by Hawkes, Cora
I was feeling brave but I just didn't understand it. How could anyone live like that?
He looked up with a sheepish smile and shook his head at me, "I'm not talking about that sh [abop wit with you, Emma,” he laughed and looked away.
"Why not? Do you even know how many girls you've slept with?"
"What about you, babe?" his attention turned towards me and his eyes narrowed, "How many guys have you been with?"
My face grew warm and I knew I had turned bright red, "That's none of your bloody business," I snapped and looked away.
I heard him suck in his breath quickly so I looked up.
His expression had sobered and he cocked his head slightly, "You're a virgin." His voice had turned soft. It wasn't a question; it was a statement.
I was so embarrassed my face was flaming hot. "I–" I crossed my arms "–that's a really personal question, Scott." I snapped.
"How the fuck did you do that?" I didn't like the way he was looking at me as if I was subject matter in a test tube.
"What?" I snapped again.
“How have you not been with anybody, Emma? I mean, fuckin' look at you."
I sighed, “Look, I just never felt that strongly over someone, okay?” I shrugged like it was no big deal but it was.
"Does Adam know?" he asked, serious now, his voice lowered.
"Yeah," I murmured, "he doesn't mind waiting, he doesn't think it's that big of a deal."
Scott was looking at his feet and he nodded before looking up. His eyes found mine and held. There was something lurking in them but I couldn't put my finger on it.
"It is a big deal, babe. You don't know how fuckin' rare virginity is at your age," he swept his hair back, "don't waste your first time, it's something you'll never forget."
I didn't want to talk about this anymore so I looked at my watch and shook my head to make a show of being shocked at the time, "It's really late so I better go.”
"You don't have to go; you can crash in my room if you want — with me." His cocky grin appeared.
I froze and frowned at him.
He raised his hands, "Don't hit me, I'm kidding." He laughed. "But seriously, I'll sleep on the couch if you want to stay."
I thought about it. What would Adam think about me sleeping in Scott's bed? If it was him sleeping in another girl’s bed I'd be mad as hell.
I forced a laugh, “I’ve only got to walk down the stairs but thanks anyway.”
Once I got into bed, I couldn't get my thoughts away from Scott and what my first time would be like if it was him. I tossed and turned for a few hours with unwelcome, steamy images playing behind my eyes. When would I get o
ver it? Scott was a friend for christ's sake and I was starring alongside him in a bloody porno almost every night as I fell to sleep. Did [o ss a friendhe do the same? Of course he doesn't. He has a girl there most nights, why the hell would he think of me?
ƀ
Chapter Nine
Scott’s door was ajar so I went through slowly, tapping on the door as I passed it.
“Hello?” I called to the empty lounge.
Ash and I had been shopping when my phone beeped, alerting me to a new message. It was Scott and he wanted me to see him when I got back. I knew what he wanted straight away, it was obvious after last night but the question would be; should I? I hastily tapped out a text saying that I was shopping with Ash and that I'd be a couple of hours. I debated for a few seconds whether to add a kiss on the end because I usually did with everyone else, so I did.
“Come in, babe," I heard from the kitchen, "be there in a minute."
I made my way to the couch and flopped down. I looked around for any mess but I couldn't see any. How the hell did this guy have a tidier place than me? I shook my head. He really was almost perfect. Scott came in with two mugs of coffee. His dark, glossy hair was damp from a shower and he wore a pair of old torn jeans low on his hips. How could any one person look so sexy without even trying? His muscles moved fluidly with him, he didn't have an ounce of spare skin anywhere.
"Coffee?" he set the mug down in front of me, the sofa dipped as he sat next to me.
He relaxed and threw an arm over the back of the sofa where I was sat. Heat emanated from his bare arm to my nape sending warm tingles through me.
"Thanks," I reached forward for the mug and took a hesitant sip, careful not to burn my mouth. "I know what you want to ask me.” I leaned back again near his heat and tried to forget that he was shirtless but it was virtually impossible to do.
A lopsided grin appeared. "Yeah, I think you got a pretty good idea too."
"You want me to teach you to play the piano, don't you." I raised a brow and turned my body towards him. Big mistake. He did the same.
His chest was right in front of me in all its rippled glory. His smell enticed and overwhelmed me, I put the coffee to my lips just so I could smell something different. Colourful tattoos decorated his skin from his shoulders to his wrists. Sleeves, I think they called them. His chest and back were also painted in black with bright colours here and there. I averted my gaze and squeezed my eyes closed tight when my fingers twitched to trace them.
He nodded, “If you can teach me for an hour on a Saturday then I’ll help you with your assignments.”
It would look odd if I refused and I could spare an hour once a week for him. I liked his company most of the time but when he was half undressed like he was now, all I could think about was reaching out and touching his skin.
"Chuck in a cocoa with marshmallows and cream while I'm here and you've got a deal." I put my hand out for him to shake.
He chuckled. "Fuckin' deal, babe." He took my hand in a firm but gentle grip. His eyes bored into mine and his smile slowly slipped away.
I heard a sigh as his hand squeezed mine. My lungs squeezed, all I wanted to do was pull him to me but Scott was one person I couldn't get involved with. He'd take my heart, give it the best time of its existence before obliterating it, and like my mum, I wouldn't survive that kind hurt. I mustn't ever forget that. I cant.
I pulled my hand out of his, "Um… first lesson next week?" My voice was gruff.
"Works for me," he shrugged and reached for his coffee. "What're you doing for the rest of the day?" he took a sip.
"I was going to read for a couple of hours. Why?"
His eyes widened, "You read?" then they turned wicked, "What kind of books do you read?"
"None that you'd be interested in." I blushed.
His eyes darkened along with his smile. "Why you blushing, babe? I think I'd be very interested to read what you do." His voice turned throaty.
I bent my head and my hands came up to press against my hot cheeks as I groaned. "I doubt it."
The corner of what looked like a photo sticking out from underneath his coffee table grabbed my attention. I bent down and retrieved it. It was a picture of a young woman with long blonde hair and blue eyes the colour of the sky in summer. She was pouting into the camera cheekily but her eyes looked cold, almost sly.
Scott went still beside me.
I looked at him with a question in my eyes. His lips turned down and his eyes looked sad as he stared at the old picture.
"Is this your mum?" I took a wild guess.
"Yeah," his hand swiped through his hair and he took the picture away from me and shoved it down the side of the sofa like it was an empty wrapper.
"She's pretty, but I'm guessing you get your looks from your dad."
"Yeah, thank fuck." He stood abruptly and walked over to the window.
Shit. He didn't know his mum and I had put my foot in my mouth.
I went over to him and placed a hand on his warm shoulder, "Scott, I'm sorry. It was stupid of me to say that. Sometimes I don't think."
He turned and my hand slipped down to his forearm.
He placed his hand on mine and entwined our fingers. "Don't be sorry, Emma. I'm good. Just gets me sometimes, you know?"
"Yeah, I do." I thought abou
t my dad and poked the thought away. "You ca cawau known't choose your parents."
"The only reason she ever turns up is for money. The last time was when I was fifteen and my dad told her he wouldn't be giving her anymore. We haven't seen her since," his attention was on our joined hands.
I didn't like seeing him like this and it was my doing. I wanted to cheer him up, make him smile again.
"Hey, you want to hear me play the guitar?"
He looked up, surprise in his eyes. "Please don't tell me you're a pro at that too."
I smiled. "Show me where it is and I'll show you."
I had never picked up a guitar in my life and it showed. Scott handed me a beautiful black acoustic guitar. I didn't even know how to hold it but I tried my best and at least Scott was smiling again which is what I had aimed for.
He chuckled and moved his hand down over his face to try to hide his amusement. "You don't hold it like that — here."
I was sat on the edge of a big footstool and he came to sit behind me. He shifted forward until I was sat between his hard warm thighs. I was so aware of him that I froze, I didn't dare move. He came closer and put his arms around me to reach the guitar, his naked chest came into contact with my back making my core temperature rise to dangerous levels. His scent was enveloping me, taunting me, and this time there was no escape.
His head peered over my shoulders causing the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.
"Hold it like this," he whispered close to my ear as he moved my hand into the right position.
His breath tickled me, making a shudder run down my back.
He paused for a second and I thought he had noticed. "And if you," he slid his hot hand under my thigh gently and lifted it for me until only my toes were touching the floor, "raise your knee, you can rest it here."
"Okay." I whispered. It was all I was capable of saying with his hands all over me. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.
He took his hands away and rested them on my thighs, "Now try." His voice was gruff.
I started playing but my mind was focused on the parts of my body that he was touching. I was dreadful. He was just so there that I couldn't concentrate if my life depended on it.
He turned his face towards my neck and I heard him inhale through his nose gently. His grip on my thighs tightened as he shifted closer to my butt and his forehead hit my shoulder heavily.
Shit! I'm going to spontaneously combust any goddamn bloody minute now if he doesn't stop.
I stopped playing abruptly and took a shaky breath. "I give up. I think I'll stick to the piano." My voice was stilted and I hoped he di cI haying abrudn't notice. I needed to get out of here.
He sighed and lifted his head, "Good idea."
He moved away from me and took the guitar out of my hands without looking at me. Cool air hit me where his warmth had been, making another shiver run down my spine but for a different reason.
He placed the guitar against the wall. "You want to watch a movie or something?"
I stood, "I better go. I have dishes and laundry to do so…"
He nodded, put his hands in his pockets and looked at his bare feet, "I'll see you later?" He raised his green eyes to mine.
"Yeah, what time are you on?"
"Nine."
I smiled, "Right, we'll see you there." I turned and walked to the door. I needed to be away from him right now before I got lost in those eyes of his and forgot myself.
"Babe?"
I loved it when he called me babe. I opened the door and looked over my shoulder with questioning eyes.
"Thanks."
"For what?" I asked.
"For giving a shit."
ƀ
Chapter Ten
"You're teaching Scott to play the piano?" Ad asked. "I didn't even know you played the piano." He smiled but I could tell he wasn't happy that Scott knew something about me that he didn't.
We were sat at our usual table at Macy's. Ash, Newton and Meg were thrashing it out to music by the stage.
"Well, nobody except for Ash knew and when we were at Scott’s last night she made me play," I cringed, "I don't really like playing in front of an audience." I finished.
Ad seemed to feel better about the fact that I had been forced which annoyed me. He shouldn't feel pleased about me being forced to do anything.
"So, you'll be spending more time with him." He made it sound like I was doing something wrong. "When will I get to see you?" he moaned.
"I can still see you in the evenings.”
Ad sighed and looked at me then, his eyes warm again, "I know, babe. I don't really mind. Guess I'm just jealous that you'll be spending time with another guy."
"Hey," I said as I nudged his shoulder with mine, "you're still my man."
He smiled and pulled me into him, "Yeah, babe. I am."
He kissed me softly just the way I liked it. I slipped my hands under his jacket and grabbed his shirt in my fists to deepen the kiss.
Scott came on stage and started with one of the bands ballads. Ad stood and pulled me up with him and onto the floor. He pulled me into his arms and we started to move to the slow song. He was stroking my back in a soft up and down motion with the back of his fingers and I closed my eyes as I relaxed into him.
Scott's sad voice was filling the bar with a heartbreaking song that I hadn't heard before, about wanting something that was out of reach — something that was too good to ruin. I opened my eyes and found Scott watching me while he was singing with such bleak eyes that I unintentionally squeezed Ad as the force of his gaze almost hurt me. Ads arms tightened around me then and he looked down at me. I was still frowning and looking at Ad but I was thinking about Scott. That look, was he still upset about his mum? I felt guilty at once.
Too late, I caught myself staring up at Ad with my lips parted slightly.
His head descended to mine in a deep kiss. His arms came around me, held me in place while he kissed me. Then his lips travelled down my neck. I closed my eyes as I tried to enjoy it but it wasn't doing anything. I opened my eyes again and Scott was still eyeing me. He looked away almost straight away but not before I caught that same look clouding his brilliant green eyes.
I watched him sing the rest of the ballad with him gazing, unseeing, out above the audience, his expression strained. I wanted to reach out to him and erase whatever pain he was feeling. I wanted to fold him in my arms and hold him, be there for him. I blinked. What the…? Why the hell am I thinking like this?
I yanked Ads arm, "I need a drink," I shouted near his ear.
He nodded and pulled me off the floor.
Later, when Scott came off stage, groupies pounced on him, slinking their bodies around him and touching him like snakes. He extracted himself, obviously not in the mood tonight, and went backstage. Twenty minutes later, he joined us for drinks and his choice of liquor for the evening was JD. He sat quietly for an hour, talking only when spoken to and smiling in all the right places. He downed shot after shot. Something was up with him but I chose to keep quiet. If the others hadn’t noticed anything, it would look odd if I was the only one that noticed his off mood.
He caught me staring at him and I forced a smile. He didn’t return it but held my gaze with his half-lidded one. A frown pulled at my face and I looked away only to peek back seconds later to find his stare still pinned on me. I turned my attention to the couples on the floor making the most of love hour. Was he mad at me? He couldn’t be mad at me. Maybe he’s just in a mood? He was fine earlier.
A strong hand came in front of my face, startling me out of my thoughts. I looked up to see Scott standing over me.
“Dance with me.” His lids were hooded as he watched me for an answer.
I k="#.” Hlooked towards Ad for help but he was deep in conversation with Newton. Should I? I looked around the table but only Ash had her attention on me and she was frowning. I looked back up to Scott. Excitement buzzed through me as anticipation took over. If I refused, he would think th
at I wasn’t comfortable with him.
The best I could do is dance with him and maybe find out what was up with him, make him smile again. I felt as though his mood was balancing on a fine line and I didn’t want to tip him either way because I knew that when he had been drinking he was a loose canon.
I nodded and put my hand in his. Scott led me to the other side of the floor by the side of the stage so we were shielded from our table. My heart was hammering in my chest and I knew Scott had had a lot to drink.
Scott pulled me close just as another power ballad started to flow through the speakers. I tried to keep our bodies apart but Scott was having none of it. He pulled me closer into him and wrapped his arms around me. There was no choice but to snake my arms around him also.
I leaned back to look at him, “Are you okay? You’ve been quiet tonight.”
The corner of his mouth lifted, “I am now.”
He pulled me closer again and I laid my head on his chest.
I am now? What did that mean?