"You," I gasped out harshly. "My god, Libby. I fucking need you…"
She leaned down and her breasts splayed deliciously over my face. My rock-hard cock went even harder. "But that's not my present," she whispered in my ear. She sat back up and shined with utter satisfaction.
"This is," she said, taking my hands and placing them on her luscious, round little belly… I felt my jaw drop as I locked my eyes with hers, searching her face. She nodded and a sweet tear rolled down her lovely face. "I love you Jack…
Both of us do."
I held my wife, my family, tight in my arms. Libby had fallen asleep, exhausted by the power of our climax. But I'd held her close, safe until she started to stir. I never wanted to let her go.
She opened her eyes, stretching against me, her head on my chest. "I think you liked your surprise," she said, laughing lightly. "It certainly felt like you did."
"Are you sure, sweetheart? You took another test?"
"I took four," she laughed again and rested her chin on my shoulder so she could look up at me. "This morning." She shook her head. "I don't know how I missed all the signs. There was so much happening… I just never put all the pieces together." I pushed her curls out of her eyes, love flooding through me. "We should see the doctor…," I began. "To be sure?"
"We already have an appointment on Monday," she said, tipping her head to the side as she watched me. "I thought maybe there was something they could do… so I could get pregnant sooner." Her face glowed with happiness. "But it's going to be our first prenatal visit, just like it was supposed to be all along."
"A baby…" It was strange how the word felt on my lips, after all those years of waiting… of wanting. "A baby of our own." I put my hand on her belly, carefully, as if she could break. "He's in there, right now… tiny and growing. A tiny, perfect point of love…" My voice broke as emotion threatened to overwhelm me.
"She's here," Libby replied evenly, pressing my hand down firmly. Her eyes twinkled as she teased me. "She's right here, where Mommy and Daddy can keep her safe and warm."
I exhaled in long, slow satisfaction, glancing out the window over the water. The sun was already high in the sky. I smiled, refolding Spencer's note, slipping it carefully back into my pocket. No matter what else the man had done… I owed him…
"I can't, really," Libby pushed her plate back. "Eating for two is just an expression, Jack. Seriously, I can't."
She'd had three pancakes and two slices of bacon. I gave in reluctantly, but pushed her glass of juice a little closer.
"What would you like to do, sweetheart? We have all day. We can do anything, go anywhere…" I stopped myself short. "What do people do when they find out they're going to be parents?" I asked, blankly. "Is it too early to buy a crib?"
She laughed, taking my hand in hers. I gripped her fingers. My beautiful girl… She was so fucking strong… So much stronger than me.
"We live our lives," she said wisely. "We let nature take its course." She kissed me, smoothing my hair. "I want to walk around the lake… maybe swim, if it's still warm enough. And I want to begin a new sculpture in the studio," she said, eagerly. "I feel like I'm bursting with inspiration… there's so much inside me."
"So much, indeed," I said purposefully, pulling her close, her belly curving gently into mine. "But I almost forgot. You're not the only one with surprises." I took her hand, leading her out to the studio. I could feel her excitement starting to build, and a sudden awareness struck me. Of all the years we had ahead of us, the enjoyment of a thousand gifts yet to come. How I would enjoy spending my life giving her everything I could…
I led her in, my hands over her eyes, remembering her pleasure the first time I'd shown her the studio. It was there, just as I'd arranged, on a round table in the center of the room and covered with a white cloth. I walked her close, placed her hands on the table. I stood behind her, a hand around her waist. "What, Jack? Tell me…"
I took my hand away from her eyes. She turned back to look at me, her eyes huge. "My sculpture?"
I nodded. "I took some liberties," I said. "I didn't think you'd mind…"
She pulled the cloth away and our breath caught in unison. "Oh my god… Jack…" She reached out, running her hands delicately over the surface… love in her touch…
"You had it cast in bronze," she breathed, circling the table, exploring with her fingers. "The piece I finished on our honeymoon… It's beautiful. My god, Jack… no one's ever done anything like this for me…"
I ran my fingers across her cheek. "It's only the beginning, sweetheart.
Our family has connections… in the art world." I smiled as her eyes grew wider. "And yours is a talent that deserves to be seen. I just made sure it was seen by the right people." Her mouth opened, then closed. She ran a loving finger over the shape of the baby's tiny head, curled against its mother's breast. She turned brilliant, loving eyes up to me as I caressed her.
"I had all the other completed pieces cast as well…," I told her, feeling a swell of pride in her accomplishment. "You have two galleries in New York that have already offered invitations to exhibit… one in London…
It's all you, Libby. I sent photographs, but I didn't pull any strings… Hell, you didn't need me to.
Your work stands all on its own."
"She's going to have her mother's green eyes," I said softly. "At least I hope that she does… She'll be beautiful, just like you…"
We'd walked for hours in the sand, holding hands and imagining our child. In our private little cove, I had lifted her skirts and wrapped her legs up around my waist, filling her again, taking our time… I'd held her, rocking her precious body into mine until we'd spent ourselves completely. We ended our day in her studio, with me watching her hands work their magic. I could watch her work forever…
"My mother had green eyes too…," she said softly. "Dark hair, like mine." She wiped her hands clean and smiled across to me. "It was on the certificate from the hospital… when she died. It would have been nice to know more… so I could tell our children about their grandmother one day." She reached her hands out to me.
"It might not be over, sweetheart." I took her hands and held them to my chest. "We can hire someone to look even deeper…"
She shook her head. "I already know the things that matter. And I've found some peace with it," she said. "I believe Dorothy did the best she could… I just wish I could have known her. Who she really was… what made her laugh." She put her hand up to brush the hair off my forehead.
"I wish she could have met you… and our baby. So she wouldn't have been alone anymore. And I wish I could have told her that she'd done the right thing, giving me up. That I could have… that I would have loved her anyway…"
We headed back to the house in silence, greeted by Moki's happy barks. She danced circles around our legs, reminding us it was past her dinnertime. I filled her bowl and left her content in the kitchen. Libby was on the sofa, her cell phone in her hand. For a moment, I was afraid something was wrong…
"It's the nurse from the hospital…," she began. "I missed the call, but she left a message…" She was pale, but her eyes were shining with excitement as she listened…
"She has something to give me," she whispered. "She's kept it for all these years…" She dropped the phone from her ear and looked at me, eyes wide and mouth open.
"The day my mother died… she left me a letter…"
48
Libby
"Please… come in." I opened the door and blinked, startled for a moment. "Mrs. Granger… please…" I stepped out of the way to let them pass. She was older than she'd sounded on the phone, with thin, papery skin. But her eyes were bright and clear.
I held out my hand to take hers. It was tiny, like the rest of her, but she gripped mine with surprising strength. "I'm Libby…, my husband, Jack," He stepped up to take her hand. "There aren't words to express how much it means to us, that you took the time to come all this way."
"Call me Alic
e," she said directly. ‘This is my grandson, Matthew." He reached out to shake my hand. He was tall with intelligent blue eyes. He smiled kindly. "Pleasure's mine, Libby."
"I'm retiring the end of the month," Alice said, as we sat down in the living room. "I was afraid you and I might never meet again." Jack shook Matthew's hand and the two men stepped over to the bar, giving us privacy. Jack popped the top off a bottle and gave me an encouraging smile over the other man's shoulder.
Alice smoothed a silvery curl over her ear and smiled with the same kind, blue eyes. "All these years I've held onto this letter, Libby. I was beginning to think you'd never come for it." She reached into her bag and drew out a tattered envelope. She handed it to me and I took it carefully. I turned it over.
For my darling baby girl. The letters were tall, graceful. Unfamiliar…
I took Alice's wrinkled hand. "Meet again?" I asked. "Weren't you my mother's nurse, when… when she died?"
"I was," she nodded, watching me closely. "But Dorothy and I first met the day you were born. I was working in delivery and she came in, ready to burst." She smiled and her eyes glazed with memory. "She was a brave girl. All by herself and in so much pain. She was in labor for seventeen hours, but she did it." Alice looked back into my face. "You favor her, you know. Same eyes, same mouth… She was a lovely girl."
"I've spent my whole life with so many questions," I said, holding her hand tightly. "I don't even know where to start… Did you find out anything about her at all? Or my father…?" I stumbled. "Why did she die, Alice? She wasn't much older than I am…" Words were catching in my throat.
Alice patted my cheek, her palm cool and dry. "She had her hands full bringing you into the world." She smiled warmly. "We both did.
I only know that she came in alone and that she left with you a few days later. As for when she died… well, I'm hoping she put that in the letter for you herself…"
"You mean, she knew?" I felt my jaw sag. "I always imagined it must have been an accident…"
Alice shook her head. "She was sick," she said slowly. "Afterwards, I often wondered if she only held on as long as she did for your sake. Never, in forty-two years as a nurse, did I see a new mother who loved her baby the way Dorothy loved you."
I sat in stunned silence, almost unable to absorb so much, so fast. Then I felt Jack standing beside me, his hand on my back, warm and safe. I exhaled.
"She was very near the end when I saw her again. I wasn't on duty at the hospital that day, but she asked for me and I went." Alice bent to catch my gaze. "Should I go on? Do you want to hear…?" I nodded, still silent.
"She had kept you until she was just too sick to care for you. She told me that she'd given you up for adoption. And that it was the hardest thing she'd ever done. Harder than dying, she'd said.
Things were different then, different than they are now. Records were sealed… babies weren't always given the best homes…" She put her hand gently on my knee. "I always wondered about you, Libby. For your sake… and your mother's. I know her last wishes were that you'd be safe, and that she'd done right by you." Alice's eyes were moist.
"Did you find a good home, child? Have you been happy?"
Tears ran fast, hot down my cheeks and I held tight to Jack's hand. I couldn't form the words, but I nodded hard, smiling… smiling…
Jack and I watched together as Matt helped Alice into the car and they disappeared down the drive. I'd eventually recovered enough to tell them both about the wedding and our baby. I left out a few of the details, of course… but she'd smiled deeply when Jack told her how much he loved me. And Alice had hugged me tight, making me promise to call her soon, before the baby was born.
Jack sat down and pulled me onto his lap, putting his arms around me and resting his chin on my shoulder. My mother's letter sat unopened beside us.
"There are still unanswered questions," he said gently. "But you learned a lot today."
I picked up the letter and touched the handwriting.
"Does it change anything for you… Knowing?" He kissed the curve of my shoulder. I leaned my head to rest against his.
"Everything… in a way…Or maybe nothing at all. I don't know yet, I guess." I took a long breath in… out. "I'm the same person I've always been…"
"Except that you found a way to forgive her, and to love her," he said. "And you know now, how much she loved you, from the minute you were born." He turned my face so he could drop a kiss on my lips. "How could she not?"
I held his face, kissing his lips, his eyes, the end of his nose. He chuckled in delight, spreading his thighs and letting me fall deeper into the curve of his body. "I'm here, right here for you," he said, his voice deep and resonant, full of love.
"Always."
Dearest Liberty,
You are the loveliest baby I've ever seen. Tiny and perfect from the moment you were born, somehow you made up for everything else in my whole life. When you look up into my face, so trusting, so beautiful, I know nothing else matters. You are the love of my life.
If you're reading these words now, I guess you already know I left this letter with a nurse named Alice Granger. She was there when you were born and fell in love with you too. Soon, I will give this letter to her and ask her to keep it for you, in case you ever try to find me one day. I'll also give a copy to the adoption agency, although it might never find its way to you. The parents who will take you home and love you as their own daughter will have the final say in that. But I know in my heart you will have a good and loving home, one that will keep you safe forever, the way you deserve. I couldn't leave you without being certain, deep inside, that you'll be safe and loved, in a big family with brothers and sisters. You'll have all the things that I can't give you. And one day, when you have a family of your own, you'll understand the love I have for you.
I'm leaving a locket for you that once belonged to my mother. She gave it to me when I was a little girl. It has a curl of your hair that I saved from the day you were born. I hope you have it now, to remind you that my heart will always be there with you. And even though I won't be there to watch you grow, I want you to know how proud I am of you. You are loving and kind, talented and wise. I can see it in your eyes right now as you watch me. I'm telling you the words as I write them, and you're sucking your thumb and smiling. You're too tiny to understand what I'm saying.
I'm writing this because the doctors say I'm sick. Too sick to be able to stay here with you much longer. But it's okay, because you were born healthy and safe. You're too little to remember me and maybe it's better that way. I'll remember enough for both of us.
Please know that every time you ever cried, in my heart I held your hand. And every time you laughed I heard you, and it made me happy too. I wish I could be right beside you, but please believe me… I will never be far away. If I have anything to teach you, it's only this… Let go of sadness. Be free of it, and brave enough to open your heart to life. Love is out there waiting for you. I found it when I saw your sweet face. You'll find it too, my darling. I promise.
I love you forever, with all my heart and soul,
Your Mom
49
Epilogue, Pt. 1 - Jack
A year later
"Hold still or I'm never going to get this thing tied."
Libby pulled on my silk tie until my face was even with hers. "You know, their wedding is so casual you don't even have to wear this." She kissed the tip of my nose and finished making my knot. I took her hands, swinging them out so I could get a better look at her dress.
"Mmmm… good enough to eat," I growled, pulling her close and tasting the delicate flesh under her ear. Her dress was light green with delicate gray leaves and vines. It clung to her in places that made me forget all about the family waiting downstairs. But I was the best man, and Blake had been looking pretty dicey. I didn't have long to get him to the gazebo overlooking the lake. And I knew Libby had promised to help Janet with her gown…
Libby laughed and pushed me a
way gently. But I could tell by the look in her eyes that my brother and his new bride weren't the only ones who had a night to look forward to. I ran my fingers through my wife's silky dark curls, falling loose and soft around her shoulders. I took her hand with the emerald on it and kissed it, my eyes promising delicious and dangerous intentions…
"India's babysitting tonight," I said, running a fingertip under the thin strap of her dress. I ran it down lower and traced the curve of one luscious breast. "I'm going to have you all to myself…" I drank in the excitement that sparkled in her eyes. "What am I going to do with you…"
Her soft, moist lips parted and I heard her pull in her breath to answer. Then a long, high wail crossed the hall, breaking the moment and I caught her in my arms, laughing. "Whatever you do, it's going to have to wait just a little while longer," she laughed back, kissing me quickly and disappearing out the door. She stopped for a moment and looked back at me, glowing with joy and the happiness of new motherhood. She had been beautiful before. Now, she was utterly exquisite.
"We'll meet you at the lake," she said, smiling. "Fifteen minutes till the ceremony, hours before they've all gone home." Her eyes sparkled mischievously. "You'll have plenty of time to decide… just what you're going to do." Her brow twitched playfully. "So will I."
She disappeared, leaving me to take care of Thea's needs. Our daughter had been born with her mother's green eyes and a cry that Libby responded to instinctively. I'd never seen a more loving and patient mother. Every time I watched her take little Thea into her arms, I had the strange sense that there was more love in the room than just our own. In some way, I was sure that Dorothy was with us too, sharing her daughter's joy and supporting her with her love.
I finished dressing and sat for a moment, contemplating the last year of our lives together. Images of Libby's lovely body, rounding with her growing pregnancy… the look on her face when she first held our child… I had everything in life a man could want in that single moment, and yet there had been so much more…
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