by Olivia Evans
“Why haven’t you answered your fucking phone?” It wasn’t how he’d meant to start their conversation, but his defenses were on high alert, and his brain wasn’t communicating with his mouth.
Josie’s mouth dropped open. “Maybe because I didn’t want to talk to you! Ever think of that? Or are you so full of yourself that you can’t imagine anyone not falling all over themselves when you call? Sorry to disappoint you, but I’m not Aubrey.”
“Ivy, those pictures are not what you think. I swear.”
“Of course they’re not. Since we’ve met none of the pictures have been in context, according to you. Or have you been feeding me bullshit at every turn?”
“You know that’s not true. You’re pissed, but don’t fucking regress, Ivy. It makes you look stupid. And you’re not stupid.”
“Aren’t I? I’ve fallen for your bullshit time and time again, but I’m not doing it anymore.”
Anders took three long strides and gripped her biceps. “Would you listen to me? It’s not what you think!”
Josie jerked away. She laid her palms flat on his chest and shoved him back. “Really? Who were you performing for then? Who was the show for? It wasn’t for the paparazzi because they weren’t supposed to be there! You had no idea someone was watching. Yet there you are, basically fucking on her front step.” Her face twisted into a sneer and she shook her head. “Or am I supposed to believe you were practicing for a scene?”
“She kissed me! She asked me to walk her to her door, and I figured it would be easier than arguing with her. Someone must have snuck in the gate behind us. When I pushed her away, she started asking all these questions. She was suspicious. So yes, I said some things that I shouldn’t have. But I wanted her to back off. I swear to God, I didn’t sleep with her.”
Josie knew Aubrey was all over Anders every chance she got and it was possible he was telling the truth. However, she also knew she needed to take a step back. She needed to take a long, hard look her relationship with Anders. And she needed to talk to Madison.
“I think we should take a break.”
Anders narrowed his eyes, and his lips thinned into a hard line. “No. We don’t need a fucking break. We need to talk.”
Josie disagreed. “There’s nothing left to say. You told me what happened, now I need time to deal with that.”
“They’re just pictures. What do you need to think about? Either you believe me or you don’t.”
“Don’t you get it? It’s not about believing you. It’s about being able to live like this. I don’t…I don’t know if I can.” Tears shimmered before rolling down her cheeks as she reached for her keys. She slipped his house key off the ring and walked to the front door.
“What are you doing?” Anders’ voice dropped when his eyes zeroed in on the key Josie set on the table.
“I just…just in case.” She didn’t have to spell it out. He understood.
“Ivy.” He whispered her name like a plea and a warning. He stepped toward her, but she shook her head and moved to the door.
“I need some time. Give me that, please?” Josie didn’t hesitate a second more than necessary when he nodded stiffly, his face a blank mask. When she looked in the rear view mirror as she pulled through the gates, he was nowhere to be seen. For the first time, she wasn’t bombarded with conflicting emotions. All she felt was relief.
Anders walked to the table by the front door and picked up the key. A hollow feeling carved out a place in his chest as the cool metal pressed into his palm. She wanted a break. He’d never been in a relationship before that felt over and in limbo at the same time. For him it had always been cut and dry. Either it was over, or it wasn’t.
His life was spinning out of control. When he first pursued Josie, his only goal was to sleep with her again, but somewhere along the way something changed and he didn’t know how to deal with it. Feelings he’d written off, parts of himself he’d sworn to never let see the light of day again were fighting their way to the surface.
He tried to convince himself he was okay, but when he walked into his bedroom and saw Josie’s shirt thrown across the bed, he knew that was nothing but a lie. Since the day she crashed back into his life, she had more control than he ever wanted to acknowledge. And as much as he hated to admit it―as much as he wanted to tell her to go to hell―he wanted her to come back.
Falling onto his bed, he grabbed her shirt and covered his face. He breathed deeply and let his eyes fall shut. She asked for a break. She just needed time. If he was being honest, so did he. They couldn’t keep going like they were. But the part of him that trusted before―had welcomed his childhood best friend back into his life with open arms―balked. That part of him had been doused in kerosene and set on fire, burned in every possible way.
Josie did something to him no woman had ever done before. She pushed all his buttons, and she made his temper flare with no effort, but she also settled something inside him. She soothed the same fire she ignited. She was the balm to her own burn. He wondered how many scars he’d bear when the smoke cleared.
The weekend passed quietly. He picked up his phone a dozen times to call her, but no matter how much he wanted to talk to her, pride and self-preservation were powerful deterrents. He wanted to reassure her he didn’t want Aubrey, but his fear of rejection kept him silent.
For two days he drowned in memories of the past, held hostage by his thoughts. When he walked into the studio Monday morning, his expression was nothing but hard lines and angry scowls. He was impossible to work with. The few people who had any insight into his personal life, people like Madison, could certainly guess why.
Madison watched warily as Anders stomped around the set. He snapped at anyone who dared to correct something he’d done. With a shake of her head, she left to find Josie, praying she was in a better mood than Anders.
“Hey, you. Whatcha working on?”
Josie jumped in surprise, a smile breaking across her face when she saw Madison. “I’m just making a few changes to the designs we worked on last week. Craig made a few suggestions, so I’m making the edits before I send them back to him.”
Madison hummed and pulled a chair over to Josie’s cubicle. “So is this how we’re going to play? You’re gonna make me ask?”
Josie sighed and ran her hand through her hair. “No, I’m not. I just… Can we talk about it after work? I can’t get into it here. Please?”
Madison nodded. “Okay. I’m going to check out a few buildings with Holden tonight and tomorrow after work. How about a girls’ night later this week? We can go out or stay in. It’s up to you.”
“Come to my house Wednesday. I’ll order sushi. You bring sake. I’ll tell you everything then. Maybe you can help me make some sense out of this mess because, Maddie, I’m at a loss. And”―she paused and blinked back the tears stinging her eyes―“and it…it hurts.” She sucked in a deep breath and wiped under her eyes. “Is this what it feels like?”
Madison’s eyes glazed with tears and her throat tightened. “What do you mean ‘it’?”
Josie lowered her eyes and tried to force out the words trapped in her throat, begging to be swallowed up and buried deep inside. With a shuddering breath her words floated through the air on a whispered breath. “To love someone and have them hurt your heart.”
“Josie,” Madison exhaled, unable to hold back the tears brimming in her eyes. “Are you in love with him?”
Josie looked at her hands. “I don’t know, but something in my chest aches. I’ve never felt this way before. If this is what love feels like, I don’t want any part of it.”
“Don’t think about it right now, okay? Everything happens for a reason, right?” Even though Madison wanted to believe what she was saying, there was a nagging feeling reminding her that sometimes bad things happened with no explanation at all.
While Josie and Madison pushed aside their personal lives and focused on work, Aubrey watched Anders’ every move. Had she any doubt about the possibility
of Anders’ involvement with someone, it disappeared the moment he stepped on set today. She’d been right. Jealousy, however, tempered her satisfaction with the rift she had caused. Anders had someone in his life he was keeping a secret, someone he cared about.
“Rough day?” she asked, her face a mask of indifferent innocence.
“Fuck off.” Anders kept his eyes on Dean, who took a hard blow to the chest and fell onto his back. For once he wished he didn’t have a stunt double. Then he could be the one getting punched in the gut. He couldn’t imagine it hurt any more than what he was feeling already.
“You don’t always need to be so hateful.” The tears stinging Aubrey’s eyes weren’t just for show and the tremble of her chin couldn’t be controlled. “I’m not the enemy here.”
Anders turned to Aubrey when her voice broke. With a shrug and an insincere apology, he brushed her off. “You’re not my ally either.”
“I could be. I could be a lot of things if you’d just let me in.”
Anders’ lips thinned into a hard line, and he pulled in a deep, calming breath through his nose. “I think your involvement in my life has caused enough problems.”
Aubrey’s eyes widened. “Anders, if you’re seeing someone and our relationship is causing a problem, just tell me. I can talk to her. I’m sure I can make her understand.” The words burned like acid as they fell from her lips. She only wanted to make one thing understood: no one had a chance in hell against her.
“Your constant inquiries into whether I’m seeing someone are getting a little old. How many times do I have to tell you I’m not dating anyone?”
Aubrey shook her head. “Then how am I complicating your life? It’s not like you’ve changed your lifestyle since I came into the picture.”
Anders laughed. “Since we decided to do this fake relationship bullshit, I’ve had paps waiting for me outside the studio almost every day. They’ve started following me again. I haven’t had to deal with that shit in a long time. Not since I started letting the world see everything I did so nothing about me is a mystery. But now, this thing with you, people are intrigued.”
“That’s what’s caused you to be in such a bad mood? More publicity? That doesn’t make sense. You’ve never shied away from the camera.”
Anders gritted his teeth. When he spoke, the tone of his voice was all the warning Aubrey needed to realize she’d pushed too far. “Because it’s on my terms. I’m in control. I choose how they see me. But having people sneak around and break into neighborhoods? I didn’t choose that.” With a fleeting glance, Anders left the set without another word.
That night, much like the weekend, Anders thought about picking up his phone a dozen times. However, this time it wasn’t Josie he wanted to call. It was Owen. No matter how much of a playboy he was, Owen was a good friend to Anders.
Of course, calling Owen would lead to going out for drinks, which would lead to women for Owen and one very pissed off woman for Anders. Josie said she needed time—a break, not a breakup. Being photographed with a fan straddling his lap again would no doubt be the last straw.
With a resigned sigh he stripped off his clothes, took a shower, and popped an Ambien. An hour later when he fell into bed, relaxed and numb, he drifted into a dreamless sleep.
The next day he attempted to curb his attitude, but it was impossible. Everyone was an idiot and they all deserved to die. Especially contributing to his bad mood was his earlier encounter with Josie. He’d spotted her and a guy leaning against the wall talking. Anders knew he was an intern from her department, but knowing that did nothing to stop the way his heart rate accelerated and his hands balled into fists when Josie threw her head back and laughed. When she noticed Anders, she gave him a small smile and turned away.
“Fucking hell.” He needed to get a grip and stop letting her invade his every thought. Really, he just needed Aubrey to go away and Josie’s ridiculous break to end.
By the time Wednesday afternoon rolled around, Josie was a big mess of indecision. She had no idea what to do about Anders, and every time she tried to work it out, her thoughts moved in circles. She missed him. She was relieved to have space. She missed him. She was better off. She missed him. He wasn’t worth the hassle. She missed him. She missed him.
“There better be two bottles in that paper bag or I’m disowning you,” Josie greeted Madison as she held the door open.
“What do you take me for?” Madison laughed. She pulled down the top of the bag to reveal the two bottles of sake.
“Thank God.”
After dividing up the sushi and drinking a generous amount of sake, they stopped with the meaningless chatter and acknowledged the elephant in the room.
“What did he say about the pictures?” Madison wasn’t going to beat around the bush anymore.
Josie shrugged and took a sip of her drink. “He said Aubrey kissed him. Apparently she was asking a lot of questions so he said some things to throw her off. God!” she exhaled, her face pinched. “I don’t want to even imagine what he said to shut her up. But from the look on her face, it’s not hard to imagine.”
“Well, do you believe him?”
“At first I wasn’t sure what to think. He had the perfect opportunity to tell me about the kiss when we looked at the pictures together, but he didn’t. I couldn’t help but wonder if there was a reason because it’s kind of a big thing to leave out, right?”
“It is.”
“But I believe him. If he wanted to fuck Aubrey Nash, he could have done it a hundred times by now. She’s been after him ever since she came back from Italy, and he’s turned her down over and over.”
“Look, I’m not trying to upset you, but I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a minute, okay?”
Josie swallowed and eyed her almost empty glass before nodding. “Okay.”
“How can you be sure he’s not lying? What if he’s just covering his ass because those pictures came out? He agreed to date her without talking to you, and then he ditched you for a date with her without a second’s hesitation. For someone who claims to not be interested, he sure seems to jump whenever she says.”
Josie grimaced and her throat tightened. “Ouch.”
“Hey, now,” Madison scolded. She slid closer to Josie and squeezed her knee. “Devil’s advocate, remember? I can give you a list of reasons why I don’t believe any of those things, but I’m not going to. You need to do it. Tell me why you don’t believe these things.”
“Okay.” Josie squared her shoulders. Madison didn’t care about being convinced, she wanted Josie to be. “Anders is paranoid someone’s going to find out about us. Stupid, crazy, needs-to-lie-on-someone’s-couch-three-times-a-week paranoid. So he overcompensates for anything that could give the impression he’s involved with someone. Plus he’s not used to answering to anyone. He’s not used to considering someone else’s feelings.”
“He sounds like a regular prince charming.” Madison accentuated her sarcasm with a dramatic eye roll.
Josie laughed. “I know he sounds like a complete asshole. If you asked me to list the reasons we should be together, well, it’d be a short list. On paper, there is no logical reason. Our relationship is irrational. But when things are good with us, Maddie, they’re―it’s electric. He drives me crazy. Most times I can’t tell if I want to kiss him or kill him, but he’s also sweet and funny and cocky, which should be a turnoff, but with him it’s not. The way he looks at me makes me feel beautiful. The way he touches me makes me feel wanted. God, he just makes me feel alive.”
Madison smiled. “You’ve said that before―about how he makes you feel. I get it, I do, but is it enough?”
“He’s trying.”
“What do you mean?”
Josie told her about eavesdropping at the studio. She found herself smiling as she thought about the time they’d spent at his house, how comfortable she felt with him, and how her heart would race and her body would melt into his when she woke next to him.
Th
e smile slipped from her face as she thought about the last time she’d walked out his door. “I know he’s a good actor, but his face when I left his house… He was upset. He does care about me. I’m just not sure if it’s enough.”
“There are never any guarantees when it comes to relationships. Even happy, stable relationships end. It’s part of life. You just have to pick yourself up and keep going. You said you’re not sure if you love him, but I think we both know whatever’s going on is more than lust. If things end, it’s going to hurt.”
“I just don’t know if I can deal with his lifestyle and everything that comes with it. The lies, the backstabbing, the games. I used to wonder why famous people only seem to date other famous people. Their lives could be more private, have a semblance of normalcy if they dated someone unknown. I get it now. Normal people can’t cope with what being with someone famous entails. They can’t watch someone they are in a relationship with kiss, touch, and hold someone else, even if it is just for a movie or photo shoot. Seeing those pictures almost killed me. It’s why I’ve steered clear of the set. I can’t see their scenes together. It’d feel like watching him cheat, and just the thought hurts.”
“Oh, Josie. That’s one thing I can’t help you figure out. I can’t imagine how I’d react if it were Holden. But it’s Anders’ job, and he’s good at it. You can’t ask him to quit acting. That’d be like telling you to stop designing.”
Josie shook her head. “I would never. I’m not that selfish. But I don’t want to let him run all over me either. He calls the shots in our relationship. How much of myself do I sacrifice to be with him?”
“If you think for one second Anders isn’t just as twisted up as you, then you guys are two blind peas in a stubborn pod. Think about the Anders Ellis you saw in the hallway at the studio all those months ago. Now think about the one you left standing at his house a few days ago. They aren’t the same person and you know it.”