by Diana Brain
How to Understand That They Are Applying It and How to Defend Themselves
Psychological manipulation usually breeds some form of healthy social influence, and it usually occurs between many individuals. The relationships, in this case, are usually give or take. In psychological manipulation, one person will always benefit from the other by taking advantage of them. The individual manipulating the other always does it deliberately, and they often bring about an imbalance of power since they are exploiting other people for their own self-benefit.
The characteristics of manipulative individuals are:
They know how to detect the weaknesses of other people.
Once they identify a person’s weaknesses, they will always use these weaknesses against them.
They will always convince the victims to give up something so that they may serve their self-centered interests.
Once a manipulative individual manages to take advantage of another person, they will always violate the other party until the exploited person ensures that the manipulation spree has come to an end.
Some of the causes of chronic manipulation are always deep-seated and complex. However, it is not easy to identify the main drive that causes a person to be manipulative psychologically. Also, when a person is being manipulated, they do encounter different challenges. The main question that arises, in this case, is, how people manage such a situation. Some of the best ways to handle manipulative individuals include:
Make Sure You Are Conversant With Your Human Rights
When dealing with a psychologically manipulative individual, make sure that you know more about your human rights. It would be easy to recognize when any of your rights are being violated. Also, make sure that you are not harming other individuals. Every person has a right to stand up for themselves while also defending each of their rights. If you harm other people, you may be violating each of these human rights. Some of the important rights include;
● The right to be treated with respect.
● The right to express opinions, feelings, and wants.
● The right to set your own priorities.
● The right to say no without feeling guilty.
● The right to get anything that you pay for.
● The right to have a different opinion from that of your colleagues.
● The right to protect yourself from being mistreated mentally, physically, or emotionally.
● The right to always create your own happiness while also living a healthy life.
All these human rights are meant to represent a boundary that should never be crossed by the manipulative individuals.
It is evident that our society has many people who do not respect the rights of others. Some of these psychological manipulators always want to exploit people’s rights so that they may take advantage of them in every way possible. The main important thing to note is that we all have the right to declare that you have the power since most people might assume that the manipulator is the one with the power. The manipulative individual does not have any power over you whatsoever.
Keep Your Distance
One of the most effective ways to identify a person who is a manipulator is by observing how various individuals behave when they are around you and when they are around other individuals. If the individual happens to behave differently when they are around different people, then that is a character trait that symbolizes they might be manipulative. Everyone has a degree of social differentiation, and some psychological manipulators may prove to be extreme in different instances.
Or starters, they may be polite to various individuals while being extremely rude to others. They may also seem helpless, and in other instances, they will showcase some aggressiveness. When you observe such character traits regularly, you should always keep your distance. Avoid engaging with such people unless you are forced to depend on the circumstances. It was earlier mentioned that it is difficult to learn more about why people tend to be psychologically manipulative. As a result, ensure that you have kept your distance since such individuals cannot be saved from their current predicaments.
Avoid Self-blame and Personalization
In most cases, manipulative individuals tend to look for a person’s weakness, and they will start exploiting them afterward. The people who are being exploited may feel inadequate. They may also indulge in some self-blame since they may have failed to satisfy the manipulator in different ways. In some of these situations, it is good to note that although you are being manipulated, you are not the problem.
The manipulator is taking advantage of you while also ensuring that you feel bad about yourself. You may surrender all your rights and power to the manipulative individuals. Always ask yourself questions such as;
● Are you being treated with the respect that you deserve?
● Are the demands of the manipulative person reasonable?
● Is the relationship beneficial to one party or both parties?
● Do you feel good about the relationship?
Focus On Asking Probing Questions
Psychological manipulators will always issue demands to each of the individuals that they are manipulating. Some of the “offers” that they may put across that seem unreasonable to some extent, but they will expect you to meet all their needs. Whenever you feel like you are being solicited unreasonably, it is good to focus on yourself by also asking the manipulator different probing questions. To look into whether each of these individuals has some self-awareness, they will recognize the inequity that is present in each of their schemes. Some of the suitable probing questions include;
● Is the relationship reasonable?
● Does what the manipulator want seem fair?
● Do you have a say in the relationship?
● Are you gaining anything?
● What are your expectations?
When you ask yourself some of these questions, you will be coming up with a mirror that is meant to show you the reality. The questions are meant to ensure that the manipulator can see the reality about their nature. In an instance whereby the manipulator has some form of self-awareness, they will withdraw the demands that they have been putting across and they will back down. Some pathological manipulators can also be termed as narcissists, and they will dismiss each of the questions being directed to them. They will always insist they you are getting in their way. If you ever find yourself in such a scenario, always ensure that you have applied different ideas that will ensure you have outsmarted the manipulative individuals. By being creative, you can be able to bring an end to the manipulation spree.
Utilize Time to Your Advantage
Besides making some unreasonable requests, the manipulator will always ask questions and expect an immediate answer in each case. They will always exert some undue pressure while also striving to control the situation. The best example is people who are engaging in sales. Their main aim is to ensure that they have marketed different products successfully and they may be manipulative so that people may purchase each of the products that they are selling. In such an instance, the manipulative individual will expect you to answer each of their questions immediately. They will also take advantage in different ways while also distancing themselves from the immediate influence that they have brought forth. Always exercise some sense of leadership by telling the manipulative individual that you will think about it and issue them an answer at an opportune moment.
Some of these words always prove to be powerful, and since we have used an example of sales agents, the customer, in this case, is the one who is supposed to address the salesperson and tell them that they will think about it. Always take time to think about the merits and demerits that may be present depending on the current situation. Also, try to look into whether it is possible to come up with an equitable arrangement or you should say no depending on the present scenario.
Always Learn to Say “No”
It is not easy to say “no,” however, you should first
learn the art of communication. When you effectively learn to say “no,” you will be able to stand your ground while also making sure that you have been able to maintain a workable relationship. Also, make sure that you are conversant with your human rights most importantly the area that involves making sure that you can set your own priorities while also ensuring that you have not incurred any form of guilt. After all, you have the right to choose your own happiness and a healthy life, too. Always make sure that you can resist while also ensuring that you have kept your peace.
Always Confront the Bullies
A psychological manipulator tends to become a bully at some point. They will always intimidate or harm their victims. The most important point to note is that the bullies will always prey on the individuals that they may perceive as weak. The manipulative individuals will go ahead with the exploitation whenever they come across an individual who is compliant and passive. When you make yourself a worthy target, the manipulative individuals will not hesitate to pounce on you. It is also evident that a majority of the people who enjoy bullying are also cowards. Whenever a person begins to showcase that they know their rights, the bullies will always back down. Various studies have also been carried out, and it is evident that most of the bullies have also been victims of violence at some point in their lives. Although the bullies have also been victimized at some point in their lives, it is not an excuse as to why they are bullying others. Such information is meant to ensure that you can view bullies from a different perspective.
When you confront a bully, you will be confident enough that you can protect yourself against various forms of danger. You may stand tall as an individual while also supporting other individuals when they are bullied. In an instance whereby a person has been psychically, emotionally, or verbally assaulted, always make sure that you have sought the services of a counselor and also report the matters to the legal authorities and they will take the necessary course of action. Always make sure that you can stand up to the bullies, and you may partner with some individuals who are fed up with practices such as bullying.
Set Consequences
When an individual who thrives on manipulation insists on violating your personal boundaries, always make sure that you are in a position to tell them “no.” Always make sure that you are in a position to assert and also identify consequences. Possession of such knowledge can ensure that you can handle difficult people. When a bully understands the consequences that may come about as a result of their actions, always make sure that they can learn more about the value of respect.
Chapter 9: How to Defend Yourself from Manipulative Individuals
For starters, it is good to note that it is not possible to defend yourself from a manipulative individual. The best thing that you can do in this case is to make sure that you have first identified that the individual is indeed manipulative. If they happen to showcase that they are deceptive, you should ensure that you have kept a safe distance from these individuals. If they are not deceptive, you can continue being friends. It is also good to note that some people may mislead others by spreading false information. For example, you may come across some people talking about how manipulative a certain person is.
Never issue the manipulative person a warning. You should just leave and continue leading your life as usual. After leaving them, they will look for other individuals who they can manipulate into ensuring that they have heeded to their demands. If a person is unwell, you should go ahead and try to find out more about their condition. Since some people do lie, you can also go ahead and seek some expert advice from a psychologist or even a psychiatrist. If the person is unwell and they do not showcase any signs of improving, you can move on and continue living your life as usual.
If the manipulative individual is related to you, you should always be direct with them. Ensure that you have set some boundaries an always be firm such that they cannot dare to cross the set boundaries. Manipulative individuals will realize that they will be held once they tend to showcase undesirable behaviors. The manner in which such people behave towards you will also determine the manner in which you will interact with them.
If they understand some of the rules that you have set, they will be okay with that, and they will not intrude in any way. Also, ensure that you have initiated a discussion with the manipulative individual while also trying to learn more about their character and condition. Ensure that you have not lectured them in any way. Always ask questions that will help you to learn more about how they are. Never try to fix them, leave such matters to professionals such as psychiatrists or psychologists. Always ensure that you have issued them a referral to a renowned psychiatrist or any other medical practitioner who can deal with their condition accordingly. The manipulative individuals should also be issued the support that they need. Additionally, you should never interrupt a manipulative person whenever they are telling a story.
Although some of the stories issued by the manipulative individuals will appear far-fetched, you should never judge them. According to them, their story is valid, although it may appear to be made up to some extent. Ensure that you have not told them any of your stories. If anything goes wrong, they will always use the information that they have about you to fight back. Always remember that we never choose our family members; as a result, you should choose whether you will help them or ignore them. If any other people may appear to be toxic in your life, you should also avoid them.
Conclusion
Besides, this book has powerful psychological techniques that can be used to influence anyone at the manipulator’s will. It provides an extensive definition of some of the general terminology used to define the traits of different people in society while disintegrating the value of understanding why people should know more about the dark secrets of psychology.
The persuasion technique is known as the strategy people use in coercing others to do as they will. For instance, are you always in a position to get everything you want from others at the expense of their happiness? If you don’t, then perhaps it’s time to begin to work on yourself in order to harness the power within and persuade your friends or relatives to delve into some of the projects you believe in. It’s also often thought that the persuasion techniques fall under certain categories that have been highlighted in some of the chapters herein.
Using those techniques, you can easily convince your teammates or any other acquaintances to join you in the walk towards “greatness’’ as you may define it at the moment of need. With that said, being an excellent strategist and persuader will help you in accomplishing life’s most important objectives in the long run. It’s clear that persuasion is a requirement when it comes to handling different tasks not only at home but work too. Even when forming friendships, this is a requirement.
Persuasion is a vital skill that someone can develop using the right tips as well as garnered information. In this book, the initial step lies in taking the required action in order to improve a person’s persuasion skills. It all starts with the important basic steps of persuasion, coupled with the ability to assess how useful you are. The second strategy lies in getting several actionable tips that can be used in enhancing your techniques and ability to get others to join you.
The rest of the chapters explore the application of manipulation. Therefore, you’ll see how useful it is when it comes to learning more about the techniques of manipulation and how to use them to your advantage. The hypnosis of the book helps you to learn more about how to apply those skills to common use. It’s an element that can assist you in acquiring more of what you may need from life.
Other than that, this book introduces you to the neuro-linguistic system that can be used in knowing how to garner advanced persuasion skills. It’s usually followed by wanting to learn more about deception, including what should be done to improve your learning skills. You also need to master the art of administering mind games when exploring the minds of your colleagues or friends. By learning, you’ll have avoided f
alling victim to manipulative characters in society. Eventually, you’ll also get to learn more about the ability to persuade your victims to join your caliber in search of greener pastures. The techniques described in this book should provide guidance to you and anyone you consider special in your life.