by Hawkes, Cora
"Are you okay?" Ad was looking at me.
"I'm fine," I reached up and kissed him.
Our kiss was gentle. His mouth moved against mine in his usual way. After a while he deepened the kiss. His tongue invading my mouth. It reminded me of another kiss I had recently. Ugh! I didn't want to think about him now. Not now, not when Iow, whi was with someone else.
I slipped my hands under his shirt and pushed him back towards the bed. I was going to do this and then maybe I would feel closer to Ad and forget about Scott. As Ad's legs hit the bed he spun me around quickly and before I knew it I was on my back with Ad on top of me.
"Oh God, Em!” he moaned into my mouth as he rocked his hips into mine.
I put my hands down and tried to undo his belt but failed.
"Here, let me," he had it undone in seconds.
Then his hands moved to the hem of my dress and he tugged. I lifted my butt, then sat up so he could remove it. He looked at me for a second with a wry grin on his face. It was his turn. He stood above me as he slid off his shirt and showed his tanned and muscled chest, not a tattoo in sight. Then came his pants. As he pulled them down, his cock sprang free and I couldn't take my eyes off it. I gulped. I could do this, everybody does.
He came down on me again and undid the catch on my bra. I put my hands up over my breast in a last attempt to keep my virginity but he put his hands over mine.
"It's only me," he laughed.
I closed my eyes as I let my hands fall away and I was bared to him.
"You're amazing," he kissed me.
I wasn't as nervous as I always thought I would be. He kissed down my neck and the top of my breast. I gasped, it felt good. I clutched him to me as he rubbed himself against me. I was becoming damp.
"Oh God, you feel so good!" he groaned into my neck as his hands roved over my body in sure movements.
He kissed his way down my tummy and hooked his fingers into my panties. This was it. This was the part where he removed the last bit of clothing and made his entrance. Oh, shut up, Emma! I scolded myself.
He slid them down slowly and then removed them completely. He stood above me, looking at me. I cringed and tried to cover myself.
"Don't be shy, you're beautiful," he turned to his pants and pulled out a condom.
He rolled it on and then he was on me again. "You ready?"
Was I ready? I didn't know but it was too late now so I just nodded.
He kissed me and rubbed himself against me until I was groaning for him to do something before I lost all will to actually do it. Pain tore through me as he thrust himself all the way inside quickly. Tears came to my eyes with the pain.
"Are you okay?" he grunted.
I wasn't but I nodded anyway whilst wondering how long it lasted for.
He started moving again and it didn't hurt so I relaxed into it. He moved fast andmov000 before I knew it, it was over. Was that it? Was that what everyone thought was so good?
"I'm sorry, it's not supposed to be that quick but you–" he kissed me, "–you turned me on a lot. Next time I promise I'll wait for you,"
That's right, I remembered reading that it was harder for a woman to orgasm and that a good lover always made sure the woman came before he did. I didn't want to try it again. I wanted to get dressed and go home but I was here for the night.
"It's okay," I forced a smile, "I'm just going to have a shower."
I got up quickly and dashed into the shower only just snagging my bag on the way in. I already regretted doing it, I should've waited. I wondered how it would have been had Scott been my first. I quickly chased the thought away and stepped into the shower.
Once I had showered, Ad was already asleep, he hadn't even waited for me, not that I wanted him to but still, it made me feel used and cheap. I debated whether I should sneak out now or just stay. If I went now, I would have to explain everything to Ash and I didn't need t
hat now.
I couldn't believe Ad had basically made what we did public knowledge to my friends. Okay, they were my friends but he should've kept it quiet.
I decided to stay. I crawled in next to Ad but made sure to stay on my own side of the bed. I pulled my phone off the bedside table and checked for messages, none.
Sleep was a long time coming but I eventually drifted off into a light sleep.
ƀ
Chapter Seventeen
I woke up to Ad draped around me, his legs wrapped with mine and his arm had me pinned against the mattress. He was still asleep and looking at him now, I had mixed feelings about him and I regretted last night. I wished it never happened, I had a dirty, used and cheap feeling that seemed to cling to my skin making me want to shower again and again until there was no part of him on my skin. I flung an arm over my eyes, shielding Ad from my view.
I did it for the wrong reasons. I hadn't wanted to but when Ad told me about him telling Ash and I realised that was why Scott was off, I was kind of mad. I wanted to show him that I could do it and that Ad meant something to me but now I see that it wasn't worth it. I had had too much to drink which clouded my decisions. Damn it!
I untangled myself from his limbs carefully and slid out of bed. I dressed as fast as I could and got out of there before he woke up. I didn't want to explain now why I was leaving but I knew that we were over. Something about the way he had fallen asleep after I went into the shower bugged me. Would it have been different with Scott? Somehow, I knew he would've made it special, made me feel precious, if only for one night. I had to see him today for his lesson and his next assignment and I knew it was going to be tough. I considered cancelling but decided against it.
After spending a long time in my own shower scrubbing my skin, I knocked on his door with a shaking hand. I didn't know what mood to expect him in. I was nervous about seeing him after yesterday. Would he know what I had done? Would he be mad?
A blonde girl opened it. "Hi," she greeted cheerfully as she swept a hand in welcome.
I walked in with a returned cheerful hi.
Scott was looking out the window with his arms crossed and turned as he heard me approach. He shot me a loaded look that told me he knew. How the hell did he know, did I have it written on my face or something?
"Hi, you ready?" I asked, hoping he would forget about yesterday and let me forget about last night. He was gorgeous. Why would any girl in their right mind say no to him? Why did I? Oh yes, I remembered as Blondie walked up to him.
"I'm off, sugar. See you tonight." She kissed him thoroughly but Scott had his eyes on me the whole time. I looked away. I couldn't watch this. Why did he do it? I decided that I hated sex, but I was stood in front of someone that loved it.
"Bye," she drawled to me as she walked out.
"How are you?" after we last saw each other yesterday I didn't know how he would be around me.
"I’m just great, Emma. How about you — sore?"
I gasped, shocked that he would say that to me.
"I guess you do love him," he said and looked away.
"How do you know about that?" I had to ask.
"Ad called me this morning," his voice was indifferent now.
"He actually called you just to tell you?" I was shocked. That total bastard, I seethed. How could he do that?
"I need to cancel our lesson today so, I'll show you the piece I learned and you can assign me a new one." Scott changed the subject, his jaw was tense.
I knew he was lying, he didn't want me here. "Are you still mad with me?" I got in his face.
He shook his head, "I'm not, I don't fuckin' care what you do."
If he didn't care then he was doing a poor job of proving it. "You're off with me and I want to know why. I already said sorry about what happened in Soundz. You're confusing the hell out of me so I want some answers."
"I don't wanna talk. I think you've made a mistake but you know that already, don't you." He studied me to get the answer.
I didn't say anything and stared at the carpet, unable to look
Scott in the face.
He was right.
"Ad wanted you and he got you," he shrugged like it was nothing.
I didn't know what to say and I was angry at Ad for telling Scott. If he had told Scott then who else knew? I cringed, remembering it last night again, I probably wouldn't do it again for a long time.
"So, do you want to see me play or what?" Scott asked, his mouth a tight line.
I nodded slowly.
He played beautifully, he was a natural pianist, all he needed was practise because once he learnt a piece he was fine.
"You're very good for a beginner, you know."
"What have you got for me this week?" he wasn't making small talk and he wasn't smiling, it was as though he wanted me gone as quickly as possible and who could blame him? But we were meant to be friends, I wanted that at least. Maybe I should just come out and ask him if we were okay.
"Um," I frowned as I rooted in my bag and found what I was looking for, "I brought you two pieces with me and as you've done so well, I'll give you the harder one." I grinned at him but he didn't return it.
He took it out of my hands and turned away from me.
I knew that he was mad at me but surely that didn't mean the end of our friendship?
He had his back to me, his hands fiddling with the sheets on the piano absently. I narrowed my eyes as I noticed he was rearranging them again and again. He wasn't just angry with me but he was upset too. I just didn't understand it. It wasn't like he had any deep feelings for me. Maybe something else had happened. I found myself wanting to go to him, put my arms around him and hold him there.
"Scott?"
He turned to look at me over his shoulder.
"Are you okay?"
He looked away and put his fiddling hands in his pockets. "Yeah," he came around to face me, "I've gotta go so…"
So, he wanted me to go. This was getting on my nerves. I hadn't done anything wrong and I already apologised for saying what I did about him not being good enough for me. What else was there to be sorry for? I got that he was mad that I slept with Ad but he didn't have a right to be pissed at me for that, just like I dont when he brings girls back.
"Okay, yeah, I've got to get going anyway," a lie but it was needed. "Same time next week?"
He nodded without a word.
I grabbed my bag and walked out without saying goodbye. If he wanted to act like a spoiled child, then fine.
The next week, I avoided Ad like he had leprosy. I ignored his calls and I gave a wide berth to my regular haunts.
"What're you doing?" Ash asked me.
It was friday and we were walking home after class. I hadn't seen Ad in a week and I had barely seen or spoken to Scott either, which was just great with me.gre color="#
"What do you mean?"
"I mean with Adam, you need to tell him what a dick he is," she clarified.
"He'll find out for himself tonight." I had spent a week seething with him for blabbing about our not-so-great night together and now it was payback time. Everybody knew I had been a virgin and it was humiliating. Nobody said anything to me but I knew they knew and to say I was mad with Ad was an understatement. I was fucking furious. Anger heated me from the inside, making the cold walk home comfortable. I wasn't going to let him get away with it and maybe next time he would be man enough to keep it private.
"Oh no, Em," Ash moaned, "what're you up to?"
"Nothing muc
h, I promise. Im just going to show him up a bit. Let him know how it feels," I shrugged.
And Scott could bugger off too. He had avoided me for two weeks now, even though I apologised for what I said and I couldn't be bothered with any of this anymore. He had no room to say anything because he was with someone different almost every night. He was a hypocrite through and through.
I'd had enough. From now on I was going to have fun. And as for Ad, nobody made a fool out of this girl and got away with it.
ƀ
Chapter Eighteen
Soundz was buzzing by the time Ash, Meg and I got there. I walked straight up to the bar and got the first round in. Tonight I was going to enjoy myself and I didn't care what anyone thought or said about me. My skills as a good actress would get me through this. Ad would be smiling on the other side of his fake face by the end of the night and I couldn't wait to see it.
On the dance floor a while later, I was dancing with anybody I could dance with and having a fantastic time when I clocked Ad making his way to me. I turned my back on him and carried on like I hadn't seen him.
I felt a hand tug my elbow hard.
"Em," He came close to my ear, "we need to talk." He sounded pissed off. Good.
"I have nothing to say to you, Adam." I shouted as I tugged my arm out of his grasp and kept my back to him.
"Look, I know you're pissed but it wasn't me who blabbed about it," he shouted.
"Who did then, Adam, because as far as I know it was only you and me in that room. Or did you have one of your friends stashed under the bed?" I was furious all over again.
The stares I had gotten all week and the whispers. Ugh!
"I only told Scott, I swear!"
I spun around, "You're so full of shit. And why did you tell Scott, Adam? You did it to gloat!"
Woulgre c0">d Scott tell anyone? It didn't fit; he wasn't that kind of person. Was he? Why would he do that, what possible cause could he have? I remembered the last time we had spoken, he hadn't been too happy to see me. No, even though I was seeing through a red haze at the moment, I knew Scott wouldn't do that.
"Okay, I did but he's been after you even while you were with me and it fucked me off." His face was full of remorse but I didn't care. He’d shown himself and I didn't like who he was anymore.
"Well, you and you're little," I looked down suggestively, "prick can fuck off as far as I'm concerned. You shouldn't have said anything to anyone!"
Although my friends knew that Ad had got us a room, it could've been completely innocent for all they knew. I fumed. The actual deed had been embarrassing enough without everyone knowing.
I suppose I was mad at myself for losing my virginity to someone I didn't really want and to be completely honest with myself, I did know before we did it but Scott had spooked me. I felt as though he had crawled in my skin with me and he wouldn't leave. Wouldn't let me go. I couldn't be mad at Scott because he had done nothing wrong except for blanking me for two weeks, there was that.
Ad flushed, his mouth a tight line, "You bitch!" He stepped forward and clenched my forearm hard.
"Take your hand off me now." I tugged but he wouldn't release me and he was squeezing hard.
"Make me." He laughed.
My hand came up instantly and I heard the slap over the music. My palm smarted with tingles but at least he let go.
His hand went up to his face in shock. Then he seemed to grow a few inches in front of me and his biceps bunched as he made fists and stepped closer to me but then stopped, looking around.
"Just get the hell away from me, Ad, we're through." I turned my back on him and continued to dance as though I wasn't bothered in the slightest by him. I hated him.
I felt eyes on me so I looked up. Scott in all his glorious male beauty was up on the balcony gazing down at me. As soon as our eyes met he looked away and put his arm around the bimbo by his side. I swore I could see pride in his eyes but that was probably for the slut by his side. Who would be proud to have that by his side?
And fuck you too! I thought. I didn't deserve him to be like this with me. It hurt. I should be mad, not him.
He had barely talked to me for two weeks. Well, he could watch away. I swore to myself that I wouldn't spare him another glance all night. I would totally ignore both of them. If there was one thing I was good at, it was putting on a show. Nobody back home could say that I couldn't.
Bone from Scott's band was at the bar so I pushed my way through the crowd of dancers until I reached him.
"Hey, Bone!" I half-
shouted as I slipped beside him.
"Emma, babe!" he yelled with a white-toothed grin.
"Aw! No date tonight?" I asked, flirting.
He shook his head with a mock sad face.
I slid closer to him and grabbed his hand, "Wanna dance with me?"
He looked unsure, "Ain't you already gotta man?"
I went close to his ear, "Not anymore." I pulled away to look at him. "So, dance?"
He grinned wickedly, "Sure, baby." He put his arm around me.
We went on to the dance floor. Bone put his hands on my hips to pull me closer to him. The beat was fast and strong, a steady throb was vibrating through the club.
My hands went to his shoulders and we danced closely together, rubbing and smiling suggestively.
I brought his head down to me, I was well ready to make the message crystal to Adam and everyone else that I was moving on.
He brought his mouth slowly onto mine. His hands roved up and down my back while his lips played with me.
I deepened the kiss, loving the feel of him against me. It was a good kiss but it was more fun than anything. He was a good kisser so I enjoyed it while it lasted. I liked this, I felt empowered that I was getting back at Adam this way. Fuck him, I thought naughtily. He hadn't given a damn about my feelings when he told everyone about what happened between us and that I was a virgin.