. I…I should have known better than to stay with him, but I hadn’t really been out with a lot of guys so I didn’t know quite how to handle him. I…” She shook her head.
“Sophia?” Sylvan sounded worried again and she realized she’d stopped talking for a long moment.
“Sorry.” Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to go on. “Anyway, when the dance was winding up, Burke wanted us to get a room and stay for the night. The prom was held in this big hotel and a lot of the other seniors were staying.”
“Did you stay with him?”
“I…I didn’t want to.” Sophie pulled her knees up to her chin. “I wanted to go home with Kat and Liv. They were going to go watch old movies and make popcorn. But Burke convinced me to walk with him up to the room. He said he just…just wanted a good night kiss. And he’d been so nice to me, paying for everything, I didn’t see how I could say no to that. I mean, just one little kiss, right?”
“And was it just ‘one kiss?’” Sylvan’s voice was neutral.
“N-no.” Sophie wrapped her arms around her knees and squeezed tight, trying to get the words out. “I mean it started that way but then he…he pushed me down on the bed. I…I asked him to stop but he wouldn’t. He kept saying did I know how much the night had cost him and what kind of girl would I be if I didn’t, uh, put out a
fter all that.”
“Did he take you?” Sylvan’s voice was icy.
“I fought him.” Her voice trembled and everything inside her felt tight as she relived that horrible night. “I kicked and screamed but it didn’t…didn’t do any good. He got on top of me anyway. Then he ripped my dress and tore off my panties.”
She took a deep breath. God, how she hated remembering this! But as much as she wanted to push it back down, the memory had fully surfaced now—like a bloated corpse rising from a shallow grave. She couldn’t do anything but go on and try to get through it.
“He was so heavy on top of me,” she whispered brokenly. “So big. I felt like I couldn’t breathe and he was prying my legs apart and it hurt when he put it in me. Hurt so much…” There were tears running down her cheeks now and her breath was hitching in her chest. “See? This is why I didn’t want to talk about it. I always get so stupid and emotional.” She was glad it was too dark for Sylvan to see her right now. She must look a mess.
“Sophia—”
“That’s why I told you to go for it when we had the choice between surrender and death in the shuttle,” she interrupted. “I…Liv had told me how they—the Scourge—dig around in your brain and show your worst memories. I didn’t want you to know about this. About what happened.”
“Sophia—” he began again.
“No, just let me finish.” If she was going to tell it, she might as well tell it all. “After…after he was done he finally rolled off me. He didn’t want to let me go at first even though…even though he was done with me. But one of his football buddies banged on the door. She shook her head. “Anyway, Burke was startled and I was able to get away. He nearly broke my wrist, though—it was black and blue for a month.”
Sylvan made a low growling sound in his throat but said nothing.
“I was afraid he would do it again so I ran…I got a taxi and went home. I knew Kat and Liv were at Kat’s house so I had the place to myself. I took the hottest shower I could stand and scrubbed and scrubbed. I just wanted him off me—out of me.”
Sophie took a shallow, shuddering breath. “Kat and Liv wanted to report the…the attack, but I was afraid to. Burke’s family was really important—his dad owns a Jaguar dealership in South Tampa and has a seat on the City Council. Liv and I only had each other after our parents died and Kat just lived with her grandma so there was no one to back us up. Besides I just…just wanted to forget it.” She sniffed. “Not like Burke would let me, though.”
“He came after you again?” Sylvan demanded, sounding really angry.
Sophie twisted her fingers in her lap. “In a way. He…the…the next time I saw him in school, he acted like nothing had ever happened. Like I was invisible. So I thought it was all over with. Then he cornered me in the gym behind the bleachers.” She closed her eyes briefly, remembering that horrible scene. The way Burke had crowded her up against the back supporting post of one of the bleachers, pressing himself against her, overpowering her with his big, hateful body, his breath hot on her face. She could still hear his voice in her ear…
“Listen you little bitch, you better keep your mouth shut about prom night, you hear me?”
“Leave me alone. I…I haven’t told anyone.”
“Except your sister. And that fat, nosey cunt you two are always hanging around with. What’s her name? Oh yeah, Kat.”
“Just leave me alone. Please…”
“You don’t say a word and maybe I will. But if you start any trouble I’ll come over some night. Yeah, I know you and your sister are all alone now that poor little mommy and daddy got killed by the big bad drunk driver. You say anything—and I mean anything—and I’ll be coming to pay you a little visit. Only this time I’ll bring friends. You understand?”
“I swear I won’t cause you any problems. Just let me go. Let me go!”
A little sob escaped her and her shoulders shook. God, she’d been so terrified. So sure she would wake up some night with one hand over her mouth and the other one up her nightgown. And if she had to go through that again she would die—she knew it.
“What did he do to you?” Sylvan’s voice sounded slightly strangled and she realized she’d been silent, reliving it and not saying anything.
“He threatened me, mostly.” She hugged herself tightly. “He said if I ever told anyone he and a bunch of his buddies would come to our house and…and do it again.” She shivered. “I was so scared after that. So sure he was going to come and there would be nothing I could do about it—no way to get away the next time. I…I didn’t feel better until after we graduated and he went away to college.”
“I’ll kill him.” Sylvan’s voice, cold and deadly in the darkness, snapped her back to reality. “I’ll find him and tear his heart out.”
“No, you can’t!” she protested, swiping at her eyes. “I mean, it was years and years ago. It’s over now. I just want to forget it.”
“He exploited your innocence and vulnerability—the weakness of a female alone with no male to protect her. He took you against your will and brutalized you. He deserves death.”
“I don’t need a male to protect me,” Sophie objected. “It was my own stupid fault for going to prom with him in the first place. For thinking that he would want me for anything but that.” She took a deep, shuttering breath. “God, why is this so hard to talk about? I mean, it’s been years.”
“The passage of time doesn’t always lessen pain,” he said darkly. “Sometimes it magnifies it.”
“Well, anyway…” Sophie swiped at her eyes again and tried to sound normal. “I never made that mistake again. In fact, I hardly ever dated again. It just…just seemed safer that way.”
“Does he still live in Tampa?” Sylvan asked. “This male who hurt you?”
“Yes, he works at his father’s car dealership selling—” Then she realized why he was asking. “Stop it, Sylvan—I didn’t tell you this so you could…could go after him or something. I told you because…because… Oh hell, I don’t know why I told you. But you can’t do anything about it.”
“If I was your bonded mate it would be my duty to call him out and kill him in combat. To—”
“Well you’re not,” she cut him off. “So promise me you won’t go after him. I just want to forget it—to try and put it behind me again.”
He took a deep breath and then let out a long, low sigh that sounded almost like a growl. “All right,” he said at last. “I swear not to kill him.”
“Thank you.” Sophie blotted her eyes on the sleeve of her shirt. God, was she ever going to stop crying? “I mean, I appreciate the offer but that’s…that’s really not what I need right now.”
“Forgive me.” He breathed deeply and she could almost feel him trying to let go of his rage and relax. “What do you need, Sophia?”
She was almost afraid to ask but… “You said earlier that you…you wanted to hold me. Do you still, uh feel that way?”
His answer was quick and certain. “Yes, of course I still want to hold you. But are you sure? I mean, in light of what you told me…”
Sophie knew what he meant. “Yeah, you’re a big guy—a lot bigger than Burke even and he was pretty huge. But I’m not afraid of you, Sylvan. At least…not when you’re not in your scary fighting mode.”
“I’m glad.” His voice came from much closer and she looked up to see him standing in the darkness beside the bed. “I never want you to fear me.”
“I couldn’t help it, earlier” she whispered. “It’s just…the way I feel when a guy gets too close too fast. The way I’ve felt ever since…ever since it happened.”
“I wish I could take away your pain.” He sat carefully on the bed, as though trying not to startle her. “I wish I could make it better in some way.”
“You can,” she surprised herself by saying. “Just…hold me. Can you do that?”
He didn’t answer with words. In a moment he was on the bed beside her, gathering her into his arms and holding her close.
Sophie pressed her head to his chest and breathed in his scent which was incredibly comforting. God, it hurt to talk about what had happened so long ago. To relive it. It had been so scary and it had tainted the rest of her life. Ever since Burke she’d been afraid to date—afraid to live. All men seemed suspect—didn’t they all have that beast inside them somewhere? Even Sylvan, as warm and sweet and comforting as he was, had an animal living under his skin, waiting to come out at any time. Don’t think about that now. Just try to relax. She took a deep breath. Need to take things easy for awhile. Stop dwelling on the past and try to live in the present.
“Talana,” he murmured, stroking her hair tenderly.
Enjoying his gentle caress, she nuzzled closer. “I…I’ve never told anyone besides Liv and Kat what happened that night. And I never even told them about how Burke threatened me afterwards—I didn’t want them to worry.”
He growled softly. “Thank you for trusting me. I will keep your confidence until the day I die.”
Again with the formal vows. But it was kind of nice, in a way.
They were quiet for a long, long time and Sophie was almost certain he’d drifted off to sleep when Sylvan spoke again.
“No wonder I frightened you. I can see now why you say you don’t want an ‘alpha male.’”
“I’m glad you understand,” Sophie said gratefully. “And I hope I didn’t uh, offend you when I told you that.”
“No.” He sighed. “It’s all right. There’s more standing in the way between us than just your aversion to large aggressive males.”
“I know.” Sophie felt unaccountably sad. How had they gotten so close so fast? And was she actually letting herself feel for the big warrior? How stupid is that? whispered a little voice in her head. You know you can never have him. Even if he wanted you enough to break his vow you could never give him what he needs. It was true but she still felt like she might cry again. And she really didn’t want to do that—she’d cried more than enough already tonight.
“It really wasn’t your fault, you know.” His voice was a quiet rumble in the dark.
Brides of the Kindred Volume One Page 55