Dare To Be Loved

by Stacy Lee

  “I didn’t demand anything from her she didn’t want at the time. You would never understand even if I tried to explain.” I huff.

  “Try us. You aren’t the only one who fights with control issues, Dare.” I scan the room to see the serious nods of my brothers. Fin looks away with a set to his jaw that I’d worry about later, right now I had my own issues.

  “Fine.” I lay my head back on the couch and close my eyes then proceed to tell them exactly what happened last night. To my surprise this starts a discussion of similar occasions with them. I wasn’t the only Beyers Brother who liked to restrain and please my women. I never knew this. After today I would forget I knew it. But it was nice to know they didn’t think I was a complete asshole.

  Shortly after our talk the boys leave me alone to my thoughts. As I often did when I was feeling out of control, I went to the room I had set up as a studio and began to sketch. Halfway through the first one I realized I was drawing Marnie. Her thin face, cute little nose, plump lips and intelligent but sad eyes. She was beautiful. I try to keep myself busy while I wait on her return, however my mind keeps running away with me. From The Binding to her with Cash, it swings back and forth like a pendulum.

  If I would have known what I was doing I never would have forced her to say the words. I was selfish and she was paying for it. I knew her dislike of drinking blood and now I have forced her to live on it. I knew her fears of being controlled by men. Her uncle made her feel helpless for so many years. She’d finally taken her life back when he died only to have me take it away again.

  She was right when she compared me to her uncle earlier. I was no better than he was. He controlled her with his fists, where I would control her with my words and my blood. I make a promise to myself to let her feed as often as she needs but to stay away the rest of the time to let her get comfortable with the idea of all this. If I’m not around her I can’t accidently demand she do something.

  Several hours pass and I force myself to remain in my room sketching. I hear the door when it opens and Cash’s voice telling her goodbye. Still, I stay in my place. I left the door open so she would see me when she walked by. She pauses momentarily without looking in. In her hands are several shopping bags.

  “I will be in the shower.” With that flat statement she continues down the hall without a single glance to me. After a quick detour to our room, where I imagine she drops off her bags, I hear her shut and lock the bathroom door behind her before the water turns on. I constrain myself to remain where I am when sobs float to me over the running water. Each one like a dagger to my heart. I can feel her depression inside me. I was nervous, edgy, anxious and scared. Some of this was me but most was her.

  I could also tell she was hungry. A clawing need that wasn’t mine was steadily growing more desperate inside me. A sensation I’d felt earlier today but didn’t know what was till it was gone and she was full. I grit my teeth and turn back to my sketch. I would give her till tonight to come to me. If she doesn’t then I will go to her.

  ****

  After my shower I put on the new pajamas Cash took me to buy. He asked why I didn’t have shoes on and when I explained Dare was supposed to take me shopping today because no one had clothes to fit me he had taken me immediately to a small shopping center not far away and gave me his credit card. I tried to refuse but he wouldn’t take no for an answer. So I ended up buying three new outfits, a pair of shoes, a pajama set to sleep in and some blessed underwear. I think I was happiest with the bra and panties than I was the clothes and shoes. He had graciously waited a distance away while I shopped, lessening the embarrassment of buying underthings with a strange man. It was still pretty funny watching him stand at the edge of the lingerie section trying his best to ignore the clothing and the women who were openly staring at him. Some were even brave enough to hit on him. He politely smiled and turned them down gently. He looked scary but he was generally a nice guy.

  After shopping he drove down the beach on the way home. It was gorgeous. However, the growing ache in my belly and the irritation and anger I knew wasn’t mine kept me from enjoying it. I hadn’t realized how much my stomach hurt till he made me drink earlier. Now I realized what the clawing need was…is. I am hungry. Just the thought makes me want to vomit. I was hoping the warm water of the shower would help the pain that is building, it didn’t. Ignoring Dare in the other room I curl up in our bed and try to go to sleep. It is still fairly early, only seven, but if I could sleep I might not think about my need for him.

  The longer I lay here listening to the silence, the better my hearing becomes. For instance, it isn’t silent. I can hear him in the room next door. The paper rustling when he changes pages, the pencil scraping across the pad as he draws, his foot tapping in aggravation that I feel inside me. I swear I can hear his heart pumping the blood through his body. The swish-swish-swish of it rushing through his veins makes my stomach clinch with pain.

  I curl tighter covering my ears with my hands and burying my head in his pillow. That only makes me believe I can smell him, woods, man, cinnamon and power. My mouth waters with need. I groan inwardly with the agony and wonder how long I can take this torture?

  Archer said it wouldn’t matter if I tried to resist, Dare would make me eat anyway. I had no doubts he would but if I could hold off as long as possible maybe I would be able to keep some of my free will. If the need to obey him was stronger after I fed I just wouldn’t feed. If I didn’t take his blood then I could maybe resist any command he gave me. I couldn’t remember if Archer said he needed my blood or not but I was determined even if he bit me, I wasn’t biting him. Just as he needed his precious control I needed my free will.

  I needed to be able to argue with him when I didn’t think something was right, when I didn’t agree with his opinion. All I had ever had was my quiet defiance against Uncle, my freedom to escape in my mind away from the pain. I didn’t like going there now because it reminded me of him, of loneliness, of sorrow, of pain. Although I still use it when I find I need to escape my fears. Would he take that away from me to?

  His blood was closer, it was louder, the smell stronger, it was calling to me. I clinch my teeth together and bury my head deeper in the pillows. The locked nob jiggles followed by a loud sigh from Dare. In a matter of seconds he has it open. I don’t look up but can hear his footsteps stop at the edge of the bed. The mattress dips when he sits behind me. I flinch when his hand lands on the arm he had squeezed so tightly. The bruise was almost gone but still dark enough to notice in the low light from the lamp. His finger traces his hand print.

  “I didn’t realize I was holding you so tightly. I am sorry.” I nod my head in acceptance. “I can feel how hungry you are. Please let me feed you.” His soft tone and the fact he asked startles me.

  “No. I’m fine.” It’s spit out forcefully and with determination.

  “I do not want to force this. I know what you must think but I didn’t want to be able to control you this way, Parvulum. Please don’t make me demand this of you. I don’t want to make it any harder on you than it already is.”

  “Then leave.” He smells too good. The rush of blood under his skin is too loud. My stomach cramps in desperate need of his life-force. If he stayed much longer I would break and take what he is offering.

  “I need you, Marnie.” His soft desperate plea pulls at my heart. No, I couldn’t let him win again. I had already given him everything by letting him manipulate me. I unbutton the first three buttons on my shirt and pull the collar aside. If he needed my blood he could have it but I didn’t need his.

  “Then take what you need. I said I was fine.” He strikes from behind without warning taking long deep pulls from me. I fight the urge to grab his arm and pull it to my mouth. I grit my teeth and breathe deeply through my mouth as he enjoys his meal. The longer he drinks the sleepier I become. He pulls away leaving me truly surprised when he stands and leaves the room.

  “When you need me, come to me. I’ll be waiting.�
� The door shuts behind him and the lock snicks back into place. He hadn’t forced me to eat. He also hadn’t pressed the issue that he was very hard. The amount of times he has taken my blood without relief today must be driving him crazy.

  “I hope that hard-on hurts.” I mutter under my breath and hear a deep chuckle from the room next door. There is no way he heard me, is there? He said they had good hearing, but that good? “Can you hear me?” I whisper in the same tone.

  “Yes, Marnie. I told you we had excellent hearing. Yours seems to be getting better for you to hear me.” A little bit of the tension leaves me and I wonder if that is his doings or mine?

  “Can I ask you something?” I raise my voice back to normal and close my eyes on a yawn.

  “What would you like to know?” His soft voice flits through the room relaxing me further.

  “What does Parvulum mean?” His rich laugh echoes loudly around me. A smile twitches my lips, the first since Archer told us his secret.

  “It is Latin for ‘little one’.” Oh, well that’s kind of sweet. I had no idea what I expected but that wasn’t it.

  “Thank you.” I whisper sleepily as my eyes close to darkness.

  “Good night, Parvulum.” His words whisper through me as I slip into a deep sleep.

  *

  A deep stabbing pain in my stomach wakes me. My body is covered in sweat, tremors are running through me rapidly, my fangs have descended and are cutting my lip open. I search the bed for Dare but he isn’t here. I moan with another sharp pain and try to remember why I am fighting this. Control over myself. I needed to keep my free will.

  For another thirty minutes I writhe in bed before giving in to the pain. Like a child who knows she is in trouble I drag myself from the bed to find Dare for my punishment because there is no way I believe he will let me just feed after I have rejected him for so long. The anger built up inside me from him tells me that much.

  As silently as possible I pad into his room full of beautiful sketches and paintings. He is sitting shirtless at a desk quietly drawing on a pad of paper. He doesn’t acknowledge my entrance but I know he knows I’m there. I stop behind him ready to beg, plead, and promise anything for just a small taste to stop the pain. His hand stops moving but doesn’t lift from his place. Without a word his head tilts giving me access.

  I take the last shaky step, bending close to his skin as I go. I pause momentarily to see if this is a trick, however when he doesn’t move I sink my teeth into his neck. Cinnamon and power course over my tongue. The little sparks of electricity ignite my body on fire and I curl my hands around his shoulders pulling him closer to me. A sharp snap sounds but I ignore it as I take long flowing pulls of his blood. His body jumps in need and my nails dig deeper into his skin holding him still, holding him where I needed him. When I finally pull away, long minutes later, blood drips from where my nails have clawed his skin. I tentatively lean forward and lick the area, sealing the wounds I caused. I hear another snap. I open my eyes to see his pencil laying in pieces on his desk.

  His body is trembling under my hands. The sexual tension in the room is so thick it couldn’t be cut with a knife. My body wants him desperately but I am still too emotionally tied into knots. My brain is screaming at me that I can’t do this, I shouldn’t do this. He bound me to him, I had to live on his blood, forever. Then there is something else telling me I had to. This is what he wants, I needed to do what he wants, I had to do what he wants.

  My hands circle his waist then reach for his button. The warring forces inside me causing my motions to be erratic and jumpy. The button pops lose on a whimper, the zipper drops on a sob, my hand touches him the same time a tear drips to his back. His hand covers mine and pulls it away, slowly laying it on his chest over his heart.

  “As much as I want you right now, I will not do this with you upset. I want this to be your choice not forced on you by what you think I want. I never meant to do this to you, Marnie. If you need to eat, then come to me. I will not expect anything more. Go back to bed, Parvulum.” He squeezes my hand then lets it drop.

  I back away from him two steps then turn and run back to our room. I can’t keep the relief from filling me but somewhere in there is also disappointment. Did he not want me anymore? No, I believe he was actually giving me time to deal with this.

  “Thank you, Dare.” I whisper quietly as I cuddle down into our bed alone and drift back off to sleep.

  ****

  I hear her whisper but I don’t respond. I couldn’t. It was all I could do to hold myself together, to keep from following her. By the fates, I wanted that woman. I was content to let her continue till I felt the tears hit my back. I couldn’t do that to her. It would have been the same as if I held her down and forced myself on her. That wasn’t me, had never been me, I wasn’t starting now. I might like control but I didn’t like force, not that kind.

  I am surprised it took her so long to come to me. I could feel the pain she was in. I knew exactly when it woke her from the sleep I put her into with a small amount of magical to help. I’d been sitting here for hours wondering what exactly to do when she came to me. I planned on making her ask me for what she wanted. Then her strength derailed me. It took everything in her to resist as long as she had, I couldn’t belittle her more by making her beg. She didn’t ask for this, it was my fault. The least I could do is be respectful.

  With that in mind I continue drawing throughout the night. There was no way I could lay beside her and sleep without taking her first. This was going to be a long existence if she kept fighting me.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I woke with a small amount of pain but dutifully ignored it. Dare left pissed off for a meeting with his brothers about an hour ago. He yelled at me he would be gone for more than two hours and I needed to eat before he left. I refused. He slammed out of here in a huff but he never demanded me to eat. He did leave a cell phone with his number programed into it on the bar in case I needed to reach him. It wasn’t said ‘in case the pain gets too bad and you need to feed’, but it was implied. I didn’t want to call him. I was desperately trying not to look at that phone. It had been over ten hours since I took his blood last night and I was feeling it.

  I tried eating real food but everything was bland and disgusting. It also made my stomach roll with nausea. It pissed me off to no end. Cash stopped by right after Dare left to check on me. He lectured me on starving myself and I promised to make more brownies if he stopped. I was now pacing in front of the stove waiting on the timer to go off.

  Suddenly a blast of rage and concern fill me where irritation and aggravation have been. Something has Dare in an uproar. That’s the only thing to explain where the feelings were coming from. They certainly weren’t mine. I pace faster through the kitchen eyeing the cell phone on the counter. Should I call to make sure he was alright? I reach for the phone then yank my hand back. Why should I care? He did this to me. He caused this pain, this need to devour him, to obey him, to give myself to him, why should I care what had him upset? The problem was, I did care, a lot, and I didn’t think it had anything to do with The Binding. I had started caring for him the minute I saw him.

  “Marnie!” Angie’s voice brings me running to the front room. She is panting and her face is deathly pale.

  “What is it?” I ask, quickly running to her.

  “The Stroli and Vamps are here. We need to go. Dare had most everyone else evacuated yesterday. We are of the few left. Come on!” She grabs my arm and pulls me toward the door.

  “Wait!” I tug from her and run to the kitchen. It wouldn’t do to burn the house down while the men were fighting. I flipped the timer and stove off and don’t even bother to pull the pan from the oven. I run back to her and out the door. We wind through the corridors in what seems like circles with everything looking the same.

  “Where are we going?” I shout to her as she gets further ahead of me. The pains in my stomach are shooting through my body with every jarring step. I didn’t kno
w where Dare was or when I’d see him again and it had me terrified. I should have done as he asked this morning. I shouldn’t have been so damn stubborn.

  “There is a chopper waiting for us a mile from here. We are heading to the underground tunnels that will bring us out near the launch pad. Come on, Marnie. Run faster chick-a-dee. You have Patronus blood in you now!” Her steps speed up putting her further ahead of me. I might be changing but it was the blood I was missing. Without Dare’s blood I was weak and unable to keep up with her. She steadily pulls further ahead.

  A noise behind me has my head snapping around to see one of those creatures from the woods storming towards me. “Angie!” I scream as I pump my feet faster. It’s no use, the thing has the speed I don’t. His body slams into mine shoving me three quarters of the way down the hall to land hard on my side. I scream in pain when my arm snaps under my weight. My head slams to the floor opening a small gash above my right eye. With me on the floor hurt the creature slows to a more leisurely pace as he stalks closer, a hungry look in his eyes.

  I try to scramble to my feet but the dizziness and the aching in my stomach and arm slow me down. By the time I make it into a standing position the beast is in front of me. His clawed finger catches the single drop of blood running from the small cut above my eye. My body trembles in fear but I refuse to turn my back on him. He draws it to his nose and inhales deeply before licking it clean. His deformed mouth turns up into a grin that makes the large scar over his right eye gape open disturbingly.

  “Dare’s mate?” He grumbles out in a low roar that’s hard to understand. Archer’s words from yesterday ring in my head. ‘He is also the weakest, because of you’. ‘Hit the road Jack’ plays somewhere down the corridor, we all ignore it.