by Dorie Graham
Lucas smiled and shook his head. “Eat, then. Have dinner with me. I really appreciate your doing so.”
“And I appreciate your coming by to have dinner with me.” She glanced around, past the open archway to the rooms beyond. “I’m not crazy about being home alone.”
She didn’t know why she could tell him these things, but somehow sharing her concerns with Lucas made them less daunting. She forced a smile. “It’s too empty without Grey. Not that he takes up so much space, or would be much help in an emergency.”
Lucas nodded, his fork idle in his hand. “I’d bet he’d be more help than you think, but I get what you mean.” He paused. His gaze dropped to his plate as he stabbed at the salad he’d heaped on it. “I spent a little time in therapy. Actually I went in and out for a while between and sometimes during my deployments.”
“You did?” Somehow the change in topic didn’t seem jarring.
“It helped. I didn’t think I had so many issues, but I’m glad I went. I think it’s important not to keep things bottled up. My friend Toby, the one I told you about, he wouldn’t talk about what happened over there.”
He lifted his hands. “Not even to me and I was with him. I know what happened. I helped him get in to see someone, made the appointment and drove him there. He seemed better after. I thought he was continuing with his treatment, but...”
She covered his hand with hers, hoping he’d continue. It seemed Lucas, at least, needed to talk.
He took a deep breath. “I thought he was better and I stopped checking on him for a little while. He wasn’t better, though he hid it well. Our other friends didn’t suspect how wounded he was and I certainly didn’t realize it.” He pressed his free hand over his chest. “Wounded here.”
She kept her hand on his and nodded, still without speaking. She, too, was wounded in her heart. Some days it hurt so much, almost like a physical pain. She gave his hand a squeeze to encourage him to continue.
“He killed himself one night.” He cleared his throat, then continued quietly, “He left a note about how hard it was and how he couldn’t keep it bottled up anymore.” He turned to her, gripped her hand and looked her straight in the eye. “I don’t understand why he kept it bottled up.”
His face before her blurred. She blinked. “Maybe he tried talking about it, but it didn’t work.”
He leaned closer to her. “Is that what happened with you, Claire? You tried to talk to someone and it didn’t help you?”
Help her? Her mother had nearly yelled at her for daring to mention anything so inappropriate. Worse, her mother, the one person she should have been able to count on, hadn’t believed her. She smiled through the pressure building up the back of her skull. “Maybe talking makes things worse. Maybe sometimes it’s easier to push it all down and move on.”
“But can you honestly say that’s working?” His eyebrows furrowed and true concern shone in his eyes, until she had to look away.
When she tried to pull her hand from his, he held it tighter. “Please, Claire, don’t push it down. I don’t think that’s the better alternative. It’ll make it worse, make you sick. I’m not a counselor, but my guess is if you saw one he’d tell you that PTSD is a very treatable condition. Whatever happened to you, it’s still with you and ignoring it won’t make it go away. I still say you should talk to a professional, but I swear you can also talk to me and I won’t judge. I’ll listen, really listen. Maybe that’s all you need to get you started on beating this thing.”
She closed her eyes, torn between wanting him to let her go and comforted by the support flowing through his hands to her. He meant well and he meant what he said. Of that she was certain.
“It’s hard,” she said, flexing her fingers around his. “The headaches get bad when I just think about it and talking...talking...it’s so hard, Lucas, you don’t understand. It literally brings me to my knees reliving stuff, just in my head. How can I talk about it?”
“You have to, sweetheart. I promise, I’ll do everything in my power to keep you safe, to help you find the right person to talk to. Please, trust me.”
Sweetheart. When was the last time anyone had called her that? When was the last time anyone had offered her this kind of support, clear and honest from the bottom of his heart? For whatever reason she felt safe with Lucas, but trust wasn’t an automatic byproduct of that security. Trusting was even more difficult than talking.
But how she wanted to trust him.
Claire finally disengaged her hand and rose. “I want to, really. I know I’m screwed up. There, I’ve admitted it. I totally get that I’m not normal. Grey reminds me of it every day, because all he wants is normal. Imagine that, the kid wants normal and he’s got me. I make him crazy.” She shook her head. “I make us both nuts, but I can’t figure out how to live any other way.”
Lucas stood, then moved toward her. “You can have normal, if you really want it. Not that normal is all that it’s cracked up to be, but you can have the life you want for yourself and for Grey.” He cupped her cheek. “Don’t you want that?”
She stood before him, her heart swelling with the thought of everything he offered, emotion clogging her throat. “Yes, I want that. I don’t want to be scared anymore.”
His smile spread slowly, as warm as sunshine. She wanted him. She hadn’t been with anyone since the rape, but maybe that was her first step back toward normal. Heaven help her, she hadn’t been sure she’d ever want a man again the way she wanted Lucas in that moment.
She opened her eyes. “Will you do something for me?”
“Anything.” His thumb stroked the curve of her jaw.
The woman in her reveled at the desire in his eyes, even though he held himself apart, no doubt denying himself because she was such a mess. Why would he want to get more involved with her?
“Promise?” She smiled slowly as his body eased, seeming to sway toward her.
He cocked his head and answered with a cautious tone. “I think so....”
She looped her arms around him, joining her hands behind his neck, pulling his mouth closer to hers, until her lips brushed his, then she leaned back to look at him. Again, she felt as if she were diving into the deep end, but as huge a step as this was, she needed it.
“Stay with me tonight,” she said.
His eyes widened slightly. “Claire, you know I want to, but... You have to know how much I want to—how much I want you. I don’t know that I have the willpower to stay and not...and to remain a gentleman.”
Laughter bubbled up inside her. For once, she was headache free. That had to be a good sign. “You didn’t seem so worried about being a gentleman when you were kissing me.”
“Well, we weren’t alone in your home at the time.”
“Ah, so you’re worried about spending the night all by ourselves here.”
“I’m worried about pushing you into something you might not be ready for.”
She held his gaze, filled with the confidence that regardless of whatever might come tomorrow, tonight she needed to be with this man. “I’m ready, Lucas. I want you, and not just because of your sexy body, but because of that noble heart of yours. I find it irresistible. Unless of course, you’re not ready.”
He shook his head, though at last he pulled her close. “Sweetheart, the way you make me feel, if you’re really sure this is what you want, I’m ready. Absolutely ready.”
With that he dipped his head and again claimed her mouth.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
BRIGHTNESS SURROUNDED LUCAS as he slowly awoke. Everywhere he looked, white filled his vision. White curtains covered a row of windows framed in a wall of white, a white comforter rolled along the pleasant curves of the woman tucked in beside him, her body spooned against his, warming him to his core.
He smiled and propped himself up on his elbow to better see her. The internet radio and TV she’d turned on last night still warred with each other in the other part of the house, but in here peace reigned. In sleep, Claire a
ppeared younger, relaxed in a way he’d never seen her. If she’d been suffering from insomnia, she wasn’t any longer. He touched her arm, but she didn’t stir.
He moved with care, extricating himself from the tangle of her legs and arms, missing the warmth of her body as soon as he emerged from the puffy comforter. The television and radio beside her bed switched on simutaneously, startling him, both evidently set on timers. He glanced at Claire, but she remained asleep, so he turned them off. Better to let her rest while she could.
He glanced around the room again. Funny how when he’d been here last he hadn’t seen her bedroom. He wouldn’t have guessed her private domain to be quite so...heavenlike.
With a shake of his head, he found his clothes in a trail along the white carpet. Mixed with hers, the garments were splashes of colors detailing their route to her bed the previous night. He should probably berate himself for taking that step, but last night had been too full of wonder for him to harbor regrets now.
He smiled, letting himself indulge in watching Claire’s face as she slept. He sat on the edge of the bed to put on his socks, relishing the intimacy of the room.
When he was dressed, he padded into the kitchen, where he searched for a coffeemaker while he phoned the shop, then scolded himself. Of course she didn’t have a coffeemaker. That’s why Grey wanted the espresso machine.
Ramsey answered the shop phone on the third ring. “The Coffee Stop.”
“Ramsey, I thought you were off today and Ken was back from his break.”
“Oh, hey, Lucas. Ken called yesterday to see if we could swap days. He has a hot date today. I emailed you about the change. Should I have called or texted instead? I didn’t think I should disturb you.”
“Email was fine.” Lucas glanced in the direction of Claire’s bedroom. “I did get a couple of alerts, but haven’t had a chance to check them. Thanks for covering again, though.”
“No problem. I like it here.” Ramsey laughed. “Keeps me out of trouble. Besides, there’s been a girls’ high school track team or something in here this morning.”
Lucas smiled. “I’m sure you haven’t minded taking care of them.”
“No, sir, I didn’t mind at all. Did you enjoy your day off?”
“I did. I was just checking in to make sure you don’t need me for anything today.” After last night, he wanted to be prepared for whatever happened when Claire awoke.
Would she want him to leave right away, or would she need him to stick around? He seemed to have made some headway in at least her feeling comfortable around him and he’d like to press on in that direction if she let him.
“Everything’s great,” Ramsey said. “Hank will be in at eleven and I’m here for the rest of the day, so we should have plenty of coverage. Besides, Rachel is here and she says she’s here until we close.”
“Well, let me know if you need me for anything,” Lucas said.
“Will do. Have a fun day off.”
“Actually, I have a big favor to ask you. Is it busy, or do you think Rachel can spare you for a little bit?”
“She can handle it. Rach is like a drill sergeant. She can handle anything. I’m at your service. What can I do for you?”
Lucas gave him a small breakfast order, including Claire’s regular espresso, and asked him to deliver it to Claire’s address. As he hung up he glanced toward the bedroom. How long would she sleep? Should he head out to work in the yard?
Better to stick close until she woke. The last thing he wanted was for her to wake up and think he’d fled. He yawned. She’d given him all he could handle well into the night. It seemed once Claire shed her fear of him, she couldn’t get enough.
But how would she feel in the bright light of day?
And Grey... If he were to find out, how would he feel about Lucas having spent the night?
He was a bright kid. Would he sense the change in Lucas’s relationship with Claire? At ten, was he old enough to feel he had to be her protector?
When was he due home?
The musical notes of a cell phone sounded from the direction of the living room. Lucas retraced his steps to the room, but between the TV and radio he had trouble telling where the sound was coming from. He paused and listened again. With a shake of his head, he turned them both off to better hear.
This time when the phone rang he tracked it to Claire’s purse, which she’d dropped near the garage door. He retrieved the purse, but the ringing had stopped by the time he reentered her room.
Claire still slept, undisturbed by the phone or other noises from the living room. He placed her purse on the nightstand by her bed, then paused. From the look of it, she’d be out for some time. He could leave her a note to let her know he’d be in the yard and that he’d have his phone on him in case she needed anything.
Satisfied with his plan, he left the note on her purse, then headed to the shed in the backyard. If he recalled correctly she had a set of hedge clippers in there. He could get a little work done before breakfast arrived.
* * *
CLAIRE AWOKE WITH a start. Something was wrong. Adrenaline pumped through her as she sat upright, feet on the floor. Silence pressed in all around her. Her heart raced.
Why was it so damn quiet? She hit the button on her radio then got up to turn on the television. As the sounds of a traffic report and an ad for laser hair removal filled the air, she calmed down enough to feel disappointed.
Lucas had left.
The doorbell rang and she jumped. Who could that be? She glanced at the clock as she felt around on the bench at the foot of her bed for her robe. She slipped into the garment and went to answer the door. She couldn’t believe it was after nine in the morning and she’d slept through the night.
The back door opened as she hit the entry hall. She caught the shape of a man and the old fear spiked through her, but she quickly recognized Lucas. A smile lit his face. “Good morning, beautiful.”
Relief mixed in with her fright and the unease over waking to the quiet of her house. “You didn’t leave.”
“I left you a note,” he said. “I didn’t want to wake you. I was out back trimming your hedges.”
“Oh,” she said. “I didn’t see your note. You were trimming my hedges? That’s so nice.” She was babbling, and took a breath to calm her racing thoughts. “It was quiet when I woke up.”
His eyes widened. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I turned everything off.”
The bell rang again and Lucas moved toward the door. “That’s breakfast.”
“Breakfast?” She trailed after him as he opened the door and greeted the troubled-looking kid from his shop.
“Good morning,” the kid said and raised a bag and a drink carrier with two coffees to go.
“Ramsey, this is Claire Murphy.” Lucas took the food and drink. “Claire, Ramsey Carter. He’s my manager at The Stop. I don’t know if you two have officially met.”
Claire tightened the belt on her robe, her unease mounting. Ramsey had a hardness about him that made her uncomfortable. Lucas trusted him, though, and she needed to get over being skittish around every strange male she encountered.
She extended her hand to the young man. “We’ve spoken, but no, we haven’t officially met.”
“It’s a pleasure, ma’am.” Ramsey took her hand and smiled.
“Thanks for dropping this by,” Lucas said to Ramsey. “I’ll add a little something to this week’s paycheck.”
“Oh, no, that’s not necessary, boss. It was nice to get out a bit.”
“It was very good of you,” Claire said, her gaze swinging between the two men. “Nice of both of you.”
Ramsey gestured toward the food. “I’m going to head back now and let the two of you get on with your breakfast. See you back at The Stop.”
They thanked him again and Claire closed the door behind him. She followed Lucas into the kitchen, where he deposited the goodies on the table then swept her into his arms. “Now for a proper good morning.”
Before she had a chance to catch her breath, his lips descended on hers, capturing her mouth in a kiss that left her weak in the knees. He kissed her long and deep, before letting her up for air.
“Oh, my,” she said. “I think I’m a little speechless.”
He brushed his lips over hers again. “Maybe that’s not a bad thing.”
He kissed her thoroughly and all the fear and doubt left Claire’s mind. She stood instead in a place full of the delicious sensation of being in Lucas’s arms, his tongue hungrily stroking hers.
At long last, he raised his head. “That was my way of saying I’m sorry I left you in the quiet this morning.”
She nodded. “Oh, that... I was a little freaked out when I woke up. You know, I tend to leave everything on and my TV and radio work kind of like an alarm duo to wake me in the mornings. I guess the...quiet must have woken me. That’s so not the norm around here.”
“I’m sorry, Claire. I was awake when they came on and you were still sleeping. You looked so peaceful. I wasn’t thinking. I know you told me the quiet bothers you, but I wanted you to sleep. Then your phone started ringing and I couldn’t find it with all the racket out here, so I turned off the TV and radio in your living room and I found your purse. I left it on your nightstand, but your cell had stopped ringing by then. I left the note on your purse.”
“I didn’t see the purse or the note, but it’s all okay.” She turned toward her bedroom. “I’d better see if that was Grey calling me to come get him. I never sleep in like this.” She laughed. “Actually, I never sleep.”
“Here.” Lucas pulled out a chair for her. “You sit and get started on breakfast and I’ll get your purse.”
She hesitated. “Why don’t we take breakfast to go? I can show you a new spot at the park.”
“Oh.” He looked at the bag of food. “Right, meals on the go. Except we did have a couple of nice dinners here.”
“Yes, but again, not the norm and breakfast is all packed up. I’ll just see if Grey called and then I’ll get dressed. Give me five minutes, ten tops?”