by M. Leighton
I didn’t want you to find out this way, but my betrayal was not what you think. It didn’t take me long to figure out that you were special. Very special. I was hoping that by stringing Fahl along, together we could find a way to beat him, a way to free us all. I know how it must look, but I thought that you knew how I felt about you, that I could never hurt you. Not again.
It doesn’t matter now anyway. There’s only one thing I have left to bargain with, one thing I can give away to make things right.
I hope one day you’ll forgive me.
Love,
Derek
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
If I’d thought the pain I’d felt earlier was devastating, it was nothing compared to the excruciating heartbreak that I felt now after reading his words.
Although I knew very little about Fahl and his mysterious deals, I knew that they were extremely expensive. And when Derek said he only had one thing to bargain with, I knew what that one thing was.
An image of him standing in the woods, pointing the way to Leah filled my mind. Now I knew why he was there. He’d given his life to Fahl. For me. Derek was one of the dead.
Love and agony bled from the giant, gaping hole in my heart. He was gone, really gone. He was gone from this world, he’d traded his life, his very soul, for me.
I sat there, chest so tight I couldn’t breathe, certain that I couldn’t stand the pain of it. Thinking he was gone and that I’d never see him again was bad enough, but knowing what he’d sacrificed for me was unthinkable and unbearable.
I crumbled to the kitchen floor, my insides twisting and churning painfully. I felt on the verge of bursting, like my body couldn’t contain the anguish. That’s when the red haze of a blind rage came upon me. There was one entity responsible for almost all my sorrows, on source—Fahl. All my emotional angst focused on him until it suddenly exploded into a bottomless black hole of hatred.
I couldn’t hold the scream inside. It radiated from my throat and my chest and my heart. It roared through every cell of my body like a forest fire, burning away logic and reason.
And then I was on my feet, heading to the car. I drove to the forks, my hands trembling with my efforts to control my powers. They swirled inside me, begging for release, but it wasn’t time. Not yet.
I slid onto the shoulder of the road and slammed the shifter into park and jumped out of the car. I took off at a dead run for the trees, racing through the forest at breakneck speed.
I burst through the laurels and into the clearing, screaming at the top of my lungs, “Fahl! Fahl, come out here! Fahl!” Over and over, I cried his name in every direction, turning circles in the middle of the clearing.
I scanned the tree line looking for him. I saw faces emerge from the deepest shadows to hover around the edges, just beyond the low light of the moon.
And then I saw her. It was the blonde I’d seen in the woods that night with Derek. It was Fahl.
“I knew you’d come,” she purred as she stepped out into the clearing and moved toward me.
The instant she spoke, I felt flames burning on my fingertips. My cheeks grew hot and damp. I heard the trees throughout the forest creak as they bent toward me. I saw leaves rise from their place on the clearing floor and drift into the air, spinning and twirling wildly all around me. I felt the earth shake beneath my feet, the deep rumble a warning that it was about to split wide open. I was on the verge of losing control and everything around me could feel it.
“Everyone has a price,” she said, her voice to me like gasoline on a fire. “I—”
I couldn’t listen to one more syllable, not one more lie, not one more rationalization. My control snapped and I was helpless to prevent it.
“What have you done?” I cried, launching myself at her. I felt the wind on my fiery cheeks as I ran. I heard the pop and whoosh of trees as they burst into flames all around me. The earth opened up in two huge cracks, running alongside me on my left and right, heading for Fahl, threatening to swallow her, to drag her to hell.
And then I was weightless. I was on my back, spinning in the air like I was on a clock face and I was unable to breathe. It was as if all the oxygen had just vanished. My insides started to burn like I’d swallowed acid then the pain slowly made its way to the surface.
My skin felt like it was being peeled off, inch by agonizing inch. Then an intolerable pressure began to build inside my head. My vision blurred and my eyes felt like they were being forced out of their sockets—from the inside.
I gasped and flailed, fighting for a breath and writhing in pain. I wanted to scream, but I couldn’t utter a single sound.
In the silence, I heard her cluck her tongue at me and then I was inverted—feet in the air, face down and falling. My body jerked to a halt and I floated in the space in front of her. We were eye to eye. Only it wasn’t a woman anymore, it was a man. It was the Fahl I’d seen the first night in the woods. Even upside down, I could make out his emaciated form and black wispy hair.
“Now, are you going to be reasonable or am I going to have to be mean?”
I shook my head, in no way ready to do anything less than tear his head off.
Suddenly, I was upright again. Fahl turned and walked toward the trees and, like a balloon tied to a string, I trailed helplessly along behind him, floating several feet off the ground. The pale faces in the shadows grew closer and closer, clearer and clearer until I was upon them.
Their mouths yawned wide and I could hear the clicking of their teeth as they snapped their jaws at me. With their arms outstretched, they clutched and clawed at me, but only so far as the darkness went. I hovered just outside their reach.
I scanned the gruesome faces and tattered clothes, fear rising inside me.
“I could let them have you for a while. That might change your mind,” Fahl crooned happily, stepping into the forest, pulling me along behind him where I could feel greedy hands grabbing at me. I kicked my legs and lashed out with my arms, but there was no resistance, no contact so I drew my legs up out of their reach.
I scanned the ravenous crowd and then I saw him. Derek stood at the back of the crush, arms crossed over his wide chest, staring at me, an inscrutable expression on his face. His eyes were dark, onyx beads in a pale face, just like the rest of them.
I felt the pain of my wound again as the chasm in my heart grew, widening as the loss of him became more poignant than ever. Bitterness began to churn in my stomach. Derek held my gaze for several long seconds before he looked to his right. I followed his eyes. And the bottom dropped out of my world.
I existed in a vacuum of pain and suffering, the most incredible sorrow I’d ever felt rushing in on me, occupying all the space around me. I was certain it would suck me into oblivion and I would cease to exist. And, for a moment, I wished for it.
Standing on the other side of the crowd, to Derek’s right, was the pasty, weary face of my father.
When Derek suddenly moved, my attention was drawn back to him. He rushed toward me. For an instant my heart soared, but it was short lived. Though his expression never changed, he raised his hand and lashed out at me, striking my cheek. More than the sting of the slap, I felt the painful burn of my flesh tearing. There was something in his hand.
I looked at him, dumbfounded, my eyes drawn to where his brother’s medal dangled from his fingers. When I raised my eyes to his face again, he was mouthing something to me. My confused brain struggled to make sense of it, rational thought beyond my capability. And then I saw him raise his arms like he used to when he was wielding fire. I looked back at his lips and saw him say, “Fight.”
I looked down at the mob reaching for me and I relaxed my legs, my feet quickly falling to within their grasp. One woman who’d obviously suffered a fatal wound to the side of her head took my foot in her hand and yanked. When my body dipped, I saw her intentions in slow motion. Her mouth opened and she bore her teeth, aiming them toward a spot on my calf just below my knee. Her eyes glazed over with the anticipation o
f pleasure and her lids drifted shut. And then I kicked her.
My foot made contact with her face and she fell back into the crowd. Frenzy broke out. The faces of the dead twisted into wicked snarls. They turned on each other, biting and jabbing at one another in their efforts to get to me.
Quickly, I scanned as many faces in the crowd as I could. Closing my eyes in concentration, I pictured them in my head and then imagined them all on fire. I heard a loud whoosh and then a blast of heat smacked me in the face.
When I opened my eyes, most of the dead were aflame. They thrashed and danced in pain, shaking their heads and limbs in a futile attempt to escape the blaze. One receded into the shadows, the fire retreating as he sank further into the darkness. It didn’t take the others long to follow suit, falling back as the pain overcame their hunger for my flesh, their thirst for my blood.
My feet touched the ground and I turned toward Fahl. He clapped his hands together once, twice, three times then he picked up the pace as he approached me. A mirthless smile tugged at his lips. “Very good. Even better than I expected, actually. You and your sister are naturals,” he declared cheerfully.
“What have you done to her?”
“I haven’t done anything to her. She’s my reaper.”
“Your what?”
“My reaper. She’s already been very valuable. She has a natural…dark side that you don’t share. But you, you’ve shown your worth, too. You’ve brought me two souls without even trying.”
I knew to whom he was referring. Derek had insinuated that was what he planned to do and seeing my father there left me to draw only one conclusion—he’d made a deal with Fahl, too. “How? How did you get them?”
“They made their own deal, of course, but you were the inspiration. They were both willing to give up their lives to help you, regardless of the…discomfort,” he said.
“Discomfort?” I probably shouldn’t have asked because just then I saw my father grab his throat as if he couldn’t breathe. He gasped and sputtered, his arms flailing and clawing at the air. I looked to Fahl and he was smiling. “Stop it!”
I turned my eyes back to Dad, his expression was one of panic. He fought and kicked at some imaginary force, all to no avail. The veins in his forehead stood out sharply against his pale skin.
“Please stop, please!” I wasn’t afraid to beg. I would’ve done anything at that moment if he would agree to stop whatever he was doing to my father.
Dad shook his head and craned his neck, like he was trying to catch his breath. Finally, water began to spew from Dad’s mouth and his struggling weakened. It was like watching the life drain out of him as he fell to the ground, out of sight behind the crowd.
“What did you do to him?”
“It’s what’s already done. He has the pleasure of reliving his demise over and over and over again. Forever.”
I felt the blood drain from my face. “What?” My father was going to have to drown over and over again for…eternity?
“That’s not to say, however, that certain things can’t be undone,” Fahl taunted.
Undone? Desperation struck suddenly, fueled by the little glimmer of hope offered in that one word. “How? Tell me how?”
“I can make a deal with you, too, you know. You can decide who goes free. Your sister, your father, Derek. It’s all up to you.”
“You can’t make me choose,” I cried, a wave of nausea rolling through my stomach.
“Too hard, is it?” Fahl pressed one finger to his lips as if he was reconsidering. “How about dear sister or father and beau. Is that easier?”
As soon as he restructured the options I felt the weight of the choice pressing in around me. And, though I knew that I had to at least strongly consider each alternative, I already knew what my choice would be.
Miserably I asked, “What do I have to do?”
“It’s simple. Take your sister’s ‘life’ and I’ll let her go free. Your sister takes your life and your father and Derek go free.” Fahl smiled as he said the last. I think he knew which option I would choose, too. “Are they that important to you, Carson?”
I had to think. Was he tricking me somehow? Derek said you could never really win with Fahl, but there was so much on the line, what choice did I have?
I knew I would have to make a decision very soon, so I stalled as long as I could. “What about Leah?” Though I did want to know what was to become of her, unfortunately, she wasn’t foremost in my mind and heart.
“She’ll decide her own fate now.”
“But Grey said she’d go to hell for being a murderer.”
“That’s one possibility. But, again, it’s up to Leah.”
My mistake was in believing that either of them, Grey or Fahl, was capable of being completely truthful. Like any business dealing, there was always fine print, some hidden clause or consequence that you weren’t expecting. I knew it would serve me well to keep that in mind. I never thought I’d look at Faust as a relevant cautionary tale in my life, but...like Derek said every hell has its devil.
“What are her choices?” It always boiled down to choices, but just like Dad had reminded me in his letter, there was always another option.
“Well, if she controls herself and manages her thirst, she could make different decisions in life and end up going to heaven. Or…”
“Or what?”
“She can control herself and remain undecided.”
“Undecided?”
Fahl pursed his lips as if he was searching for the right way to explain. “Think of it this way, no space is ever empty. It is always occupied by something. Now think of a person’s heart like a space. If Leah kills then her heart darkens to…let’s call it gray. That’s the area where I like to play, where black and white meet in the shadows. Now,” he paused, obviously enjoying his lesson. “People have been known to come back around to the light after killing, but it’s not a journey for the faint of heart. But it could happen.
“On the other hand, if she continues to kill, her heart will continue to darken and it will eventually be occupied by the ruler of the natural world and hell will be her resting place. And, of course,” he said, his tone dropping as if he were glossing over the last. “If she believes in the one who died for her, then her heart will be occupied by the light. But,” he said, his animation returning. “If she remains undecided…”
“Then?”
“Then she’s fair game and Grey will have another chance to reap her. For me.”
“When will- how will I- how will all this happen?”
“You’ll know,” he said, his malevolent tone freezing me from the inside.
I thought about his words for a long time before something occurred to me. I felt selfish for even considering it, much less asking, but I had to know.
“And what about me? What will become of me?”
Fahl’s smile was pure delighted evil. “Well, that depends on what your choice is, Carson.”
In a way, I was glad he didn’t answer me too directly, with too many specifics. I didn’t want anything to falsely influence my decision. I had to have a singular focus and I couldn’t do that if I was thinking of myself at all.
“Alright,” I said gravely, instantly feeling the heavy mantle of doom as it settled on my shoulders.
“Is that a yes?” Fahl was all but salivating over my agreement.
“Yes, that’s a yes.”
As soon as the words left my tongue, Fahl’s thin lips twisted into a smile of great pleasure, so much pleasure that it made me wonder what I’d really just agreed to. But I quickly reminded myself that no price was too high for my father and Derek.
“I’ll be in touch,” he said mysteriously and then he was gone and I was alone in the woods.
I stood in the clearing for a long time. The tempest of emotion that thrashed about inside me finally died down into a strangely welcomed numbness. I felt…nothing. Maybe it was the peace that comes when the end is near. Maybe it was that I’d faced a dif
ficult decision, made a choice and now I knew my path. Or maybe there was just too much to feel, therefore I felt nothing. Whatever the cause, I was thankful for the reprieve.
Quietly, I moved out of the clearing and picked my way through the forest toward my car. Once I looked up and thought I saw Derek watching me from the deepest shadow of a tree, but when I blinked he was gone. I couldn’t even be sure he’d really been there at all. I certainly didn’t feel any comforting presences. I just felt…alone.
********
That night, I lay on the couch, trying to go to sleep, but my mind was plagued with questions—millions of them. Strangely enough, one of the most recurring ones was about something Fahl had said earlier, about each of us being “occupied” with something.