Finding Faith

by Ysabel Wilde

  Strewn all across her counter and floor were loose pills and opened condoms. I picked up one of the pills to examine it. That son of a bitch dumped Oxy all over the place, the same pill her mom was addicted to. Were these her pills? No, they couldn’t be.

  My hands clenched into fists at the thought of that man in her space doing these heinous things where she came to feel safe. She won’t be staying here anymore, I would guarantee that much.

  I dropped to my knees in front of her. I didn’t know what to do. The longer I watched her the more I wanted to go beat the shit out of the person who did this to her.

  She was curled in on herself and was hyperventilating. The only thing I could think to do was encase her with my body. She was so petite I covered her entirely. If I could split myself in two now would be the time, one to take care of Faith and the other to hunt down the bastard that violated her.

  With my arms tucked under her rear and my head resting against her back I let her cry as I rocked us. I made sure to tell her everything would be safe. I would take care of this for her. Told her how special she was and that I loved her. I don’t think she could hear me over her crying but I told her anyway.

  When I could hear her breathing start to calm with only sporadic gasps I finally spoke. “Faith, who do I need to call? What do you want me to do?” I sat hovering over her, waiting for her to respond. I knew how shaken up she was. Who wouldn’t be?

  It took her several minutes to answer me. I was starting to think that she had gone catatonic. All I could think to do was rub her back and keep hugging her. It pissed me off even more to think someone did this to the things she worked so hard to earn.

  “I have to go,” she said between gasps. “I can’t miss my meeting.” She let out a staggered breath as she finished. Was she for real? How important was this meeting? Couldn’t it wait?

  I started to sit up when an outstretched hand from underneath Faith’s body tugged onto my shirt, yanking me back down over her. She managed to say, “No, I need you to stay a little bit longer.”

  All I could muster was an “OK.” If I said more she would be able to hear the fury that was slowly boiling to the top. I started rocking her again and humming our song from this morning. It seemed to ease her back down to me from where ever she went.

  The words didn’t have to be spoken about who did this. We both knew it was that motherfucker of an ex, and when I caught up with him he would be sorry. He fucked with the wrong girl on the wrong day. She was in no condition to tell me anything, but she didn’t have to.

  My cheek was still resting on her lower back as I spoke to her softly, not wanting her to think I was angry with her.

  “Listen to me, sweetie, I don’t expect you to explain. I already have a good idea of what’s going on. If you want to talk about it I’m here, but this isn’t going to change us at all.”

  I turned my head, giving her a kiss where my head just was. “I think you should reschedule, but I’m not your boss and no matter how much I wished I was I’m not your boyfriend either. If you feel it’s necessary to go I won’t argue with you. I’ll call Mike and see who we can get over here after you get back from your meeting so they can take a report.”

  I sat up waiting to see what my next step should be.

  Why did I make that boyfriend comment?

  When she didn’t protest me moving I asked, “Is Grace home?” She nodded. “Which condo is hers?”

  She was still curled up into a tiny ball when she said, “Two doors farther down across the hall.”

  A sniffle came out when she finished. If my heart hadn’t already been torn out when I first saw her it would have been shredded into little pieces now.

  I almost couldn’t decide which pain was worse, the night she disappeared from me or now? When she left me I hadn’t known the situation with her mother so I couldn’t protect her, otherwise I would have in a heartbeat. Finding her again, I see she’d made herself a good life with at least one close friend in Grace. As I sat in the middle of the destruction my anger grew. What that bastard did, taking away her feeling of safety and happiness might well be my unraveling. He was a ticking time bomb, it was a fact. I saw it. Why didn’t I act on it sooner?

  For the first time since she had disappeared from my sight to change she unraveled herself and we were face to face. Her eyes were bloodshot and searching mine for something but I didn’t know what. Her face was pink from the stress of crying, with tears starting to dry leaving streaks of salt down her face.

  With my thumb I wiped a few of the tears that were still falling from her face and traced their path across her soft and wet bottom lip. I wanted to lean in and kiss her, to take the tears and fear away. I decided to cup my hands behind her neck when I was done instead.

  If I didn’t tell her what I was feeling I would always regret it, so I did. Coming a breaths width apart from her, our noses practically touching, I said, “Faith, don’t let this change the decision you were about to make before we came up here.”

  I stared at her, hoping it got through, but I got no response, just a blank stare.

  Giving her a kiss on the cheek where I had taken away her tears, even though it was her lips I really wanted, I got up and left to go get Grace.

  As I left her I prayed to God I wasn’t a presumptuous ass and that she was planning to make the decision I was wanting and that I didn’t just blow it forever.

  In all the years I’ve known Grace she has never been speechless, until today. After she stood in silence with her mouth hanging open while taking in the disaster that was my room she found her voice.

  “What the fuck happened, Faith?” she yelled from the doorway of my bedroom.

  It didn’t take long after John left for my legs to finally decide to work and I had gone out to sit on the couch. I needed to get some distance between me and the mess to gather my wits. No matter how close I was it helped to not be in the same room. I could feel my anxiety slowly dissipate, taking the shakes I’d had since I found the mess with it.

  I wanted John here with me. He made me feel safe but he told me he was going to get things taken care of, whatever that meant. I could see Grace from where I sat. She said John told her not to touch anything because some of the guys would be coming over to talk to me and take pictures later.

  Ah, John. What would I have done if he weren’t with me when I found this? A shudder ran through me. He was so sweet to me the entire time. Was I that transparent that he knew I was about to give in and tell him I wanted to give us a try? He told me to not let this get in the way but how could it not?

  If Brad came after me who’s to say he wouldn’t do something to John. Who’s to say he wouldn’t set John up and get him in trouble at work? I had to stay away from John for his own good. He’s finally starting to get his life back in order after the trauma he went through with his parents.

  I didn’t have time to sit here and be terrified anymore. I had to get ready and leave. When I came back I would take care of the trashed condo.

  Grace was still in my doorway as I went to change. I passed behind her asking, “Grace, why did John want you to come over here? I really don’t need you to help me. I’m a big girl.”

  I was just going to leave anyway. Why did he think I needed her?

  “Not like my door was broken down. Go back to your place. I’m fine.”

  Brad obviously had made a key when he had my spare while we were together and that’s how he got in here. I would just chain my door when I was home and I’d be fine tonight, and tomorrow I’d have the maintenance man change the locks. Stan was no longer my front desk man for letting something like this happen on his watch.

  With another one of her are you crazy looks, Grace said, “Faith, look at this place.” She spread her arms out as she scanned my trashed rooms. “From what John told me you were curled up like a fetus. He’s really worried about you. I was given strict orders to take you to the meeting and not let you out of my sight.”

  She crossed h
er arms across her chest, pouting her lips, daring me to argue.

  “Since when do you choose a man over your best friend?” I blew out an irritated sigh.

  I made sure not to divert my eyes from my clothes. It made it easier to pretend nothing was wrong. I moved as quickly as my arms would go to get out as fast as possible.

  “When the yummy man can make better decisions about what you need than you can, that’s when,” she answered.

  “Did he tell you where he was going?” I really didn’t have time to fight so I tried to pick her brain as I finished. The faster we were at the hospital the faster I could get rid of my escort.

  When did John start taking care of me? When did he start using my friend against me? I wanted to be upset with the fact that John thought I needed a baby-sitter but I couldn’t because it had been such a long time since anyone showed me they cared for me.

  “Nope. All he told me was the rundown of what happened and that he needed me to take care of you. He didn’t want you left alone and I had to hang out with you until he was able to get back to you. Do you think it was Brad? That man is a nut job. I keep telling you and you don’t believe me. What if you had been here?”

  I hadn’t had time to tell Grace about the texts and phone call Brad had given me. She would have gone ballistic that I had planned to come back to meet him alone, so I didn’t tell her.

  I must have been too quiet because she came into the closet, watching her feet as she did to make sure she didn’t step on anything. She stood in front of me with her hands on her hips, foot tapping, and said, “Answer me, Faith.”

  “What?” I looked at her with a dumb look on my face.

  She flung a hand palm up waving at the mess and said, “Do you think Brad did this?” Her foot was about to fly off her body it was bouncing so fast.

  I didn’t know how to tell her. She was already getting upset and she didn’t even know all of it.

  “Faith!” She was back in the don’t bullshit me stance with her arms across her chest. “Spill it. I can see there is something you’re not telling me.”

  She stormed out of the room. I had no idea what she was up to until I heard, “Damn. Please tell me you’re kidding me. He texted you?” Her voice was high pitched.

  She must be scrolling through my texts because then she shouted, “Shit, Faith! Do you not have any brains at all? You spoke to that psycho? Does John know? Is that why he came with you?”

  I must have looked like a deer in headlights because Grace waved a hand in front of my face, bringing me back to her.

  “I may have,” I answered weakly.

  “Don’t lie. It’s right here.” She turned the phone so the evidence was in front of me. “Does John know? Is that why he looked like he wanted to kill somebody? Now the comment he made as he walked away makes sense.” Grace was irate, spewing all of her thoughts out at once.

  “What do you mean? What did he say?”

  “He was talking to himself, not me. I heard him saying he would treat that son of a bitch how he had treated you. If he was lucky that would be getting off easy.”

  “No, John doesn’t know. He wouldn’t do anything because I never told him. He wouldn’t do something stupid. He has no reason to get involved.”

  Grace was still giving me the are-you-serious look.

  “Stop giving me that look,” I yelled. “I didn’t tell him to go defend me. I didn’t tell him to do any of it. I don’t need his help.” My knight was back in full force.

  Grace bopped me in the forehead with the palm of her hand. “Hello, of course he would defend you. He loves you, dummy. Is your denial that bad?”

  “Enough of the lecture, we need to go.”

  The last thing I needed was Grace telling me what I already knew but was refusing to believe. Maybe if nobody else said the words I could tell myself it wasn’t true.

  Fifteen minutes later, Grace pulled into the employee lot refusing to listen to me about dropping me off at the ER entrance so I could get inside sooner.

  What was it with these people ignoring everything I said? Then again, if John had listened to me I probably would have walked in on Brad vandalizing my place.

  I could feel bile rise in my throat at the image of Brad laughing as he tore open the condoms and spilled the pills all over the floor. The condoms were our brand, what a coincidence. He really was nuts.

  Wanting to rid my mind of the memory I said, “You should have just dropped me off at the doors.”

  “You may not want to listen to John, but I sure am, and if he says I need to keep you in my sight that’s exactly what I’m going to do,” Grace said keeping her eyes straight ahead.

  I rolled my eyes at her but she didn’t notice. That’s when I caught sight of the doctors’ gated lot and saw the car. Brad was here. Was he working today? Now I didn’t want to go in through the ER. What if he saw me? Sweat formed on my head and my hands got clammy.

  My phone rang with a number I didn’t recognize so I turned the phone to vibrate and tucked it back into my purse. I didn’t have time to worry about anything else.

  I wiped the sweat off my face. My stomach was ready to jump out of my throat. It was doing flips and twists like it had a heart of its own.

  As we approached the ER doors I tucked my arm through Grace’s for support. I thought it was only for moral support but when the air from inside the vestibule hit me my legs went weak.

  I could feel my phone vibrate in my purse but I wasn’t coordinated enough to answer it. I was going to pass out, I could feel it. The outer edges of my vision went black and I started to see stars. My head felt like it was floating off my shoulders. Why didn’t I listen to John?

  At least Faith had one other person besides myself she could count on out here. Grace reacted the way I expected. She didn’t bat an eye when I asked her to stay with Faith.

  Mike was on shift and told me he would meet me at the fire house so I could explain what happened. I texted James, Colin, and Luke asking them to meet us there, too, then I texted George and asked him to go to the hospital to keep an eye on Faith and Grace.

  Not that I didn’t trust Grace to do what I asked, but I didn’t know what that prick was up to and wanted to make sure they were both safe.

  When I pulled up I saw Mike’s squad car sitting there already. Make that two other people I could count on for the love of my life.

  The building was deserted. The ambulance and the engine were both gone out of the bay. It was probably better that the guys from the other shift didn’t know what was going on. The only reason I called Luke, Colin, and James was because I trusted them with my life, so I knew I could trust them to help me with Faith.

  Mike was sitting at our kitchen table eating a burger. “Hey, Mike. Thanks for coming to talk to me.”

  “No problem, anything for Faith,” he said as he took a big bite out of his burger. How could he eat? I was ready to beat the shit out of someone since I’d seen her place.

  “Dr. Price vandalized Faith’s place.”

  Mike took another bite out of the burger like I’d told him it was cold outside.

  “Why would you think that?”

  He was chewing like a cow and it was pissing me off. Why isn’t he outraged? I wanted to do nothing else than hunt Brad down and beat the shit out of him and Mike was just sitting there eating.

  “Umm, let’s see, because I just left there and saw it for myself.”

  “Really? I just saw Dr. Price over at the hospital. Why do you think it’s him?”

  “You saw him working?” My heart leapt in my chest, sending a jolt of energy to my fists because I sent Faith and Grace directly into his hands. Then I remembered George went over there and instantly relaxed. I decided to send him a quick text telling him to keep an eye out because Dr. Price was in the building.

  Then I looked at Mike again and said, “Trust me, I know it was him. Faith was acting weird all night and then this morning. I heard her talking to someone and it wasn’t Grace no mat
ter how much she would like me to believe that. She locked herself up in my bedroom and was arguing with him.”

  “You spent the night with Faith?” A smile crept onto Mike’s face.

  “Mike, not now,” I said seriously. This guy was unbelievable.

  “Yeah, right, sorry.” He cleared his throat as if that would get rid of his last comment and put him back into police mode. “Tell me what happened.”

  I had only gotten as far as telling Mike I thought I saw Brad leaving while we were on the elevator when I heard Colin and Luke come in from the bay.

  Colin was leading as he ran a hand through his damp chocolate brown hair. “James can’t come, sorry bro. So what’s going on with Faith that’s so important?”

  His grey eyes were bright with curiosity. I could see the wheels turning already. Colin was a thinker. He always had to get a game plan together before he acted, that’s why I wanted him helping me out. That brain of his could problem solve in the matter of seconds, which is one of the things that made him great at his job.

  “See, Killer, I knew I should have been the one to hook up with her,” Luke added as he trailed behind Colin.

  “Whatever. Sit your ass down and listen to what happened,” I said turning back to Mike, who was almost done with his lunch.

  It wasn’t until Luke pulled his chair out hard and sat down making it crack that I made eye contact with him. He looked ticked. His dark blue eyes were almost black as he glared at me. Then, as if a light came on, he said, “Are you going to tell us about you getting laid?” Those eyes turned back to their sparkling sapphire blues in anticipation.

  Colin’s big tanned hand smacked Luke upside the back of the head and said, “Why would he tell you about that?” He shook his head in disbelief.

  Luke rubbed where Colin had just whacked him and said, “Never mind. What’s going on?”

  “Keep going, John,” said Mike as he threw his trash away, completely dismissing the Three Stooges act that was happening in front of him.

  I started again and went through all the details, from thinking I saw Brad leaving all the way to how I left her kneeling on the ground helpless. Nobody said a word, not even Luke. All they could do was look at me blankly.