“I am, but it’s good to see you.” He reached for her hand, nothing more. But when he squeezed, she felt his desire to be with her down to her toes. Every instinct told her to ease into his arms and kiss him, but she needed to be careful of their feelings. One step at a time.
“Are you hungry?”
“I’m starved.”
“How about dinner together?”
Jake raised a brow, then stepped back as if he were surprised. “Did you just ask me out on a date?”
“Yes, I did.” She grinned. “A spur-of-the-moment, let’s-just-enjoy-the-evening kind of date.”
“I’m in. Give me fifteen minutes to clean up. How does Andy’s Barbecue Shack sound?”
Mia knew the spot. Andy’s wasn’t a shack at all. Located about ten miles away on the Echo River itself, it offered great food, a quiet atmosphere, and cozy booths. As an official first date, it was the perfect choice.
Mia waited in the yard, enjoying the night air until Jake came out of the house, freshly showered and in dark slacks, a blue button-down, and a lightweight jacket. She drove her car to her house with Jake following, jumped in his truck, and they headed to the restaurant. A quick dinner turned into a three-hour date complete with holding hands while strolling along the paved riverwalk.
When they were out of sight of the restaurant windows, he drew her into his arms. Moonlight filtered through the trees, casting shadows across his face and all around them. The river flowed at a lazy pace, and when Jake matched his mouth to hers, they kissed in the same lazy rhythm until she melted into a mindless puddle.
But then her fears intruded and she sobered. “Jake, I . . .” She couldn’t look him in the eye. She wasn’t ready for this much intensity, the longing to be only his, to love him fully and forever.
He whispered sweet assurances into her ear. “We’re taking things slow, remember? That was just a kiss. There’s no rush.”
Maybe not for him, but Mia felt like a child trapped on a spinning seesaw—up and down, around and around, over and over until she was dizzy. When a shaky sigh escaped from her lips, Jake held her tighter.
Unspoken words lingered between them, but those words cried out in Mia’s mind. She cared deeply for Jake. She admired his steady presence, his patience, his kindness and intelligence. And she cared deeply for his family. Frank and Claire proved to her that love could last and some men could be trusted to keep their promises.
Trembling in Jake’s arms, Mia faced a frightening truth. Against her better judgment, she was on the verge of listening to her heart instead of her head and falling head over heels in love with Jake Tanner.
Chapter
20
The next four weeks flew by for everyone except Lucy. At least that was how it felt as she lay stretched on the couch, watching The Mary Tyler Moore Show with Claire late on a Wednesday afternoon. Jake was working in his office, and Frank was in town picking up carry-out Chinese since Lucy’s cooking lessons were over. If she spent more than five minutes on her feet, someone told her to go lie down as if she were Peggy McFuzz.
Sam was the worst of all when it came to bossing her around. If she spent an extra ten seconds in the shower, he practically ordered her to hurry it up.
The only person who understood how she felt was Mia. She came to the house every day, but Lucy didn’t think for two seconds Mia was coming to see her. Not a chance. Mia refused to admit it, but she glowed around Jake the way Lucy used to glow around Sam. And still did. Most of the time.
Sam was due home from school any minute, and in spite of feeling like a lowly private in his army, Lucy could hardly wait to enjoy a quiet evening, just the two of them in their room. No television or even conversation. She was happy just to watch him study.
Shortly before dusk, his car rumbled into the driveway. Peggy McFuzz yapped and ran to the door. Lucy glanced at Claire, saw she was still asleep, and stood, her whole body aching for a hug. But then she sat down. He’d scold her if he caught her on her feet. She waited as patiently as she could, but it seemed to take forever for him to walk through the front door.
When he finally strode into the den, he was on his phone, saying, “Yes, sir” repeatedly to someone yelling at him. He sounded more downcast every time. “Yes, sir. I understand, sir.”
Concerned, Lucy leapt to her feet. Sam jabbed a finger at her, then at the couch, a silent order to sit down. Lucy propped her hands on her hips and glared at him. She wasn’t a child. She was his wife, and she was worried.
“Yes, sir,” Sam said again. “Tomorrow at five a.m.”
When the yelling stopped, Sam flung the phone down on the couch and muttered a four-letter word. That language wasn’t like him at all.
Lucy’s hands dropped from her hips and she reached for him. “Oh, Sammy! Are you all right? What happened?”
Ignoring both her questions, he stepped back. “You shouldn’t be standing up.”
“I’m fine.”
“Lucy, I worry—”
“I worry about you too!” She kept her voice low, but it scraped at them both.
Sam glanced at Claire, still asleep. Lucy breathed a sigh of relief. She needed to talk to her husband without Claire saying it was time to feed the dogs, or thinking Lucy was her sister, or turning the TV on full volume.
She indicated the living room. “Let’s go in there. We’ll hear if Claire wakes up.”
Sam dragged his hand through his buzz-cut hair, then followed her to the bigger room. They could still hear the television blasting out canned laughter, but at least they were alone. Lucy sat on the couch and patted the spot next to her, but Sam walked to the big window and stood, hands on his hips and his back to her.
His voice drifted to her ears. “I’d give a year of my life for a decent night’s sleep.”
“You work hard.”
“Yeah. But not hard enough.”
“Sam, I—”
He didn’t seem to hear her. “My CO just called for a five a.m. inspection.”
“Oh no.” Between studying and preparing for the inspection, he wouldn’t get any sleep at all.
He turned and faced her, his body in silhouette. “I also have an exam tomorrow in system dynamics, a big one, and I’m not ready for it. Do you know what all this means?”
She started to answer, but he answered himself.
“It means I’m going to be up until two again, and I need to leave here no later than three thirty for the stupid inspection.”
“Sam, that’s awful. Why did your CO do that? It’s just . . . it’s mean!”
“Mean?” He gaped at her. “Lucy, it’s the army. He’s doing it because I’ve been late twice in three weeks. If I’m late again”—he made a slash across his throat—“he’ll bust me down in rank.”
“It’s just not fair!”
“Fairness has nothing to do with it.”
“Maybe it should!” Sam tried so hard. Lucy made sacrifices too. Like right now. All she wanted to do tonight was relax with her husband. Instead they were fighting. She banged her fist on the sofa cushion. “I hate your CO!”
“That’s ridiculous.”
“I don’t think it’s ridiculous at all!”
“It is,” Sam insisted. “I’m the one dropping the ball here. It’s not his fault. It’s mine. Everything—this whole situation—” He sealed his lips and turned away, but not before regret cast dark shadows across his face.
Lucy yearned to be a good wife, a strong person like Mia. She didn’t want to cry or yell, but all she could think was that Sam was sorry he had married her, sorry about the baby. Her breath snagged in her chest, maybe on the first crack of a broken heart.
Don’t cry, she told herself. But she couldn’t stop the knife-like pain. “I—I don’t want to fight.”
“Me neither,” he said, facing her. “I’ve been thinking about something. You’re not going to like it.”
“What is it?”
“The drive is eating almost three hours a day. Brady offered me a
place on his couch. I’ll come home on weekends and during the week when I can. But like today—”
“Oh, Sam. No!” Not seeing him at night? He was her oasis, her rock.
“Do you think I like it?”
“No, but—”
“Lucy, you married a soldier. What happens when I’m deployed?”
The coming days stretched in her mind like a long, dark tunnel. Hours of Claire repeating herself. Lucy alone at night and worrying about the pregnancy, checking for spotting, wondering if every twinge was the start of something horrible. “But, Sam, I’m pregnant—”
“I know that. But I can’t keep doing what I’m doing!”
“But I’m so bored.” She didn’t mean that exactly, but that was the word that came out.
“Bored?” Sam flung his hands into the air. “You’re bored while I’m working all the time. And you’re complaining about it?”
“Yes. Bored. And scared and—” Lucy didn’t bother to battle her tears. They were just too strong.
Sam gaped at her, then turned and planted one fist on the knotty pine wall, not hitting it hard, but she knew he wanted to do exactly that. Shoulders slumped and head down, he took a shuddering breath before facing her again, his face red but under control.
“This is bad for both of us, Lucy. And the baby.”
“I know,” she mumbled. “It’s just that I can’t—I can’t—” I can’t be the wife you deserve. I can’t believe in God enough. I can’t— She broke out sobbing.
“Ah, Pudge.” Sam’s voice carried from across the room, but in a blink he was next to her, holding her tight and kissing her lips, but only sweetly. There was no point in stirring up hormones and emotions that were already churning. Lucy missed making love; so did Sam. That connection had healed rifts she couldn’t see, and it joined them in ways she couldn’t describe.
For the sake of the baby, she could put up with anything. Boredom. Yearning. Loneliness. She just couldn’t imagine facing the day without the promise of her husband at night. New tears trickled out of her eyes. “This is nothing like I imagined.”
“I know what you mean.” Bitterness hardened his words, making them cold and pelting.
Doubts screamed through her mind, each one more frightening than the last. Are you sorry you married me? Do you want out? Do you still love me? She’d been so sure Sam would never let her down. She had put all her faith in him in spite of Mia’s warnings about trusting people instead of God, and leaning on others instead of standing on her own.
Now she wondered if she’d made a mistake, if by leaning on Sam she was causing him to topple. In her mind she pictured a ponderosa pine falling sideways into a bigger, healthier tree. If the strong tree could bear the weight, the trees stayed in place. But what if the strong tree fell under the weight of the weaker one?
Sam pushed off the couch. “I hate to do this, Lucy, but I can’t stay tonight. And if I don’t leave now, I’ll pass out right here on the couch.”
He kissed her lightly, but her hormones were crazy anyway, so she stood, wrapped her arms around his neck, and kissed him for all she was worth. After several seconds, they broke apart with a mutual groan.
“Cold shower time,” he muttered.
Lucy couldn’t help herself. “Are you sure you can’t stay a little while? We could go out for dinner—”
“Lucy, no! We just had that talk. And why are you standing up?” He clasped her elbow and tried to guide her down to the couch. “Sit. Now!”
She couldn’t stand an order when she needed to feel loved. “Don’t you dare order me around like that! I am not a dog!”
“I know that,” he said through clenched teeth. “But sometimes you don’t think—”
“Yes, I do!”
“Then do what’s smart and sit down.”
She couldn’t believe they were fighting again, but she was sick to death of being bossed around. “I’m not an idiot, Sam. I’m doing everything I can for the baby, but it’s not easy for me either. I’m stuck here all day with a woman who repeats herself six times an hour. I love Claire, but it’s hard. You’re my anchor, Sam. And now you’re going to be gone at night.”
No tears came now, only anger. At herself, the circumstances, and especially at Sam, because he had promised to be her knight in shining armor, and he couldn’t keep his promise.
“Go!” She let her voice rise. “Go have fun at school. Hang out with your soldier buddies.”
“Fine! I will.” He stormed out of the living room, leaving her alone on the couch, fighting a sob that broke out with the force of a punch.
Five minutes later, when he came back through the living room with his duffel in hand, she was still crying.
He walked up to the couch, cupped her chin, and looked into her watery eyes. “You know I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“And I love the baby.” Sam squeezed her shoulder so hard it almost hurt. “You know that.”
“I do.”
“You can do this,” he insisted. “You’re strong. And God is even stronger.” After a lingering look, he kissed her lips and walked out the door.
She watched it shut behind him, as soft as a kiss but more final. Sam was wrong. She wasn’t strong at all, and she still didn’t see how God could love her. But who else did she have to call for help? If she called Mia, her sister would give her a pep talk. She’d lost touch with her friends from high school, even her bestie. They didn’t have anything in common anymore.
With only one place to turn, Lucy folded her hands and bowed her head. God? Are you listening? It’s me again.
She spilled her heart out. Maybe He was listening, or maybe not. Maybe He was busy with earthquakes and hungry children. Why would God have time or even an interest in her?
Her hope faded, but then Beanie Girl kicked hard enough to make her gasp. Fresh tears flooded Lucy’s eyes. God seemed very far away, but her baby was inside her, alive and growing. A little girl . . . a miracle of creation, a gift, a joy, and a huge responsibility. Lucy would never be a perfect person, but it seemed that God loved her enough to trust her with this child.
Determined to do her very best, she rose from the couch and went to watch Mary Tyler Moore with Claire. Later she’d text Sam that everything was all right. She just hoped her tiny bit of faith would be enough to keep her strong for her husband and baby.
Jake was coming out of the pinball barn when Sam burst out of the house with his duffel slung across his shoulder. The kid’s jaw was as tight as a bear trap. With Pirate following, Jake headed Sam off at his car. “What’s up? You just got home.”
Pirate dropped down at Jake’s feet, alert and ready.
Sam flung the duffel into his trunk and slammed the lid. “I’m going back right now. My CO called an inspection for oh-five-hundred. If I’m late, I’m busted.”
“Man, that stinks.”
“Yeah. Lucy thinks so too. I can’t do this, Jake. I just can’t.”
“Do what?”
“Everything. School. The drive. ROTC. Worrying about Lucy. I need to make a change or my grades will drop. I hope it’s okay with you and Frank, but I told Lucy I’m going to spend some weeknights on Brady’s couch.”
Jake had been expecting something like this. “That sounds like a good idea.”
“Yeah, well, Lucy doesn’t think so. She’s crying her eyes out. We’re both trying, but this whole situation is miserable.”
“She’s bored.”
“And emotional.” Sam rolled his eyes. “I’ve got to keep it together for both of us, but it’s rough, Jake. Rougher than I ever imagined.”
“Hang in there.”
“I will. But sometimes women are just plain confusing.”
“You won’t get an argument from me.” Jake’s mind flashed to Mia, her own mixed feelings, and how different she was from her sister. Lucy let everything out; Mia held everything in. Lucy exploded into tears, while Mia simmered on a low boil until the pot ran dry. One way wasn’t bette
r than the other, but Jake appreciated Mia’s more thoughtful demeanor—except when she thought too much.
Sam looked back at the house. “I’d stay if I thought it was best in the long run, but my grades will determine a big chunk of our future. Lucy has to understand that.”
“Deep down, I think she does.”
“I hope so.”
Jake clapped Sam on the arm. “Stay strong. This won’t last forever.”
“That’s what scares me.” Sam’s voice went up a notch. “What if this is the easy part? In a few months, I’m going to have a kid to support. She’ll need diapers. Baby formula. All sorts of stuff. You can’t just put kibble in a bowl and set it on the floor.”
Jake hid a smile. “Did you learn that in Parenting 101?”
It took a few seconds, but the tension eased out of Sam’s face. “I figured that one out on my own.”
“Well, good.”
Sam propped his hips on the trunk. “I really miss my mom these days. She’d understand.”
“She’d be proud of you.”
“I hope so, but sometimes I wonder.”
“I’m sure of it.” Jake thought back to being twenty-one, fresh out of college, wasting time and money until he decided to become a cop. “I was just a little older than you when I joined the department. Your mom kicked my butt back then.”
“Yeah.” Sam crossed his arms over his chest. “She’d probably kick mine right now for complaining.”
“I don’t think so.”
“No?”
“I think she’d tell you to take a night off and relax with your wife. Not tonight. But plan it for the weekend.”
Sam looked like a man grabbing at a life preserver. “Lucy would like that. So would I.”
Jake almost suggested doubling up with Mia, but the younger couple needed time alone. “Take her to Andy’s Barbecue Shack. It’s got a nice view of the river.”
Worry danced across Sam’s face. “She’s supposed to stay off her feet.”
“She does,” Jake assured him. “Check with her doctor, but from what Lucy tells us, a quiet dinner out won’t be a problem.”
“I’ve been pretty crazy about restricted activity. Maybe I should lighten up, huh?”
The Two of Us Page 21