by Hart, Lane
No one prepared me for how much better sex is to jerking off. How can anyone last more than a minute or two when your dick is in the tightest, hottest place on earth with a beautiful, completely naked woman underneath you? You can’t. It’s impossible.
And finally, not only did she not scream, she didn’t say anything after I stupidly blurted out that I loved her.
Not that I don’t love her, because I do. At least I’m pretty sure I’m in love with her. And since she didn’t say it back, I’m guessing she doesn’t feel the same way about me, which sucks, but I don’t blame her. My default personality is set to angry asshole, which is why I’m pretty sure my own parents despise me. Not that I’m all that fond of them either.
In a few hours’ time, I’m sure it’ll all blow over and I’ll be able to chalk the three embarrassing words up to just being “in the heat of the moment” or whatever anyway.
I want Hannah to say something to me now, though, to lie and say it was good for her even though we both know it wasn’t compared to all of the other things we’ve done fooling around. I sure as shit can’t come right out and ask her; because then she could be honest, which would be brutal.
No wonder on television shows and in movies the guys leave right after they finish. Who wants to stick around and get their ego crushed by the woman?
“Royal?” Hannah asks, making me realize I’ve been standing in the corner facing the trash can for longer than necessary.
“Yeah?” I ask, unable to look at her.
“I’m glad we did that.”
Jesus fucking Christ.
I’ve never felt so much relief as I do in this moment. And I really want to believe what she said is true, because Hannah doesn’t lie. Ever. She’s incapable of telling anything but the truth.
“Me too,” I say when I finally turn back around to face her.
While I was lurking around at the trash can, fighting with the rubber, Hannah got up and put her bottoms on before climbing back into bed still topless, bless her heart, because she knows how obsessed I am with her tits.
That and the fact that she said she’s glad we did it makes my decision to stay much easier. I don’t want to leave. Not right now or on Sunday when we have to go home.
I just want to stay here, in this hot as hell dorm room with my girl and never leave. It’s the best place in the world, like a happy home I didn’t know I was missing until a few weeks ago. The way Hannah makes me feel is finally something worth living for.
Even if she never wants to have sex with me again, which would be understandable after that disaster, I just like being with her.
When I lie down on the bed facing Hannah, I keep my eyes lowered to her breasts because I don’t want to see the disappointment on her face.
“Hey, Royal? How did you end up here?” she asks.
“What do you mean? We were fooling around, and you asked if I had a condom…”
“No,” she says with a soft laugh. “I mean here at camp. I’m glad you came, but you obviously didn’t want to be here the first week.”
“Oh, that,” I mutter as I roll to my back and stare up at her ceiling with my arm propped up underneath my head. “My dad doesn’t really want me to talk about it with anyone, not even Aric or Blake.”
“Oh. Okay.”
“On the last day of school, I drove my dad’s car through a church.”
Hannah gasps. “That-that was you? I heard it was a drunk driver but not who.”
“I wasn’t drunk,” I tell her.
“So, then how did it happen?”
“I’m not really sure. My dad and I were fighting, so I left. When I got in the car, I just took off, not sure where I was going. Then, right before the church, there’s that sharp curve, you know? So, I sped up and kept going straight at it. Mostly I wanted to hurt something, and I didn’t care if I hurt myself.”
“You did it on purpose?” Hannah asks.
“Yeah. I did. After it was over, I just had some bumps and bruises. Garrett’s dad was there and called my dad, who convinced him to not call the police. He was pissed, but he didn’t want everyone to know I fucked up. So, Garrett’s dad agreed to cover it up if I promised to seek redemption by coming here to try and find Jesus or something. Wonder what the preacher man would say if I told him I found a slice of heaven between your legs…”
“Royal!” Hannah exclaims. And from the corner of my eye, I see her sit up to get out of bed, so I grab her arm to pull her back down.
Climbing on top of her, I pin her down on her back, then brush my lips over hers. “I’m joking. Well, about telling him, not about the finding heaven part.”
“You mean that?” she asks, grabbing my shoulders and holding on but not pushing me away or off of her as her gaze that I had been avoiding finally locks with mine.
“Yeah, I do,” I admit, letting her see the truth in my eyes right along with the vulnerability and even the love. Because even though she hasn’t said the words, I know she cares about me. And maybe one day, if I don’t fuck this up, she may love me too.
Chapter Twelve
Hannah
Saturday morning, before Royal comes over to my room, I go down to the kitchen to grab us some water, which means I have to walk through the common room where Leeanne and some of the other girls are hanging out.
“Hey,” I say in greeting when they all stop talking to stare at me. “Just passing through to the kitchen. Does anyone need anything?” I offer to be nice. Garrett backed off weeks ago, so I thought maybe they could cut me a break. It’s not like I wanted him to have a crush on me.
“No, we don’t,” Leeanne mutters.
“Well, don’t stop talking on account of me,” I say with more snarkiness.
“It’s only polite, though, since we were talking about sex, something a prude like you wouldn’t know anything about.”
I should’ve kept walking but couldn’t help myself. Tomorrow’s our last day here, and I want to prove them all wrong. They don’t know me, and they’ve never even bothered to try and get to know me, which I’ve never understood. Turning around and crossing my arms over my chest, I say, “Actually, I do know a few things about sex.”
“Yeah, right,” one of the girls says with a roll of her eyes.
“I do.”
“Then share with the group,” Leeanne urges with a smirk because she thinks I’m lying.
“Well, what do you want to know about? Oral sex or, like, the real thing?”
“You’ve really had sex?” Leeanne asks.
“Yes.”
“And? What was it like?” one of the other girls asks. “Come on, spill.” She doesn’t ask the question like she’s being a bitch but like she’s genuinely curious. And since I don’t have anyone really go into details with me, I oblige. “Your first time sort of hurts at the beginning; but after that, it gets better. Still, oral is my favorite. It can be much, much better, especially if he can make you, well, you know...”
“Come?” someone supplies.
“Yeah.”
“I was wrong,” Leeanne says. “Guess you have done it. Who did you do it with?” she asks with a grin.
“I would rather not say…”
“Royal Fitzpatrick,” someone blurts out. “It was with him, wasn’t it?”
“That-that’s no one’s business but mine.”
“Wow. I have to say that I am shocked,” Leeanne says with a bark of laughter. “I always thought you were too uptight to sleep with anyone before you were forty.”
“Well, I did want to wait until I was married, so that my husband could be my first, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“So why didn’t you wait?” someone questions.
“Because…because I wanted to do it now.” And because I love Royal, even though I’m scared to admit that to him, scared he’ll hurt me if he knows how much I care.
“Now as in here? At camp?” Leeanne asks with her jaw gaping.
“Yes.”
“Oh my
god! Where?”
“You can’t tell anyone,” I warn them.
“Promise,” they all say at the same time.
“In my dorm room.”
“Ah! Lucky!” Leeanne exclaims. “Guess you owe me a thank you for backing out as your roomie.”
“Yeah, I guess I do.”
“Well, come sit down,” she says. “Jess, move so Hannah can sit down,” Leeanne orders the girl next to her, so I go and have a seat. “How many times have you and Royal done it?” she asks.
“Not many, but we’ve done a whole bunch of other stuff.”
“Is it just my luck, or does he finish really fast too?” a girl wants to know.
“I don’t know. How long is it supposed to last?” I ask.
“Older guys can go forever, but less experienced boys usually only last a few seconds; right, Hannah?” Leeanne supplies.
“I guess that’s about right for the actual sex part,” I agree since I’ve never timed it or anything.
“So, does he get you off, like, every single time?”
“Oh yeah. At least once, sometimes more,” I tell them honestly.
“Wow,” Leeanne says on a sigh. “And Royal is so freaking hot. So much hotter than Garrett.”
“Yeah, he is,” I agree as I get to my feet. “And I better grab my water and get back up to my room before he comes over.”
“I have condoms if you need some,” Leeanne offers.
“Oh. Right. I do actually, if you don’t mind?”
“Come with me,” she says, getting up and leading the way to her room. “I even have some flavored ones, if you’re into that sort of thing.”
“I haven’t done that…yet,” I admit to her in a whisper.
“You should try it. Guys love it.”
“Maybe I will,” I agree. Even if I’m not quite ready to try oral on Royal yet, that could be something to look forward to when we’re back home.
* * *
Royal
“What do you look so smug about?” Garrett grumbles when I slip into the room after lights out on Saturday night.
“None of your fucking business,” I tell him. The truth is, Hannah surprised the shit out of me with her new stash of condoms. I don’t know where they came from and don’t care. I’m just thankful that she didn’t hate her first time so much that she never wanted to do it again. Apparently, she’s planning on us doing it a lot more times…
“Did you bang Hannah again?” Garrett asks. “If so, I hope you lasted more than thirty seconds this time.”
What the fuck?
“That’s right. Hannah told Leeanne and a bunch of the girls this morning all about what you two have done together,” he snickers. “She said it didn’t last long and wasn’t very good.”
I’m about to call bullshit, figuring he’s just jealous and making it all up when he adds, “In fact, Hannah even said she regrets not waiting and losing her virginity to the man she marries, like she had always planned.”
Fuck.
How would he know all of that unless someone told him the words right from Hannah’s mouth?
Hannah said she regrets being with me? That when we’ve been together it wasn’t good for her? I know I didn’t last long the first time or tonight, but fuck, I’m trying to do better. It’s just as soon as I slide my dick into her hot tight pussy, I fucking lose it. I thought she understood and accepted that since she had all those new condoms. Did they come from Leeanne?
“So what if it sucks for her? At least you’re getting some pussy, right?” Garrett says, distracting me from all the doubts and questions now spinning around in my head. It’s like everything I’ve ever known has been turned upside down. And shit, it’s making me dizzy with disappointment and…anger, because I hate the aching pain inside after finding out the truth about the girl I’ve been falling for these past few weeks.
“Right,” I agree as I try to pick up the pieces of my shattered pride. “Besides, I don’t give a shit about Hannah. Everything I’ve done the last four weeks was solely for the purpose of getting in her panties. And it obviously worked.”
“You two aren’t going to be a couple or whatever when we go back to school?”
“Hell no,” I tell him, even though that had been the plan before now. The only plan. In fact, imagining not being with her back home is…unimaginable. But if Hannah doesn’t like being with me, screw her. “There are going to be so many hot new pieces of freshman ass at Mercy. Not to mention the senior girls who are pros at deep throating. As soon as I make the varsity football team, they’re going to be all over my dick, so why would I want to be tied down to some goddamn prude?” I ask him.
* * *
Hannah
I’m all packed up late Saturday night and just about to climb in bed when there’s a knock on my door.
For a second, I get my hopes up that it’s Royal sneaking back over, but my door is unlocked, and he would’ve just busted right on in without waiting for an invite.
I go over and pull the door open, but no one is on the other side. There’s nothing but silence in the dark hall.
“Hello?” I say softly as I step out and hear paper crinkling under my foot. Glancing down, I see that I’m standing on a big, manila envelope with my name handwritten on the front side. When I reach down and pick it up, something heavy inside of it shifts. I take the sealed package back into my room, shutting and now locking my door behind me.
Once I’m sitting cross-legged on my bed, I tear open the side and dump out the contents – some sort of black electronic device and a note that says, “I’m sorry you have to listen to this. Press play to hear the truth.”
The truth? About what?
I pick up the device that I now realize is a recorder like I’ve seen Garrett’s dad use to record ideas for sermons and notes on. It must be his or some other adult’s because neither counselors nor campers are allowed to have electronic devices.
And since Garrett is Royal’s roommate, I can already guess what’s on the recorder. It’s probably not something I want to hear. For a few seconds, I debate erasing it, so I never have to; but in the end, my curiosity wins out.
“So what if it sucks for her? At least you’re getting some pussy, right?” the muffled voice I recognize as Garrett’s asks.
“Right,” Royal’s voice replies. “Besides, I don’t give a shit about Hannah. Everything I’ve done the last four weeks was solely for the purpose of getting in her panties. And it obviously worked.”
“You two aren’t going to be a couple or whatever when we go back to school?” Garrett asks.
“Hell no,” Royal answers adamantly, causing tears to well up in my eyes. “There are going to be so many new hot pieces of freshman ass at Mercy. Not to mention the senior girls who are pros at deep throating. As soon as I make the varsity football team, they’re going to be all over my dick, so why would I want to be tied down to some goddamn prude?”
That’s where the recording ends, leaving me devastated and in an absolute state of shock.
At first, I think that maybe I misheard Royal or that his words were taken out of context. That’s why I rewind and listen to the recording again and again. Over and over, until I know every single harsh word he says by heart.
Words that I know I’ll never be able to forget no matter how hard I try as tears pour down my cheeks and uncontrollable sobs bubble up until I’m crying so hard, I can’t breathe.
I can’t believe I fell for Royal’s lies.
Nothing he said was true.
He doesn’t love me. He doesn’t even care about me.
I was just a conquest for him to go brag to his friends about.
I knew I should’ve waited, that we were too young, and I wasn’t ready.
Royal Fitzpatrick stole all of my firsts, and I’ll never be able to get them back from him.
Chapter Thirteen
Royal
The Middle
One year later, senior year at Mercy…
Half
a pint of Patron down, half to go and then maybe the night will begin looking up.
Having to watch my boys on the football field while I sat on the bleachers was torture. I should have been down there playing in the homecoming game with them, our last homecoming before we graduate when seniors are recognized before kickoff and stand in front of everyone with their parents.
But nope, I was in the stands just watching.
And my dad? Lately, if I breathe the wrong way around him, he knocks the shit out of me. Only in my chest or stomach, of course; because he doesn’t want social services showing up at our door.
“Finally!” I mutter, the word only slightly slurred when Blake comes out of the field house in his three-piece Brioni suit like he’s going to the Oscars or some shit. Me, I threw on a black Tom Ford suit and tie, not because I give a fuck how I look, but because chicks do, and I need to get off before my balls burst.
“Where’s Aric?” Blake asks, his fingers fussing over his raven hair that’s still damp from his shower.
“Haven’t seen him, but I just got here.”
“He wasn’t in the locker room either.”
“Maybe he’s already up at the gym getting wasted,” I say with a shrug. “Let’s go. I need to find a mouth to fuck before I get tequila dick.”
“Yeah, okay,” Blake agrees.
My best friend has never asked, and I’ve never told him that I haven’t actually fucked any of the girls we go to school with. I know his reason – he’s been saving himself for Maddie Collins for years, which is a lost cause whether he knows it or not. Something’s up with that bitch and Aric, I just know it.
No, I don’t fuck; because in the back of my mind, the shit Hannah said about me being a regret and not being good at it follows me everywhere I go like a goddamn ghost that won’t leave me the fuck alone. Her words still haunt me even a year later, making me continually doubt myself.