Xairn’s no touching policy was still in effect but he didn’t flinch anymore when Lauren brushed against him by accident or casually touched his arm when she forgot. It was almost as though the puppy had brought out the best side of his nature and enabled him to find his self-control just by being there. Or maybe he had just buried the Scourge side of himself in order to care for the little canine with the gentleness and warmth he sensed she required.
Whatever the reason, the result had been much less tension between them and for that, Lauren was incredibly grateful. Having a happy and balanced man instead of a self-loathing, tormented one was more than worth a few puddles and “presents” on her tile floor from time to time as they tried to housebreak Little One. Although to Xairn’s credit, he was training her incredibly quickly. She could already sit and stay when told to and was even learning a few tricks. It’s like we had a baby, she thought, watching as Xairn tickled the puppy under her chin and let her gnaw on his finger with her tiny milk teeth. He’s gone from Scourge warrior-mode into daddy-mode. Now if only he could find a happy place somewhere in between…
But she sensed the warrior was still there, lurking just below the surface. Despite the lack of tension between them, she could still feel him watching her with hungry eyes. And she knew he was still relieving his own needs in the bathroom. She wished again that he would let her help, that they could find a way to be together without his instincts taking over and turning any sexual encounter between them into something out of a BDSM porno.
Do you really wish that? whispered a little voice in her head. Do you really? Lauren pushed the thought away uneasily and went to stand in front of the kitchen sink where there were still a few dishes from breakfast to be done. Absently, she stared out at the warm, late afternoon sunlight slanting down into the crystal blue waters of the pool. But though she was staring at the water, her mind was miles away.
The way it felt when he flipped me over, the press of his big body against mine, pinning me down. The sound of his voice when he growled in my ear, when he told me exactly what he was going to do, how he was going to take me…God!
She shivered. She’d been replaying the scene from the Sweet Spot over and over again in her head during the past week and it never failed to fill her with dark excitement. But it shouldn’t excite me, should it? It wouldn’t have been rape—no matter what Xairn thinks. You can’t rape the willing and I was plenty willing. But it would have been rough and I was frightened of him. He gets so scary when he goes all Dom like that. Scary but incredibly hot too.
Lauren was a feminist to the core but every time he started acting that way it seemed to do something, to flip some switch inside her that no one else had ever been able to flip. It made her so damn hot all she wanted to do was submit and let him do anything he wanted. But that wasn’t right—she shouldn’t want to be treated like that. Shouldn’t crave Xairn’s dominance or fantasize about sexual submission to him. Should she?
Unbidden, an image popped into her head. I’d be down on my knees in front of him, kneeling before my master to show my submission. His large hand, stroking my hair, guiding me toward him, toward his hot, hard cock. She could almost taste his warm, salty skin, could almost smell the delicious masculine musk of his big body as he fucked her mouth.
But maybe she wouldn’t suck him just right, the exact way he wanted her to suck him. Maybe he would have to punish her. Lauren imagined him putting her over his knee and pulling down her panties, baring her ass for his big hand. He would spank her, spank her until she writhed and begged for mercy.
Then he would tie her to the bed, her arms and legs spread wide so that she was helpless beneath him. Helpless and unresisting as he fucked her, fucked her so hard and long and deep she wouldn’t be able to help moaning his name, begging him to take her, to never stop, to make her come… Stop it, Lauren scolded herself. Stop thinking like that. You’re only making things hard on yourself.
But the forbidden fantasy had raised such a mixture of desire and shame inside her, she could hardly hold still. Uneasily, she shifted from foot to foot, feeling like her pussy was on fire. God, she had to stop thinking like this. But telling herself to stop was no good—it was all she’d been able to think of ever since their last physical encounter. Why was she so interested in this, anyway? She’d never fantasized about being punished before. Never wanted to let anyone tie her down or spank her.
Lauren bit her lip, frowning. It was frightening to discover this dark corner of her sexuality she had never even begun to explore before. Frightening and more than a little confusing. What the hell was wrong with her, anyway?
“Are you all right?” Xairn’s deep voice broke her train of thought and Lauren whipped around guiltily to see him staring at her with narrowed eyes.
“Fine, I’m fine. Just thinking,” she said brightly, trying to smile.
“Thinking what, exactly?” He raised an eyebrow at her.
Lauren shifted nervously. “Nothing. Just that this is probably the last warm day we have before it starts getting cold. Well, cool, anyway. I think I want one more dip in the pool before it’s too late.” Once the words were out of her mouth she knew it was a good idea. Nothing like immersing herself neck deep in the chilly water to douse her unwanted desires.
Xairn frowned. “But you can’t swim—you told me so yourself.”
“I’m just going to splash around in the shallow end,” Laurens said briskly. “And then maybe drift around on one of the floats for awhile. You know, relax. What good is a day off work if we don’t spend it relaxing?” She knew she was babbling but by this point she didn’t care. She just had to get away from Xairn and the strange fantasies that had been tormenting her lately.
“Be careful, then,” he said but she was already on her way into the bathroom to change into her favorite white bikini. If a dip in the pool didn’t cool her down, she didn’t know what would.
* * * * *
Xairn frowned as she came out with a towel modestly draped around her curves and disappeared out the front door. He still didn’t understand the human preoccupation with immersing oneself in deep water. Especially here in Florida where Lauren lived, people seemed to swim constantly—if not in pools then in the ocean which surrounded them. He wished he could persuade Lauren to give it up but since she seemed to like it so much, he didn’t see how he could deny her one of her few pleasures. Especially since he gave her no pleasure himself—no sexual pleasure, anyway.
Gods, she smelled so hot just now. Unable to help himself, Xairn lifted his face and scented the air currents still swirling in the room. For some reason Lauren had been getting more and more aroused lately. Probably, he thought glumly, because he had denied her any kind of sexual satisfaction. He knew perfectly well that the asexual relationship they currently had couldn’t last but he didn’t know how to change that without going too far. Didn’t know how to make love to her without hurting her.
I wonder what she was really thinking about when she was standing there, staring out at the pool? It sure as hell wasn’t the idea of swimming that was making her so hot. He had an idea that if he concentrated he might be able to hear what she was thinking but he didn’t want to do that—it would be an invasion of her privacy. He hadn’t been able to help hearing her when things had gotten sexual between them but at least while they were keeping their respective distances he could stop himself from eavesdropping on her secret thoughts.
Speaking of hearing someone’s innermost thoughts, he was glad Lauren couldn’t hear his. All he seemed able to think about lately was how much he wanted her. Closing his eyes, he allowed himself to fantasize what he would do if only he could trust himself…
She would be lying on the bed, wearing nothing but a short skirt and panties, her beautiful breasts bare. I would pin her hands above her head and order her not to move. Tell her she couldn’t stir no matter what I did.
He imagined her full, thrusting breasts, her nipples like dark, succulent berries at their tips. He want
ed to tease those nipples, to suck them long and hard in the way that made Lauren hot and slippery between her thighs. She loved it when he sucked her nipples—it never failed to make her pussy wet and ready. Of course, she wouldn’t be able to help squirming with pleasure as he worked on her, disobeying him despite his orders. Such willful misbehavior would call for a punishment, but he could deal with that later, after he finished tasting her.
After teasing her ripe peaks with his tongue, he would move down her body and pull off her white lace panties very, very slowly with his teeth. He could imagine the look on Lauren’s face once her pussy was bare—uncertainty and a little fear mixed with desire. But she would submit to him without question when he told her to spread her legs, he was sure of that. And once she was open to him…
I would get on my knees before her and press my face to her hot, wet slit. Breathe in her warm, feminine fragrance and rub my cheeks against the tender skin of her thighs. Gods, he was achingly hard just thinking of it. But the fantasy didn’t end there.
I would part her pussy lips and lap her cunt, long and slow and hot. I would taste her sweet juices until she moaned and writhed under my tongue, until she bucked her hips up to meet me and called my name, begging me to make her come, to fill her. To fuck her…
A sudden splash and a muffled shriek from the direction of the pool shredded the fantasy to bits. In a flash Xairn was on his feet with Little One deposited safely on the couch. “Stay,” he told the startled puppy and ran out the door as fast as he could.
He rounded the corner and pushed through the white metal fence that surrounded the pool to see Lauren’s slender arms groping just above the surface of the water. The pink inflatable float she’d been resting on had drifted away and she was flailing helplessly right in the middle of the deep end.
Memories of the drowning tanks flashed through Xairn’s head. The scent of corruption and rot heavy in the stagnant air, the thick black slime sliding over his head, filling his mouth as he gasped for breath… The boney hands throwing him back again and again as he struggled to find his way out of the dark waters… The high, evil laughter of his father as he told his only son to sink or swim… Since that moment he had never swum again—had told himself he would rather die than submerse himself in water over his head.
The memories and horror all passed through his mind in a fraction of a second.
And then he dove into the cold water and stroked toward Lauren, pushing himself as hard as he could, praying he would be in time.
* * * * *
Lauren really wasn’t sure what had happened. One minute she was lying peacefully on the pink rubber raft, wearing her favorite white bikini and trying to clear her mind and the next minute she was smack in the middle of the pool, going down like a stone.
Oh my God, swim, float…something! she mentally yelled at herself, trying not to panic. Her mother was an excellent swimmer and had tried to teach her many times but somehow Lauren just never got the hang of it. She couldn’t even learn to tread water, which her mom had sworn would save her life if she could just master it. Should have tried harder, she thought as the chilly water closed over her head. Should have—
And then strong arms were folding around her, pulling her back to the surface in a rush of sunlight and blessed, life giving air. Xairn? she thought dizzily as she was towed across the pool to the side. But he can’t swim, can he? I thought he said he couldn’t. I thought—
“Here.” He pushed her up over the lip of the pool and leapt out of the water to kneel beside her. “Breathe!” he gasped, crouching over her, his eyes wide with fear. “Lauren, breathe!”
“I…I’m okay,” she tried to say but it came out in a low, choking voice that was barely understandable.
“I’ll take you to where all the healers stay. What is it called? The hospital—I’ll take you there.” He swung her up into his arms and Lauren thought she had never seen him looking so wild.
“No, no!” She struggled in his arms as he carried her swiftly from the pool. Spitting out some water, she shook her head. “I’m fine, Xairn. Fine,” she gasped, still catching her breath. “You got…got to me almost before I was in trouble.”
They were in the condo by this time, standing in the middle of the living room floor, both of them dripping. Xairn was still holding her, a look of uncertainty and fear on his face.
“You’re all right? You’re really all right?”
Lauren cleared her throat so her voice came out sounding less like a croak. “I am, honestly.”
“Thank the Gods.” Still holding her tightly, Xairn fell to his knees and buried his face in her neck. “I thought…thought I would be too late. That I would lose you.”
“No, baby, no. Of course not.” Lauren slid out of his lap and somehow found herself standing in front of him. Xairn was still kneeling. His arms wrapped around her waist and he pressed his face to her abdomen. “It’s okay, I’m okay,” she said over and over, stroking the broad, muscular shoulders soothingly. “Honestly, it’s all right.”
“I know,” he whispered in a low, choked voice. “I know.” But still he trembled and his skin, pressed against her bare stomach, felt feverish with heat.
“I don’t understand how you did it though,” she said, stroking the damp black hair away from his forehead. “You told me you couldn’t swim.”
“I choose not to swim. But I can when I have to.” He looked up at her at last and Lauren saw that his eyes had gone a solid red-on-black. “My father taught me,” he whispered and there were depths of unspoken pain in his words that wrung her heart.
The sight of those eyes in a face that had gone suddenly pale and those softly whispered words filled Lauren with concern. “Hey,” she murmured, looking down at him anxiously. “This is about more than me falling overboard, isn’t it?”
Xairn shook his head and looked away. “It’s nothing. I was fearful for your safety, that’s all.”
“No, that’s not all,” Lauren said firmly. “That’s not the whole story by a long shot. And you’re going to tell me all of it. But first we need to get out of these wet clothes. Come on.”
She helped him to his feet and at first it seemed like he could barely move. Lauren’s concern grew as she watched how stiffly he walked, how unsteady he was on his feet. It was almost like he was the one who had nearly drowned. What was going on with him?
She stripped him out of his wet jeans and t-shirt while Little One barked urgently on the couch. “Quiet, Little One,” she ordered, shaking a finger at the puppy. “Settle down now.” For a wonder, the puppy did as she was told, curling up in a corner of the couch and watching the proceedings with wide, worried eyes. “It’s all right,” Lauren told her, though by now she was beginning to be really worried about Xairn herself. “He’s going to be fine. He’s just…just upset.” But upset about what?
Finally she had him completely nude and began rubbing him down with towels. At any other time she would have been admiring his hard, muscular body or maybe even trying to sneak a peek at his equipment—she was still very curious about the whole ‘primary and secondary shaft’ thing he had going on. But at the moment, she was too concerned with his mental state to think about anything physical. She wrapped a towel around her own shoulders as she worked, shivering slightly in the air conditioned condo as her damp bikini stuck to her skin.
At last she had his large body mostly dry. “There.” She sat him down, still naked, in one of the kitchen chairs and pulled up a chair to sit opposite him. “Now tell me, what’s going on. Why are you so upset? And don’t say it was because of me, either—it’s more than that, I can tell.”
Xairn’s eyes were still a burning red-on-black. He closed them briefly, an expression of pain flitting over his face. “I told you that I chose not to swim but I didn’t tell you why,” he began in a low, grating voice. “I…I never told you about the drowning tanks.”
“The what?” Lauren looked at him in horror. “You had tanks on your ship just for drowning peo
ple in?”
“Not people—animals. Urlich.” He took a deep breath and went on. “It was my father’s policy to test them in the tanks as part of their final training. The tanks were filled with black slime—it must have been water at one time. But the dead animals were left to rot in it, until it was a stinking, putrid sludge, so foul it made one nauseous just to smell it.”
“Ugh.” Lauren shivered. “That’s terrible.”
“Yes.” Xairn nodded briefly. “They—the mature urlich—had to show their stamina and courage by swimming. Swimming for hours and hours on end in the slime. Some of them…” He swallowed hard. “A lot of them drowned.”
“Oh my God!” Lauren put a hand to her mouth. “Please don’t tell me he threw your pet dog in there and let it…let it die.”
“No.” Xairn looked down at his hands, which still trembled slightly in his lap. “He…he threw me in.” He looked up at her. “Over and over again. It was…how I learned to swim.”
“Oh no! Oh, Xairn!” Lauren was on her feet and cradling his head against her breasts before she could stop herself. “No wonder,” she murmured, stroking his still-damp hair. “No wonder you hate to swim. But you jumped in to save me anyway.”
Slowly his arms crept around her waist and held her tight. Xairn looked up at her, his eyes still burning. “I had no choice,” he said hoarsely. “You are my life, Lauren. If you die there is nothing left for me. Nothing.”
“Oh, baby.” She couldn’t stop the hot tears that rose to her eyes and overflowed onto her cheeks. “I love you,” she whispered. “Love you so much. I’m so sorry he hurt you that way.”
“It’s all right,” He pressed his face to her breasts again and inhaled deeply, as though taking comfort from the scent of her skin. “It doesn’t matter. I survived.”
Brides of the Kindred Volume One Page 157