There’s a lull in the conversation, like maybe we shouldn’t be having it. Then she texts:
I know you’re not supposed to speak poorly of the dead, but what Swan did was wrong and unforgivable. Except I’m Catholic, so I have to forgive her. I don’t want to hate her. I did at first. Every lie I found out about was like a stab in the back. But I don’t want to let hatred control my life
Swan never should’ve done what she did to Liana. Or Rachel. Or me. No, there’s no comparison with them and me. I know in my heart that Swanee loved me. She just wanted to make sure I was fully committed to her before she broke it off with Liana.
One more day and she would’ve known.
Yeah, it hurts to find out she was seeing someone else at the same time we were coming together. But given the chance, I would’ve proven to Swanee that no one could love her as much as I did.
Liana texts:
I have to go
Before she disconnects, I text:
Wait
A pause.
What?
That’s the question, I think. Why am I making her wait? She needs to get on with her life, and so do I.
I text:
Nothing. Never mind
Chapter 13
When I hand in my persuasive paper, Mrs. Burke scans the mostly empty page and then turns it over to see if I’ve continued on the back. She gets that same look on her face that Mom gets when she’s disappointed in me. I almost say, Quality over quantity, right? I’m surprised teaching doesn’t bring out the serial killer in more adults.
On my way home I pass Swanee’s street and see the Smart car parked at the end of the cul-de-sac with a FOR SALE sign in the window. LIKE NEW. $18,500.
Oh my God. Joss.
Jewell’s just pulling into the driveway as I’m walking away and she waves at me. She gets out, shoulders her hobo bag, and calls, “Hi, Alix. Come in for a cappuccino. It’ll have to be quick, though.”
I trail her inside, wondering how to ask if she’s regrouped. Her hair is damp and pulled back in a ponytail.
The house looks the same, table piled high with papers and magazines, clothes flung all over the place. It reeks of incense, like Genjko got a bulk deal. He should lay off that stuff.
Jewell unzips her leather boots and pads in stocking feet to the coffeemaker. I sit in my usual seat at the table. We don’t converse. Usually she’s so chatty, asking me about my life and just talking girl talk.
She sets my coffee in front of me and says, “Have you seen Swanee’s cell phone?”
Blood rushes to my cheeks.
“I’m betting Joss stole it, even though she swears she didn’t. She’s such a little liar and thief. She was always taking money from my purse, and I know she’s been rifling through Swanee’s room. Did Swanee tell you about the time Joss downloaded a bunch of porn onto my computer? It got some virus and I had to take it to the geeks to fix. You should’ve seen how they looked at me.”
Swan did tell me about it. She thought it was hysterical. Joss, not so much. It was a dare for Joss to do it. Even if she didn’t want to participate in Swanee’s pranks, or was afraid of the consequences, she would never say no to Swanee.
Jewell takes her coffee and moves behind me toward the hall.
“Jewell.” I twist in my seat. “Can I ask you a question?”
She stops and checks her watch. “I have a hair appointment in twenty minutes.”
“Um, did you know Swanee was seeing another girl?”
Jewell laughs. “Only one?”
I don’t laugh. She lifts her cup to her mouth, sips, and then licks foam from her upper lip. “I told Swanee she was too young to be serious about just one person. At her age, I had guys lined up. Girls, too.” She winks.
I just look at her. Did she know about Liana?
She says, “It’s not like you were engaged, Alix.”
My heart heaves and a whirring sound fills my ears. I manage to croak out the question, “Would you mind if I went in Swanee’s room one more time? She… she borrowed this book, and I need to get it back to the library.”
Jewell sighs, like it’s a huge imposition. “Just for a minute.” She retrieves her bag and digs around for a set of keys. I follow her down the hall and see that a deadbolt has been installed on Swanee’s door.
“I saw the For Sale sign on the Smart car. Are you not keeping it for Joss because of the porn thing?”
Jewell whirls around. “That car would never have gone to Joss. If she told you that, she was lying.” A cell phone rings in Jewell’s bag and she says, “I’ll be back to lock up when you’re done.” She answers the cell, “Hi, baby,” as she enters her room and shuts the door.
I just stare after Jewell, thinking, Who is this person? She’s changed. Or maybe I’ve never seen through her outer layer before.
I rummage around in Swanee’s drawers again, feeling for a ring box. It could be anywhere on her floor or desk, or behind books. If the ring had been on her finger while she was running, it’d be in the hospital bag. I feel around in there and come up empty.
Joss was right. There is no ring. Liana was lying, and now it’s possible that she was lying about a lot of things. All of it. That she and Joss and Swanee were in on it together and the joke was on me. I sit on Swan’s bed, feeling disoriented. Dizzy. Automatically, to stop the motion, my fingers slide under her mattress.
What’s this?
I stand and lift the mattress a few inches. Money. A lot of it. Mostly twenties. If I had to estimate, I’d say there was four or five hundred dollars there.
It makes me mad because I was the one who always had to pay whenever we went out. Even when Joss was with us, Swanee said she was broke, and would I mind charging it on my Visa? Of course I didn’t mind. I loved her.
Jewell’s door opens and closes. She calls, “Alix, are you almost through? I need to go.”
I leave the money, even though I should take it as reimbursement.
Beside the bookcase I see a couple of library books, so I grab them, inadvertently knocking over a trophy. A mitten falls out of the trophy and I bend to pick it up. It’s heavy, like something’s inside the mitten.
I empty the contents into the palm of my hand and see it’s a ring box. Liana wasn’t lying. This boiling anger at Swanee simmers inside me. Is that what we were to you? Trophies to add to your collection?
Jewell says from the threshold, “Did you find the book?”
Ever so slowly, I turn, sliding the ring box into my pocket. “Two, actually. They’re both overdue, but I’ll pay the fines.”
She doesn’t even say thanks, or offer to pay me back.
As she’s locking the door behind me, Jewell picks up where she left off. “I told Swanee she should have fun. See a lot of people. At her age, there was absolutely no reason to be tied down. Not just to you—”
I’m nauseated. I can’t even stand to look Jewell in the eye. Never have I felt such revulsion for a person. Before I say something I’ll regret, I rush to the door.
“If Joss tells you she has Swanee’s phone, you let me know.”
The words are a blur. Near the Smart car, my stomach gives out and I hurl. I want to scream. I want God or someone to fill me in on what’s right or wrong in this world, what’s honorable and decent, because the way Jewell and Asher live their lives, the morals they taught their children, it’s no wonder Swanee was the way she was. Even if I didn’t know them that long, how naïve could I be? How stupid? Suddenly my parents look like demigods next to them.
Did Swanee ever really love me, or was it all just a sham?
I text Liana:
I found your ring. Maybe you can return it for a refund
She doesn’t text back, so I curl into a ball on my bed and cover my head with my pillow. I wish I could stop thinking, stop feeling, just… stop. My phone rings and it’s a text from Liana:
Thanks! Sorry, I didn’t get your message earlier. We were in the semis for girls’ basketball so we went to che
er at their game. And yeah, I do want it back
I text:
Do you want me to mail it?
NO!!! I didn’t tell my mom and dad we were engaged
Engaged. I still can’t believe it was real, even with the ring as proof. Does Liana believe it was? Why would Swanee hook up with me if she loved Liana enough to marry her?
Liana texts:
She probably planned to pawn the ring and keep the money
To add to the fortune under her mattress, I think.
Liana texts:
You okay?
Me? No. I hurt. My heart aches. I want to hate Swanee for duping me and Liana, but I can’t seem to get there. My love for Swanee was real, and still is.
Liana texts again:
Alix, you there?
I text back:
Yeah, just working through some things
She texts:
Me too. I can’t stop crying. One minute I’m sad, then mad, then confused and empty. I could go on
She doesn’t have to.
She texts:
We won our game, yay, so I’ll be cheering on Wed at the Denver Coliseum. Is Arvada playing?
I text:
Doubtful. We suck at everything but track
She texts:
Do you want to meet after the game? Maybe talking it out will help
My heart does a little flutter, even though I know she’s probably just interested in getting her ring back.
Sure
She texts:
Since you don’t have a car, why don’t I just come to your house to pick you up? Unless you’re not out to your parents and they might ask questions
I text:
No, they know I’m a lesbian. That’s not a problem. What time?
It’s a late game so it won’t end until 10 or 10:30
Breaking curfew is a problem. If only my parents were more lenient, like… forget that.
I text:
See you then
Dad and Mom are both up, dressed for work, hustling to eat breakfast and feed Ethan before he goes off to day care.
“Can I help?” I ask.
They both gawk at me.
Mom says, “You can feed Ethan so I can finish my breakfast and get dressed.”
I don’t quite have the hang of scooping food into Ethan’s mouth without losing most of it down his front, but eventually we get this rhythm going where he opens, I shovel, and then I wait for him to swallow before offering the next bite. The whole time he whimpers, like he can barely endure the torture of me doing this.
“Can I ask you a question?” I say to Mom and Dad.
“Uh-oh,” Dad says. “I knew there was a catch. How much?”
I mock sneer at him. “I’d like to go out tomorrow night. Kind of late. After the girls’ basketball finals downtown.”
Dad arches his eyebrows. “Arvada’s in the finals?”
“That’d be a miracle,” I say. “The game won’t end until around ten, so I might miss my curfew. Unless it’s extended? Please, please, pretty please?”
Dad removes his waffle from the toaster. “Who are you going with if Arvada isn’t playing?”
Well, it can’t be Betheny, can it? “Someone,” I say.
“Clears that up,” Dad goes. “Do we know him?”
I just look at Dad. My pause in our feeding rhythm makes Ethan spit at me. I swear he did it on purpose.
Dad corrects himself. “Her, I mean.”
I shake my head.
Dad eyes Mom across the table, and she says, “We’d like to meet her.”
“We’re not dating,” I tell them. “She’s just a friend.”
Mom takes her plate to the dishwasher. “We still like to know your friends.”
A fast hi and bye, I think. “So can I go?”
They don’t answer. They’re going to say no. Why did I decide to go the noble route? I could’ve just snuck out and they never would’ve known.
Mom says, “It’s a school night.”
“I know that.”
Ethan’s getting squirmy and his face is turning red, like he’s ready to explode.
Dad asks, “Where are you going?”
For God’s sake. “I don’t know. We’re taking a private jet to the Bahamas.”
“Nice,” Dad says. “Can I come?”
Could this be more lame? I open my mouth to tell them to just forget it, but Ethan lets out a shriek. He smashes his tray, propelling his dish into the air, where it flips and lands right on top of my head. A beat passes, and then Mom and Dad burst into laughter.
Oh, yeah. It’s so funny.
Now I’ll have to shower again and change clothes. I scoot back my chair and stand.
“Just for that,” Dad says, “I think we should let her go.”
What? I search out Mom. She’s holding her stomach at the sink, gasping for air while she laughs.
Dad says to me, “The bell tolls at midnight. After that you turn into a pumpkin.”
I almost say “pauper,” but now’s not the time to quibble about fairy tales.
Chapter 14
I feel giddy. Alive. I can’t wait for ten o’clock. It’s crazy, really. Liana is—was—my rival. I should despise her. But all I feel is excited to see her again, and now I’m wondering if Mom was right about me needing to get professional help.
After dinner, I lay out every conceivable outfit I own. No one’s bought me a new wardrobe since the last time I tried on clothes. I look frumpy in jeans and a long sweater, nerdy in the button-down cardigan Mom got me for Christmas. I try on the merry widow and stand in front of my mirror. A little black eye shadow and I could pass for a hooker on the prowl. This is seriously demented. I shimmy into my skinny jeans and a long-sleeved top. The jeans are looser than they used to be. I don’t have to suck in my gut to button them.
My cell rings.
“I can’t come,” Liana says.
My spirits sink.
“Can we make it another time?” she asks.
A small air bubble of hope rises. “Sure.”
“It’s just that all the games are starting late, and Dad wants me to follow the team bus back home.”
“You don’t have to explain,” I say. But I’m glad it’s not because she made plans with someone else. Which is none of my business anyway.
“I’m really sorry.”
She sounds sincere.
“It’s okay.”
“No, it’s not. I’ve been looking forward to it.”
Seriously?
She pauses. “Do you like the ring?”
“I…” almost say I haven’t looked at it. But of course I have. It’s gorgeous. I’d die if anyone ever gave me something so beautiful and meaningful. “I haven’t put it on,” I tell her.
“Just testing,” she says with a smile in her voice.
I think I passed. I hope I did.
She adds, “I’m free after Mass on Sunday. Is that good for you?”
“Yeah,” I tell her. All I’m doing here is wasting away, physically and emotionally.
“Around eleven?”
It can’t be soon enough.
On Sunday morning, I keep peeking out the living room curtains, waiting for her to arrive. Dad says, “Expecting someone?”
I don’t want to tell him because he and Mom weren’t too happy about her standing me up the other night. Not that she did. Like I told them, we’re not dating.
The Jetta comes into view and, as she pulls to the curb, I sprint out the door.
She rolls down her window and I hand her the ring box. She tosses it into her glove compartment.
“Don’t you want to make sure it’s in there?” I say.
“I never want to see that fucking ring again. Sorry, God.” She makes the sign of the cross. “Anyway, I trust you.”
A pang of guilt stabs me where it hurts. She has no reason to trust me—especially if she knew about the texts.
She asks, “Do you want to go somewhere to eat? I saw a Chipotle
on the way here, and I’m starving.”
I’m suddenly starving, too. From the doorway, I hear, “Alix?”
It’s Dad. “Would you mind meeting my dad?” I ask Liana. “Tell him we’re taking your private jet to lunch in Paris.”
She furrows her brow.
“Just say hi.”
She gets out and accompanies me up the sidewalk.
On the porch I say in a rush, “ThisisLiana. Liana, Dad.”
She extends her hand to shake. “Hi,” she says.
Dad asks, “How do you know Alix?”
Oh, God, no. Liana looks at me and I save her. “It’s a long story. We’re going out. Be back in a while.”
I could kick myself. “Going out” sounds a whole lot like a date.
Liana smiles at Dad. “Nice to meet you.”
I sense Dad wants to say more, but I hurry Liana away.
We order two humongous burritos and find a table near the window without nearby neighbors who can hear every word we say. Not that we’re speaking. We’re both slamming down food like there’s no tomorrow. Which, in our world, seems imminently possible.
I like that she’s not self-conscious about pigging out. Swanee was a picky eater. She had to disassemble everything and remove what she didn’t like.
Liana and I sip from our straws in unison, and swallow. I wonder who’ll break the ice. Although it feels perfectly natural to sit here in silence and chow down.
“Where’d you find the ring?” she finally asks.
“In her room. In one of her trophies.”
Liana rips off another bite of burrito between her teeth.
“You know how I told you Jewell and Asher were cool parents? I take it back. They’re psycho.” I tell Liana about what Jewell said to me, and how she encouraged Swan to basically sleep around.
Liana’s eyes shoot flames and she shakes her head. “It doesn’t excuse her behavior.”
“No, I know. But maybe it explains it a little. Poor Joss.” I take a bite of my burrito.
“What about Joss? She’s going down with her for texting me.”
Now would be the perfect time to tell Liana the truth, and I open my mouth to do it, but the words stick in my throat. Still, it isn’t fair for her to hate Joss. “I think Joss is the most normal one of the bunch.”
Lies My Girlfriend Told Me Page 9