I didn’t mingle with anyone that night. I stayed hidden out in the kitchen, drinking Tequila straight from the bottle. I was an emotional wreck. Liquor was the only way to compose myself that night. Just when I started to pop a few oxycodone pills along with that alcohol, Kelissa, Dana, Danita, Tyra and muthafuckin’ Renée come strolling their pretty asses into the kitchen. I rolled my eyes, sitting the bottle of pills and Tequila down on the island countertop.
“The fuck y’all want?” I wiped the tears from my face with my fingertips. “What, y’all came in here to gloat? Or better yet curse me out, blaming me for what happened to my best friend? Go ahead! Curse me out! Call me a high-yellow, dick-suckin’, bust-it-wide-open-for-everybody, triflin’ ass bitch!” I watched as they all stood around me with their arms folded.
Tyra snatched the pills and bottle of liquor for me. “These aren’t gonna make you forget about what happened, Charlene!” She tossed my shit in the trash. “I told you a long time ago that Ashton was in dangerously in love with your ass! You just had to play with his head. Yeah, I’m gonna rub in all in your pretty face! I’m not cutting your ass any slack! You don’t deserve any slack!”
I got up off of the stool about to leave the kitchen, when Tyra grabbed my arm, slinging my ass back down. “I don’t have to sit here and hear this shit, Tyra! Don’t you think I feel bad enough?” I screamed.
“No,” Kelissa interjected, “you don’t!”
I looked at her. Tears saturated her cheeks. Losing Ashton probably hurt her just as much as losing Alisha did. Both Kelissa and I had grown up with Ashton. We both knew him before he’d even started dating Alisha. Ashton was like a brother to Kelissa. The kind of brother who you could go to about anything. If he had it, it was hers.
“I’m not gonna lie to you.” Kelissa dried her face, “I’m pissed than a muthafucka at you! I grew up with Ashton! He was my muthafuckin’ homie for life! You had no business getting involved with this boy if you knew you weren’t gonna give your all to him! You should have kept your muthafuckin’ hands, lips, pussy, ass, everything off of him!”
“Okay, sweetie, calm down!” Dana pulled Kelissa’s arm, pulling her back.
Kelissa was two steps from yanking me by my hair from the stool that I was sitting on. She pulled from Dana. “Dana, you and your sister, Danita, are always pulling somebody back! One day, one of y’all are gonna catch some of those punches that you keep trying to block!”
“What I wanna know is,” Renée stepped in to add more fuel to the fire as usual, “did you open up the results of the test before you tried to bury the shit with Ashton?”
Everyone looked at me.
I didn’t respond to her. I just ran my fingers through my hair anxiously.
Tyra laughed a little. “So, in your twisted little world, you think that burying the test results will hide the fact that August might not be Jamie’s son?”
“Wait a minute, you mean to tell me that you had a DNA test done and didn’t tell Ashton nor Jamie the results?” Kelissa exclaimed. She looked at Renée, “And how did you know about this shit?”
“She came to me with that fuckin’ envelope the day that I gave Ne’Vaeh that baby shower,” Renée hated to admit.
Tyra was confused. “So, you agree with her keeping this shit from both Jamie and from Ne’Vaeh? The whole muthafuckin’ reason why Ne’Vaeh left this muthafucka in the first place is because of that baby! The whole fuckin’ reason why she’s with Aaron is because of that baby!”
“My cousin is finally happy, y’all! The results of this test aren’t gonna bring Ashton back! As a matter of fact, I am sure that boy probably already knew the results to this test, and that was probably what made him kill himself!” Renée shouted.
We all looked at her. None of us had really thought about that.
They all looked at me. If looks could kill, I would have had ten bullet holes shot straight through my head.
“You know that boy knew, y’all. He worked at the got-damn hospital!” Renée shook her head at me in disgust. “You know they called that boy as soon as the results were in. He knew every nurse practitioner, nurse, phlebotomist, physician, and medical technician in Baltimore!”
“This shit is crazy!” Kelissa started to cry again. “Ashton is gone, all because you wanna be with a nigga who only paid your ass any attention when it was convenient for him! He ignored your ass until he saw Ne’Vaeh stroll up in Alisha’s funeral with Aaron, and you know that shit! You want a nigga who ignores your ass until it’s convenient for him? You killed my friend over a man who will always love another woman! You don’t deserve to be happy while my friend is out there, six-feet fuckin’ deep!”
Danita looked at me, her dark eyes glaring at me. “We told you years ago that your shit was gonna come back to haunt not just you, but everyone else. What if this baby isn’t Jamie’s? What will Ne’Vaeh think? What will Jamie think? You’re gonna fuck this girl’s entire world up, and Jamie’s, too!”
Renée shook her head, “I’m telling y’all, just let the shit go!”
“Y’all muthafuckas is trippin’!” Kelissa was so irritated with Renée. “Charlie thinks it’s cool to just try and bury the evidence with the man who she claims was her best friend, and Renée’s over here talkin’ about keepin’ the shit sealed is the best thing to do! Renée, you’re always the one talkin’ about doing the right thing! You were always tryin’ to play Ne’Vaeh’s mama! And now you wanna keep this shit from her?”
Renée looked at Kelissa, “And just like a mama, I wanna protect my baby.”
Before the two could continue back and forth, Heather came through the kitchen door. “Charlie, Officer Taylor is in the living room.”
I looked at her. What could he possibly want? I thought to myself.
We all made out way into the living room where the rest of my guests were sitting. Mother was standing at the door with Office Taylor. Jamie was standing by the chair where he once sat, little August clinging to his leg.
Jayson looked at me, walking into the living room. He stood there dressed in his crisp, clean police uniform, holding an envelope in his hands. “Good evening, Miss Campbell. I’m not here to disturb you all. I just came to give my condolences for loss. I went to school with Ashton as well. I’ve known him since we were in the third grade. He was probably the most talented, genuine, and honest person that I’ve ever met. He will be missed.” He started to hand me the envelope that he held in his hand.
My heart was pounding like a snare drum in my chest. “What is this?”
Jayson hesitated. “The envelope we found on Ashton’s door the day that his body was found. You never read it.”
I backed up a little. It was Ashton’s suicide note. I shook my head frantically. “No, I can’t read it.”
My mother snatched the envelope from him, opening it.
I shut my eyes as tight as I could as she took what I thought was a letter out of the envelope.
“It’s—it’s a picture,” my mother stuttered.
I opened my eyes, looking up at Jayson, who was shaking his head at me. I looked at my mother as she eyed the picture. “Picture of what?” I hesitated to ask, as Jamie walked over to my mother, taking the picture from my mother’s hands.
Jamie looked at me. “A picture of me and August.”
My heart continued to slam against my chest.
“It says something on the back,” Jayson cleared his throat as Jamie turned the picture over.
Jamie’s eyebrows knitted themselves together for a few seconds before his eyes coated over in tears. He looked up at me, about to say something, when little August ran back up to him, grabbing his leg. He looked down at August and then back up at me.
“What’s the picture say?” people around the room began to question.
My mother took back the picture from Jamie, reading the words to herself instead of reading them out loud. Her eyes squinted looking at the words. Not because she couldn’t see the words, but as if she was trying
to make sure she had interpreted correctly whatever was written on the back of the picture. She gasped, looking up at me, and then looking at Jamie as he picked up August.
Jamie hugged August as tight as he could before the tears started racing down Jamie’s face. “I’ll see you later, little man. Take care of your mother for me, a’ight?” He spoke softly before trying to let August down.
“No!” Little August squealed, clinging to Jamie with both his arms and his legs.
“C’mon, August, Jamie has to go bye-bye, okay?” My mother started to cry too, taking August from Jamie’s arms.
Jamie looked at me, shaking his head before leaving the living room.
“What’s wrong with Jamie?” Heather asked, watching Jamie walk out of the living room, into the corridor. “Ma.” She looked back at my mother. “Where is he going? And what does the picture say?”
My mother looked at me, nostrils flaring. “It says . . . ‘When you left me, you left me no choice. I couldn’t live without you. Now you can raise my son with him.’”
I nearly fell to the floor. My heart had literally stopped beating. And my brain forgot how to allow my lungs to breathe. I nearly lost control of all bodily functions at that moment. All I could hear over and over in my head were the words that had just come from my mother’s mouth. The silence in the room was deafening. Everyone was staring at me, not even sure what to say to me. My mother, who has an opinion about everything, was without words.
Once I regained my senses, the first thing my mind forced me to do was run and catch Jamie before he walked out of my life for good. I raced out of the living room and through the corridor, making it outside just before Jamie made it to his black and burgundy brand new Bugatti which was parked in the driveway, right out front. The camera crew was outside, snapping pictures at me as I ran to catch up with Jamie.
“Jamie!” I screamed out to him, pushing past the camera crew.
But he wouldn’t turn around. When he got to his car, he opened the door about to get in, cameras flashing in his face, camera men blocking him from driving off if he wanted to. Jamie was such in a hurry to get away from me, he probably would have run everyone over if I hadn’t stopped him.
And I said the only thing that I could think of to make him stop. “Jamie, please don’t leave August!”
You should have seen the expressions on the faces of the camera crew. They just knew they had themselves a story. You could hear my mother’s voice in the corridor, asking Jayson to tell them to leave before they were all arrested for trespassing.
Jamie stopped in his tracks. Even though he wasn’t facing me, I could tell by his body language that Jamie was crying. He wiped his face before turning around to see me running up to him.
Jamie’s temples twitched. He looked over my shoulder to see my mother and Renée standing at my front floor.
Officer Jayson came down the front steps, telling the camera crew they had to leave, but they weren’t going to budge until they got their story.
Jamie looked back at me, clearing his throat. “You knew that boy wasn’t mine, Charlie?” He tried to be as calm as he could.
I shook my head. “No, Jamie, I didn’t, I swear!”
“So tell me how the fuck Ashton knew then, huh?” Jamie leaned back against his car. He was trying his best not to blow up in front of the camera, giving them the show that they wanted. Jamie’s attitude was reckless, and it always seemed like they were ready to capture that about him on camera. It appeared that he was always causing trouble. Little did they know, I was always the catalyst.
I sighed, bracing myself for Jamie’s response. “Apparently I slept with Ashton the night before my team and I flew out to Miami. I was high, I was drugged, and I was drunk. Neither of us remembered what happened that night. It wasn’t until a few weeks ago that I found out about it and had a DNA test done. I didn’t even open the envelope.”
Jamie had to laugh to keep from smacking me. “You had a DNA test done, shawty, and you didn’t tell a muthafucka? Apparently, you told him! I guess he found out the results before you did! The crazy muthafucka wrote that shit on the back of that got-damn picture!” Jamie’s anger could no longer be suppressed.
I reached for his hand, “Jamie, please, I’m sorry!”
Jamie pushed me away from him. Cameras flashed. “Don’t fuckin’ touch me! Ashton is dead because of your decision to be with me after he already knew that August was his son! He left you because you left him! He left his son behind to pay you back, to pay me back for taking you from him when I knew that he needed you! Look what we’ve done!” Jamie screamed out, his voice echoing in my chest.
I cried out loud.
“Ne’Vaeh left Maryland because of this little boy! I lost her because of him! And losing him hurts just as bad as losing her did! I love that little boy with everything in me! I spend more time with him than you do, shawty! He is my fuckin’ life, and you took him from me!” Jamie cried out. “I just killed that little boy’s father? What the fuck am I supposed to tell that little boy?”
I shook my head, not even sure what to say to him. All I could say was, “Jamie, I need you. Please, August needs you.”
Jamie shook his head at me, drying his tears. “Again, all you can think of is yourself. You aren’t thinking about that little boy in there who’s gonna have to grow up without a father!”
“You’re all he knows! You’re his father, Jamie!” I pushed him. “I had no idea about that night, Jamie, I swear I didn’t! Dana and Danita found me naked on top of Ashton that night! They’re the ones—”
“This is your fault, Charlene, no one else’s!” Jamie exclaimed. “You were about that living-on-the-edge shit since we were kids, yo. I should have known better than to trust you when you told me that you were pregnant with my son. I never thought you’d be the one to hurt me like this, shawty. I watched the girl I loved get married right in front of my face! And the only reason why she ended up with that muthafucka is because of you!”
“Daddy!” Little August ran outside the front door, past my mother before she could catch him.
Renée ran after my baby, catching him at the bottom of my front porch steps. She swooped him up in her arms.
Jamie looked at August, and then back at me. “Take care of little man. He’s all you have left of Ashton. Hold on to him, shawty. He’s gonna need you.” Jamie’s temples twitched. “Tell my son—I’m sorry, your son—I said good-bye.”
I shook my head, trying to grab Jamie’s arm before he got into the car. “No, you need to tell him!”
Jamie pushed me off of him. “Naw, shawty. I’m not gonna be the one to break his heart. You’re good at that shit. I’ll let you do it.”
“Look at him, Jamie!” I screamed, pushing Jamie in his chest. “Don’t leave him! He doesn’t deserve this shit! He didn’t do anything wrong! It was my mistake, not his!”
Tears slid down Jamie’s face. He shook his head at me before looking up at August, who was screaming at the top of his lungs, reaching out for Jamie. Jamie looked back at me. “Ne’Vaeh hates me because I never reached out to her while she was in Georgia. When she left me, I was hurt so I did whatever I could not to think about her. I was fuckin’ all types of bitches left and right, trying to get over that girl. Meanwhile, she’s in the hospital, giving birth to my dead baby. Our baby died while I was here taking care of you and yours! Do you know what I’m feeling inside right now, Charlie?” Jamie exclaimed.
“Jamie, I’m so sorry.” I cried out.
“What do we tell August? You gonna lie to him all of his life about who his father is? Are you gonna tell him what kind of woman that you are, and how you got caught up in a fuckin’ situation that made his father kill himself?” Jamie dried his face.
I had no idea what to say to Jamie. Everything he was saying was right about me.
“You’re right, Charlene, August doesn’t deserve this shit. He’s got my last name! Not yours, not Ashton’s! I’ll be in his life, Charlene, but I want no
part of yours.” Jamie looked down into my face. “Tell little man the truth. You lied to everyone else. Don’t lie to him.” Jamie got into his car, closing the door behind him. And in seconds, I was watching his Bugatti racing out of my driveway.
I looked back at Renée and my mother. They both stood there, not really sure what to say. Renée let little August down. He ran straight into me, burying his face in my legs, crying his eyes out because his “daddy” had left without him. I picked up my son, wrapping my arms around him. He clung to me, arms wrapped around my neck. I cried with him.
“You already know where that boy is headed.” Mother shook her head at me, watching me walking up the steps to my front porch, holding my son in my arms.
“And the drama continues.” Renée sighed. “This shit ain’t never gonna end.”
It's Wrong for Me to Love You, Part 3 Page 25