by Penny Jordan
Faith gave Robert a shaky smile as she shook her head.
‘I wish I could do something to help you,’ she admitted. ‘You’ve been so kind to me, Robert.’
To her chagrin her eyes filled with tears, and she knew that Robert had seen them.
‘Hey, what’s all this?’ he demanded softly, closing the space between them and giving her a comforting hug.
Faith had her back to the door and her face buried against Robert’s shoulder, so she didn’t see Nash stride into the study. But Robert did, immediately releasing her as he said self-consciously, ‘Oh, Nash. I understand that congratulations are in order. Faith has just been telling me your good news.’
‘So I can see,’ Nash agreed curtly, giving Faith a look of icy contempt before turning away from her to tell Robert, ‘Perhaps once you’ve finished “congratulating” her you could spare me five minutes? There’s something I want to discuss with you.’
Faith saw Robert drive away from her bedroom window. She had gone there to leave the two men to their discussions following Nash’s arrival in the study.
Her face burned with a mixture of anger and resentment.
Nash had had no right to look at her the way he had, with that…that contempt, that almost murderous loathing. It had been obvious from Robert’s reaction that he’d felt he was confronting a savagely jealous husband, but she, of course, had known better.
How much longer must she wait before knowing whether or not she had conceived Nash’s child? How many days’ grace should she give herself? She knew there were home tests one could do, but surely it was still too early for that?
She froze as her bedroom door crashed open and Nash strode in.
‘So Ferndown asked you to used your “influence” with me, did he?’ he demanded without preamble. ‘Don’t bother denying it, Faith. I overheard the pair of you.’
‘And, typically of you, Nash, you immediately leaped to conclusions and made judgements based on those conclusions. Does it ever occur to you that you could possibly misjudge something? No, of course it doesn’t,’ Faith told him scornfully, answering her own question. ‘All Robert wanted was to know what the Foundation’s position was with regard to Hatton. He didn’t realise…He didn’t know…’
‘He didn’t know what, Faith? He didn’t know just what lengths you’d go to…just how dedicated you can be? Unlike me! I have your tutors’ reports, after all, and yet I still fell for it. I still let you—How many times were you prepared to have sex with me before you asked for what you wanted?’
‘How dare you say that?’ Faith choked furiously. ‘I didn’t…’
‘You didn’t what?’ Nash demanded. ‘You didn’t go to bed with me as a calculated manoeuvre…out of self-interest and greed? If it wasn’t for that, Faith, then what was it for?’ he asked her with frighteningly savage softness. ‘Was it for this?’
He moved as swiftly as a big cat on its prey, all raw male energy, strength and muscle as his body enveloped her, imprisoning hers with ease.
Don’t touch me, she wanted to cry—but the words remained locked in her throat, just as the angry fists she wanted to beat against his chest in a frantic bid for freedom remained locked at her sides.
Was it her own anger that was paralysing her so completely? Faith wondered dizzily. Or was it Nash’s unleashed male power?
‘You’re my wife, Faith,’ she heard him saying as his mouth covered hers. ‘Mine…’
His—bought and paid for! The wild ferocity of her own reaction shocked Faith, but she was totally unable to control it—just as she was totally unable to control the sharp bite of her teeth against Nash’s mouth as she fought against the possession of his kiss.
But as fire met fire and the resulting conflagration was driven by the wind nothing could stand in its way to stop it.
Faith was conscious of Nash’s thick curse as her teeth raked his lip. She could taste his blood on her tongue and feel the savagery of his hands as he held her, dragging her further into his body, not pushing her away, his mouth opening with shocking demand over hers.
Scarcely knowing what she was doing, Faith raked her nails down his forearm, twisting and turning as she fought to break free of him. And yet, for all her fury, somewhere deep down inside her body there was a growing sense of excitement, of arousal, of a dangerous, previously unknown instinct.
She felt as feral, as filled with conflict of needs and urges, as a she-wolf, Faith recognised breathlessly. Panting with heat and desire for the male who wanted to mate with her and yet at the same time snarling her aggression and hostility towards him as her enemy.
In Nash too she could sense the same feelings. Hostility crossed with desire was a volatile, explosive mix of emotions—a need by both of them to prove who was the stronger emotionally.
This was the dark side of the tender intimacy with which she had given herself to him before, and as she fought against him Faith knew that if she were to win and he let her go there would be an ache deep down inside her that desperately needed to be satisfied; that could only be satisfied by Nash.
Faith leaned closer to Nash, tipping back her head to expose the vulnerable softness of her throat. Her body arched back over his arm, her mouth swollen from the savagery of their angry passion.
As he looked down at her Nash could feel his muscles bunching like those of an animal, coiled to spring forward for the kill. He could see the pulse quivering in her throat, and the urge to cover it with his mouth, take it…take her…was so strong he could hear it roaring in his own ears.
Why should he act with conscience or listen to any voice pleading clemency? Hadn’t Faith by her own actions put herself in a position where she didn’t merit either? He could take her now, fill her with the urgent possessive heat of his body and take them both to a white-hot place that for a breath of time would taste like heaven. But then, afterwards, he would have to live with what he had done, what level he had allowed himself to be dragged down to.
Abruptly he released her.
Unsteadily Faith reached out to stop herself from falling, her eyes wide with shock and disbelief as she saw the distance Nash had put between them.
A part of him had known all along just what he was inviting by giving in to the dark urge that had driven him to keep Faith in his life, Nash recognised, as the red mist of his anger faded to be replaced by a sickening sense of self-loathing. Wreaking vengeance on her might not have been an obsession, but he had certainly been guilty of believing that he owed it to Philip to see that she was never allowed to forget what she had done.
Turning on his heel, he strode towards the door.
Silently Faith watched him go. They had come so close to the edge of an abyss. Faith shuddered in shock as she realised how close.
What had so nearly happened between them just now must never, ever be allowed to happen again. She couldn’t remain here now, anyway. Not even if…Her hand touched her stomach as she made a silent apology to the child she might be carrying for depriving him or her of a father.
Once she was back in London she would get in touch with Robert and tell him about her past, and then she would start looking for a new job—abroad, perhaps, where she could make a fresh start, where there would be no Nash to torment and hurt her. And no escape either from her own realisation of just how strong her love for him was.
How she could love him still she had no idea; all she knew was that she did.
Meticulously Faith looked round her room.
Yes, everything was packed—not that there had been much to pack. Her wedding outfit and its accessories had been carefully returned to their boxes and would be left for Nash to dispose of as he pleased. If his mood yesterday was anything to go by he would probably burn them at the stake on an effigy of her, Faith decided wryly. Her work was in her case ready to be returned to Robert. There was only one task she had yet to complete.
Very carefully she removed her wedding ring and placed it in the box that held her earrings.
Nas
h had left the house earlier—she had no idea where he had gone, was only glad that he had. This way at least she could leave with some semblance of dignity, without breaking down and crying to him, pleading with him as she had done all those years ago.
She frowned as she started to close the small jewellery box. She still hadn’t found her engagement ring. Perhaps Mrs Jenson the housekeeper might have come across it when she had been tidying up. Very slowly and carefully Faith made her way downstairs to go the kitchen.
Nash frowned grimly at the building in front of him. It was derelict now, a burden to the council who owned it, its windows broken and its grounds overgrown. It had always looked a bleak, institutionalised sort of place to him, and he had felt desperately for Faith having to live there. A children’s home! Home was the last thing it looked like.
He had no idea why he had driven here, or what answers he had been hoping to go find. What answers, after all, were there? How could he love a woman who made him despise himself for doing so? At Philip’s graveside he had told the older man that she had been young, misguided, and that whilst he, Nash, would never forget, he wanted to put aside the past and forgive, make a new start for Faith, for himself—and, perhaps most importantly of all, for the child they might have created. And then he had heard her conversation with Ferndown! Once again Faith had condemned herself.
The look in his eyes was as bleak as the place in front of him as he turned and walked away from it, back to his car.
‘Mrs Jenson, I wonder if I could have a word with…’ Shock froze Faith to the spot as she stared at the woman standing next to the housekeeper.
‘Charlene,’ she whispered in disbelief.
‘Aunt Em said you’d turned up here,’ the other woman smirked. ‘What a turn-up for the books, eh? Who’d have thought it, after what you done? Bold as brass, some people are…Wait ’til it gets out in the town that there’s a murderess living here…’
Faith had had enough.
‘That’s not true,’ she denied swiftly. ‘You know perfectly well that I had nothing to do with what happened. It was you and the rest of your little gang. You lied about me, blamed me…implicating me when I was trying to protect Philip.’
For a moment the horror of the past threatened to overwhelm Faith. She was still in shock from walking into Hatton’s kitchen and discovering there the very person who had been responsible for the break-in, the very person who had callously threatened and frightened Philip. She flinched as the girl she had known as Charlene Jenks laughed.
‘You asked for it, Miss Too-good-to-be-true, running telling tales on us, trying to get us into trouble. You deserved everything you got,’ she added viciously, her eyes suddenly sharp little spikes of malice. ‘I can still see your face when the police hauled you away along with the rest of us. “Nash, don’t let them take me,”’ she mocked, mimicking Faith’s soft voice. “‘Nash, you can’t believe I would ever hurt Philip…”
‘But he did believe it, and why shouldn’t he have done? You made it all so easy. There you were, caught red-handed with the old fool’s wallet in your hand. All we’d done was follow your instructions, we said. You were the one who planned it all. You were the one who knew he’d be in the house on his own, who knew how to get in. You just knocked on the door and told him it was you, didn’t you? And he let you in. That’s what we said and everyone believed us. Including your precious Nash!’
‘Stop it! Stop!’ Faith protested, covering her ears, her face white. ‘How could you have done it? How could you have frightened him…hurt him like that?’
Faith’s voice shook with emotion as she spoke. Outside the half-closed kitchen door Nash stood in silence, his body rigid with shock.
He had walked into the empty hallway and decided to head for the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee, but as he had approached the doorway he had heard the women’s voices coming from inside the room and he had stopped—and listened. At first his heartbeat had accelerated, pounding fast with shock. Now it had slowed down to heavy, agonised thuds of anguished despair.
Faith was innocent—just as she had claimed all along. How she must hate him now.
Inside the kitchen Charlene Jenks was still taunting Faith.
‘It was easy…Until we got caught, thanks to you bursting in like that and ruining everything. Still, we made you pay for it.’ She started to scowl. ‘Trust you to get off with it, though. Course, we all know who was responsible for that. He must have had the hots for you even then, your precious Nash, to speak up for you the way he did. Heard all about it, we did—how he’d begged the magistrate to treat you leniently. Going to bed with you even then, was he? And you under-age? Just wait until we spread that tale around the town.’
Faith came out of the shock Charlene’s revelations had given her.
‘Don’t you dare even think about spreading those kind of lies about Nash,’ she told her passionately.
Nash had interceded for her! Nash was the one who had spoken up for her…saved her from being sentenced…
On the other side of the door, Nash had heard enough. Pushing it fully open, he strode into the kitchen, ignoring the housekeeper and turning to confront Charlene.
‘Just one more word, one more threat, and you’ll find yourself having to explain to the police,’ Nash told her grimly. ‘And as for you,’ he told Mrs Jenson as Charlene started to back away from him, her face pallid with shock and apprehension, ‘you’re fired—and don’t even think about asking for a reference.’
‘I haven’t done anything,’ the older woman began to protest truculently. ‘It was our Charlene that wanted to come up here. Said she’d got an old score to settle.’
Maliciously she glowered at Faith, but when Nash moved towards her Faith shook her head, saying immediately, ‘No, Nash, ignore her.’
‘Let me warn you,’ she could hear Nash saying as he walked them towards the back door, ‘I fully intend to go to the police and register a complaint against both of you.’
Faith could tell from his tone that he meant what he said, and she could see that they could too.
Her shock was wearing off now, and by the time Nash had closed the kitchen door and they were alone she had finally managed to steady her quivering limbs.
‘What can I say?’ Nash asked her bleakly.
‘You weren’t to know,’ Faith responded, her voice as dry as death. ‘All the evidence was against me. I was there, next to Philip, holding his wallet. They said I was the one to plan everything, that it was my idea.’
‘You asked me to listen…to trust you…’
Faith looked away from him in silence.
‘I should never have left Philip that night,’ Nash castigated himself harshly. ‘I knew how weak he had become, but my damned work…’
He said the words with such guilt and self-loathing that Faith’s heart ached for him. Tentatively she lifted her hand in a gesture of comfort, and then let it fall again.
‘In insisting that you feel guilt, Faith, what I was doing was trying to sidestep my own guilt. I needed to be able to blame you because it stopped me from blaming myself.’
‘Why did you intercede for me?’ Faith asked him in a low voice. She couldn’t bring herself to look at him whilst she waited for his response, twisting her hands together and feeling the heavy, driven thud of her own heart.
‘Why the hell do you think?’ Nash asked in a gritty, emotion-laden voice. ‘You must have sensed how I felt about you, Faith, and how—’ He stopped, and Faith lifted her head and searched his face, her eyes huge and dark.
‘I know how I felt about you,’ she admitted shakily. ‘You were kind to me, but…’ She hesitated, trying carefully to pick her way safely through the minefield of self-doubt and fear that distanced her, separated her from the shining beacon of her growing hope.
‘Kind!’ Nash made an explosive sound. ‘Kindness wasn’t what I wanted to give you, Faith. What I wanted to give you, share with you, was…’ He looked down at her and she could see
the hot male glitter in his eyes. Immediately her own senses sprang into response.
‘I wanted you, Faith,’ Nash told her rawly. ‘Wanted you in all the ways a man of my age had no right to want an under-age child.’
‘I wasn’t a child. I was fifteen,’ Faith protested.
‘Fifteen, sixteen—eighteen, even. It wouldn’t have made any difference,’ Nash told her grimly. ‘You were too young, too inexperienced for what I wanted with you.’
Stunned, Faith told him fiercely, ‘Sexual experience isn’t everything. It isn’t a barometer of how a person can really feel when…’
‘I’m not talking about sexual experience,’ Nash informed her. ‘I’m talking about your experience of life, your right to experience life for yourself and by yourself. If I had given in to my feelings for you then, to my need for you, my love for you…’
He paused whilst Faith’s heart leaped frantically against her chest wall at the sound of the word ‘love’.
‘It wouldn’t just have been the law of the land I’d have been breaking if I’d given you my love then, Faith. It would have been my own moral code as well, the one Philip taught me.’
‘Perhaps if Philip had made a full recovery from his stroke and been able to tell you what had happened…’
‘Why should I have needed Philip to tell me?’ Nash asked her harshly. ‘I should have known for myself.’
‘Why did you pay for my education?’ Faith asked him quietly. ‘Was it just because you wanted to have power over me?’
‘It was what Philip wanted,’ Nash told her shortly, but Faith was sure he wasn’t telling her everything.
‘The earrings you bought me,’ she persisted, ‘for my twenty-first birthday…’
‘Your tutors’ reports stressed how hard you’d worked. I knew you had no family,’ Nash told her curtly. ‘Hell, Faith, what is it you want me to say?’ he demanded when she made no response. ‘That I bought them because there wasn’t a day when I didn’t ache for you…there wasn’t a night when I didn’t wish I could forget what had happened to Philip?’