Wrapped around her all warm and strong—and as far she knew—throughout the night. She’d woke several times, and he'd been there for all of them. If she'd really had a problem with him being there—or rather her being at his place—she could have left at any time. And they both had known that.
So why hadn't she?
***
After Kelly left, Josh called his unit chief and asked for the process to be started with admin. He took the sabbatical. Just a month; to think and he wouldn't lie to anyone who asked. His main motivation was that he needed the time to reevaluate, decide if that's what he wanted to do with his life. He was thirty-two years old. He had his team; a few friends left, and the job. Houses he didn’t live in, and not much else. Was that what he wanted for the rest of his life? He didn’t have a clue.
In the last year or so he lost touch with most of his casual, non-Bureau friends. He wouldn't lie to himself, it was his doing. He'd gotten so wrapped up in the CCU that he had lost sight of all the other friends he had. And with J.T.'s recent wedding, it was abundantly clear to him that if he didn't do something he was going to end up alone.
Was it worth it?
He didn't want to spend the rest of his life alone--or enslaved to the CCU. He’d watched Dan and Hell--and the two older men had gotten damned lucky. Their obsessions had almost consumed them. He wanted people that cared about him around him. And he didn't want to always be tagging along with other families. J.T. had a family—his dad and his sister—and now he and his wife. And Emma’s family, too.
Thoughts of the beautiful redhead his friend had married inevitably led to thoughts of Kelly. How could they not?
She’d avoided him since she’d spent the night.
He had been avoiding her just as much as she had probably been avoiding him, to be honest. A lot had changed between them recently. He was still unsure what it all meant. He needed to get his shit together before he decided what to do about Kelly.
She kept creeping in his dreams. And he had a hard time sleeping on the futon lately. Seems like something—someone—was missing.
Worse, he didn't know how to handle it if he acted on it too fast. He ran the very real risk of her heading for the hills. This was Kelly he was thinking about, after all. She didn't do well with attention from guys. Her trust issues, her problems with relationships in general, made romantic connections hard for her.
He got that. And he was damned happy she hadn’t connected with anyone yet, anyway.
Should he push the issue? What was he hoping to accomplish? If he did. His cell phone rang, and he grabbed it. It was Dan; someone Josh had been avoiding. He wasn't certain if it was because of what happened at the CCU or because of what he wanted to happen with Dan's daughter. How did you look the man you most admired in the world straight in the eye, after spending the night wrapped around the man's beautiful daughter? And wanting a hell of a lot more…?
It was bound to be awkward. That nothing had happened mattered very little when it came right down to it.
But Dan didn't say anything about Kelly. Instead, he merely invited Josh over in a way that made it very clear that Josh shouldn't refuse. Was it CCU related? Was Dan about to rip him a new asshole? Not likely at Dan’s house. No, official CCU would be at the office, wouldn’t it? And it would be with Hell, not just Dan. But Dan’s tone had been somber, serious.
He seriously considered not accepting the invitation, such that it was. He respected Dan professionally and personally; and more. Dan was a friend.
And it had been made very clear to him lately that he didn't have very many of those left in this world. He parked in the driveway behind Dan's SUV. He couldn't help himself, he looked around for Kelly's Jeep. It wasn't there.
Where was she? Why did his pulse speed up just thinking about her? He could put sexual attraction into clinical terms. He understood it, of course. But that didn’t keep him from experiencing it. Trying to analyze every aspect of it from an emotional standpoint, either.
Whatever it was, whatever was going on between them was the one thing that actually felt right in his life at the moment.
Chapter 30
That last scene had been far too messy. She shouldn’t have let the anger take a hold of her that way. It wasn’t his fault he’d gone away for the weekend, was it? She knew how he felt about the Reynolds’ family. Dan Reynolds was the closest thing to a father Josh had ever had. Shouldn’t he want to spend the man’s birthday with him?
It was what a good son would do. She had prepared herself to be a part of the Reynolds family if the time ever came. Dan was important to Josh, so he was important to her.
And the man’s children were like Josh’s siblings; she understood that. And families needed to be together, and Josh’s friend J.T. had married one of those girls. How could she begrudge him time with his family just because she didn’t have one?
That she had to wait three days to see him again after everything he’d been through—she would just have to deal.
Or find something else to distract her. Maybe it was time for another victim?
No. No, it had been too soon already.
Chapter 31
“Are you doing something stupid, son?” Dan looked at him from across the kitchen, and Josh fought the urge to shift his weight. He forced himself to hold still. He wasn’t a teenager. And this wasn’t his father. Dan hadn’t wasted any time asking him exactly what he was up to.
Josh felt half-guilty for letting everyone he cared about think the only thing bothering him was Becca’s case. It wasn’t just that case. It was all the cases.
“Depends on what you mean by stupid.” There were a few things Josh had in mind, which Dan could be referencing. One of them being the thoughts he had had about this man's daughter. Did Dan know where Kelly had spent the night? Or was it something else—something CCU related? There would always be more cases that needed them than they could efficiently work. Did it eat at him that Becca’s case was about to go cold again? Hell yes. But it was something he would have to deal with if he continued with the CCU.
“Going cowboy on any case is bound to bring on trouble. Haven't the last few years taught us all that?” Dan wasn't the type to flat out tell Josh he was being stupid—unless he was being fucking stupid. Just respected that, but that didn’t mean he had to like it.
“She was my friend Dan. And I owe her. And I made a promise to her mother, I would find her killer.” He hadn’t considered going out on his own. No.
He was considering walking completely away. Would Dan understand that, as dedicated as the man was to the CCU and PAVAD?
“She's dead, son. It won't matter to her if you find her killer this week or next as long as you do.” Harsh words from someone like Dan, who'd searched for fifteen years for his missing daughters. But there was truth in his words.
Josh looked at him. “And the next woman targeted? Or the next? The CCU can stop him. How am I supposed to look myself in the mirror if we don’t at least try?”
Dan stared at him for a long moment. Josh wondered what the older man was thinking.
“Is that what is driving you?”
“Partially. She was a friend — not a close one, but one. I knew enough to speak with whenever I got the chance. But it isn’t just that.”
“Nothing romantic?”
Even in a division like PAVAD rumors ran rampant—especially when sex or romance were at the bottom of everything. Knew what had been said about him and his friend. It had never bothered him before, but this time it did. Was it because it was Dan looking at him? “No. I know what the rumors are. But they're not true. Becca was in love with a woman. She wasn't openly out. But there were a few of her friends who knew. “
Dan would be the last one to say anything about Josh's romantic life. The older man's much younger wife was proof of that.
He checked his watch; Ally and Kelly should be walking through their doors at any moment. He knew Kelly’s schedule very well.
He stopped
to think about that for a minute. What was it about her that stuck her life so close to his? And why hadn’t he seen it eighteen months ago?
“You know going on your own is against regulations. I’m just going to tell you that because I’m your superior and because I’m also a friend.”
Hell yes, he knew it was against regulations. What did regulations have to do with anything when it came down to it? “I’m working out my decisions, Dan. In a lot of things. CCU and otherwise. But I’m taking my time and thinking it through. All of them.”
“I know you will, son. I have no doubt about that. Just make sure that it's something you can live within the mornings. Now, for the other reason I invited you over here…you know you're more than welcome to stay for dinner. Kelly should be home at any moment. Ally, too. I've made plenty.”
How many times had he had dinner at Dan’s table? He had lost count. But tonight… The last thing he wanted to do was sit at a table with Dan and pretend nothing had happened between him and the man’s daughter. Or worse, sit next to Kelly. To remember the feel of her, wrapped up in his arms. The mood he was in he was just as likely to say or do something deliberately to her, right there in front of her father.
And he respected her too much to embarrass her that way. And he knew it would embarrass her. That was just the way Kelly was. “No, not tonight. I have other things I need to do.”
Like cut the man’s daughter off at her door and drag her to his own place. Yes, that’s what he would do.
The wheels began to turn. Yes, she’d avoided him long enough.
“I understand.” Dan looked at him again. What was it about the man's eyes that reminded him so much of his daughter's? It wasn't just the color. Something about the way he looked right through Josh. Josh suspected Dan knew exactly what he was thinking. “I asked Kelly to take this to you the other day—but I think the girl forgot. Everything should be in there. But you might want to check it when you get home.”
He heard the sounds of a car in the drive and he hoped it was Kelly and not Dan’s wife. He grabbed the bag where it was sitting beside the counter. “Thanks. I'll see you next Monday.”
“See that it sooner than that. You will be missed around here. If you don't.”
He left via the front door, just as Kelly's car pulled into the drive. He didn't know what demon possessed him in that moment, but one definitely did. He stayed where he was at, and she stepped out of the car. Her face showed her concern. “Josh? What are you doing here? And do you know you have plaster in your hair?”
He walked over to her, purpose his steps. Her stepmother climbed out of the passenger side. Good, he half wanted an audience. That way she couldn’t deny something happened. “Kelly.”
“What's wrong?” Green eyes looked at him concern all over her face. “What happened?”
The question had been the exact wrong thing to ask him a moment. How was she supposed to know that? He knew she couldn't; but that didn't change his decision. He dropped his bag on the concrete sidewalk and wrapped his hands around her waist. Her bag thumped to the ground.
Her stepmother just stared.
“Josh?”
He didn't give her a chance to say anything else. He lifted her off her feet. And kissed her the way he’d been wanting to for the last three days.
When he was finished, he set her back on her feet turned around and walked away.
***
Kelly didn't know what to say or what to do. Instead, she looked at her best friend.
Ally just grinned. “You back on this planet yet? He forgot this.” The older woman picked up the brown bag and tossed it to Kelly. “Someone might want to take this to him...”
Kelly found herself walking straight over to his house. What had he been thinking? Kissing her that way right in front of Ally. Ally, who was probably in the kitchen right at that moment telling her father all about what she witnessed. There would be no denying things had happened between them now.
What demons were driving him? And how could she help him?
***
Josh was still outside when he saw her walk up. “What are you doing here? Want more?”
“You left this behind.” She held out his bag to him, and he took it. His fingers wrapped around hers on the strap. He didn't want to let go.
“Thanks. You going to run away again?” His blood still burned from the kiss. It wasn't helping to have her right there in front of him. All he really wanted to do was grab her and yank her inside his house and show her one of the things that had been bothering him for the last few days. But he wasn't a damned caveman, was he? Tempting though the idea was.
It had to be her choice.
“I'm sure you are.” She stepped back. That pissed him off, for reasons he couldn't yet identify. That made him feel just perverse enough to match her backward step with a forward one of his own. Still, the rational part of himself managed to give her one out.
“Leave, Kelly, right now.”
Her surprise was visible in green eyes. “What?”
“I said… You had better leave now. If you don't. I may just do something you’re not ready for.” She stared at him for a long, silent moment.
Chapter 32
“I don't think you're the only one who gets to decide that.” She wanted to step away from him, but she wouldn't let herself—she wasn't a coward. And she knew him well enough to know that he was pissed at someone—most likely her father—and he was just taking it out on her, trying to get a reaction from her. To show that he was still in control. And she knew Josh well enough to know that wasn’t something he would do. “What's going on with you? Why did you leave like that? My father cares about you; he doesn’t want to lose you. If he said something—”
He just looked at her. “Your dad has nothing to lose, babe. He was just checking on me. I chose to leave…because if I didn’t, I was going to drag you out of there…Decisions need to be made.”
She just looked at him for an even longer moment. “It feels like we already have made one.”
“Does it? I certainly don’t feel that way. In fact… I think… You can have all of me that you want. All you have to do is ask. Ball is in your court, babe.”
Her eyes widened, Josh laughed, feeling cynical. “Yeah, you had to know this is coming. I don't know when things changed, but they sure as hell have. There are only two things I can think about right now. One is quitting the CCU. And getting your ass naked. Do you know what that's doing to me? That wasn't exactly something I could talk to your father about tonight. Now, was it?”
“I…” He laughed, the sound completely without humor. She was too wide-eyed and too damned beautiful for her own good… For his own good. Enough was enough. “Five seconds five starting now.”
“You're not going to scare me off. I think…I think you are just trying to push my buttons so I'll leave. You know that this bothers me. I’m not going to let you push me away this way.”
It surprised him when she stood her ground; knowing her, he'd expected her to back away. To run all the way home like the bats of hell were on her heels.
But she didn't.
“Kelly, don’t keep pushing. Unless you absolutely mean it.”
He wasn't joking. But… He knew her, she couldn't handle his feelings, could she? Not Kelly, not his Kelly. Not the way both change and men frightened her.
She’d been hurt so much; he’d be a real dick if he did anything to hurt her himself. He needed to slow himself down. Before he scared her away completely. “Go home. I’m being a real bastard tonight.”
“Hey, it happens. I still love—like you anyway.” He could see some of the tension leaving her shoulders. “You left this.”
He took the bag from her hands. Everything he’d left on his desk when he’d walked out days ago was probably in there—including his CCU ID and his spare weapon. He hadn’t thought of it since he’d left. What did that tell him? “Thanks.” He didn’t know what else to do, so he opened the bag. There were green f
iles in the top—files he didn’t recognize.
Green folders were reserved for a handful of CCU personnel. Josh wasn’t one of them. A bright orange post was on the top.
With a note addressed to him from Dan. New information you may want to take a look at. I can’t ‘officially’ allow you to do this on your own. But I understand when a man has his demons. If you need a friendly ear, you know where to find me.
“What is it?”
“Confidential files. From your father. And I think I need to talk to him again.”
“Guess you should have stuck around instead of walking away after kissing unsuspecting scientists.”
“You’re probably right.”
Chapter 33
He smiled, then laughed, a real Josh-kind of laugh like she was used to. Beautiful. That was all it took to have her feeling far bolder than normal.
Kelly made her decision. She grabbed the edge of the files and stepped closer. “No. Don’t. Don’t get sucked back in, Josh, please. Come back to the CCU and let them help you. Or…come back to the house with me and have dinner. Talk to my dad and Ally. We’ll call J.T., too. We can have Em handle the kids, and the five of us will work on this together. Like…” She’d almost said a family. Did he realize that? Was that true? She did feel that way about him, didn’t she? So how was she supposed to resolve all the sexual attraction that was between them now? “This isn’t just your case. It’s Lynn Walker’s, and Jane Cole’s, and Cami Davis’s. And it’s mine and every other member of PAVAD’s. Let us help you before you destroy everything you’ve worked for this far.”
***
She was pleading with him, and it was like needles into his soul. He owed her the truth.
Ghosting (PAVAD: FBI Romantic Suspense Book 10) Page 9