She raised her left hand to her face and examined it anxiously but everything looked normal. Didn’t it? On closer examination she wasn’t so sure. Her pinky finger looked…strange somehow. Lauren couldn’t put her finger on it—no pun intended—but when she touched the tip of her pinky finger to her thumb it tingled. Also, the nail on it was a lot shorter than the nails on her other fingers. Lauren wasn’t a nail biter and she didn’t remember breaking a nail, so what was going on?
Don’t be silly, she told herself uneasily, turning her hand this way and that to examine the suspect pinky. It was just a bad dream. Get over it and move on.
Feeling more awake, she looked around the room for Xairn. He’d said he was going to sleep on the couch across from the bed, but it was empty. Then she became aware that someone was in bed beside her, breathing deeply and obviously asleep.
Blinking, Lauren turned over to face him. He was lying on top of the covers but sometime during the night he’d wrapped the long trailing edge of the bedspread over his big frame and nothing was visible now except his sleek black hair. She wondered why he never took it out of the club he wore it in at the base of his neck—not even to sleep. But maybe he’d been too tired to bother last night.
Poor baby. He’s had a hard time lately and all because of me. Unable to resist the impulse, Lauren reached out and tenderly stroked his hair. He stirred a little but she didn’t move her hand. Instead, she caressed him again, letting her fingers trail down inside the cover to cup his rough cheek. Her heart yearned for the man she was touching so gently. He’s so conflicted inside. So wounded. If only he would let me love him, heal him—
“What in the seven hells do you think you’re doing?” a familiar voice demanded. And then the man beside her sat up and threw off the covers in one fluid movement.
“I was just…” The words died on Lauren’s lips. The voice sounded like Xairn’s but the man in bed with her was a complete and total stranger.
“What is it?” he said, frowning at her. “Why are you staring at me that way?”
“Oh my God.” Lauren’s voice came out in a weak whisper. “Who…who are you?”
“What do you mean, who am I? I’m Xairn.”
“No you’re not.” Although, his features did look like Xairn’s. They were still had the proud, stern cast that reminded her of a noble savage or some classical statue come to life.
But instead of the pearly gray shade she’d become used to, this man had smooth tan skin several shades lighter than her own mocha brown. And the burning red-on-black eyes, which had so frightened her at first, had been replaced by normal human eyes.
Well, not normal exactly—his irises were a pure pale shade of blue-green that reminded Lauren of the clear waters of a tropical ocean. Gorgeous, she couldn’t help thinking. He looks like a freaking model.
And as much as she was growing to love him, “gorgeous” was not a word she would have normally applied to Xairn. He was rough around the edges, with more than a little bit of the beast about him. Not this handsome Romeo sitting in bed beside her, wearing nothing but a pair of tight-fitting boxer brief looking things.
A sudden thought occurred to her. “You’re not some kind of clone are you? Something they send to replace Xairn? Because I don’t care how hot you are, you’re not him. I want him back—where is he?”
“I’m telling you, Lauren, it’s me.” He ran a hand experimentally over his face. “It must be the effects of your DNA on me. Do I really look that different?”
“The DNA exchange—of course!” Between her bad dream and the shock of waking up beside a “stranger,” Lauren had completely forgotten that they’d had their DNA altered. So it was Xairn after all. But Xairn as she’d never imagined him. “You look completely different,” she said. “Well, not completely—you’re the same size and shape and your features are the same. But your skin and eye color—”
“Let me see.” He was already out of bed and running for the bathroom. Lauren caught up to him as he was standing in front of the viewer, examining his new skin and eyes.
“I am changed,” he murmured, running his hands over his face wonderingly.
“But I’m not.” Lauren looked at her reflection beside his and frowned. “Look at me—I look exactly the same.”
“Which is at is should be,” Xairn said, looking down at her. “I asked Slk to leave your physical appearance intact and make the smallest change to your DNA possible, remember?”
“I remember.” But Lauren couldn’t help feeling disappointed. “It’s easy to see what you got from me,” she pointed out. “But what did I get from you when Slk rearranged our DNA?”
He shrugged. “It might be something so tiny as to make no difference. You may never know—pray you don’t. I have nothing you want.”
“You’re wrong about that,” Lauren said quietly.
“What?” He frowned at her. “You’re not saying you wanted red eyes or gray skin, are you? That you wanted to look like I did before this change?”
“What I want is to know that there’s a little piece of you inside me—the same way it’s obvious there’s a little piece of me inside you,” Lauren said stubbornly. “I don’t see why that’s so hard to understand.”
“What’s hard to understand is why you would wish to pollute yourself with my genes—to defile yourself with the toxins in my blood.”
“It’s not pollution or defilement,” Lauren argued. “I still don’t understand why you think that about yourself.”
“Because it’s true,” he said shortly. He frowned again as he studied himself in the viewer. “There is one thing I don’t understand—why is my skin lighter than yours?”
Lauren sighed. “Oh, well I’m half white, you know. I mean, because my mom is,” she said. “It was my dad who was African American. You know—black.”
“But my skin is not white. It’s a sort of…tan. And your skin is not black. It’s a beautiful, smooth brown.”
“Well, we say ‘black’ and ‘white’ on my planet, but what we really mean is tan and brown.” Lauren shrugged. “I know, it’s silly isn’t it? But I guess you got DNA from my mom’s side of the family.”
“Does your mother have eyes this color?” he asked, looking into his own eyes in the viewer.
Lauren shook her head. “Uh-uh, she has eyes like mine. But I do remember her saying once that my great-grandfather had eyes that color. Sea colored eyes, she called them.” Reaching up, she cupped his cheek and turned him to face her. “They’re beautiful, you know. Not that your other eyes weren’t—they were very…fierce. But now—”
“Now I conform to your human standards of beauty,” Xairn finished for her.
She nodded and let her hand drop. “You look like a model.”
“A model?” His perfect forehead wrinkled.
“Someone who sells products to others just by looking good. Like if you wanted to sell people a particular brand of clothes, you’d have someone hot, er, good-looking wear them.”
He shook his head. “Why?”
“Well…it’s psychological. It gives people the idea that if they buy and wear those particular clothes, they’ll look as hot as the model wearing them.”
“Why would they think such an illogical thing? And why do they care what their clothing looks like, anyway?” Xairn was clearly confused. “As long as it is adequately functional and keeps them warm, that is all that should matter.”
“Oh, Xairn honey…” Lauren laughed delightedly. He might look like he’d just stepped from the pages of GQ but he was obviously still the same old Xairn underneath. Honestly, it made her feel better about the change he’d undergone. With his big, muscular frame and those striking eyes, he looked like a movie-star—almost unapproachable.
So much physical perfection was hard to be around. It made her feel intimidated in a way she never had even when she’d first met him and thought he looked like a beast out of a nightmare.
Of course, it had been a long time since she’d thought th
at. Recently she’d really begun to like the way he looked and now…now he was so different.
“I wish my skin was the same color as yours,” he said, holding his arm alongside hers to compare. “But I’m glad you find me easier to look at now.”
“I never found you hard to look at,” Lauren protested. “In fact…Here, lean down a little.”
Obediently, he crouched down so she could reach around behind his neck. Lauren felt for the leather thong that kept his hair tied in the tight club at the back of his neck. Carefully, she unknotted it and pulled it free.
The effect was dramatic. A thick, glossy curtain of blue-black hair fell down around Xairn’s muscular shoulders. It framed his face, softening his stern features, and making him look more than ever like a model on the front of a romance novel.
“Wow,” Lauren breathed, stepping back to look at him. “See, now I’ve been wanting to do that almost from the first moment I saw you. And that was long before you turned into Mr. GQ.”
He frowned and ran a hand over his hair. “Why should you want to let my hair down?”
“Because I wanted to do this.” Reaching up, she ran her fingers through his silky black mane. Truly, he looked magnificent, but what really made him attractive were the traces of the old Xairn she could see peeking out through his gorgeous new exterior.
Xairn shivered under her touch like a nervous animal but didn’t draw away. Instead he held perfectly still as she caressed him. “Why?” he whispered. “Why would you want to…to touch me so?”
“Because I like you.” Lauren pulled him closer and he came to her willingly, his gorgeous, sea-colored eyes wide and uncertain. “Xairn, I think…I think I might be starting to love you,” she confessed. “And not because of this…because of how you look. Because of all we’ve been through together. Everything you’ve done for me… risked for me… given up for me. You’re the sweetest, kindest, most noble man I know.”
“You’re wrong,” he whispered hoarsely as she drew him closer. “I am not any of those things.”
“You’re all that and more,” Lauren insisted. She put her arms around his neck and stood on her tiptoes. “I wanted to do this too, you know,” she murmured. Gently, she brushed his lips with hers.
Xairn’s reaction was immediate and intense. Arms like warm, flexible steel suddenly crushed her against him and his mouth covered hers, insistent and demanding.
At first Lauren was a little frightened but then she relaxed into his grip. She could feel the need in him—need that had been buried for years and years, desire he’d been too afraid of to ever let see the light of day. Can’t let him think I’m afraid of him. Can’t feed the image he has of himself as some kind of sexual monster.
Moaning softly, she opened her mouth to him, inviting him in, trusting him. Xairn hesitated at first but then she felt his tongue enter her slowly. She caressed it gently with her own, inviting him to do more, to explore. Xairn took her invitation eagerly, threading his fingers through her hair and growling softly deep in his chest as he pulled her even closer.
Lauren was still wearing the fuzzy purple robe she’d put on the night before and she was bare underneath. As Xairn pulled her to him, the robe opened up and she moaned breathlessly to feel her naked breasts rub against his broad, bare chest.
There was a hard bulge in the black boxer briefs he was wearing and it pressed insistently against her thigh, dangerously close to her unprotected pussy. Lauren had a brief thought about how he’d claimed to have double the usual equipment down there but from what she could feel, it was perfectly normal. Well, maybe not completely normal—it did feel awfully large. Maybe she’d get a chance to explore and find out exactly what…
“Stop!” Xairn broke the kiss abruptly.
“What? Why?” Lauren looked up dazedly, trying to find the reason in his eyes. “Do you want to go to bed? Because I agree this isn’t the best place for this.” She gestured around the bathroom with its deep blue fixtures and the bathtub still filled with congealed pink oatmeal stuff from her abandoned bath of the night before.
“No, I do not wish to take you on the bed.” Xairn’s voice was hoarse and the hot, hard ridge Lauren could still feel against her thigh throbbed as though in denial of his words.
“Where then?” she asked, frowning.
“Nowhere. I…I do not wish to take you at all.”
“You’re lying,” Lauren said softly. Reaching up, she cupped his cheek and looked into those new, beautiful sea-colored eyes. “You want me, Xairn—I can feel it.” She nudged him with her thigh and had the satisfaction of seeing him jump. “And I want you.” She nodded down at herself to where her tight nipples were still rubbing against the broad, tan planes of his chest. “We want each other,” she clarified. “We need each other. And I don’t see one good reason we shouldn’t give in to that need.”
“Because I feel for you as well.” Gently but firmly he took her hands and put them down by her sides. Then he stepped back, breaking all physical contact between them. “I don’t know what to call it but I want…I want to shelter you from pain, to keep you safe from harm. To comfort you when you’re sad. To put my body between you and any danger that might befall you.” He shook his head. “It’s a very strange and confusing emotion.”
“It sounds like love to me,” she said quietly. “If you love me, why are you pulling away?”
“Because of everything I told you last night. Because of what I am.” He shook his head and looked away from her naked body, framed in the fuzzy purple robe. “And it’s because I care for you that I must leave you. I’ll see you safely home to your planet but then…then I must go.”
“Go where?” Lauren reached for him but he ducked away from her touch. “Will you come back and see me?”
“No.” He wouldn’t meet her eyes. “Never.”
“What?” Stung and surprised, Lauren began to cry. Hot tears welled up in her eyes and ran down her cheeks before she could stop them.
“What did you expect?” he asked roughly. “For me to stay on Earth with you? Live as a human? Just because I look like one now doesn’t mean I am one inside, you know.”
“I…I know.” Lauren sniffed and tried to stop crying. “I don’t know what I expected but I hoped you might stay…at least awhile.”
“No.” He shook his head. “I must go.”
“Why? Because of what your people do?” Lauren sniffed again and glared at him fiercely. “I don’t accept that. I don’t care how the men in your race treat women or what you’ve seen your father do—you’re not them, Xairn. You’re you. And I know you wouldn’t treat me that way. I know you would never hurt me.”
“You’re wrong,” he said in a low voice. “More wrong than you know.”
“Maybe I am at that.” The tears wanted to come back but Lauren wouldn’t let them. “Because you have hurt me—worse than I’ve ever been hurt in my life.”
“What?” He looked startled. “I haven’t laid a hand on you. Not in the way of my people, anyway.”
“No, but you’re leaving me as soon as we get back to Earth. Leaving without even trying to explore these feelings we have for each other.” Lifting her chin, Lauren looked him in the eye. “And that hurts worse than any rough, kinky BDSM-type fantasy ever could. You haven’t just wounded my body, Xairn—you’ve wounded my heart.”
He opened his mouth to reply but Lauren didn’t want to hear it—didn’t want to hear more excuses. Straightening her shoulders, she drew the robe close around herself and stalked out of the bathroom. If that was the way he wanted it, then so be it. It was clear he was serious about dropping her off on Earth and leaving her without a backwards glance. Fine then, she wasn’t going to beg.
But it hurt. Oh God, it hurt much worse than she ever could have believed possible. And she couldn’t stop hearing his deep voice in her head saying those sweet words, I want to shelter you from pain, to keep you safe from harm. To comfort you when you’re sad. To put my body between you and any danger that mig
ht befall you.
It was love all right, but it wasn’t enough. He didn’t care for her enough to stay. To take a chance. Oh Xairn, she thought sorrowfully. If only you were as willing to risk your heart for me as you are to risk your body.
If only…
Chapter Fifteen
Xairn watched her go with a fierce ache in his heart he couldn’t explain. Why couldn’t she understand that he was doing this for her own good? He no more wanted to leave her on Earth and never see her again than Lauren wanted him to go. But he couldn’t help himself—if he allowed himself to get close to her, his true nature would come out.
Briefly, he allowed himself to relive the sweet moment when she’d pressed her lips to his. That…kiss, yes, that was what she had called it. That kiss which had started out so soft and tender and then turned into something else—something more. Xairn had wanted her then, especially when she parted her lips and offered him the freedom to explore her, to know her completely. He’d had dark visions of dropping to his knees and parting her other lips—her sweet, soft pussy lips with his tongue as well. He wanted desperately to taste her, to lap open her willing little cunt and explore her hidden treasures while she moaned and gripped his hair, begging him to do more, to go farther….
But I can’t. I mustn’t. For if he allowed himself to taste and explore her body, other things were certain to follow. Things his body yearned for but which were considered perversions by others.
Sighing, he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. There were no tears in him anymore—they had gone after his pet urlich, Sanja, had died. But for some reason his eyes were burning now and he felt a lump in his throat that wouldn’t go down no matter how hard he swallowed.
He breathed deeply, trying to push the unwanted emotions away, and caught a faint fragrance from somewhere. Her scent, it must be Lauren’s scent. He’d been stroking her hair as he kissed her—it was all over his hands.
His first impulse was to wash his hands but he couldn’t bear to do that. Instead he cupped his palms to his face and inhaled, trying to breathe her in, trying to memorize her forever. Then he frowned—it was different somehow, her scent. Essentially the same but slightly changed. She smelled like…
Brides of the Kindred Volume One Page 139