by Ashley Ladd
Brendan put one hand on his hip and the other on the knob. He jutted up his chin and his eyes glittered. “You implied it loud and clear. Penises don’t lie, and men who are happy with their partners don’t screw other people all the time. Even on webcams.” He shot a pointed look at Ty’s now flaccid cock.
Ty damned his wayward cock. He wasn’t so sure the damned thing was married to his heart. It had a mind of its own.
Chapter Three
Bianca laid flat on her back, linked her hands behind her head and stared at the ceiling. She focused on a spot until it whirled and became psychedelic before her swollen eyes. Beside her, Cecilie was a blur.
“I should call Ty and at least welcome him home. We need to talk.” Maybe if they’d truly talked more while he was overseas instead of having virtual sex via webcams, they wouldn’t be in this mess. Maybe his horniness should have clued her in. She bet if she checked his computer’s history, she’d find a lot of webcam sessions with Brendan, too. She wondered how many? Probably way more cybersex with Brendan than with her judging by the way they’d greeted each other the other night at Ty’s coming home party.
Cecilie bit into one of the fudge brownies Bianca had baked. With chocolate bits clinging to her teeth, she mumbled, “Are you nuts? After the shabby way he treated you? If he’d been my guy, I’d introduce his tiny little pecker to my huge machete.”
Bianca gasped at her friend’s vehemence. She couldn’t put all the blame on Ty. Maybe none. She’d introduced him to Brendan. She’d invited Brendan into their bed. She’d pushed the guy at him after finding all Ty’s gay porn. No, she’d delivered Brendan gift wrapped—literally. Then she’d joined in the fun and not only let them, but coaxed them to, fuck her simultaneously.
Fun?
Well, yeah. Getting fucked by two men in one bed, often at the same time, had been loads of fun. Having hot, wet tongues, scalding lips and warm hands on her nipples and genitals all at the same time had been nirvana. The flood of regrets and doubts afterward hadn’t been so great. The fear Ty would choose Brendan over her was tearing her apart. She didn’t know how much more she could take.
She supposed it was far better to discover this now than after they’d said wedding vows and had a couple of kids and a dog. Now, it would be far easier to kick him out of a leased apartment than a jointly-owned house. Legally, at least, there’d be no mess or stress.
Bianca lifted one leg and pointed her toe at the far wall. She flexed her foot, circling it, working out the kinks in her ankle. “We’ve been together a long time. We’ve been through a lot. I owe him at least a few words. I was practically married to the man.”
Cecilie laid her hand on Bianca’s forehead. She shook her head and reclaimed her hand. “Nope. You’re not feverish. You must be crazy. Read my lips—you don’t owe that jerk anything.”
Bianca twisted onto her side and fished in her purse for her phone. “Maybe you should learn to forgive and forget. You might still be with Gary and be happy instead of an old grouch.”
Shutters rolled down over Cecilie’s eyes, and she clamped her lips. After a long silence, she finally said, “I don’t trust Gary. I can’t be in a relationship without trust. Can you really?”
Could she?
But was the issue trust? She’d given Ty permission to be with Brendan. He wasn’t lying or hiding anything. It couldn’t be called cheating when everything was out in the open and she’d been invested in it, too, could it?
She chewed her lips and delved into her psyche. She was jealous, sure, even if she had no right. But the issues went far deeper. She didn’t fulfil all of her man’s needs, and she didn’t own his heart. At least, she had serious doubts about that. Worse, she didn’t think he truly knew his heart.
Or maybe he did…
“I can’t hide forever. I’m an adult, and I’m going to act like one.”
Cecilie put her hand on Bianca’s arm and gave a gentle squeeze. “Just be careful, sweetie. Don’t let him blind you with his sweet talk and don’t let him bewitch you with that big dick.”
Bianca nodded and girded her heart. She sat up, swung her legs to the floor and stood. For this, she needed privacy. She couldn’t hold a serious conversation with Ty while Cecilie glared daggers or made her digs. “Excuse me.”
Once she reached the sanctity of the guest room where she was bunking, she dialled Ty and paced until his voice tickled her ear. It struck her like a tidal wave, and she sank to the mattress.
“Hi,” she said. Dead air hung heavily on her ears so long she feared he’d hung up. “Ty? It’s me, Bianca. I thought you wanted to talk to me.”
“Bianca.” It sounded as if his lips caressed her name. “I’ve missed you. I didn’t think you wanted to talk to me. Your watchdog hasn’t let me near you.”
“I didn’t,” she admitted. She twiddled with a wisp of her hair that had come loose from her pony tail. “I needed time to think, to process everything. I’m still in a jumble, but you deserve better. After all, we were engaged.”
Her naked ring finger felt cold and lonely. She rubbed it, but it only wanted Ty’s golden ring, not her cold flesh.
“I’m still not sure what happened. Everything’s been a blur since I got back. I thought things would be so much easier being back home. I didn’t mean for things to happen the way they did.”
“Are you home? I mean for good?” She wondered if the Army had changed his orders last minute as they’d done before. She wasn’t sure if she wanted him to be home or not. She wasn’t sure if she was happy or sad she’d not recorded their webcam sexcapades.
“I don’t have to go back to Iraq, but I’m not a free man yet, either. I get another ten days here then I have to report to my new base in Alabama.”
Alabama? That sounded almost as far away as Iraq.
“Oh.” And she’d wasted several days in a mad funk. “I don’t remember you telling me.”
“I didn’t. I was trying to get stationed nearer home. Have you ever thought about living in Alabama?”
She blinked and tried to picture that part of the world, almost as foreign to her as Iraq. She’d heard the Deep South was no man’s land for a Yankee. Pictures she’d seen of the place were full of trees, dark swamps and country homes. It was nothing like Ohio, her civilised, safe part of the world. Then again, was any part safe when men fucked other men and broke their women’s hearts?
“No.” She liked where she lived, and if she wanted to move, she’d always imagined exotic, exciting places like Japan, Germany or at least California. But mainly she’d envisioned herself by Ty’s side forever, even if he lived in Siberia.
But only if he loved her—only her.
She hated this hemming and hawing and cursed the time wasted, and she blurted out, “What in the hell happened at your welcome home party? You totally forgot about me. You were so happy to see Brendan you didn’t care if I was dead or alive.”
Ty gulped then released a vehement swear. “I didn’t know you were there. I swear I’d never ignore you or embarrass you. I’ve missed you so much.”
Bianca believed him and felt a bit better. Still, the way he’d kissed Brendan with such fervour burned in her mind. The way they’d disappeared into the back room and closed the door had spoken volumes. His feelings for the man obviously weren’t casual. She didn’t believe anymore he was in that relationship just for the sex and kicks.
Could she share his heart? Could she take that chance?
Unsure, she shook her head. “You obviously missed Brendan very much. I’m not so sure you remembered I was alive.”
Ty swore. “That’s not fair. You’re putting words in my mouth.”
She blinked back tears. “Fair or not, it’s how I feel.” She almost blurted out questions about Brendan and webcam sex sessions, but she bit them back. Maybe she should peek at Brendan’s blog to see what he’d said. He’d mentioned having one, but she’d been scared she’d find out more than she wanted to know and so had stayed away. Perhaps that hadn’t been a wise cour
se of action after all. Knowing Brendan, he was probably spilling his guts to the world.
“Let me prove it to you,” Ty said.
Could he? What would he have to do to make her believe him? She wasn’t sure anything would work. But could she walk away without trying? Would she ever be able to forgive herself? Still in a quandary, she heard herself say, “Okay. Meet me at Cecilie’s tonight.”
“I’d rather not have Cecilie around…”
And she would. No way did she want to meet with him in private. Her nerves were raw. Her traitorous body might overrule her head then where would she be? She didn’t trust herself. “Then meet me at the bookstore.” He’d know which one, the one where she spent hours. Lately, per Ty’s request, she’d been pouring over books about sex and sex play. He’d wanted to try out new, exciting things he’d been reading about after they’d said goodnight.
“I’ll be there in half an hour.”
She was a mess! Her heart raced, and she wrinkled her nose at her naked toes. Half an hour wasn’t enough time to paint her nails or straighten her hair. It barely gave her enough time to shower and wash away her stench. “Give me an hour.”
“We’ve lived together for years. I just want to see you, not a bunch of goop on your face.”
She sucked in a breath. She wasn’t ready to live with him again. “One hour,” she said firmly, already counting the seconds.
An hour also wasn’t enough to get her wits together. Her emotions ended up as naked as her unpainted toes. She consoled herself that her legs were clean shaven and her teeth weren’t fuzzy. She was clean and neat if not exactly gorgeous.
* * * *
At the bookstore door Bianca paused to square her shoulders, take a deep breath, and hitch her slouch purse higher onto her shoulder.
She wore a shapeless shirt and new capris. She was a size or two smaller than when he’d last saw her. Her hair had more layers and was a couple of shades darker.
Fear greater than being shot paralysed him. The sight of his lady stole his breath. She was breathtaking, almost ethereal. With shadows rimming her eyes, she looked fragile. Again, he wanted to kick himself. Had his stupidity done that to her?
He longed to sweep her into his arms and kiss away the haunted look. He yearned to bring her back to life, to revive their love.
But he was scared this was a dream, that they weren’t really here, and he’d awaken to his nightmare alone.
When their gazes clicked, he melted. He didn’t know if he could live without her sunshine.
In a few quick strides, he closed the gulf between them and scooped her into his embrace. He swung her around and kissed her.
Raw, desperate hunger drove him. He punished her with hard, hot kisses for daring to leave him. He willed her to open up, to forgive him, to look forward and not back.
A disapproving twitter seeped into his brain, and he remembered where they were. Needing to touch her, to keep her by his side, he cupped her elbow and led her to the cafe where students clogged the tables.
He grimaced but didn’t let go of her. “Everything’s a lot more crowded than before I left.”
She squinted at the crowd and made a moue of her lips. “It’s always like this. You probably forgot.”
She ordered an espresso and a bagel and insisted on paying for his food as well as her own. “It’s the least I can do for one of our returning heroes.”
He blinked. He felt like anything but a hero. “Is that all I am to you? We need to talk.”
Her brow furrowed and she looked around. “In Grand Central Station? This is strictly a PG place.”
“So come home with me. We’ll have all the privacy we need.”
When her eyes widened and she inched back, he cursed himself. Despite the hot coffee burning his hands, he was about to freeze to death.
A table opened at that moment, and she darted for it, beating out a couple of old guys with a chess board. She wiped crumbs off the table. “Here is good. I’m jumpy as a toad as it is. I don’t know what you truly expect of me. How much do you think I can take? How much should I?”
A mortar blast couldn’t have stung more. He winced and took a swig of his drink wishing he had something stronger to spike it with. He’d never needed more courage than now or more discipline.
His head ached, and he pressed his fingers against his throbbing temples. He was less certain how to respond to her than he’d been to his commanding officer. Of course, she pulled a lot more rank. A court martial would seem of little consequence measured against a rejection by her.
A group of rowdy kids ran by and jostled them causing Bianca’s drink to spill down her blouse. Not one apologised or seemed to notice what they’d caused.
“Great!” Bianca dabbed at the spreading ugly stain. She rose and grabbed her purse and a handful of napkins. “Excuse me.”
While she was gone, he watched an older couple gaze at one another with moony eyes at a nearby table. Envy warred with warm, gooey feelings. He wanted himself and Bianca to be that way in fifty years.
Although his watch testified she’d only been gone eight minutes, it felt like a month. As she walked back to their table, a snarl twisted her lips, and he could guess it had a lot to do with the stain on her shirt. The wet material clung to her breasts and whet his appetite.
He couldn’t take the stuffiness and noise another second. He rose and met her a few steps away from the table. “Let’s go get chocolate ice cream. I need some fresh air.” And something delicious to get his mind off how yummy she looked.
“Why not? My shirt can’t get any more ruined. Why don’t we play paintball while we’re at it?” Before he could respond she went on in a sarcastic voice. “Oh, wait! The ice cream parlour and the paintball place closed a couple months ago.”
“I guess that’s why everyone’s here.” He’d heard about the recession, but until now, it had seemed unreal. His steady pay cheque felt better than ever in his pocket.
“Well, moonlight’s still free, right? Let’s take a walk.” Maybe the moon would work some magic on her. At least, he wouldn’t feel so claustrophobic.
She checked her watch. “For a few, I s’pose. I think I still have a job tomorrow so I can’t stay out late.”
He touched her arm and gazed into her eyes. “I make enough to support us both. You can quit and take a break, at least, until we get set up in Alabama. I’m due to make major, soon.”
She froze and stared.
He didn’t like her reaction. Pre-Brendan she would’ve squealed and jumped into his arms. She would’ve smothered him in kisses and dragged him home to their bed.
Warily, he watched her and braced himself.
After a group of teens had passed by and were several steps away, she asked, “What does the Army think about you being gay? Do they allow that now?”
He fell back a step as if pushed by a sonic boom. Headlights from an approaching car blinded him for a few seconds. When he could see her clearly again, he took a deep breath and tried to regain his equilibrium. “One. I’m not gay. Two. The Army has a ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ policy, and I haven’t told them anything about my sexuality. What they don’t know won’t hurt them.”
Bianca stroked her chin. “So you want me to be your cover? Will Brendan move with you, too, or just visit a lot?”
Anger struck fast and furious, and he sucked in a ragged breath. Then with a muttered curse, he pulled her into his arms. “Don’t demean what I feel for you, the precious thing we have. Brendan doesn’t factor into my plans. You do. I love you. I want you with me. I need you.”
He needed her so badly he couldn’t stand it. He’d been dying in the desert, and she was his oasis. He plundered her lips and pressed closer to her body.
Her moan teased his lips. Her body melted into his. She squirmed and mumbled against his lips. “This isn’t fair. You’re the enemy.”
The enemy?
“Au contraire, babe. I’m the peace-keeping force. Let me prove it to you.”
“Seems like a hostile takeover to me,” she said but didn’t move.
Heartened, he lowered his voice to a huskier register. “I guaran-damn-tee, you’ll like it and it won’t be hostile.”
Damn! Her body liked this too much. Way too much. It quivered, and her pulse raced.
And she was enjoying the banter. She liked sex, and she’d gone cold turkey in his absence. Her temperature was rising even though the night’s breeze brought a drop to the mercury.
She needed him so badly, but did she dare? Even if he never saw Brendan again and never made love to anyone else but her, did she want to be a military wife? What if he was shipped back to Iraq? Wounded? Killed?
Could she take the stress?
Before the debacle with Brendan, she’d have shouted ‘yes’ and hidden her fears.
Now? She honestly didn’t know.
“I love you, baby. Come home. Let’s discuss this in private.”
“Good job, soldier,” a man twice Ty’s age said and clapped his shoulder on his way past. Then he smiled at her and winked at Ty. “I see you had a really good thing to keep you going.”
A blast of heat suffused her cheeks, and she was glad for the night’s cover. Fortunately, the man didn’t know what else the Captain had come home to.
Anger snapped at her, and she cut off her thoughts. If she dwelled in the morass, she was afraid she’d drown.
When the man was out of earshot, she said, “Okay. I can’t sleep well at Theresa’s. Her cats jump on me all night and that dog of hers won’t shut up.” And Cecilie who’d insisted on being there, too, wouldn’t stop running her mouth about Ty. Bianca appreciated the loyalty, but she’d go crazy hearing again about what a letch Ty was.
A relieved smile curved Ty’s lips, and he smoothed his hand over his crop of short hair. “I’ll give you a nice, long back massage and rub your feet, just the way you like.”
“No fair,” she mumbled, crumbling to the bait. His hands were the most magical in the world.
The way his jaw worked, the way his chin quivered, fascinated her. She couldn’t get over the play of passing car lights on his clean-shaven chin. She wondered how his smooth cheeks would feel on her pussy and along her thighs.