“Superior officers?” exclaimed Dahlia. “What about the Crown Prince and Princess Victoria? Miss McElroy and Lady Sweet said there wouldn’t be a receiving line, given it is the Royal Family giving the ball, but we will be announced and have to get up the Grand Staircase without tripping! And what if we bump into the Prince or Princess on the dance floor?”
“Precisely!” mocked Leland. “What if the Princess and I are dancing and I trod on her foot!” They all laughed at the mental image Leland gave them, and Matilda felt a little less queasy.
“My Captain said we will likely get only a glimpse of any of the Royal family, and the rest of the evening will be a ball just like any other,” Mark said sensibly. “We should not get too excited just because of the location.”
The location in question was in sight, now, from the carriage. The castle was all lit up from inside and out. Matilda gasped at the magnificent façade. “Ooh. I wonder which is the Queen’s room!” she said scanning the multitude of windows on the various floors.
“The Queen doesn’t live here,” Dahlia pointed out. “She really hasn’t lived here since her husband died. They say she can’t bear to be reminded of their life here together.”
“Did they really love each other as much as that?”
“Apparently they did. That is why she still wears black today, fourteen years after he died. It’s kind of sad, but perhaps fitting, that the Valentine’s Day Ball will be held here.”
If Matilda was impressed with the exterior of the palace, she was completely overwhelmed by the interior. From all the gold leaf and gilt, she had the impression that the interior of the palace was made of pure gold. When Dahlia crossed the long hallway towards the Grand Staircase, she saw the magnificent gold framed mirror that seemed as wide as Miss McElroy’s house. That was what she remembered most clearly from her visit here years before. At the time, she thought it must be the mirror from the new book, Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland, which her older brothers would read to her. Later, when she read the book herself, this mirror still came to mind.
Despite all the nervousness of attending a ball at the palace, it was, in fact, like most balls Dahlia had attended. Although performed with an efficiency not found at the balls in Cirencester or even at Bathurst, the sheer volume of attendees at the palace meant there was a wait to get out of the carriages, a wait to have their coats taken by the liveried servants, and a wait for the announcement of their names by the caller. Ascending the Grand Staircase also proved a non-event.
Once these two major hurtles were past her, Dahlia felt much more assured as she entered the Grand Ballroom with Leland at her side. The scene was a magnificent one, like the prints she had seen in the papers – but in full color. The gold and ivory was accented by rich reds and burgundy so appropriate to the day. A dozen magnificent crystal chandeliers each had a decorated heart ornament hanging from it. Red and pink ribbons trimmed in gold were hung around the room, draped to connect each wall sconce to the next. At the four corners of the room, refreshment tables were set up each with an ice sculpture of cupid holding a gold bow and arrow.
A large troop of musicians was already engaged and people were in full swing on the dance floor. The guests were all dressed immaculately. The men were either in military uniforms, looking very dashing like her brother Mark, or in silk knee breeches with long coats with tails. Many women wore jeweled tiaras like Lady Sweet or magnificent feathers adorning their hair like Miss McElroy. Lace and gold cording were everywhere and every lady looked like a princess – even Matty. Dahlia looked over at her maid and friend and saw her studying each lady from head to toe as she waltzed by them. Dahlia hoped she was pleased that Josephine had insisted on the fabric and style of her gown, which Matty had tried to refuse in favor of a plainer one. Plain was not a word to describe any attire within the Grand Ballroom, even the servants were very elegantly dressed.
As couples formed for the next dance, Mark and Leland led Matilda and Dahlia to the floor, and the evening began in earnest. At intervals they stepped off the dance floor to partake of the refreshments, meeting up with the Sweets or Miss McElroy who seemed at no disadvantage for having come alone.
“Oh my,” she breathed heavily, joining them after an officer escorted her to the refreshments. “If I danced this much on a regular basis, I’d have a waistline that rivaled yours Dahlia – and a date to match yours Matilda!”
As they were talking, a voice called to them, “It is always so good to meet friends from home.”
The group turned to see William Standford and his son Edward. They greeted the Sweets and the Talbots, then turned to Miss McElroy and Matilda. “I don’t believe we’ve had the pleasure,” said William, holding out his hand first to Miss McElroy. She offered him her hand, which he took and kissed as Randal made the introductions.
“Miss McElroy, would you do me the honor of dancing with me?”
“Well, I couldn’t be persuaded by anyone less handsome, but go easy on me, youngster,” she said, allowing William to lead her on the dance floor.
Edward turned to Dahlia. “Would you care to dance?”
“I…” she wanted to refuse, but couldn’t think of a pleasant way to get out of it. “Thank you,” she said, and let Edward take her hand. Unlike the ball at Bathurst where he had grabbed her wrist, he simply let her hand rest on his. When he took her in his arms to dance, she barely felt his touch. He didn’t leer at her, in fact, he didn’t seem to even look at her. While she preferred this to his grabbing hands and lewd stare, his seeming lack of interest in his dance partner and his silence unnerved her.
“What brings you to London?” she said to ease the unnatural quiet.
“My father had business with his solicitor, so I thought I’d join him.”
“Oh. How nice for you.”
“Yes,” was all he said.
He didn’t say anything more during the remainder of the dance. He returned her to her party about the same time Mr. Standford returned with Miss McElroy. She looked like she had enjoyed herself at least. Mr. Standford was smiling his most charming smile, the one that erased all the meanness about him. Looking at him from a stranger’s point of view, it was no wonder Josephine was enjoying herself. Dahlia supposed he was an eligible bachelor, as long as one didn’t get to know him.
After a few moments of Miss McElroy flirting with Mr. Standford, he turned to his son and said, “Come, Edward. We mustn’t monopolize these ladies all evening. Sir Randal and Lady Sweet, Miss Dahlia, Mark, Leland, it was wonderful to see you again. Miss Matilda, a pleasure to meet you. Miss McElroy, I do hope we meet again soon.” Another charming smile and he turned to go. Edward merely nodded at the group, then followed his father.
“Where have you been hiding that one?” said Josephine, watching the man go.
“He hides himself,” said Randal of his fellow quartermaster. “Very private man.”
She pulled Dahlia aside and whispered in her ear, “I wouldn’t mind being with him in private!” she joked. Instead of laughing, Dahlia turned to whisper back.
“You would mind very much. He can be very cruel. His sister is constantly covered in bruises.”
“How do you know he gave them to her?”
“From the way she cowers from him. But I wouldn’t be surprised if it was his son either – he’s given me some bruises before. But his father wouldn’t do anything about it and that is just as bad. Best not have anything to do with either of them.”
“That’s a serious accusation, Dahlia. But I don’t suppose you’d make it if you didn’t have cause. Ah, well,” she sighed, looking around. “Next?”
Dahlia smiled at her friend, shaking her head. “Have you ever fallen in love for more than one dance?”
“Of course. I was in love with the same man for a whole ball once!”
“No, seriously. Why is someone so lovely and talented as you not married?”
The levity vanished from Josephine’s face. She turned to Dahlia. “I was so in love when
I was young, that I was willing to throw everything away – my family, my reputation, my career. I loved a beautiful young man and we were going to elope.”
“Elope! Why?”
“Because he was poor and my family had money. They wouldn’t consent to the marriage.”
“So what happened?”
“I backed out at the last moment.”
“Why?”
“It wasn’t because I didn’t love him enough. As I said, I was willing to give up everything for him, but I thought he was giving up too much for me and I couldn’t let him do that. I didn’t have enough faith in his ability to provide for a wife in addition to his family who depended on his income.”
“But, that was noble,” Dahlia said tentatively, seeing Josephine very serious and almost forlorn. “Wasn’t that the right thing to do?”
“I thought so at the time, but no, Dahlia. Looking back it was not the right thing to do. When a man loves you enough to give up everything for you, you should have faith the two of you can make it work.”
“What happened to him?”
“He did what he had told me he would do. He was always very smart and he put himself through university and became a very successful banker.”
“Why didn’t you marry then?”
“Then? Because it was too late then. He married someone else. You can’t refuse a man because you don’t believe in him and then turn up when he’s made good on his promises and hope he’ll believe you still love him.”
Dahlia thought about this, and felt sorry for her friend. “Is that why you never married?”
“Yes. Regret is like your own shadow. It follows you everywhere and even on the sunniest day when the way in front of you is bright, it is always there for you to see when you glance backwards.” She looked away and Dahlia knew her thoughts were far from the lively ballroom.
She snapped out of her reverie and looked back at Dahlia. “They say money cannot buy love, but it can arrange many a marriage. I’ve had the pleasure of witnessing many marriages over my lifetime, and, while love doesn’t pay the rent, Dahlia, people who are in love support each other’s dreams. Often, they reach their goals. And those that didn’t were certainly happier during the journey. Remember that when you make decisions regarding a partner in life and you’ll likely avoid the regrets I have.” She patted her stomach and laughed. “Over the years, my shadow has certainly increased in size – just like the magnitude of one’s regrets.”
She waved a hand as if to dismiss the subject. “No more serious discussions, this is a ball after all!” She turned back to their friends and found that the Sweets had taken to the dance floor again, along with Mark and Matilda. “Leland! Save me from your sister. Let’s have a dance,” she said, taking his arm.
Dahlia watched them. Josephine was all smiles and looked her usual jovial self again, but Dahlia guessed that was a forced façade. She felt sorry for Josephine that she had lost her one true love and considered it to be her own fault. They didn’t write many love stories about that. The novels and tales she had read usually revolved around loves separated by external forces: differences in classes, lovers torn apart by war or worse, unrequited love. Dahlia thought Josephine’s was perhaps the saddest type of love story there could be – one in which she had the opportunity to be with her true love, but denied it for the wrong reasons. She promised herself to remember what her friend had advised to save herself from the pain Josephine must feel every time she recalled her lost opportunity for true happiness.
The performance at the Valentine’s Day Ball was especially poignant for Dahlia, having learned Josephine’s tragic history. Expectedly, the two women had an hour’s long repertoire of one love song after another. A few were sad, but most exalted the poetic longing and hard-won glory of love. Dahlia was beginning to understand all the many facets of love – mostly from other people’s experiences. But as with many things in life, when events became real in the form of first-hand experiences from people one knew and cared about, one could better understand the depth of feeling associated with them. Dahlia could now translate that feeling into her singing as the lyrics were not just words to be vocalized, but veritable emotions to which she suspected many people in the room could relate. She was beginning to see that everyone had a story of love – or love lost. As she sang her soul into the music this evening, she wondered what her own story would be.
Chapter 26
Dahlia, Lady Sweet, and Matty left the warmth and grace of Miss McElroy’s home a week after the ball. Once back at Talbot Hall, Dahlia had to admit she missed the company and conversations the four women had shared during her visit. The contrast of her life in London during those weeks and her life at home became pronounced during the remaining months of winter. She still enjoyed her conversations with her father and brothers, and seeing her horses, but now she knew a different aspect of female company that was missing from her world. The Gaggle was a poor approximation for the conversations and topics that she had had with Josephine, Lady Sweet, and Matilda during her stay in London. The Gaggle seemed to be an exaggeration of society’s norms and demands that she put down to the fact that most of those girls lacked the experience necessary for really understanding all the emotions and decisions involved in finding a partner in life. The Gaggle acted based on the unwritten rule book of how to act and what to look for without taking into consideration the feelings or circumstances of the parties involved. Dahlia guessed that once truly smitten – and not just enamored of a boy’s eligibility, the rulebook would be thrown out the window by each and every one of the girls.
Remembering her thoughts on Lady Sweet’s own solitude in Cirencester, Dahlia made a point of visiting more often – and of not hounding her friend with her own queries and problems. The frigid temperatures and an abnormal amount of ice during the end of February and the beginning of March limited her attempts to make good on her intentions to get to the Sweet estate. She also wrote to Alyce Standford twice, inviting her to tea. She was refused, politely, on both occasions. Dahlia wondered if it was because Mr. Standford would not allow her to come. Unfortunately, Dahlia’s consideration for trying to be a good neighbor to Miss Standford did not exceed her wish to avoid seeing her brother or nephew, so she did not venture to the Standford estate to see Miss Standford of her own accord.
Unfortunately, an invitation came from Miss Standford to Dahlia to have brunch with them the following Sunday after church. The invitation did not include Dahlia’s father or any of her brothers and she knew a moment of indecision about what to do. When she asked her father if he would escort her, he told her that she could accompany the Standfords to their house after the service, and he was sure Mr. Standford would send her home in his carriage after the meal. Dahlia was therefore put in the position of accepting the invitation. She had opened up this possibility by writing to Miss Standford, and they were considered neighbors. She supposed nothing bad could happen by going and perhaps she was assigning too much emphasis on gossip and her own childhood impressions of the Standford men. Edward had been completely benign to her at the ball in London, after all.
She went through all these mental explanations again during the church service prior to the brunch, but she still left the presence of her father and brothers a bit apprehensively as she stepped into the carriage with the Standfords. As she expected, Alyce Standford said very little on the way to their home. She seemed to sit as close to the side of the carriage as possible, as if hoping to disappear into the silk folds of the corner. Mr. Standford was all charm and very talkative. He made a point to draw Edward into the conversation, but his son didn’t seem very keen on contributing to it beyond the perfunctory “yes, Father” and “no, Father.”
The Standford house was pretty much as Dahlia remembered it from her previous visits with her family. Everything was quite perfect in its placement, but the house lacked warmth or any touches that indicated a family lived there. Brunch was a hearty spread of meats, cheeses, breads, vegetables and sweets
, but she had little appetite. Unlike her own home or even that of the Sweets, where the food was commented on and compliments passed to the cook, there was no conversation with the servants – not even to say thank you for the service. They were quite unacknowledged – just like Alyce Standford. Dahlia noted that she might as well have been absent for all her brother and nephew said to her. It was hard to recall that it was Miss Standford who had sent the invitation to Dahlia, for even when Dahlia tried to directly engage the woman in conversation, she replied very curtly and quietly. Dahlia noted that she kept her eyes downcast during most of the meal, although Dahlia had the impression that she would sneak glances at her when she wasn’t looking.
Beyond a high level of discomfort and stiffness, Dahlia had to admit that nothing sinister happened to her during the visit. Edward seemed quite disinterested in her, despite his father’s prompting that he share in the conversation. So it was that Mr. Standford and Dahlia maintained the only real dialogue during the majority of the afternoon. They spoke stiltedly of London, her performance at the Ball, a few books and plays, and of course the weather, which every polite conversation among near strangers included. Mr. Standford also asked about her father’s investments, which puzzled Dahlia since she had no idea about them and she figured Mr. Standford would have more insight into them through direct conversations between the two men.
As the visit drew to a close, Dahlia was both extremely glad and also a little vexed that her endurance at the Standford house would not afford her the opportunity to talk with Miss Standford alone which was, after all, her sole reason for reaching out to the woman. She made a point, therefore, to once again extend an invitation to her as she said goodbye and thanked her for her hospitality – such as it had been.
Alyce seemed quite afraid to say anything in response. She glanced furtively at her brother and began to stammer an apology about having a lot to do around the household. Mr. Standford spoke right over her, however.
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