"Can we see him?" my stepdad asks.
"Only you and your wife," the doctor says frowning. "We've got him in recovery right now, it's a small space and his strength is not much right now."
The doctor leads my parents away leaving Josh and I alone. I walk over to Josh. He stiffens as I approach.
"Josh," I reach out for him as I speak but her leans away from me, his eyes focused over my shoulder. "Josh, please."
A single tear runs down his face. I reach up and wipe it away. He doesn't react.
"It's my fault," he whispers.
"Josh, no. It's not. You know how Danny is. He's always doing some daredevil crap."
Josh shakes his head negative. His jaw tightens, his hands clench into fists. I cry out. He moves so fast I don't see it. My body reacts as his arm flies past my head, slamming into the soda machine behind me. Plastic cracks loudly as the machine rocks back from the force of his blow.
"JOSH!" I scream in surprise and fear.
He looks at me now. Anger burns brightly. "It's OUR fault!" he yells. His arms shake but he holds them tight to his sides. "If we hadn't... If I hadn't given in... We never should have..."
I reach out for him, my hand trembles uncontrollably. I focus on Josh. Pushing aside my fear, my hurt, his words cut me like a knife but I can't let myself feel that right now. Josh needs me.
"Josh, it's not our fault," I say as my fingers touch his shoulder. He jumps back from my touch like an electric shock.
"Yes. It. Is." He bites off each word through his clenched teeth staring at me. Revulsion, hate, hurt play across his face. "If I hadn't given in, if I'd been strong enough, Danny would be fine."
Tears run down my face and I sniffle back the mucus that threatens to run from my nose. My heart shreds under his attack. I can't catch my breath, short gasps is all I can manage.
"Josh ... no," I say. "I love you!"
He pushes me away.
"I love you Cin," he says his eyes boring into me. "But we can't do this."
He turns away taking a step towards the door.
"JOSH!" my voice cracks as I scream his name.
He stops in the door, his shoulders slumped, head hanging low.
"Don't leave me Josh, please," I say.
For a moment I think he's going to turn back to me. I see it in my mind clearly. He'll turn back, he'll run to me and wrap his strong arms around me, tell me it's all a mistake. Together we can beat anything, our love is strong enough. So clear I see it then he pushes against the door and it swings shut behind him.
I'm alone.
CHAPTER FOUR
Four Years Later
"Can you believe what Professor Astria expects us to get done? Does she absolutely think we have no other classes or what?" Jennifer asks looking up from her textbook.
"She's nuts, what can you do?" I reply.
My laptop chimes so I climb off my bed and go over to the desk. My dorm room is small but cozy. Jennifer and I are BFF's. She's great, so much better than a lot of other girls' first roommates.
"Anything important?" Jennifer asks. Her bed creaks as she rolls over to hold the textbook over her head.
"Facebook updates," I reply. "So nothing that should be keeping me from cramming for Astria's test but you know, any excuse and all that."
She laughs and I do too. Closing the laptop I climb back onto my bed and pick up my textbook and highlighter. College is great. I'm two semesters from graduating with honors. It's been hard but worth it.
"We should go to Eden tonight," Jennifer says. "Screw this test, screw Astria, but better yet let's get us screwed!"
I look over my text at her smiling face. Jennifer's always going on about boys. I've known her for over three years now and she's constantly playing the field. She also knows I'm not interested. A source of never ending teasing for her. She leers over her text book at me, lays it aside, then moves both of her hands along her body, across her breasts and dives them between her legs.
"Oh, oh," she says mocking me. "Bradley, you're so ... big," she thrusts her hips and grunts.
I arch an eyebrow at her and she starts laughing so hard tears are running out of her eyes.
"Seriously girl, you got to use it or lose it, ya know? Get you some action, take that stress off!"
I shake my head. There's only one man I want and I haven't seen him in almost four years. My chest constricts thinking of him. After he ran out of the hospital that night I'd let him go. I thought he just needed space to figure things out for himself. Our parents have been so cool about what happened. They don't blame us. Hell even Danny is cool about it and he's stuck in a wheelchair for life, most likely, and needs special tutors to accommodate his slowed learning rate. Despite all that Josh blames himself.
"Hey!" Jennifer bursts into my reverie with a shout.
"What?" I shout back then we're both laughing.
"I know you're hung up on that hunk from the past," Jennifer says. "I get it, trust me I do. You have to live in the now though."
I smile and nod. She and I have had this same conversation many times and it always ends the same. I smile, I nod, she's appeased and we move on until the next time it comes up. Josh has my heart. I'd give my soul for him to come back, for him to be okay. He barely talks to our parents and dropped out of school. I hear tales of him from the young party scene. He drinks a lot now. People tell me stories of how wild he is. Somehow his dad has kept it out of the papers which is a testament to his power in the publishing world but he can't control social media and Josh has made a splash there.
"So about this test." I smile changing the subject.
Jennifer leaves our dorm room later that night while I settle in with a cup of Earl Grey and my textbook to continue cramming. I'm not sure how she keeps her GPA up with her love of partying and going out, but she manages it better than I would. I turn up the college radio station a bit and let the soft pop rock surround me drowning out the cares of the world.
My phone drops off the desk. I hadn't noticed it ringing and the vibrate took it right off the edge. I reach down and retrieve it, turning the music down with one my other hand. My voice mail chime sounds so I unlock it and press the button to play back the latest message.
Cindy, it's Aunt Maria. Honey, I need you to call me. Please, call me fast as you get this.
Chills run down my skin listening to her voice. I've never heard my aunt cry or sound so upset in my life. Something's wrong. I hit the return call button. My hand shakes as I hold the phone to my ear, my pulse pounds through my veins in a long forlorn song of its own. Something's happened to Josh. I just know it. He's been drinking hard and I'm sure he's doing drugs too. He must have OD'd on something.
Oh god, let him be alive. Please! I pray as the phone rings again and again. Come on Maria! I just missed the call, pick up!
"Hello?" Maria sobs into the phone.
"Maria?" I ask.
"Cindy? Oh god honey, I need you to come home. There's a plane waiting for you at the airport. You need to get here now."
"Maria, what's happened? Is Josh okay? Danny?"
Silence from the other end for one long moment.
"They're fine Cindy," she says at last.
"What is it?" If they're fine then what? A plane is waiting?
"It's your parents honey," she says breaking down into sobs over the phone.
I'm cold, so cold like an arctic blast chilled the room below freezing. I feel my mouth working but no sound comes out. I can't think of what to say or ask.
"What?" I croak.
"Just come home. You're needed here now. Come home Cindy."
"I'm on my way," I say numbly.
I sit staring at the phone. I don't know for how long. Someone is going to call and say this is all a bad joke, a sick prank. I wait, but the phone doesn't ring. No one calls, nothing changes.
I shoot a text to Jennifer before I call a car to take me to the airport.
CHAPTER FIVE
Josh didn't come to their fune
ral. He called at the last minute and said he couldn't make it. He didn't even call me, he called Aunt Maria. Coward.
A bell rings calling me to Danny's room.
"What's up?" I ask walking in to his space.
Danny's sitting in his bed looking down. As I get closer I can smell why he's upset. He missed calling me in time to help him to the bathroom. I'm still getting things sorted out with his nurses. Mom and stepdad's insurance has put me on notice that they are reviewing their files and will not pay any bills until they're finished. They've indicated they might not cover Danny's special needs anymore since my stepdad is gone. There's also been some debate going on about my inheritance as his stepchild. My lawyer assures me it'll all work out but when? Until then I'm doing most of the care for Danny single handed.
"Sorry sis," Danny says.
"It's no problem bro!" I say cheering him up. "You want to sit in your chair for a bit while I change the sheets?"
"Sure," he says.
I get him moved to the chair and am working on the sheets when the door bell rings. I look over at Danny but he's engrossed in a television show.
"I'll be right back," I say heading out.
The bell rings again, then yet again as I walk down the stairs. Keep your pants on! I think as I pick up my pace. I throw the door open ready to give whoever it is a piece of my mind. I blink my eyes. This can't be.
Josh.
He's disheveled, with two days growth of sandpapery beard. His gorgeous hair is a mess and looks like he just got out of bed. Oh god. He smells like liquor.
"Hey Cin," he says looking over my shoulder.
My mouth moves. I try to say ... something. Nothing comes out. Thinking is the most difficult thing right now. Words come to mind then flow away unsaid. None of them feel right.
"Uhm," Josh says. "You look good. Can I, can I come in?" he says hesitating.
My pulse pounds, my stomach has a million butterflies dancing in it, and worst of all fire burns between my legs at the sound of his voice. I know it's wrong. I should be over him but just seeing him I want him. All the old feelings that I walled away rush out and overwhelm me.
I step to one side letting him in. "Josh ..." I finally push words out.
He steps close to me and I lose them again. His hand pushes a stray hair back behind my ear, my skin tingles where he touches me. We stare into each other's eyes and it's like nothing has changed.
"I need a shower," he says softly. "Do you mind?"
I shake my head.
"Thanks," he says his finger tips lingering on my cheek.
The connection and attraction between us is like a live wire shooting sparks. It's electric arcing between us. He turns and heads up the stairs while I stand and watch him walk away. When he's out of sight I'm able to breathe again, my pulse slows, and I can at last think. Everything turns in to anger. I remember how mad I am at him leaving me to do this on my own. For blaming himself then drowning in a bottle as his answer to it all.
What am I doing feeling this way? What am I doing letting him in here at all! I lean back against the door and pound my fists against it. Pushing off I head back to Danny's room and finish cleaning things up. Do I tell him? Josh's disappearance after the accident left deep wounds on Danny.
I decide to wait until I talk to Josh myself. I want to know what he's doing and whether he plans to stay before I open Danny up to being hurt again. Of course there's no one to stop me from being hurt this time but it's the least I can do for Danny. He has enough on his plate to deal with.
I gather the dirty sheets and leave the room, closing the door behind me to avoid him seeing or hearing Josh. After I leave them in the laundry room I grab some clean towels and head up to the bath to make sure Josh has what he needs.
I knock. The water is still running and steam is working its way out under the door. I figure I can slip in and leave the towels before he decides to get out. I open the door and step inside.
Just as I do the water shuts off and the shower slides open. Josh stands naked in front of me. He runs his hands back through his wet hair slicking it back to his head. When he opens his eyes and sees me he doesn't move to cover himself. Instead he smiles.
"Hey Cin," he says.
"Uh, hey Josh. Brought some towels."
I hold the pieces of cloth up in front of me like they might be a shield for my heart or at least hide the fact it's about to burst out of my chest. My skin burns as Josh looks me up and down. I flush bright red as his cock stiffens, rising to its full impressive length and girth. Moisture slides between my legs as I recall how he felt inside me. A spasm rocks from my core up my spine and I shiver. It's been so long.
"Like what you see?" he asks stepping out of the shower then taking another step closer to me, closing the distance between us.
I stand like a bird mesmerized by the snake's motion waiting to be bitten. His damp warm fingers touch my face again and the electric charge between us shocks me as it tingles through my skin. Then I'm in his arms, my lips pressed to his. His tongue plays across my mouth then forces its way past. Our tongues meet and dance together. My hands run across his shoulder muscles, down his back, his erection presses deliciously against my lower belly. I grind against him wanting to feel him filling me.
His hands hook under my ass and he lifts me up pressing me back against the wall. A moan escapes my lips. His wet body presses against me, grinding. One of his hands is in my hair pulling my head back to expose my neck. He kisses his way across my face and down my neck. The hand in my hair works its way down and he's kneading my breast through my shirt. My nipples press painfully against the tight fabric.
"Josh," I breath his name.
"Cin," he gasps thrusting up against my jeans. "I want you."
"Bedroom."
He pulls me off the wall and we stumble out into the hallway somehow. He carries me to my bedroom kicking the door shut behind him. I'm tossed onto the bed and he's over me. His erection drags along my jeans as he moves up across me. I grab my shirt and pull it off over my head tossing it to one side. My full breasts fall out and he dives for them taking a nipple in his mouth. He rolls his tongue over it which makes me tense and moan at the same time.
His hands move over my jeans until he finds the snap and then they're sliding down and off me. His rough-skinned hands cup my mound which is coated in my own moisture. He needs no further invitation. He thrusts into me in a single motion burying himself to the hilt. No time for a condom. I don't even think I have one.
I buck up and cry out as he grunts his pleasure. He thrusts into me filling me, stretching my velvet walls. We grind against each other, our mouths drinking each other in hungrily. I take what I need from him and I give myself to him wholly. He thrust faster and my belly tightens, my pleasure nub tenses, then I'm exploding as waves of pleasure rock through my body causing my canal to clench down on him. I feel him exploding inside, a secondary wave blasts through my body.
He collapses on top of me spent, laying his head against my stomach. I run my hands through his hair as he kisses my neck and back up to my lips. We stare into each other's eyes, lust sated, our connection reestablished.
"I love you Josh," I say running my hands over his now smooth face.
"I love you Cin," he says and then he smiles that old familiar smile which makes my heart swell with emotions I can barely contain.
CHAPTER SIX
There's a spring in my step as I make breakfast this morning. Danny's nurse will be here for the afternoon so I'm free. That should give Josh and I time to talk. No matter that we fell right back into bed, there's a lot to discuss. I haven't forgiven him for the wrongs just put them off a bit.
The toaster dings and I grab the slices of bread and butter them. I set them on the tray next to the oatmeal and grapefruit I'm preparing for Danny. A glass of orange juice, a small one of milk, and breakfast is ready.
"Damn Cin, smells great," Josh says walking through the kitchen door.
His eyes are sunken
despite having disappeared to sleep last night right after we had sex. There's still a haunted look about him.
"Thanks, hungry?" I ask.
Josh walks past me and goes to where his Dad kept the liquor. He grabs a bottle, gets a large coffee mug, fills it at least half with alcohol, then tops it off with some coffee.
"No, I'll pass," he says blowing on the cup in his hand.
"Josh, isn't it more than a little early for that?" I ask nodding at the cup in his hand.
He shrugs then sips.
I frown but decide to let it slide. "Danny will be really excited to see you today."
"Oh," Josh looks surprised. "Man, sorry I can't. I got this thing today I have to go do."
"Thing? Seriously? What kind of 'thing'?"
He pushes off the counter heading out of the kitchen. He doesn't look back over his shoulder at me or pause at all. I follow him out of the kitchen to the stairs which he starts up.
"Josh, seriously. What could possibly be more important?"
His shoulders slump. It looks like he caves in on himself completely. "Cin, it's a thing okay?"
"You can't do this. You can NOT do this!" My voice raises and cracks as I cross my arms over my chest.
Josh turns towards me anger flashing across his face. He steps towards me and just for an instant fear flutters in my stomach.
"Yes, I can," he says through gritted teeth. He gulps down the coffee, still steaming, draining it in a single motion. "I don't owe you or anyone here anything."
"Oh yeah? Why does it fall to me to care for Danny? Why does it fall to me to put together the pieces of his and my life after what happened to mom and dad?"
"Because you must be so much stronger than I am! You can walk on water I'm sure. You do it all don't you? Nothing touches you because none of it's your fault. You don't get it! If we hadn't done what we did, Danny would be fine! You can sing all your la la bullshit, but end of the day we were weak and he paid the price!"
Rogue: A Stepbrother Forbidden Romance Page 2