by Anna Samuels
It was a self-help book. My mother had been reading a self-help book and had clearly read it a number of time and marked the pages she liked. It was all about positivity and how to make a change in your life for the better. I flicked through the marked pages and scan read some sections. It was interesting and piqued my curiosity. Deciding to read it later, I slipped it into my bag to take back to Laurie’s to read.
Next I went to the landing and looked up at the attic. After pulling down the stairs, I headed up into the old, dusty room slowly and carefully.
The light was still working and illuminated the top of the house when I switched it on. Immediately when I could see, I saw what I was looking for. In one corner, there was a whole load of canvases alongside other art pieces I had worked on over the years. I looked at them one by one, while my mind whirred with possibility. When I had considered each one carefully, I left the attic with renewed purpose. After one last look around, I locked up and began walking back.
I walked down the road taking the longer route home. I wanted to go past the beach and take a look at the sea. I reached the clifftop in less than two minutes and found an empty bench to sit on. As I looked out at the waves in the distance, I felt more at peace with my emotions than I had in a long time. Visiting my childhood home had been cathartic for me. It had given me a chance to confront all the feelings that I had been bottling up inside. Having a good cry had been a welcome release.
The wind grew cold after a while, so I stood and continued my walk back home to Laurie’s. When I arrived back, the children were playing in the lounge while Laurie bustled around organising things for their trip the next day.
‘How did it go?’ she asked, as I dropped my bag.
‘Really good actually thanks. I think I needed that time alone there…it was like facing it all properly,’ I told her.
‘That’s exactly how I felt,’ she nodded. ‘You feel better afterwards.’
I nodded, ‘I sure do.’
‘So you’re glad I didn’t put the house on the market?’
‘I’m very glad,’ I smiled.
Laurie regarded me quizzically. ‘Do you think you can be happy there?’
I nodded thoughtfully. ‘I know I can. It was our home, and it’ll be my home again. I had so many ideas and thoughts about what to do with some parts.’
‘Oh that’s great! You’ll have to share them with me some time.’
‘I will,’ I promised. ‘Now you look busy…’
‘I am,’ she admitted, looking uncharacteristically flustered. ‘I have so much to get ready for this wedding tomorrow.’
‘What can I do to help?’ I asked.
‘Really?’ she said hopefully.
‘Yes absolutely! What can I do?’
‘Could you look after the kids for a bit while I get things organised? Play with them here or take them out?’
‘Of course I can! No problem at all.’ I loved every minute with them anyway so it was no hardship to spend a couple of hours with them.
‘Great! You’re a life saver!’ she smiled.
‘I’ll go and see what they fancy doing,’ I told her.
‘Thanks Ally.’
I headed off into the lounge to find Zachary sprawled out on the sofa on his tablet while Katie sat on the carpet playing with her ponies.
‘Hey kids!’
‘Auntie Ally!’ Katie said, grinning happily.
‘What are you playing?’ I asked Katie, and sat down beside her.
‘Me got pinky pony. Neigh! Neigh!’ she told me.
‘Wow! And this one?’
‘Wainbow!’ she announced happily.
‘Lovely! It looks like a lovely game!’ I told her.
‘Ally play?’ she asked hopefully.
‘Of course I will! You show me how?’
She picked up a pony and proceeded to trot it around the carpet space making various noises with her mouth. I copied her and made my own silly noises and she laughed at me joyfully.
After a while of playing, Katie had enough and sat on the sofa looking at the television.
‘Would you two like to go out for a bit?’ I asked, wondering if a little fresh air and distraction might appeal.
Zachary looked up from his tablet, suddenly interested in my presence. ‘Where to?’ he asked.
‘Where would you like to go?’
‘How about to the beach to play treasure again?’ he asked.
‘Sure,’ I agreed. ‘Katie, shall we go to the beach and collect treasure?’ I questioned.
‘Me get sells!’ she grinned.
‘Shells?’
‘Yes!’ she told me.
‘Okay…well we need your buckets and spades, shoes on and a backpack, Zachary.’
‘Why do we need a backpack?’ he asked.
‘Because we’re going to collect shells and treasure for making more treasure boxes,’ I told him.
‘Really? What, can I make one myself?’ he asked, wide-eyed.
‘Yes, of course you can…with a tiny bit of help from me,’ I told him.
‘Yes!’ he exclaimed with a fist pump in the end.
‘Okay then…shall we get ready?’
‘Yeah! Let’s go!’ he said, getting excited.
Ten minutes we left the house and headed down to the sea. Katie was comfortably clipped into her buggy and Zachary walked alongside me.
‘Do you like living here, Zachy?’ I asked wistfully, loving the smell of the sea air as we wandered down the street towards the beach.
‘I love it!’ he told me. ‘It’s the best place to live in the world.’
‘Why is that?’ I asked him.
‘Because we live near the sea. We also live near the forest. My school is the best school ever and I have really good friends.’
‘Well that sounds good…you also have a lovely Mummy and Daddy,’ I smiled, looking down at him.
‘Yeah! And a nice little sister too…even if she is a bit annoying.’
I chuckled to myself. ‘All brothers and sisters are a bit annoying at some time or another but at the end of the day, we always love them regardless.’
‘What’s regardless?’ he asked.
‘No matter what…we love them even if they are annoying sometimes,’ I told him.
‘Oh right…hey look at that, Auntie Ally!’ he said.
I looked in the direction of his pointed finger and saw a kite-surfer in the distance, moving fast along the waves. ‘Yeah! Wow! That’s amazing!’
‘I’ll do that when I’m a man.’
‘Will you? It looks pretty cool.’
‘Yeah…come on! Look we’re here!’ he said pulling my arm keenly.
‘Okay! Okay! Careful down the slope!’ I told him.
We headed down the cliff slope and down onto the path beside the sand. As we walked down towards Zachary’s favourite spot for treasure, the walk took us past the beach shop and business which had caught my eye so much the last time I had visited.
I paused at the empty shop and re-read the sign posted on the door. I felt my stomach flip with excitement as the ideas which had been coursing through my head ran wild. Now was not the right time with the children in tow, but I promised myself to follow through with my plans soon. Very soon.
‘Come on, Ally!’ Zachary said impatiently, pulling my arm.
‘Okay! Okay!’ I said laughing at his enthusiasm. We set off down the path past the café and restaurant and I looked at the buildings, intrigued as I passed. I wondered if Alex was inside and felt keen to go inside. Today was for the children though, not for me and my wandering mind.
We kept walking and headed to the sand further down the beach. Progress was hard with the buggy on the sand so I let Katie get out and then lifted it the rest of the way. We parked ourselves in a treasure filled spot and the collecting began.
An hour later we had sandcastles and creations made. We had also collected ample shells and treasures for our art work at home. When we left, we carried the fruits of our labour
. I took the children to the park nearby and let them play for a while before walking them home. I wanted to give Laurie plenty of time to get the wedding packing organised before we returned home.
When we did, I could see she was calmer than when we had left.
‘Hey kids! Did you have fun?’ Laurie asked.
‘Yeah, Mummy! We have treasure in my backpack!’ Zachary told her excitedly.
‘Oh you did! That’s great!’
‘I got tweasure too!’ Katie piped up, lifting her arms to Laurie.
Laurie scooped her up into her arms for a cuddle and held her close. ‘Thanks for that Ally…I’m all prepared now! They were the most invaluable few hours you could have given me!’
I smiled. ‘No problem, it’s always a pleasure with these two.’
‘Well thanks…I feel all relieved now. Bags are packed, map found and invitation ready. I have the clothes laid out and we’re all set for the morning. Hey, will you be alright here alone tomorrow?’ she asked, suddenly frowning.
‘I’ll be fine!’ I reassured her. ‘I actually have plans.’
‘You do?’ she frowned. ‘What plans?’
‘Plans to change my life for the better,’ I told her.
Laurie looked at me and a slow smile broke out over her face. ‘How exciting! Tell all!’ she demanded.
‘After tomorrow…’ I told her. ‘If it comes off…I’ll tell you my ideas then.’
‘How intriguing!’ she exclaimed.
I smiled. ‘I hope so.’
‘Right, I’m going to get some tea started,’ Laurie announced. ‘Come on little one! You’re helping!’
‘Can I do anything?’ I asked.
‘You’ve done plenty already,’ she told me. ‘Relax!’
‘Actually, there is a book I’d like to read…’
‘Go on!’ she encouraged. ‘Put your feet up! You’ve done enough to help me today as it is. We’ll give you a call when dinner’s ready, okay?’
‘Okay, great! See you in a bit!’ I said, already backing up the stairs.
I jogged up the rest of the stairs and headed into the bedroom I was staying in. There, I kicked off my shoes and climbed onto the bed. Pulling my bag open, I pulled out the book and looked down at it happily. This was just what I needed. A book about positivity. I settled back against the pillows and began to read.
The book began with an introduction. The history of positive thinking and where the idea all began. It was presented in a fascinating way which caught my attention immediately. The book was full of anecdotes and personal stories and I was drawn into the idea that I could make things happen for myself, simply by using a positive thought process.
I read on, especially intrigued by the pages which had been turned down by my mother or written on in the margins. I gaped at some of the responses she had had to the writing and marvelled at others.
The book told of a simple process. A way in which to change life for the better. It was written in three steps. See it, believe it, and achieve it. I first had to see in my mind what it was I truly wanted in life, I then had to believe that it could and would happen and then the third step was easy-sit back and marvel as it happened. I liked the simplicity of the way in which it was written and found it was something I believed in. I kept reading and got to a section where the writer helped the reader to determine their life purpose. The sections were filled in by my mother and I read about what she had been thinking with interest. Contrary to my beliefs, there were more facets to my mother than I had realised. As she had worked her way through the questions to help define her life purpose, alongside being a mother having a loving family, she sought more artistic freedom from her life which she didn’t have as a teacher. She had even mentioned my name in her musings, saying ‘encourage Ally’s artistic talents. They are wasted as a teacher.’
I read and reread the two sentences in disbelief. She had recognised my artistic talents? She actually thought I was wasted as a teacher? I read on and discovered that there had been a great deal more discontent in her life as a teacher than I realised. She regretted not pursuing other interests and felt like she had no creative outlet. I couldn’t believe what I was reading.
I sat back and set the book aside. I felt stunned and strangely relieved. It was like I could breathe again from the boundaries that I had felt she had imposed on me. Now it seemed that her viewpoint had changed after a while.
I lay there on the bed feeling like I had made the right decision. I lay there thinking that my Mum was with me in spirit and she supported me in every way. She knew what would make me happy and she knew it wasn’t teaching.
‘Ally?’ Zachary said, peering around the door.
‘Hey, honey.’
‘Tea is ready,’ he told me.
‘Okay…tell Mummy I’ll be right there.’
‘Okay,’ he replied.
I climbed from the bed, and headed to the mirror on the wall. I looked at my reflection, liked what I saw for a change and smiled at myself. My new, positive outlook started now. Positive change was about to happen in my life. I was going to make it happen.
Chapter 7
An interesting proposition
The following morning, I woke up with butterflies coursing through my stomach. I opened my eyes and rubbed a hand across my face. Today was the day. Today was pivotal.
I showered and dressed more carefully than normal, even taking a little care to check my hair was looking decent and to apply a little make-up. When I was done, I headed downstairs.
‘Ally! I thought we would miss you! We’re off!’ Laurie said, hustling the kids into coats at the door.
‘You lot look great!’ I exclaimed, admiring their smart, wedding clothes.
‘Thanks,’ Laurie smiled.
‘We scrub up pretty well, don’t we,’ Daniel grinned.
‘You sure do! Let’s take a photo quick!’ I said.
I took a few on my phone and then said goodbye as they headed out in somewhat of a rush to get on the road. As the door shut behind them, the house fell silent. Left to my own devices, I had the day to myself.
I headed to the kitchen and helped myself to some cereal. One of my resolutions was to eat regularly again, so as to ensure I didn’t waste away to nothing. I knew I was too thin and it wasn’t healthy. If I was going to change my life for the better, I needed a healthy body to support me in my quest.
I ate slowly and then cleaned up my bowl and spoon. Then I grabbed my bag and locked up the house.
I walked down the road and headed to the clifftop. When I reached the cliff, I walked down the steps and onto the sand. Along I wandered, taking in the magnificent view and breathing the fresh, sea air. I felt nervous and excited at the same time.
I made my way to the café and despite being early, it was busy with customers. People sat on the patio drinking tea and coffee. Many were enjoying breakfasts too. I walked past them, with my heart pounding briskly in my chest. I opened the door, and walked into the café.
At the counter, a young girl served teas and coffees to customers. I waited my turn and then stepped up to speak to her.
‘Hello, what can I get for you?’ she asked politely.
‘Oh nothing thank you…could I speak to the manager…uh, Alex, please?’ I said, as my pulse thudded away merrily.
‘Yes of course. Who shall I say is here?’
‘It’s Ally…’
‘Okay. One moment,’ she replied and disappeared out the back into the kitchen.
I waited impatiently, moving from one foot to the other anxiously. When the girl returned, she was followed by the woman who had been haunting my dreams. I stepped around the counter to meet her and smiled.
‘Hello.’
‘Hello!’ she said, returning my smile. ‘Ally? Laurie’s sister?’ she asked.
‘That’s right,’ I said, trying to control my accelerating tension. Her very presence in front of me was affecting me the same way as it had the first time I met her. My heart was pounding
, my palms were sweating and my stomach was performing flip flops. Her eyes held mine captive and I felt inexplicably drawn to her. My awareness of her was through the roof.
‘What can I do for you?’ she asked, her smile reaching her eyes and softening them.
‘I, uh…I need to talk to you…’ I began.
Alex waited patiently as I formulated what I had to say.
‘It’s about the shop for rent…it, uh said to talk to the owner?’
She nodded slowly, looking thoughtfully at me. ‘That’s right. You want to talk to me about renting it?’
I nodded. ‘Yes. I do,’ I said, squaring my shoulders a little and telling myself mentally to be strong.
‘Well, this is a surprise!’ she exclaimed. ‘Come on through to the back! We can talk in my office.’
‘Thank you,’ I responded.
I followed Alex through the kitchen where staff were busy preparing food. She led me into her office with only amounted to a small room behind the kitchen which barely had space for two adults. She squeezed into the seat at the desk and sat down. I sat on the other chair and our knees brushed as I settled down because the space was so small.
‘Sorry,’ she said moving an inch to the side. ‘This office is like a box room!’
I smiled, ‘It’s no problem.’
‘So…I’m officially intrigued. You’re here about the shop?’ she asked with a confused frown.
I nodded. ‘I am.’
‘Okay…’
‘Well, I’m…I’m an artist,’ I told her.
She frowned a little, tilting her head to one side, ‘I thought you were a teacher?’
I looked down at my hands which I was clenching and unclenching in my lap. ‘Yeah…well, yeah…I was. I’m uh…I’m beginning a new chapter. A new venture you may say…’
‘Okay…’ she murmured thoughtfully.
‘Before I was ever a teacher, I was an artist. I have been and always wanted to be creative. My proposition to you is that I rent your shop to sell my art work.’
‘What kind of art?’ she asked.
‘Well, I paint, I make sculptures, jewellery and other things too…it’s all themed…’