Kay released a pained laugh. “Oh, has he now? That’s how your God works? Your husband can do his dirt, say two Hail Marys, and all is forgiven?”
“That’s how our God works,” Gloria said matter-of-factly.
“You know what?” Kay stood. “You can save this speech for someone else.”
Gloria stopped her. “I wasn’t asking about us. Jamal. Do you feel anything for Jamal?”
She glared at Gloria. “I don’t know Jamal.”
“But if you did . . .”
“But I don’t.”
“Kayla . . .”
“My name is Kay!” she shouted, pounding the table. “Kay! Kayla stopped existing the day your husband raped me! And you, with your self-righteous, dutiful, naïve self, sat in that church and told those people that I seduced him! That I, a fifteen-year-old girl, seduced her pastor!”
Gloria’s eyes watered and Kay took a moment to compose herself. She couldn’t believe that she’d lost her cool.
“I-I’m sorry,” Gloria mumbled.
Kay inhaled. Exhaled. “Like I said, I’m over it. Anything that pertains to this case will be done with pure professionalism. Other than that, I have nothing to say to you or your husband.”
Kay turned and stormed out of the room. She had to get somewhere and get some air. Get out of sight before she burst into tears.
Instead of going right back to her office, Kay went to the left, out into the stairwell, and up to the roof. She went there sometimes when she needed to clear her head and focus on a case. She really needed to clear her head now.
The crisp October air was a welcome relief. Kay took deep breaths, letting the air fill her lungs. But try as she might, she couldn’t keep the memories from coming back.
35
* * *
* * *
Kayla Matthews had always been a bit of a social outcast. She’d wanted desperately to fit in, but nobody wanted to be friends with the daughter of a super-sanctified couple. And Gwen and Robert Matthews were as sanctified as they came in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. They’d just started letting Kayla wear pants when she turned fifteen, two months prior. But boys, dating, and parties, Kayla could forget. So of course, that put her on the “least likely to get asked to hang out” list.
That’s why when Maxine Lewis and her friend Tasha Gore asked Kayla to study and hang out with them, she’d jumped at the offer. It was probably only because Maxine went to New Hope Missionary Baptist Church, where Kayla had been a member since she was three years old. Maxine used to be quiet like Kayla, but for the last few months, it was like she had become a different person. She was loud, disrespectful to adults, and just had a really bad attitude. But Kayla was grateful to have a friend, so she jumped at the chance to hang with them.
“I’m tired of studying,” Tasha said. They’d agreed to meet in one of the church Sunday school rooms so Kayla could tutor Maxine and Tasha in algebra. They’d only been at it for about twenty minutes, fifteen of which Maxine and Tasha goofed off.
“Me, too.” Maxine closed her textbook, like there was no more discussion.
“So, I meant to ask you, what’s up with you and your mama?” Tasha asked Maxine. “I saw y’all arguing when she dropped you off.”
“Ooh, don’t even talk to me about that ho,” Maxine snarled.
Kayla was mortified. She couldn’t stand her parents, but never in a katrillion years would she dream of saying something like that about them.
Tasha laughed like it was no big deal.
“Why are you mad at your mom?” Kayla found herself asking.
“Cuz her mama is a bi—”
“Uh,” Maxine cut her off. “You are in a church, you know?”
“My bad.” Tasha laughed as she hopped up on a utility table.
Maxine turned back to Kayla. “But she’s telling the truth. My mama makes me sick.”
“Her mama wanted y’all’s pastor,” Tasha said jokingly. “She thought she was gonna be the pastor’s side piece, but he found him another piece.” She chuckled, side-eyeing Maxine.
“Shut up, Tasha!” Maxine snapped.
Kayla was too stunned to pay much attention to their bickering. When she’d first met Maxine eight years ago, the two of them had been such introverts that they’d never really struck up a friendship. But while they weren’t friends, Kayla did know her. Or at least she thought she did.
This girl standing here, calling her mother names and wagging her neck, was a completely different person.
“Why you looking at me like that?” Maxine asked, her attitude strong as she tossed her shoulder-length wavy hair.
“I’m just tripping on you, and you know the way you are,” Kayla said. “Like, you used to be so . . . sweet and nice.”
Maxine rolled her eyes. “Nice girls finish last. So I guess I gotta be bad.”
She and Tasha gave each other a high-five before Tasha said, “Since we’re being bad . . .” Tasha smiled as she pulled a pack of Virginia Slims out of her pocket, then waved the cigarettes. “Who’s up for some smokes?”
“Yes!” Maxine said.
No! Kayla wanted to add. But she remained quiet.
“You smoke?” Tasha asked.
Kayla shrugged. “Sometimes,” she lied.
Tasha motioned for them to follow her into the storage closet at the back of the room. As soon as Maxine closed the door, Tasha lit up. They giggled as they passed the cigarette around. Kayla tried her best to appear cool, like this was something she did all the time.
“I know that you young ladies are not sitting up in my storage closet smoking cigarettes!”
They had all been so deep in their act that they hadn’t noticed the pastor, Rev. Elton Jones, open the door. One of the most respected men in Baton Rouge, Pastor Jones had to be pushing forty, although he didn’t look like most creepy old men she knew. He looked like he might have been handsome when he was younger.
“Pastor Jones,” Maxine said, pushing the cigarette behind her back. For a girl who had been putting on such bravado a few minutes ago, she looked more scared than any of them.
Pastor Jones stood in the doorway, his large frame towering over them. “Maxine, I am shocked at you.” She cowered under his glare. He turned to Tasha. “And you, young lady, I don’t know who you are, but this is not how we do things at New Hope.” Lastly, he turned to Kayla. “Kayla. I am so disappointed in you, I don’t know what to say.”
Kayla lowered her head in shame. At least Maxine tried to speak up.
“We were just—”
“Don’t add lying on top of everything else.” He shook his head. “You girls need to get on out of here.”
None of them needed to be told twice. They darted toward the door, but just as Kayla tried to step through, Rev. Jones grabbed her arm. “Kayla, you stay.”
Maxine stopped and looked at her. She must have been scared that Kayla was about to get in serious trouble, because the expression on Maxine’s face was one of absolute terror.
“Go on,” Rev. Jones said, waving Maxine away. “I need to speak with Kayla.”
Without another look, Maxine took off.
Kayla was trembling with fear as Rev. Jones motioned for her to step back into the storage closet.
“I can’t believe you, Kayla,” he began as he closed the door. “What do you think your parents are going to do when they find out what you were in here doing?”
“I-I . . .”
“I know your dad still believes in that belt. And if he doesn’t tear your behind up, your parents will probably ground you until you’re twenty-one.”
“I’m so sorry.”
He was quiet for a moment, then said, “You know I’m going to have to tell them.”
“Please, Pastor. Please don’t tell them,” Kayla begged. Her father would try to kill her. And if she survive
d, she’d never get to go anywhere again in life.
He stopped and a small grin crept onto his face. “What you gonna do for me if I don’t tell?”
She had no idea what she could possibly do for him, since he was one of the most powerful men in Baton Rouge, but still, she said, “Whatever you want. Just please don’t tell.”
“Whatever I want?” He took a step toward her, licking his lips, his eyes settling on her budding cleavage.
“Ummm . . .”
“I want you.” He stepped closer. “I see the way you’re filling out.” He ran a finger down her arm. “You’re so innocent. So pure. Not like all these other fast-tail girls around here.”
“P-pastor, what are you doing?” she managed to say.
“I’m taking you up on your offer to give me whatever I want.” He pushed her up against the wall.
“No. Please,” she cried when she realized what he was doing.
“Shhhh,” he said as he pinned her up against the wall with one hand and fumbled with his other hand to get his pants down. “Come on, Sweet Pea, settle down.”
“No!” She squirmed. “Please, no.”
That made him moan more and he seemed to zone out, as he covered her mouth to stifle her cries and penetrated her until she blacked out.
. . .
Kay didn’t realize she was crying until she heard Loni say, “Kay, are you okay?”
“Huh? Yeah. Sorry. I was lost in thought.” Kay quickly wiped her eyes and turned to face Loni.
“Are you crying?”
“No. No,” Kay said. “The wind is making me tear up.”
Loni eyed her skeptically as she waited to feel the nonexistent wind. “Okay. If you say so. I’ve been looking everywhere for you. Valerie said you might be up here.”
Kay tried to compose herself. “Yeah, just taking a break. Getting some fresh air. What’s up?”
“I just wanted to remind you about your meeting with the Urban League in the morning,” Loni continued.
“Thank you, Loni. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Hopefully, you’ll never have to find out.” Loni smiled. “But come on, these rooftop excursions scare me.”
Kay returned her smile and was thankful that Loni had left it at that.
36
* * *
* * *
Gloria hadn’t been able to stop crying since she left Kayla’s office. Kayla’s pain was so raw. After all these years, it was still raw.
Gloria cried for Kayla and the innocence that Elton had taken away from her. She cried for the lifetime of bitterness that Kayla had held on to. She cried for her son, praying that he didn’t pay for his father’s sin. And then she cried as her mind raced back to the past and she recalled the role that she had played in all of this.
Gloria was shaking, from both anger and embarrassment. Elton stood next to her in their living room with his head bowed. Standing in front of them were Kayla and her parents. Gloria hadn’t been able to process the news that she had just been told.
“So how do you know her child is Elton’s?” Gloria asked.
Kayla looked up in horror. It was at that point that Gloria saw the welts across her cheek. Gloria could only imagine the pain Robert Matthews had inflicted on his daughter. Anger blanketed both Robert’s and Gwen’s faces.
“Because she told us so,” Robert snapped.
As angry as she was, Gloria still wanted to take Kayla in her arms, hold her, and tell the young girl she’d watched grow up that everything was going to be all right. Gloria was a little shocked that Gwen wasn’t hugging and holding her daughter. But they just stood next to Kayla.
The Matthewses had shown up on the doorstep after calling to demand a meeting. Gloria had no idea what they wanted and when Elton had done everything under the sun to get out of the meeting, she knew something was up. She just never expected this.
“Well, our daughter will not have a child out of wedlock, especially with a married preacher. We’re going to fix this,” Robert said.
Kayla cried more and Gloria’s heart dropped. “You’re going to make her have an abortion?” Gloria asked, shocked.
Elton’s eyes lit up. He’d looked hopeful and that sent a ripple of disgust through Gloria’s veins. It was bad enough she had been unable to give him children. A bout with cervical cancer in her early twenties had left her barren. Elton had told her he was okay with that and they’d built a life with just the two of them.
“We are absolutely not having an abortion,” Gwen exclaimed. “A great sin has been committed and we’re not about to commit another one.”
“Then what are you going to do?” Elton finally spoke.
“Well, first of all, I want to know what happened. Kayla won’t tell us anything. It took a beating to even get your name out of her. We wouldn’t have even known she was pregnant if my wife didn’t know her womanly cycle.” He glared at his daughter. Pure hatred resonated from his pores. “She won’t tell us anything else. Only that she did not want this to happen. She has shamed this family and I will never forgive her.” He took a step toward Elton. “Pastor, I’m going to ask you this and as God is my witness, you better tell me the truth. Did you force yourself upon my daughter?”
Elton’s eyes grew wide as he looked at Kayla, then at Gloria, and back at Robert. “No, no!” he said. And then he buried his face in his hands and sobbed. “I am so sorry,” he cried. “I did have sex with her. I was weak. She kept seducing me and coming on to me and in one weak moment, I gave in.”
“What?” Kayla cried. It was the first word that she’d spoken. “That’s not what happened!”
Gwen turned to her daughter and said, “Be quiet!”
“But Mama . . .”
Robert snapped, “You heard your mother!”
Elton ignored them as he turned to Gloria. “You know I have been true to you. I just had a weak moment. I tried to follow Second Timothy and flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness. Yet the lips of a seductive woman are oh, so sweet.”
Gloria couldn’t believe her husband was quoting Bible verses to justify his actions. She felt sick to her stomach. There had been lots of women who wanted Elton. Wilma Lewis had all but declared she was going to make him hers. There had also been rumblings of an indiscretion with an underage girl, but Gloria had never been able to prove anything. And Elton had always maintained that any advances to him were purely one-sided. And Gloria had believed him. He’d never given her reason not to.
But this confession now had her doubting everything.
Elton continued, trying to plead with both her and the Matthewses. “I never meant for it to happen. She was . . . she was in the storage closet, smoking.”
“Smoking!” Gwen yelled. “You must be mistaken. My daughter doesn’t smoke.”
“There are a lot of things your daughter does that you aren’t aware of,” Elton said.
Tears just continued flowing down Kayla’s face as her chest heaved up and down.
“Were you smoking?” Robert demanded. Kayla didn’t immediately reply, causing her father to yell again. “I said, were you smoking?”
“Y-yes, but . . .”
“Lord, Jesus,” Gwen muttered. She grabbed the back of the sofa to keep from toppling over.
“When I said something to her about it, when I caught her,” Elton continued, “she begged me not to tell you all. She opened her shirt and said she would give herself to me if only I kept my mouth closed. It was wrong. But I was weak.”
“He’s lying,” Kayla cried.
Gwen reached out and slapped her. “Don’t you dare call the pastor a liar!”
Gloria knew her husband well, or at least she thought she did. Despite the advances, despite the rumors, in all their years of marriage he had never shown so much as an iota of interest in another woman around her.
Could this little girl really be his seductress? Elton wouldn’t lie about something like this, would he?
As Kayla sobbed, Robert took a step back.
“Well, we needed to know what happened. My wife and I will make proper arrangements and figure out what to do from here. Pastor, I am very disappointed. As you know, my wife and I will not be able to stay at your church.”
“I am so sorry to hear that. You have been a lifetime member.” Elton was shaking. But Gloria couldn’t tell if it was from fear or relief.
“Yes, we have been at New Hope all of our lives, which is why it pains us to have to leave,” Gwen said.
“But we hold our pastor to a higher standard and we simply cannot continue receiving the Word from you,” Robert added.
“I understand,” Elton said.
Gloria took in a trembling Kayla. She looked like a little girl. But over the years, Gloria had seen many a woman all but throw herself at her husband. Could they simply be starting younger now? Then, as if to erase any doubts, a voice in Gloria’s head spoke up. She’s not a little girl. She’s. A. Woman. A woman who is giving your husband what you can’t.
That thought made Gloria’s stomach feel like it was on the spin cycle of a Whirpool washer and at that moment she didn’t know who she hated more . . . her husband or the child who had seduced him.
. . .
“I know you’re worried about him, but God will work it out.”
The sound of Elton’s voice snapped Gloria back to the present. He’d come out onto the back porch, where she’d been sitting. Of course, he would think she was thinking about Jamal. He’d long ago blocked out any memory of what happened with Kayla. And that had been his philosophy ever since. Pretend bad things didn’t happen. Gloria hated that for years, yet she’d gone along with it.
“I hope you’re right, Elton,” she replied.
“I am. God gives His hardest test to the strongest.” He sat down next to her and gently took her hand. Gloria didn’t snatch it away, but the electricity she used to feel, the love that resonated through her body whenever her husband touched her, was gone. Right now, Gloria Jones felt nothing.
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