by Kelly, G. E.
Jaycee pulled wild flowers from in between the graves, and wove them in a daisy chain. She laid the circle with their other flowers. She wished her foster families had let her come back before now. She wished she could openly be here now, without fear of someone looking for her to take her back. Was it so wrong to want to thank the people who helped her? Was it wrong to love the man who raised her? The man who did what he’d had to do to keep her safe? Jaycee brushed away the last of her tears and stood.
“We should head back. I’m sure you’re tired after flying back from Milan. I know it wasn’t your decision to keep this from me, but I wish you had called me earlier. I remember you talking to Lee on the phone the day I met them. I wish I had found out then,” she spoke softly, but with force.
“Do you really? If they had told you then, would you have given them the chance to get to know you? Or would you have run? Jaycee, I’ve been finding every bit of info I could on you since you were six. You don’t do anything, or go anywhere, without permission…until now, you’ve allowed everyone to pull you away from here! You’ve ran from all the other harsh realities of the world. I don’t blame you. That’s not what I’m saying. These guys…they felt like they knew you already. They knew you would freak out, and they didn’t want you to run. They wanted to get to know you, the real you. It wasn’t easy for them either. They’re not liars. I’m sure by now you’ve already got all of them wrapped around your pinkie finger. You know they’re good guys. Be pissed—be mad—but be open to forgiving them too, okay?” Marc let out a deep breath, and waited for her reply. He didn’t blink or move. Afraid the smallest movement would scare her off.
“Okay. I can agree to that. Let’s get out of here. I’m assuming Sean absquatulated?” She asked with a hint of frustration.
“If that means he left, then yeah. I texted him right before I approached you,” Marc acknowledged.
Jaycee stared at her feet. “Good, I need some time, before I see him again.”
He sighed. “I can text them all if you’d like. I can make sure they’re scarce when we get back. You can lock yourself in my room tonight. I’ll bring you food. No need to come out if you don’t want to, but if you do…I’m sure there are five guys who’d really like a chance to make things up to you.”
“I would appreciate it if you sent the text. As for the rest…we’ll see.”
Marc: I told her the whole truth.
Lee: How’d it go?
Jonathan: Is she okay?
Marc: She was very hurt and pissed.
Sean: I felt so bad leaving. What can we do?
Marc: *sigh* You won’t like what she wants…
Alec: What is it?
Garrett: Just tell us what we can do?
Marc: Just give her some space. This is all too much for her, even without the secrets. She felt betrayed.
Lee: It wasn’t our intention.
Marc: I know. She knows. But she’s hurting.
Jonathan: We’ll do whatever she wants. You know we’d do anything for her.
Garrett: She’s family now.
Alec: For what it’s worth, tell her we’re sorry.
Marc: I have… I’m bringing her back in a minute. Just, try to find something else to do when I bring her in, don’t be in the common areas. I told her she could hide out in my room.
Jonathan: I left work early. I couldn’t focus. I’ll fix some food.
Marc: I’m sure she’d appreciate it. When she’s feeling less…pissed, I want you to examine her. I want to make sure she’s coping with the stress. It looked like she almost blacked out earlier.
Jonathan: I will. Are you sure she’s okay for now. Should we take her to see another doctor??
Garrett: What can I do?
Marc: She’s holding it together, Jonathan. Is all her stuff unpacked in my room?
Garrett: Yes.
Marc: Good. Just get me out what I’ll need for a couple days. I don’t want to disturb her once she gets settled.
Sean: Consider it done.
Marc put his phone in his pocket and assisted Jaycee to his car. He couldn’t help but take a small measure of pride in seeing her eyes dilate as she took in his choice of vehicle. He made good money and didn’t blow it needlessly except on his brand new Corvette Stingray. It was his favorite toy, though not his favorite possession…that was Jaycee’s photo, the one he’d taken from her house when he was nine. He assisted her in getting situated and then drove her the long way home. He wanted to give the guys some extra time to scatter and Jaycee some time to cool down.
Jaycee faced the windshield the whole drive, but couldn’t help sneaking side glances at Marc as he drove. It’d been so long since she’d seen him and he had only grown more handsome. She wasn’t sure if she should be mad at Marc as well. He could have contacted her, just the same as the other guys, but in his defense it wouldn’t have been face-to-face. She couldn’t fault him there. It wasn’t in her nature to throw things, or act out when she was mad. Considering she was a foster child who could easily be abandoned, she’d been forced to keep things bottled up and pretend nothing was wrong. She didn’t want to establish that pattern here. If she couldn’t be honest about her feelings with the guys, she’d never have a true friendship with them, and that meant allowing herself to just be mad when it was warranted.
When they finally reached the house, Jaycee tried to keep her eyes on the ground. She wasn’t ready to look at any of them. Only, she didn’t see any feet, or hear any sounds. The house seemed empty. Releasing her breath in a relieved huff, Jaycee followed Marc to his room. He led her over near the stairs to one of the closed doors she’d noticed on her first visit. Holding the door open, Marc allowed Jaycee to enter first. His massive queen-size bed took up a great portion of the room. The colors were black, red, and white. The light switch turned on several lamps about the room, but didn’t fully illuminate the space. The comforter was black and there was a red throw folded at the foot of the bed. White lamps with red shades framed the bed on both sides on black bedside tables. On the right side of the room was the entrance into the bathroom she’d noticed before.
“You kept your word. I didn’t see anyone when we came in,” Jaycee couldn’t keep the tremble out of her voice.
“They promised they’d be gone when you got here. Jonathan made you dinner. I’m sure he left it in the oven. Do you want me to bring you a plate?” Marc stood in the doorway, giving her some space.
“In a bit. I’m just going to lie down for a while. I need some time to process.” Jaycee sat on the bed and took off her shoes.
“All right, if you need anything call out or you can text me. The door has a lock; no one will be offended if you use it,” Marc told her.
“Thank you…and Marc?” she spoke as she crawled under his covers.
“Yeah?” he replied.
“It’s good to see you again.” Her voice was slightly muffled by the comforter pulled up under her nose.
“I’m glad you’re here and safe, Jaycee.” He turned off the lamps, and closed the door. A part of him wanted to crawl in bed with her and hold her, but it wasn’t what she needed right now. Instead, he headed back downstairs to put her food in the fridge and find the guys. It had been too long since he’d seen them all, and he’d missed their company. He didn’t like most of the self-absorbed asshats he worked with in the fashion world. They thought he was a dick. Well, he could live with that, so long as he could come back and see his family after it was over. He needed to hear Alec’s jokes and listen to Sean ramble about his latest project. He missed just spending time hanging out and playing video games with Garrett and helping Lee and Jonathan take care of the other guys. When he was away, it felt like a part of him was missing. They texted, but it wasn’t a good substitute for being there. With Jaycee back, he’d told his work people to clear his schedule. He didn’t want to go anywhere or have any jobs that would pull him away from what mattered. Being there for he and his family.
Marc did feel like an ass
for not coming forward, and telling Jaycee he was a member of the team, but he had been so busy with his last job…and the guys had told him they’d had things under control. He couldn’t fault them for leaving things to him, any more than he could blame himself for being away when Jaycee came home. Sometimes life just gives you terrible timing, and you have to make do the best you can. She didn’t deserve some phone call out of the blue unloading everything in her lap. He was sure she’d realize that as soon as she cooled down. Really, he had gotten off easy. She hadn’t called him names. Besides raising her voice a bit, she’d let him off without punishment. He could handle her hiding out. After he’d waited this long to see her again, he could stand to wait a few more days to truly reconcile.
In Marc’s room, Jaycee wasn’t thinking things over like she’d said. After crawling into bed, she had promptly fallen asleep. Marc’s bed was so comfy and somehow it still smelled like him…an aromatic spicy, slightly sweet woodsy scent. He wore Pierre Cardin’s Legend. His pillow still smelled like him. She’d rolled over and buried her nose in the fabric as she drifted off to sleep. Her dreams were filled with confusing images. The guys were sweet and kind one second, but morphed into fire-breathing dragons the next. It wasn’t hard to figure out where the dreams came from. She needed to talk to them. Hiding out wasn’t going to solve her problems.
Jaycee’s intent had been to cool off before speaking to them, but maybe that was counterintuitive. Maybe, she needed to hash it out with them now, and get it over with. Confrontation of any kind was hard for her, but after how sweet they’d been before, it was near impossible to rake them over the coals for their actions. She felt guilty for being mad when they’d been so kind in taking her in; but they’d lied to her, and that thought kept making her angrier. Every time she thought about it, she just got madder…till eventually she threw off the covers. She was going to have this out tonight. This kitten had found her claws.
Delitescent (concealed or hidden)
January 5, 2016 — the house
Marching down the steps, Jaycee gained fire in her spirit with every step she took. She straightened her spine and prepared to do verbal battle. She was good and keyed up. Slaying dragons in her sleep had flipped her switch. They had lied to her! They let her find out from a stranger that the Wallners had died! They concealed Marc’s identity from her! Why? So they could draw out her pain? To keep her in the dark? It didn’t matter that she knew the real reason was valid, she needed them to understand. If she were to truly trust them, they needed to be upfront with her. No manipulation, no white lies. No delitescent truths. Jaycee hadn’t expected to find them all staring at her when she reached the living room.
There they were. All six of them around the couch and she felt a moment of remorse for what she was about to do. Could she really yell at these gorgeous men she’d likened to angels? Could she ream them for what they’d done? Yes. Yes, she could. Jaycee stalked them like an angry lioness. Stopping a few feet in front of them, she put her hands on her hips and stared at them. Heads dropped and eye contact was quickly broken. Only Marc was still standing and staring. He couldn’t get enough of the sight of her. He could barely force himself to blink. She was beautiful, regardless, but when mad? She was resplendent. The others hung their heads in shame. They’d hurt their girl…even if it wasn’t on purpose. They should have done more to be upfront with her.
“I’m so angry, but mostly…I’m hurt. How could you? All of you kept Marc’s identity from me. Why? So I could be surprised later? Oh, I was surprised, but not in a good way! Can’t you see by lying to me, you only negate all the sweet things you’ve done for me up until now?! How am I supposed to trust your word now? How can I be sure what you’re doing is to help me, and that there isn’t some hidden agenda?” Jaycee realized that last part was unfair, but she wouldn’t backtrack until she’d said her peace. Right or wrong, she was going to get this monster off her chest.
“I’ve come to appreciate you all so much the last couple of days, but that only makes this hurt so much deeper.” Tears formed in her eyes. “I. Let. You. In.” The last part was spoken at a low volume, but with steel behind her words.
“Jaycee…I can’t say how sorry I am. I should have told you I knew where we were headed. I should have been the one to tell you about Annie and Ed. I am so sorry. I’ll understand if you can’t forgive me.” Tears pooled in Sean’s eyes and a lone drop raced down his cheek.
Garrett spoke up next, “I’m sorry for keeping Marc’s identity a secret. I should have told you, but I thought it would be nice to surprise you…I never thought it would go down like this.” Garrett wrung his hands as he spoke.
“As team leader, it’s my fault. I figured out who you were to us first. I should have clued you in at the pool, little flower. I’m sorry. I only meant to keep you safe while Marc returned. Please forgive the guys, they’re used to following my orders. Don’t blame them. Blame me.” Lee ran his hands through his hair, tugging on the short pieces till it hurt.
“Jaycee, my job is to heal people, but instead of healing you, I helped give you more pain, and for that I’ll be eternally sorry.” Jonathan took off his eyes and cleaned the lenses to cover the tears he was holding back.
Alec lifted his head and stared Jaycee in the eye. She was surprised to see tears there too. “Pretty girl, we all f’ed up, royally. I’ll admit, it was fun keeping Marc’s identity secret, but not to hurt you. Just to see your surprise. We didn’t think about the secrets that would need to be kept to surprise you in that way. When you wouldn’t reveal who you really were…that’s when it occurred to us how royally we were fucked—”
“Language!” Jonathan and Garrett called out in sync.
“Sorry.” Alec cringed. “I just meant, we don’t deserve you, but we want to learn how to. If only you’ll give us another chance.”
Tears poured down Jaycee’s face. They didn’t hate her for yelling at them. Understanding and acceptance practically radiated from them. They had let her speak her peace and purge her anger without turning on her, or turning away from her. Instead they sat there berating themselves for their well-meaning mistakes. She began to sob. How had she gotten so lucky? These men cared so much about her, and why? Because Marc had spent a tragic day with her when he was nine? They had let her into their inner circle with open arms. Her legs gave out trying to hold her up, and she fell to her knees. The guys jumped up to catch her. Instead she pulled them close. Six sets of hands wrapped around her. They held onto her hands, her shoulders, her leg…whatever innocent part of her they could reach.
“I’m sorry for yelling. I hated every second of it, but I couldn’t just let this go. I didn’t want to cheapen what is growing between us by lying to you all and saying I was fine. I’m not fine, but I will heal. You all have helped me so much already.” Jaycee looked around her at the faces she could see. Not a dry eye in the house. Just then Jaycee felt her pocket vibrate. Who? Shit! Her foster father was calling. Jaycee pulled out the phone and stared at the screen like it was a snake that was poised to strike. She pulled away from the guys, and everyone stood—staring at her phone.
“What is it?” someone asked.
Jaycee’s hand trembled. What should she do? She took too long to decide. The phone stopped ringing. Seconds ticked by, they felt like hours, till she heard the tell-tale tone. She had a voicemail. Jaycee’s face went pale, and her heartbeat began to race. She sat on the floor, dropped her head to her knobby knees, and closed her eyes tight.
“Jaycee, sweetheart? Tell us what’s wrong,” Jonathan pleaded, kneeling beside her again. “We can’t help if we don’t know what’s happening.” He couldn’t resist placing two fingers under her chin to gauge her heart rate.
“Little flower, who called you?” Lee asked.
“My foster father.” Jaycee squeezed Jonathan’s hand in reassurance as she pulled his hand away.
“Why do you look so afraid? Has he hurt you?” Sean asked, concerned.
“No, no one’
s hurt me. Why don’t you guys sit down? I need to tell you some truths myself.” Taking a few deep breaths in and out, Jaycee waited while the guys sat down. “You all know what happened to my father, right?” Heads nodded, and Jaycee started again. “Okay, well the night I was taken from Marc’s house…,” she paused to smile sadly at him, “I was placed in the foster system by social services. I got placed with a family a few hours from here first. They knew my story and they weren’t happy to have me. Before you ask, they didn’t hurt me. They did burn all my photos and refused to let me talk about what had happened to my father. I couldn’t talk about my past at all really. Eventually, they got sick of me, and they passed me off to another family even farther away from here. They had too many foster kids. The house was a mess, always filled with marijuana. It was pretty awful. I always wondered if one of the other kids called protective services on them, cause one day the house got raided, and we were all sent to other homes. That’s when I wound up with the Smythes.” Jaycee stared at her phone, collecting her thoughts.
“Maggie and Ted didn’t care that my dad was in jail. At least, they didn’t hate me for it. They just wanted me to be someone I wasn’t…. Maggie and Ted have a son, Roger, but after he was born, they’d tried again and again without success to have another child. Maggie had her heart set on having a girl like her. After they found out she couldn’t have more kids, they got me. They’re not terrible people…but I don’t feel safe with them with their son Roger around. He’s a pervert, and has a fascination with me.”
“That son of a bitch. What did he do?” Garrett’s face was red with fury. The rest of the guys seemed equally upset. Marc being the worst.
“If he touched one hair…,” Marc threatened.
“He didn’t touch me. He’s…mostly…harmless. It’s just that he would try to catch me when…,” Jaycee hesitated telling them about Roger’s invasiveness. They were already emotional; she didn’t want anyone to fly off the handle. It was embarrassing having to admit these things at all.