This book is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.
This story has erotic themes and is suitable for adults, 18+ only.
Table of Contents
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter One
Maddy was in the shower, pondering the events of last night. She had been so mad at Caleb, she had ended up using Ronald. She had taken him to her bed, made him feel as though she felt a certain way for him when she actually only felt that way for Caleb.
Ronald probably had all sorts of thoughts in his head now. He probably thought that he and Maddy were stronger than ever, that their relationship was rock solid. He had no idea that Maddy didn’t want to be with him anymore, that it had been this way for a long time now.
Maddy didn’t want to hurt him. Last night, he had tried so hard trying to bond with Caleb. He had tried so hard to keep his emotions in check.
He had been a good boyfriend to her. Throughout their time together, he had made her feel so special, as though she was the only girl in the world. Maddy felt so bad for him, she almost didn’t have the heart to do what she had to.
She thought back to all of the times that Ronald had been there for her. She thought back to the time her puppy had died, how Ronald had brought her chocolate ice cream and three sappy romantic comedies that they had watched together. She had felt so much better after that.
Maddy then started remembering all the bad times. She and Ronald had very different worldviews. He wanted to be a pragmatist in all things. He wanted to look at the world through a lens of logic. He did not feel as though anything really meant anything. This contradicted directly with his opinion about how people should live their lives.
He felt that a life lived in anonymity was a life wasted. He never understood why Maddy just wanted to be a teacher. He never understood the comfort she felt in simple things, how she did not care for getting rich. Money mattered to him a lot, but it barely mattered at all to Maddy. This was a fundamental difference that had caused a lot of fights.
At the end of the day, Maddy and Ronald were just incompatible. There was nothing wrong with that at all, it was just the way things were. Not all relationships are meant to last. Besides, she didn’t even really want to be with Ronald anymore. He had stopped being interesting, stopped being exciting. Caleb was everything Maddy wanted and more.
Thinking of these things hardened Maddy’s resolve. She knew that if she wanted to be happy, she would have to take charge of her life and dictate who she let in and who she didn’t. She needed to be more in control, because she knew that no one in this world owed her happiness. If you want to be happy, you need to make yourself happy.
Maddy came out of the shower. Ronald was humming and reading a book. “Hey, sexy,” said Ronald when he saw her come out. He got up and wrapped his arms around Maddy. “I was hoping you would let me in to take a shower with you. It saves water, you know.”
Maddy laughed nervously and pushed Ronald away. “Ronald, I need to talk to you,” she said.
Ronald’s face changed completely. It went from the nonchalant contentment it had been showing moments ago to confusion and trepidation. “Okay,” he said. He voiced it like a question. Maddy felt so bad for what she was about to do.
The two of them sat down on the edge of the bed. Maddy tried not to sit too close to him. She wanted him to know that this was real. She wanted him to focus on what she was saying and to take it seriously. She didn’t want him to think that she was being coy or playing hard to get.
“Ronald,” said Maddy. She didn’t quite know how to start this conversation. There was so much to say but not many ways in which she could say these things right. She didn’t want to hurt him. He had acted like an asshole the night before, but Maddy just didn’t want to make him feel bad. She didn’t want to make anyone feel bad anymore.
“Look,” said Maddy. “There’s no easy way to say this.”
She decided that being up front with him was the best option right now. He deserved to be spoken to like an adult. Ripping off the bandage in a single, sudden pull would save the former wearer of the bandage a world of hurt. Ronald might end up hating her because he would never have known the pain of a bandage slowly peeled off, but Maddy was fine with that.
She was done with trying to find her own happiness in the way other people felt about her. She was done with constantly being afraid of abandonment, of wanting to find a place where she would be accepted forever. There was no such thing as happiness derived from the opinions of others about you.
“I want to break up,” said Maddy.
Ronald looked at her, dumbstruck. He looked as though he had just been told that the firing squad was awaiting him right after he had been assured that he would never be executed. It was a look of hope gone sour, a betrayed look. It was a look of surprise.
Ronald had not been expecting this at all. Why would he have expected it? Maddy had not given him any reason to think this was coming. In fact, she had kind of given him a reason to believe that there was still a lot of mileage left in the relationship last night.
“Why?” said Ronald. “What happened while you were in the shower? I mean, last night...”
“Was me using you,” said Maddy, finishing Ronald’s sentence for him. “Last night didn’t happen because I loved you or because I wanted you. Ronald, I’m so sorry but I used you last night.”
“What the hell do you mean?” said Ronald. “You were all over me last night, you had never been so horny since... well, I can’t even remember when.”
“Don’t you think that’s a bit odd?” asked Maddy. “Don’t you think it’s kind of weird that I’m suddenly hornier than I’ve ever been without you having to do anything to make it happen? Getting women hopelessly turned on like that isn’t that easy, Ronald.”
“So...” said Ronald. “What was last night about?”
Maddy remained quiet. She didn’t know how to respond to that. Should she tell him the truth? Would it help him understand or would it just end up hurting him?
“Was it because of Caleb?” said Ronald. All of a sudden, a look of realization dawned upon his face. “It totally was all about Caleb, wasn’t it? We hadn’t planned on me staying over tonight. You only asked me to stay over after Jessica asked if she could stay over at Caleb’s place. You wanted to make him jealous, to prove a point.”
After a moment of silence, Maddy said, “I told you I had used you.”
“Damn right, you did,” said Ronald. “And in such a cruel way, too. You made me think that we were good to go. After last night, I started to think that we might even have a future together.”
“Come on, Ronald,” said Maddy. “I’m not your property. I don’t owe you anything, do I? We’re both adults, let’s just behave like adults here.”
“I am being an adult,” said Ronald. “Being in a relationship is what adults do, right? Being honest with each other, loving each other. I’ve always been honest with you. I have always loved you, Maddy. Can’t we work this out?”
Maddy shook her head remorsefully. “You don’t get it, Ronald. Our relationship can’t be saved. I love Caleb. I even told him last night and he said it back. We were both drunk and he had to take his girlfriend home afterwards but it made us both realize how we feel. You deserve better than a girl who isn’t in love with you. You’re an amazing person, please believe that.”
“Alright,” said Ronald. “I can’t force you to be with me if that’s not what you want. I hope you live a happy life, Maddy.”
Ronald left after that, taking the last of the detritus from the previous chapter of Maddy’s life with him.
Chapter Two
Maddy couldn’t help but cry. Everything was so incredibly fucked up that she couldn’t stand it. She wanted to make her own happiness. She wanted to be in charge of her own life. Yet despite h
er best efforts, everything just kept crumbling down around her.
She tried not to think of herself as abandoned. She knew that she was so lucky to have the life she did. She just wished that someone she loved was still with her. Her mom had died so long ago, Maddy was starting to forget what her voice sounded like. Her aunt and uncle, who had been her surrogate parents for nearly a decade, were gone now. She had been nothing but a burden to them.
And now Caleb. Caleb had been the one person who had never abandoned her. She had been so grateful for him for so long. She had fallen in love with him because there was no other way for her to feel. He was the best thing in her life by far, the only thing that really made sense.
But she was wrong to think that he could be the one to make her happy. He didn’t owe her anything. He wasn’t her father, he wasn’t even related to her. He had been there for her for a while but now, he couldn’t be. It was as simple as that. He had chosen a particular life for himself and there was no reason for him to have to justify it to Maddy.
However, despite all of this logical reasoning, Maddy found that she was utterly miserable. She wanted him. She loved him. But he didn’t love her and there was nothing she could do to change that fact.
Maddy eventually started crying. She couldn’t help it. She had literally no one now. Her university friends were there for her but none of them really loved her the way Caleb had, or Ronald, or her aunt and uncle, or her mother. All of the people who had loved her either died, moved on, or had been pushed away by her.
Maddy found herself missing Ronald. She wondered if she was crazy. She had literally just broken up with him. She had broken his heart, made him feel as though all of the time that they had spent together had meant nothing. He had been so loving, so caring, and so kind.
She realized that she didn’t really miss Ronald, she just wanted to be with someone. She didn’t want to be alone right now, alone to let her thoughts consume her. Caleb was not at home, he had probably gone out to have breakfast with Jessica after their late night workout.
Maddy couldn’t think of a single person who could be there for her right now. She couldn’t think of a single thing that she could do that would distract her from the way she was feeling. She sighed and resigned herself to the torment her thoughts were bent on wreaking.
She thought about one of her earliest memories. It was the memory of her mother trying to teach her how to walk. Maddy didn’t know how she was able to remember something from that far back.
She suspected that it had something to do with the smell of her mother’s perfume. Its scent suddenly flooded her memory, reminding her of how she had fallen and started crying, and how her mother had calmed her down. She wished her mother was here to console her now.
Maddy heard the sound of the door opening. She looked up to see Caleb walking in. He looked harried and tense, but as soon as he saw Maddy lying on the sofa, crying and miserable, his expression changed to one of concern.
“Maddy?” he said. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”
“Because I am depressed,” said Maddy. She was done hiding her feelings. Caleb had asked her what was wrong and he was definitely getting an answer.
Caleb sat down beside her and said, “What happened?”
“Ronald and I broke up,” said Maddy tonelessly.
Caleb looked at her, struggling to find something to say. “What happened?” said Caleb. “You guys seemed alright yesterday. What changed overnight?”
“Nothing,” said Maddy. “Everything was the same. That’s why I broke up with him.”
“Were you fucking him last night to try and see if your relationship was worth it?” asked Caleb.
“No,” said Maddy. “I was fucking him to make you jealous. It didn’t work, but it did make me realize that it was wrong of me to use Ronald like that.”
Caleb looked as though he was thinking very hard. After a moment, he said, “I’m making us some coffee. We need to have a long talk.”
Chapter Three
Caleb and Maddy spoke while he was making the coffee.
“I just feel as though everyone I’ve ever loved has left me,” said Maddy.
“Including me,” said Caleb. “That’s what you think anyway.” He looked positively mournful.
“Yes,” said Maddy. “Including you. I just want to stop being so dependent on other people for my happiness. I want to be happy on my own, you know?”
“I understand,” said Caleb. “I was afraid that you’d think that I was leaving you when I dropped you off at your aunt and uncle’s. I started writing the letters so that we could still be a family, you know? I mean, your mother died far too early for us to form any real relationship. As I recall, you didn’t even like me when we first met.”
Maddy smiled briefly and said, “Yeah. I didn’t like the fact that I had to share my mother with you.”
Caleb laughed before saying, “The bond you two had was something else. No one would have been able to take away any of the love your mom had for you. She just had more love in her to give, the kind of love she couldn’t give a daughter.”
“I know that now,” said Maddy. “I’m not a child. I was eleven years old when I was thinking that way.”
“Sorry,” said Caleb. “You’re right. I was just trying to make you feel better. I just want you to know that you are in no way a burden. Everyone who meets you falls in love with you. Your life has just been different, difficult in a lot of ways. Most people don’t have to go through as much hardship as you do.”
“It’s not exactly hardship,” said Maddy. “Lots of people grow up without a parent. Lots of people grow up on the streets. I had a home, I was never hungry, I was always reasonably happy.”
“This is what I love about you,” said Caleb. “You are determined not to let your past get to you. Most people would use a past like yours to gain sympathy. You’re special. You see your suffering and you relate it to the suffering of others instead of making it all about yourself. The fact that you do this is extraordinary, Maddy.”
Maddy’s heart felt a little lighter. To know that Caleb thought this way about her made her feel happier than she had felt in a long time. She had always known that Caleb loved her but he had never given a reason for this love. Maddy had always assumed that he loved her because she had been his daughter for a couple of years, and that the residual effect of that relationship still remained.
Now she knew that there were specific things about her that Caleb loved. This made it easier for her to relate the love he felt for her to the love she felt for him.
“You know what I love about you?” asked Maddy. “I love that you can make me feel better, no matter what. That you can just say a few words and turn my situation upside down. You make me feel light inside, Caleb.”
Caleb looked down and said, “I haven’t been saying the right things these past few days. In fact, I’ve pretty much said the worst things I possibly could say. I’m one of the reasons you are crying right now, Maddy.”
“Hey,” said Maddy softly. “You are an adult. You have your own life. You don’t owe me anything, not even love, okay? I know that you are living the life you have, and that you are taking each day as it comes. I know that you are not perfect and that you make mistakes. I’ve been behaving terribly, too, pretty much like a child.”
“I’ve behaved worse,” said Caleb. “In spite of the fact that I am thirteen years older than you. I should have known better, should have behaved better with you. I started treating you like you were mine, like I had some claim to you.”
Caleb suddenly realized what he had just said. “I’m sorry,” said Caleb. “I didn’t mean to say something like that. I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable. I just mean that... I love you. I really do. But I had started thinking that my love for you meant that you were mine somehow, that I could control your life in some way.”
“Why do you always do that?” said Maddy.
“Do what?” Caleb asked.
“I
know how you feel, Caleb,” said Maddy. “I feel it, too. I know that you feel this way because it is the exact same way I feel. But whenever you start to allow yourself to experience it, whenever you start to talk about it you, you stop halfway and close yourself off.”
Caleb sighed and said, “I feel like I’m taking advantage of you. For so long, I was your confidante, you told me everything. I have always tried to be your rock. I didn’t do that because I want something in return, I would never do that to you. I feel guilty about the way I feel because it makes me feel as though all of my time spent with you was building up to this.”
“What do you mean?” asked Maddy.
“I mean that I want you, Maddy,” said Caleb. “And that makes me feel like I’ve been using you. As if I had only been there for you because I secretly wanted something out of it.”
“That’s ridiculous,” said Maddy. “You never indicated any kind of attraction to me throughout the nine years we were keeping in touch through our letters. The moment you saw me in real life, you were attracted to me. I know because that is the exact moment when I started feeling attracted to you as well. Once you were attracted to me, you tried to pull away. You tried to stop being my rock because you felt like your intentions were no longer pure. Do you realize how self-aware that is? How sweet that is?”
Caleb laughed and said, “Me no longer being your rock is sweet?”
“In this context, yes,” said Maddy, her face cracking to reveal her first true smile in a month. “And for the record, I want you, too, okay? This is not one sided. I’m a woman, I have desires and needs. I want you, too, and that’s okay.”
“You’re saying it in such a matter of fact way,” said Caleb.
“That’s because I know you are in a relationship,” said Maddy. “I know that you are devoted to your girlfriend, and I think that’s great. But it also means that you and I can’t have a relationship. It’s just not right.”
Man of the House: An Older Man Younger Woman Romance Page 7